Miss Colombia Pageant Contestant Disqualified After 'Lingerie' Pictures Surface

August 22, 2014, 4:29 am

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You might have noticed that we put the word "lingerie" in quotes. I mean, if this qualifies as lingerie in Colombia, then wait until they get a peek at some crotchless panties.

According to Huffington Post, 21-year-old Paola Builes Aristizábal had her dream of being crowned Miss Colombia crushed this week when officials determined pictures of her in underwear and "lingerie" were "too racy for contestants to ever be wearing."


The pageant's board of directors said they didn't know about Aristizábal's photos until the day after she won her title of Miss Antioquia on August 10, so now runner-up Natalia Ochoa Calle will take her place.

Needless to say, Aristizábal was shocked by the decision.

"I feel discriminated against because there are other candidates that are going to participate in the pageant that have photos in lingerie," Aristizábal said. "They also have photos with tiny bathing suits, and they're going to participate."

It's not just Aristizábal who was shocked by the board's decision. I mean, don't get us wrong. These pictures are extremely titillating, but we're beyond shocked that this qualifies as "racy" lingerie:




The good news is that Aristizábal should have no problem winning the title of Miss Columbia, South Carolina, if she ever decides to move there.

Maybe she should move to Brazil: Brazil's 'Miss Bumbum 2014' Contest Kicks Off Today

 

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How Dumb Are We? 13 Painfully Obvious Instructions and Warning Signs

August 22, 2014, 4:50 am

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Listen, we all have our stupid moments. You can call them brain cramps, blond moments or whatever, but the fact is that for the most part, common sense should ultimately take over. Well, for some people it doesn't, and that is why there is a need for painfully obvious warning signs and instructions. Like these:

 

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11 Very Funny Photos of People Falling Off Bikes

August 22, 2014, 6:50 am

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When you have to get somewhere in a jiffy, a bike is a very environmentally friendly substitute for walking. But that doesn't mean everyone should do it. Sometimes you might get distracted or an obstacle can get in your way, leading the ride go hilariously wrong. And sometimes someone is there with a camera to capture the magical moment on film.

 

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Comedians to Watch Out For

August 22, 2014, 1:38 am

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If you can recite every line from Louis CK's "Most Offensive Joke in the World," seamlessly imitate Jim Gaffigan's "Hot Pocket" voice, and explain personal banking in the words of Kevin Hart, it's time for some new material. Check out these 7 lesser-known comedians who are about to explode on the scene -- so you get bragging rights for discovering them first.



1) Dan St Germain

Zach Galifianakis' doppelgänger specializes in the kind of in-your-face funny that'll leave you laughing at the most inappropriate times. His Philip Seymour Hoffman vs Paul Giamatti sad-off will leave you in tears (of laughter).

2) Joe Lycett

For Joe Lycett, everyone is fair game to poke fun at -- whether you're suffering from ADHD or, really love cats -- but his British accent makes it hard for you to feel offended.

3) Jake Weisman

If you want to feel better about your current state of affairs, Jake Weisman has all the self-depreciating humor you need to laugh at his life-crisis, as well as your own.

4) Aisling Bea

Aisling Bea plays semi-serious roles on The Town and Dead Boss, but this Irish comedian's stand-up strikes a balance between sophisticated humor mixed and potty-mouth punchlines. She's also hot. BAM!

5) Cameron Esposito

Don't let the side-mullet put you off -- Cameron Esposito is punchy, fearless, and knows how to give it back to her hecklers -- Jay Leno and Craig Ferguson among them.

6) Gary Gulman

Gary Gulman has cracked jokes on almost every late night talk show. His specialty? Finding the humor in everyday observations, from Trader Joe's etiquette to lackluster major ad campaigns.

7) Noré Davis

Noré Davis takes his humor to a level that you never see coming until you're there, laughing so hard you can't breathe -- from his evaluation of how Pixar does drama, to his ability to rack up a huge bill while ballin' it up ... at a hospital.

 

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10 Deadly Diseases We Thought Would Kill Us All

August 24, 2014, 11:27 pm

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Today's Funny Photos

August 25, 2014, 12:32 am

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The Strangest Brides You'll Ever See

August 25, 2014, 1:51 am

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If you were scared by the idea of marriage before, these strange brides won't make it any better. Women betrothed to marry are certainly entitled to have a little fun with their wedding day, but these brides-to-be went way off the rails and took it too far.

















Also check out: Disturbing Wedding Photos

 

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Accused German Flasher Says He's Innocent Because His Penis is Too Small

August 25, 2014, 2:13 am

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Even crazier than that excuse is the fact that the court has ordered an official penis measuring to see if he's telling the truth.

According to Uproxx, a 54-year-old German man accused of flashing a teenage girl and her mother told the court recently that doing so was impossible "due to the fact that his penis is too small."

The girl and her mother told officials that Herbert O. recently approached their house with his boom stick hanging out of his unzipped pants. But Herbert responded by saying his penis is too small for that to be the case, and his wife told the court that he's not lying, adding, "I'm sorry, darling, but your penis is too short to hang out of your trousers."

Herbert's defense lawyer suggested that the judge get a peek of his manhood (or lack thereof) for herself, but it was deemed such a sight would be "too uncomfortable" for her. Instead, the local coroner was given a yardstick to take an exact measurement.

Let's be honest. If both the man and his wife have testified that he is walking around with a microscopic dong, then a yardstick is probably a little much.

Well then, maybe there is truth to this story after all: Germany Had the Most Penis Enlargements Performed Last Year (Maybe)

 

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Here's Why Shooting a Microwave Still Isn't a Good Idea

August 25, 2014, 2:29 am

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Putting a busted microwave in the backseat of your Kia Soul and driving it to the local dump might sound like it's about as much fun as clipping your grandfather's toenails for him, but the chances of it decapitating you as it flies through the air at 100 MPH are going to be slim to none.

