If Facebook Was for Toddlers

August 26, 2014, 5:50 am

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If you've ever sat and listened to a group of toddlers interact with each other for any amount of time, you know they can be hilarious, horribly mean, argumentative and just downright entertaining. But what if all their innocent conversations took place where all of our interactions take place - on Facebook? Here's a look at what Facebook might look like if it was used solely by babies and toddlers.

 

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Dad Secretly Records Hilarious Video of His Daughter Taking Selfies

August 26, 2014, 5:58 am

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Taking a selfie can be dangerous if you aren't cognizant of what's in the background, like forgetting to flush the toilet or including dogs humping behind you.

But thanks to this eavesdropping dad, you now also have to make sure nobody is filming you while you try to snap that perfect profile pic for Instagram.

Rod Beckham "noticed a lot of movement in his rearview mirror" and discovered that his daughter was in the midst of a hysterical selfie photo shoot in the backseat. After "watching and laughing for a minute or so," Beckham decided to take video of his daughter in action, and it didn't disappoint:


There's a lot going on in that video: hair tossing, making crazy faces, smiling, tongue flipping and making a face that looks like she took out her dentures, just to name a few of the shining moments.

Seriously, on the toilet is not a sexy place to take a selfie: Sexy Selfies Gone Wrong

 

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United Airlines Flight Forced to Land After Seat Recline Argument Gets Heated

August 26, 2014, 6:37 am

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There is nothing more annoying on a plane than a three-year-old kid screaming at the top of his lungs while his mother looks out the window as she's listening to John Mayer come through her two-dollar headphones.

But coming in at a very close second place has to be the person in front of you who reclines their seat without looking behind them first to see if you're on your laptop writing stories for Mandatory.

According to Huffington Post, a woman attempted to recline her seat on a United Airlines flight from Newark to Denver on Sunday, but the guy in the seat behind her had attached a device to his tray table that prevented her from doing so.

The man had attached the Knee Defender, a $21.95 device that is actually banned on most major U.S. airlines. When a flight attendant asked the man to remove the gadget, he refused because he was working on his laptop. The woman in front of him then turned around and threw a glass of water at him, so the crew decided to divert the plane to Chicago.

Both the man and woman were removed from the plane and not allowed to continue on to Denver. Although neither was arrested, both were no doubt viewed as the two 48-year-old assholes who forced everybody else to be more than 90 minutes late to Denver.

These people probably wish it was just an argument over a reclining seat that forced them to land: US Airways Made an Emergency Landing Because a Dog Pooped in the Aisle

 

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The Most Insane Selfies Ever Taken

August 26, 2014, 7:54 am

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This year, the Merriam-Webster Dictionary announced that it was adding the word "selfie" to its pages, forever legitimizing every crappy photo we've taken of ourselves. In tribute, we decided to put together a gallery of selfies that push the envelope a little bit. OK, a lot. Here are the most insane selfies ever.

Russian Daredevil Selfie

Russia's "city climbers" are notorious for scaling insanely tall buildings in order to snap pictures of themselves at the top, and probably the ballsiest of them all is Kirill Oreshkin. He's climbed dozens of cranes, buildings and other super-high structures for thrills, but his crowning moment probably came with getting to the top of Moscow's Red Gates Administrative Building and taking this absolutely badass selfie. The building, constructed in 1953, is crowned by an enormous star-shaped sign, which Oreshkin clambered up to the very top of before snapping his shot.

Teacher in Labor Selfie

High school students are responsible for approximately 88 percent of all selfies, according to a statistic we just made up, so it's not surprising that a few of them would wind up on this list. Coral Springs, Florida, high school junior Malik Whiter was in business class when his pregnant teacher, Susana Halleck, started feeling contractions. Whiter, intent on capturing the moment for posterity, took a selfie with Ms. Halleck in the background and Tweeted it with the caption "selfie with my teacher while she having contractions." Halleck was rushed to the hospital but the baby wasn't quite ready to come out yet, and Whiter's selfie got retweeted over 55,000 times.

