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These Pets Stopped Working Properly

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pets that stopped working
There's nothing wrong with having a little fun at your pet's expense, but use caution. Just like a rubber band, they can be stretched to the point of no return. A cautionary tale as much as it is hilarious, the following collection of animals pushed to the brink is proof that every living, breathing creature can stop working correctly. Sometimes, it barely even takes much of an effort. (h/t StoppedWorking)

pets that stopped working
Dogs may be man's best friend, but their fondness for milk knows no bounds. Even the laws of gravity.

pets that stopped working
Hmm...maybe if we introduce a third kitten, it will fix the glitch.

pets that stopped working
Come on, it's a cone! You can still breathe...right?

pets that stopped working
Working too hard can give you a hamster attack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack!

pets that stopped working
Satin sheets - the sworn enemy of pet snakes everywhere.

pets that stopped working
Um, you kinda forgot how to dog there.

pets that stopped working
Sure, it's funny now, but...

pets that stopped working
...you won't be laughing when it sticks like that.

pets that stopped working
OK, no more ecstasy for Lizzy.

pets that stopped working
Perhaps we should try again with indoor furniture.

pets that stopped working
On second thought, let's give the hammock another go.

pets that stopped working
Goodbye, my looOOOVE!

pets that stopped working
We're not sure how this one get in here. That dog seems to be working fine.

pets that stopped working
This dog, on the other hand, has clearly seen "Blade 2" one too many times.

pets that stopped working
Birds are weird in general, so maybe this one isn't so screwed up...

pets that stopped working
...but it's certainly sending this cat into overload.

pets that stopped working
Perhaps we'd better let these animals recharge their batteries. Call it a...cat nap, if you will? (Sorry.)

 

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The Weekly Mandatory Meme Contest Winners: The Sand Man

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Yesterday we asked you to use our meme generator to create some hilarious memes to unleash on the Internet. There were a lot of entries, but we managed to narrow it down to these fine and deserving winners. Congratulations, you truly understand what the Internet is all about. And to those of you who lost...oh well, there's always next week!

Speaking of which, get a head start and create a new meme for next week's contest right here.

meme, funny meme, funny memes, beach meme
Submitted by: Bishop


Submitted by: Streit2Thepoint


Submitted by: Mike K.


Submitted by: Kerry K.


Submitted by: Philip C.


Submitted by: Brian R.


Submitted by: Mike K.


Submitted by: Mike K.


Submitted by: Bobby


Submitted by: Patrick


Submitted by: Mike K.

 

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A Couple Asked For Photoshop Help And The Internet Rose To The Occasion (Again)

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It should be pretty clear that the Internet will always be eager to Photoshop a picture for you, even if they don't do what you originally asked for. We've seen the results when the Internet was asked to Photoshop a guy's hot girlfriend, and then again when it was asked to Photoshop a woman in a rainbow bathing suit. And now the Internet is at it again.

Funny, Couple ask internet for photoshop help, couple wants kid removed from photo
The photo above is the original photo, and the couple simply wanted that nonathletic kid (that's me as a kid) playing volleyball removed from the photo. Here is what the Internet did for this couple instead:

Funny, Couple ask internet for photoshop help, couple wants kid removed from photo

Funny, Couple ask internet for photoshop help, couple wants kid removed from photo

Funny, Couple ask internet for photoshop help, couple wants kid removed from photo

Funny, Couple ask internet for photoshop help, couple wants kid removed from photo

Funny, Couple ask internet for photoshop help, couple wants kid removed from photo

Funny, Couple ask internet for photoshop help, couple wants kid removed from photo

Funny, Couple ask internet for photoshop help, couple wants kid removed from photo

Funny, Couple ask internet for photoshop help, couple wants kid removed from photo

Funny, Couple ask internet for photoshop help, couple wants kid removed from photo

Funny, Couple ask internet for photoshop help, couple wants kid removed from photo
Great work, everyone.

Via Imgur

 

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Pennsylvania Guidance Counselor Promised Teen Harvard Admission In Exchange For Sex

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I guess it beats writing up all those essays as part of the application process.

high school guidance counselor sex scandal

Emily Feeney, a 40-year-old guidance counselor at a private school in Chester County, Pennsylvania, has been fired after allegations arose that she has been pursuing a 16-year-old teen for sex, even going as far as to promising him admission into Harvard.

The married mom, who was also the boy's swim coach at the school, has been fired from her job, and now more information has been discovered about Feeney's efforts to reel in the teen. Feeney sent the teen hundreds of texts and emails that were "highly sexualized" in nature. Feeney also sent the teen plenty of nude photos and even kissed him.

The teen wasn't interested, telling investigators he told Feeney "I'm not interested in you, end of story. I'm 16. I'm not into you."

Feeney didn't care, and replied with "If you'd... just stop fighting and let it happen, you'd be a lot less uptight and much happier."

Everything was discovered when the teen told his parents about was occurring, about a year after Feeney began trying to hook up with the teen.