On the other hand, carrying your broken radiation box out to a field so you can take a shot at it with a high-powered rifle while your buddies record the whole thing on their smartphones sounds like it's almost as much fun as watching Iggy Azalea tumble off a stage at a pre-MTV VMAs concert, but if you don't take the right precautions, shit can get real. Real stupid, that is (NSFW language ahead):


There aren't any names or locations listed in the video's description, and if these guys plan on eventually finding employment somewhere other than Walmart or an asbestos factory, they'll probably want to keep it that way.

You don't need a microwave to look stupid in Poland: This Homemade Polish Cannon is Pretty Damn Powerful

 

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Howard Stern's Butt Crack Caused Northern California Earthquake, According to CNN Report

August 25, 2014, 3:30 am

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It's been 22 years since Howard Stern's alter ego Fartman ripped it up at the VMAs, but according to spokesman Adam Sure at the San Francisco Police Department, he made an appearance in California's Napa Valley early Sunday morning, and it resulted in a 6.1 magnitude earthquake.


The rumbling from Howard Stern's butt crack was pretty damn powerful, as it produced the largest earthquake to hit Northern California since the 1989 Loma Prieta quake that killed 63 people and injured more than 3,700.

While the CNN anchor came off sounding like an elementary school teacher scolding her students for making fake boogers out of Elmer's Glue, you have to give her some credit for realizing what was going on right away and dropping the call before "Adam Sure" had a chance to insult her.

An anchor on MSNBC fell victim to the same hysterical prank last month while reporting on the Malaysia Airlines flight that was shot down over Ukraine. But after the caller told her it was likely shot down by a "blast of wind from Howard Stern's ass," she asked him to elaborate on what kind missile system he thought had been used, and that was enough to warrant the old "Boy, you're a dumbass, aren't you?"

Pranks are way less funny when people die: 10 Pranks That Backfired and Killed People

 

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17 Entertaining Photos To Kick Off Back-To-School Season

August 25, 2014, 4:50 am

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Let's face it, summer is just about over. Which means kids have to go back to school and spend their days being miserable like the rest of us. If you happen to be one of those kids and you're reading this, shouldn't you be in school right now? Either way, let us at least try to enjoy the end of summer with some funny school-related photos.

 

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These People Were In Too Much of a Hurry Leaving the Gas Station

August 25, 2014, 6:49 am

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Like Ferris Bueller said, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." While this may be true, not everyone has time to stop and look around all the time. Some days are busy and you have to rush to get stuff done. These photos and GIFs prove, however, that at the very least, you should stop to make sure you have everything in order before you leave the gas station.

 

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12 Photos That Prove It's All About Perspective

August 25, 2014, 2:49 am

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Prepare to have your mind BLOWN. Either these photos feature a variety of giants stomping on their friends, babies with human legs and ants the size of helicopters ... or they were just taken at a variety of funny angles. You be the judge.

 

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Katarina Pudar Is From Russia With Love

August 25, 2014, 8:38 am

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Today's Funny Photos

August 26, 2014, 12:51 am

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Back to the Future: Makeup Aging vs. Real Aging

August 26, 2014, 1:19 am

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In the movie "Back to the Future II," the makeup team had a good time projecting what the cast would look like 30 years into the future. Well, it's now been 30 years since the original "Back to the Future" was released, and it looks like everyone in the cast did way better than the makeup and special FX teams thought they would. Here's a side-by-side comparison of Michael J. Fox, Leah Thompson and the rest of the gang.



Via Reddit

 

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These People Have Mastered the Subtle Art of Snapchat Flirting

August 26, 2014, 1:47 am

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Snapchat is for people with really short attention spans. But just because those people can't concentrate on things for more than ten seconds, doesn't mean they can't still find love. Here are the most magical moments in Snapchat flirting history.

 

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13 Funeral Homes That Should Probably Reconsider Their Names

August 26, 2014, 1:50 am

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Funerals are no laughing matter, but that doesn't mean their signs can't be. A little piece of advice to people with funny last names who are planning to open up a funeral home: Maybe it's better not to use your name on the company sign. Otherwise, you'll end up joining this collection of offenders. Here are some very odd but funny funeral home names.

 

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Homeless Man in Ireland Busted Having Sex With Mattress

August 26, 2014, 1:58 am

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Hey, when you set a Sleep Number mattress to 69, it can get pretty damn hot.

According to the Daily Mirror, a 52-year-old homeless convicted sex offender in Derry, Northern Ireland, was busted by a PSNI sergeant on Saturday watching porn on a mobile DVD player while taking a mattress to pound town in the parking lot of an old folks' home.

When officers arrived at Lavery Fold Old Peoples' Home, they heard "sex sounds" coming from the rear parking lot. When they found Martin Gregory Coll, he was watching a DVD player that was "turned loud" and "laying on a mattress naked from the waist down with his trousers and underwear down by his ankles, and he was simulating sex with the mattress."

Coll was charged with committing indecent behavior as well as "committing an act of lewd, obscene and disgusting nature of outraging public decency by watching pornography in a public place and having simulated sex with a mattress while naked."

The judge said Coll had 72 previous convictions, including one last week for stealing three charity boxes from a local bus station, so he will remain behind bars for the next ... wait for it ... three days.

His American counterpart: Ohio Man Arrested for Having Sex With Pool Float ... Again

 

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These Things Are Hilariously Not Where They're Supposed To Be

August 26, 2014, 3:50 am

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Have you ever felt a little out of place? Well, apparently you're not alone. These photos are here to prove that it happens more often then you think. Some of these out of place items are a little more noticeable than the others. Noticeable or not, they're all hilarious.

(h/t Smosh)

 

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