Hong Kong Bananas Selfie

Here's another selfie snap from way up top, with a video component to make you even more dizzy. Photographer Daniel Lau recently climbed to the top of the Centre skyscraper in Hong Kong (all 1,135 feet of it) with two friends and a bunch of bananas. The trio had a little snack on the insanely tiny spire of the building, taking a terrifying selfie with the city spread out below them. Let's hope nobody slipped on a banana peel on the way down. That would be tragic. Hilarious, but tragic.

Turkish Air Force Selfie

One of the most important elements of a selfie is a badass location, and few photographers get the angle quite like this unidentified Turkish Air Force pilot, who pulled out his mobile phone and took a gravity-defying selfie in 2013. The pilot flies with Solo Turk, the F-16 aerobatics team that Turkey sends to global competitions and events. If you need a little explanation, the pilot in this picture is engaged in an aileron roll, where the plane spins around its long axis, while heading toward the ground and releasing flares in a spiral pattern. Pretty badass.

Plane Crash Selfie

Let's go to the flip side of the last one, shall we? In December of 2013, Ferdinand Puentes took off on a tour flight from Hawaii's Kalaupapa Airport with eight other passengers. A few minutes after takeoff, there was a loud bang from the engine area and the pilot made a rough water landing. Passengers scrambled to get on life jackets before the plane submerged beneath the waves, but only Puentes had the presence of mind to whip out his smartphone and snap a selfie with the wreckage behind him. The Coast Guard rescued the passengers and pilot after about 80 minutes in the water.

Macaque Selfie

You don't need to be human to take an awesome selfie, but it helps. When photographer David Slater visited a wild animal preserve in North Sulawesi, Indonesia, he left one of his cameras unattended while he was taking care of business. Without him knowing, an inquisitive black crested macaque approached the camera and started pressing buttons. The result was literally hundreds of photographs, most of which were blurry and random. One stood out, though - the macaque had managed to take a textbook selfie, even saying "cheese" to produce a friendly smile.

Skydiving Animal Costume Selfie

Forgive us for seeming jaded, but we've seen plenty of skydiving selfies, and they just don't impress anymore. You've really got to mix things up a bit to win it, and this selfie by Mike Escamilla nails it. First and foremost, Escamilla and his partner Travis Fienhage aren't just skydiving - they're jumping out of a hot air balloon. Second of all, the duo are wearing insane animal costumes during their jump. The photo came from a series of shots Escamilla took on Halloween of 2013 for GoPro.

Murder Selfie

Here's a particularly gross one to balance out all of this feel-good insanity. In 2012, call girl Kirsty Edmonson injected a client, former teacher Kenneth Chapman, with a lethal heroin overdose so she and her pimp Christopher Sawyers could steal his money and possessions. She then took the time to snap a selfie while standing over his (just out of frame) corpse. The demented pair then spent the week in Chapman's apartment, having sex in his bed while his dead body rotted away on the floor. Cops picked them up and charged the duo with murder.

Christ the Redeemer Selfie

Here's another "friends in high places" selfie example, this one atop the massive statue of Christ the Redeemer that looms over Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. The 124-foot high statue stands, arms outspread, atop Corcovado Mountain and has scaffolding inside for maintenance crews. While in the city taking photographs of the run-up to the World Cup, photographer Lee Thompson asked if he could be allowed inside the statue, and once he made it through the tiny hole at the crown of Jesus's head, he whipped out his cell phone and took this vertiginous selfie.

Astronaut Selfie

Let's close this out with a selfie that's going to be well-nigh impossible for any other human on Earth to replicate. Astronaut Aki Hoshide was working on the International Space Station in 2012 doing routine maintenance and decided to pull out a camera to take a souvenir snapshot selfie. Of course, you can't see his face through his dome helmet, but what you can see is amazing - the sun over his right shoulder, the globe of the Earth reflected in the glass, and the ISS's robotic arm and other equipment. That's the kind of selfie you make your permanent Facebook profile shot.