The former counselor has been charged with institutional sex assault, unlawful contact with a minor, corruption of minors and indecent assault. She was released on $7,500 bail.



Via ABC7

This teacher reeled in students and more: Teacher Has Sex With Students In Car, On Roof Of School, Gets 22 Years

 

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A Guy Figured Out How To Get Free Starbucks Everyday

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Well here's a story that will make white girls everywhere attempt to rig the Starbucks system as well.

News, Guy Gets Free Coffee Everyday, Free Starbucks Coffee everyday

Brad Halsey, a barista at Starbucks, shared his story in an email he sent to Kitchenette for their "Horrible Restaurant Customers" series; a story that involved one of his customers rigging the Starbucks system in order to never pay for another coffee again.

Brad explains that the unnamed customer purchased 365 Starbucks cards and registered each one with a different birthday, and now the customer gets a free birthday drink every single day.

"Even though I know exactly how he 'beat the system,' he pretends that his app is just malfunctioning and it magically gives him the same free birthday drink every day," Brad explained in the email.

Now instead of just leaving with his free drink and feeling proud he tricked a company that overcharges for their coffee, the customer enjoys torturing Brad by being extremely particular about his order; the type of customer that you've rolled your eyes at behind in line before, and strongly considered murdering.

"Two pumps of white mocha here, then add five pumps of vanilla. That should take us to this line here where you're gonna add cold heavy cream up to this ridge here ... it should be halfway between this line and this line. Make sure to add the heavy whipping cream before the espresso; it changes the taste if you do it out of order," the customer says, according to Brad.

"Then add your four shots - three regular and one long shot. That long shot is important, since you guys reformulated your machines, it's been hell trying to get my drink right. That long shot helps balance it. Then stir it for me, Mister Brad. Now do me a favor and add ice to the top there and it'll be easy as pie. I'm not picky so don't worry about shaking it or anything like that."

This might be considered fraud, so it's best to stay from doing something like this and just continue paying for it like ay other human that will continue to complain about how expensive their coffee is, and yet still keep buying some.

Via Business Insider

This barista might lash out like this employee did: Starbucks Employee Flips Out On Customer Over Special Straw

 

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The Funniest GIFs of the Week

We'd Like To Introduce You To The Brazilian Megan Fox

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Remember when Michael Bay introduced us to Megan Fox and we were interested in seeing his movies because of her? Any interest in seeing his movies is a time we want to forget, but we still haven't forgotten about Megax Fox. And now we have a Brazilian version of the "Transformers" actress.

Claudia Alende, who competed in last year's Miss Bum Bum competition (that is a real thing) has over one million followers on Instagram, and she resembles Megan Fox quite a bit.

Let's take a look at Brazilian Megan Fox.

@alendeclaudia 🙌 Promo @hotmodelsworld @bodygoalsgram

A photo posted by Cláudia Alende (@claudiaalende) on


@alendeclaudia 🙌

A photo posted by Cláudia Alende (@claudiaalende) on


- Keep calm and drink @fruiteatox ❤️☕️ Cházinho detox da @fruiteatox 💙☕️

A photo posted by Cláudia Alende (@claudiaalende) on



@alendeclaudia @hotmodelsworld @hotmodelsworld

A photo posted by Cláudia Alende (@claudiaalende) on


@alendeclaudia 🙌 @trendfashionday @trendfashionday ✨

A photo posted by Cláudia Alende (@claudiaalende) on


@alendeclaudia @hotmodelsworld @trendfashionday

A photo posted by Cláudia Alende (@claudiaalende) on

@alendeclaudia 🙌 Promo @hotmodelsworld @trendfashionday

A photo posted by Cláudia Alende (@claudiaalende) on


@alendeclaudia Promo @hotmodelsworld @bodygoalsgram

A photo posted by Cláudia Alende (@claudiaalende) on

 

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Deez Nuts Is Actually Doing Very Well In The Latest Presidential Poll

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Donald Trump might have the money and the hair, but another candidate apparently has the stones to make this country great again.

According to New York Magazine, the latest poll from North Carolina shows a 15-year-old boy from Iowa who entered the 2016 presidential election under the name of "Deez Nuts" is currently running in fourth place.

Deez Nuts doing well in latest North Carolina poll
Voters were asked whether they would vote for heavyweights like Trump or Hillary Clinton or a lesser known independent such as Deez Nuts in the upcoming election, and nine percent of them said they liked Nuts.

That means he is currently in fourth place behind "Not Sure," but he's got a way to go before he catches Trump, who is at the top with 24 percent.

But the best part about this kid from Iowa entering the race, despite the fact that he can't win because he's only 15, has to be that his latest success in the North Carolina poll means "respected" local newscasters around the country are reporting on him and even saying his name on the six o'clock news.

Hell, some of them are even saying it twice:


Trump has a butt plug modeled after him: Mexican Immigrant Creates Donald Trump Butt Plug

 

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Virgin America's Seat-to-Seat Chat Can Make Things Quite Awkward

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Virgin America continues to try and set themselves apart from other airlines, this time by introducing an inflight messaging system that allows you to talk to your family or friends who have may been seated far away from you. But of course, like any other messaging system, you can also talk to strangers on your flight and even get a little flirty (meanly sexual because then what would be the point) with them.