 

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Hot Girls in WTF Poses

August 26, 2014, 8:00 am

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When there's a sexy girl around, most guys have a hard time looking away. Occasionally, though, you'll catch one doing something weird that might - just might - turn you off and make you wonder what the hell is going on. The good news is that most of these hot girls in off-putting photos are probably available.

 

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The Most Outrageous Cars on the Road

August 26, 2014, 9:13 am

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If you think of a car as just a way to get from point A to point B, you're definitely not valeting one of these. Check out some of the most impressive wheels out there, along with stats (and price tags) that'll blow you away.



1) Koenigsegg CCX
Top Speed: 245 mph
Horsepower: 795 hp
Torque: 679 lb-ft

The Koenigsegg CCX makes the Batmobile look clunky. Considering there were only 14 of them made between 2006-2010 (less than the number of mistresses Tiger Woods had during the same period), owning this rare model earns serious bragging rights.



2) Bugatti Veyron

Top Speed: 253.81 mph
Horsepower: 1,200 hp
Torque: 1,106 lb-ft

Let's put it this way - you could buy around 42,500 Blu-Ray box sets of "Fast & Furious" 1-6 - or have your own Bugatti Veyron ... for a mere $1.7 million.

3) EcoJet
Top Speed: Over 200 mph
Horsepower: 650 hp
Torque: 583 lb-ft

When you think of badass celebs, late-night talk show host Jay Leno probably isn't the first guy on your list. But he had some pretty hardcore ideas when he built this concept car - especially when he put a sports piston engine (the same kind you'd find in a helicopter) into the EcoJet, making it 5 times faster than a speeding rabbit.



4) Zenvo ST1
Top Speed: 233 mph
Horsepower: 1,250 hp
Torque: 1,050 lb-ft

The torque of this car is about the same as the weight of one fast-moving whale testicle.



5) BMW i8
Top Speed: 160 mph
Horsepower: 231 hp
Torque: 236 lb-ft

If you're into saving the world, this car is pretty metal; it gets 112 mpg.



6) Leblanc Mirabeau
Top Speed: 230.02 mph
Horsepower: 700 hp
Torque: 626.9 lb-ft

One of the only race cars to also be street legal, this car's torque weighs the same as the average Mako shark speeding at you.

 

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Elsa Hosk Does a Little Dance for Us (and Victoria's Secret)

August 26, 2014, 9:17 am

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Elsa Hosk is not only crazy cute, but she's dancing in her underwear for us. OK, she's dancing for the camera in this new Victoria's Secret ad for their Eau So Sexy fragrance, but she's still kind of dancing for us. This little behind-the-scenes video shows a fun-loving Elsa in her first big campaign for the lady's line. She may only be 25 years old, but this Swedish stunner has all eyes on her for the latest of Victoria's Secret awesomeness. If that doesn't sell you on Elsa, she was also a professional basketball player in Sweden, so wrap your heads around those long legs, gentlemen.

 

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Jessica Cribbon Is the Sexy Selfie Queen

August 26, 2014, 11:39 am

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Today's Funny Photos

August 27, 2014, 12:45 am

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10 of the Biggest Crowdfunded Failures and Scams

August 27, 2014, 1:49 am

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The 12 Most Annoying Things People Say on 'House Hunters'

August 27, 2014, 1:50 am

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I don't mean to, but somehow I end up watching "House Hunters" almost every day of my life. Is it always on? Is it watching me? It's not that it's a bad show, but some of the dumb and annoying things people say on there are absolutely unbelievable. Here's a look at the 12 most annoying things buyers, sellers and realtors always seem to say on "House Hunters."

1. Too Much for the Money
We all want a dream house, but nothing is more annoying than when someone meets with their realtor and says, "Well, I have to be in the nicest part of the city. A heliport would be a huge plus. I need 9 bedrooms, an IMAX theater, a fully staffed Starbucks and probably a moat. My budget? $314."

2. The Realtor Ignores the Budget
On the flip side of that, sometimes the realtor will completely ignore the buyer's budget and show them houses completely out of their price range. "This house has everything you asked for, plus a pool!" Oh perfect! How much is it? "Well I know you said your budget was $350,000, but this one is just $700,000! It's slightly above your budget, but look at that view!"

3. "We Love Entertaining!"
How many dinner parties are these people throwing? Kid & Play didn't have as many house parties as those couples. You aren't hosting the Presidential Ball, so I'm sure your terrible friends are OK hanging out in the living room and the kitchen.

4. "I Wish It Was Centrally Located"
I understand if you'd like to be near work or family, but when a couple starts complaining that a house isn't within walking distance of every member of their family, their job, the beach, the mountains, Chicago and Narnia, it gets a little old. Also, the place you're looking for doesn't physically exist so unless you'd like to live in an RV, you're going to have to compromise.

5. The Asinine Complaints
Do they realize paint is replaceable? Don't pass on a house because you don't like the toilet seat cover. Just add $7 to your budget and go get a new one from Target. If a trip to IKEA would fix every complaint you have about a home, buy that thing immediately.


6. The Walk-In Closet Joke
I didn't realize I was watching comedy hour! You gotta love that same, stupid joke where the lady walks into the closet and she says, "Well, this should be enough room ... FOR MY CLOTHES! LOL!" Sometimes the guy will say it and sort of nudge his wife in a way where you can literally see the unhappiness in her eyes.

7. Pet Priority
You obviously want to make sure you take care of your pet, but if you pass on a house because your dog seems to have a negative energy when walking into it, just go live in the woods. He eats diarrhea. I'm sure he could adjust to a smaller backyard.

8. The Beach Debacle
Every person that lives in San Diego would like to live near the beach. That's why you moved to San Diego. The problem is that if your budget is half of what a beach house costs, it's not going to happen and if it does, your place will be tiny. For some reason, this concept is nearly impossible for buyers to comprehend.

9. The Super Bro
I saw an episode where a bro had his bro friends come over and test out the garage to make sure it met their approval. Come on, dude. Also if you use the term "man cave" you probably have a Scarface poster hanging in your bedroom. Please don't ever say that on national television again, for your sake.

10. "We've Just Outgrown Our Old Place"
There are two of you and you lived in a three-bedroom house. Mathematically, you could not be more wrong. You could remedy this by selling some of the boxes of garbage piling up all over your hoarder-y house, or just admitting you want a bigger place for no other reason than you feel like it. Or just say the old place is haunted.

11. "Well, my parent's house ..."
It took your parents 20 years to buy their house. You're 22 and your budget is $80,000 in a major city. You're not going to be able to get a P Diddy house on your first try. You're more in the range of Chingy or present-day Ja Rule.

12. Crown Molding
Please shut up about crown molding. No one sits in their living room and thinks "Wow, look at that crown molding. If that wasn't here this house would be a toilet."

 

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Watch Homer Simpson Take the Ice Bucket Challenge

August 27, 2014, 2:20 am

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"The Simpsons" is the longest-running scripted series in television history, and it has taken home 28 Emmy Awards. Entertainment Weekly called it the "Greatest American Sitcom" last year, and Time named it the "Best Show of the 20th Century." It is also in the middle of a 12-day marathon on FXX, which is showing all 552 episodes in order until September 1.

But these days, you're not somebody until you take the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge.

While the 26th season of "The Simpsons" kicks off Sunday, September 28 on FOX, you don't have to wait until then for some hilarity from America's favorite jaundiced family thanks to this clip of Homer Simpson taking the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge that hit YouTube yesterday.

Homer nominates Flanders twice, Lenny, and - just for the hell of it - Donald Trump before he dumps a glass of water over himself. But that's not the end for Homer, as Bart has bigger plans for humiliating his father:


"Rocktober is not followed by Blowvember" is our favorite: 'The Simpsons' Top 25 Best Chalkboard Gags

 

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Here's Some Stuff You Don't See Every Day

August 27, 2014, 2:52 am

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Some days, life throws you a curveball. Even the most prepared people can't be ready for everything, and with wild animals, crazy weather and weird people on the loose, life's little surprises will never stop. Here are 15 photos of weird sightings that you don't see every day, and may never see again.

 

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There is Somehow a New Worst First Pitch of All Time

August 27, 2014, 3:01 am

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It seems as though throwing a first pitch anywhere but over home plate at a professional baseball game has become a bigger trend than Justin Bieber getting questioned by police.

There was athlete John Wall's embarrassing effort before a Nationals game in 2011. Then Carly Rae Jepsen gave Wall a run for his money last year in Tampa Bay. Call you maybe? Not after that pitch.

Well, a new year has brought new candidates for the worst first pitch ever. 50 Cent showed us this past May that he belongs in a club instead of on the pitcher's mound. Miss Texas then made Fiddy look like Nolan Ryan with her "effort" before a Rangers game two weeks ago.

But perhaps the worst first pitch of all time, and I mean the worst, took place before last night's Astros-Athletics game in Houston, as this attractive young lady basically slammed the ball into the ground in front of her:


She's hot, so she'll be OK. On the other hand, the Astros are so bad, they may have offered her a contract after watching that.

These "efforts" are also pretty pathetic: The 10 Worst Ceremonial First Pitches By Celebs, Athletes, and a Politician

 

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Japanese Porn Stars are Fighting AIDS by Letting People Grab Their Boobs

August 27, 2014, 3:30 am

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Now here's a charity challenge I would love to be nominated for.

According to Barstool Sports, nine Japanese porn stars are hoping to raise a boatload of money for the fight against AIDS by allowing guys and girls to grab their jugs live on adult cable television this Saturday.


This will be the 12th "Stop! AIDS" boob grab since launching in 2003, and it's backed by the Japan Foundation of AIDS prevention.

Porn star Iku Sakuragi perhaps summed up the 24-hour "squeeze-a-thon" best by saying, "It's for charity. Squeeze them, donate money - let's be happy."

Another willing starlet said she is beyond excited to have people gently grabbing her hooters for such a great cause.

"I'm really looking forward to lots of people fondling by boobs," said Rina Serina. "But I would be very happy if you would please be delicate."

"I never thought my boobs could contribute to society," Serina later added. But let's be honest: as a Japanese porn star, her boobs have already contributed to society thousands of times.

Here's another foreign porn star who used her body for a "good" cause: Chilean Porn Star Has Sex for 12 Straight Hours After Chile's First World Cup Win

 

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Better Than Bar Food: Crazy-Good Calzones

August 27, 2014, 4:01 am

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Love bar food but hate the subsequent bloat? These quick and easy recipes are seriously tasty, definitely doable and much better for you than pub grub. This week we'll show you how to make calzones at home (side note: they're healthy, too).

 

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Some People Can Fall Asleep Anywhere

August 27, 2014, 4:50 am

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You know when you've been so tired that you felt like you could sleep anywhere? You even said, "I swear, I could fall asleep right here." and then pointed to a weird place? Well you've got nothing on these people. They actually did it. Until we see you crawling into an airplane turbine to catch a few Z's, don't complain to us about being tired.











via RocketNews24

 

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Being a Six-Year-Old Boy vs. Being a Married Man

August 27, 2014, 5:50 am

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Throughout childhood, all you want to do is be a grown up. And then you grow up, you settle down, you get married, and it turns out, not much has changed. To prove it, here's a little Venn diagram comparing life as a six-year-old boy to life as a married man.

 

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Two-Year-Old Girl Drops F-Bomb After Ice Bucket Challenge

August 27, 2014, 9:05 am

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It's hard to tell if this adorable little English girl understood what she was getting herself into beforehand, but it's safe to say that after she did the "Ice Bucket Challenge," she was not too fond of it. Also, I could listen to this child scream "fuckin' hell!" in her British accent all day.

h/t Uproxx

 

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This Cat Cannot Believe What It Sees In The Mirror

August 27, 2014, 11:26 am

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This is pretty much me every morning when I first wake up and walk by a mirror.

(h/t Tastefully Offensive)

 

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