Virgin America Messaging, Funny Inflight Virgin Airlines Messages

Virgin America Messaging, Funny Inflight Virgin Airlines Messages

Virgin America Messaging, Funny Inflight Virgin Airlines Messages

Virgin America Messaging, Funny Inflight Virgin Airlines Messages

Virgin America Messaging, Funny Inflight Virgin Airlines MessagesVirgin America Messaging, Funny Inflight Virgin Airlines Messages

Virgin America Messaging, Funny Inflight Virgin Airlines Messages

Virgin America Messaging, Funny Inflight Virgin Airlines Messages

Virgin America Messaging, Funny Inflight Virgin Airlines Messages

Virgin America Messaging, Funny Inflight Virgin Airlines Messages

Via The Chive

 

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Watching This Cat Try To Eat A Banana Is Way More Amusing Than It Should Be

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Cat Tries to Eat Banana

It's a cat attempting to eat a banana. A damn cat trying to eat a banana. I'm a grown man watching a video of Mao the cat trying his best to eat a banana and I watched this more than once. And look at how much he's struggling with it. This is why I stay away from any healthy food options.

This dog also has a problem with food: Watch This Golden Retriever Fail Miserably At Catching Food

 

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Lisa Ann To Make Adult Webcam History With First Interactive Live Show

The Ghosts Of Two Drowned Kids Might Be Haunting A British Pub

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Um, we were under the impression you had to be at least 18 years of age to get rowdy inside a British pub.

According to Mirror, security footage from the Bassa Villa in the English town of Bridgnorth shows what the pub's owner believes to be the ghosts of two children who drowned in the establishment's basement hundreds of years ago.

Owner Nick Bevon said he "turned up" for work on a recent Saturday morning and noticed smashed glasses on the floor. He thought it was a bit strange since the night crew is apparently made up of kiss-asses who leave it nice and tidy for him.

Thinking that someone had broken into the bar after his staff left for the night, Bevon decided to review the security footage, and that's when shit got real:



According to legend, two children were playing in the pub's basement hundreds of years ago, but they died when it flooded sometime after their mother "went out."

Maybe it's just us, but if all of those smashed glasses are a result of those two brats, then maybe it's safe to say they were drowned on purpose.

Some nerd ghost refuses to leave his or her school: Is This The Ghost Of A Person Killed At Pocatello High School Roaming Its Halls?

 

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New Jersey Pizza Shop Employee Wrote 'Fried Hard Like A Black D---' On The Back Of Wings Receipt

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So, they must have been pretty hard then?

According to Barstool Sports, a South Jersey woman was shocked when she opened up her order of wings from a local pizza shop last month and saw that her receipt in the bag had some rather interesting special instructions printed on it.

Fried hard like a black dick on a food receipt
Loretta Smith Layne said the receipt came with her order of 20 fresh wings from Danny's Pizza Pizzazz in Bridgeton on July 25, adding that she was "very offended and upset and disrespected" because she ordered her wings fried hard, not "fried hard like a black dick."

The owner of the pizza shop, Danny Sommeling, told NBC 10 that the receipt didn't come from his joint, and he has no idea how it found its way into her order of wings. But Layne says she has text messages from Sommeling in which he apologizes for his son's bad decision that was "definitely not professional."

No word if anybody has ever received a receipt with their pepper and egg sandwich from Danny's and asked for it to be short like an Irish, well, I think you see where we're going with this.

You can apparently return rubbers if your date cancels on you: This Gas Station Receipt Tells A Very Sad Story

 

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Today's Funny Photos

What I Imagine Every Episode of 'The Real Housewives' is Like

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I've never seen a single episode of "The Real Housewives" and, lord willing, I will never have to sit through one for the rest of my days on this earth. Unfortunately, the previews for this nightmare of a show are inevitable and show what can only be described as the worst people in the world screaming at each other for an hour each week. Here's what I'd imagine every episode of The Real Housewives is like.

Real Housewives, What The Real Housewive Are Really Like, Funny Real Housewives

Real Housewives, What The Real Housewive Are Really Like, Funny Real Housewives

Real Housewives, What The Real Housewive Are Really Like, Funny Real Housewives

Real Housewives, What The Real Housewive Are Really Like, Funny Real Housewives

Real Housewives, What The Real Housewive Are Really Like, Funny Real Housewives

Real Housewives, What The Real Housewive Are Really Like, Funny Real Housewives

Real Housewives, What The Real Housewive Are Really Like, Funny Real Housewives

Real Housewives, What The Real Housewive Are Really Like, Funny Real Housewives

Real Housewives, What The Real Housewive Are Really Like, Funny Real Housewives



Real Housewives, What The Real Housewive Are Really Like, Funny Real Housewives

 

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Bored Elon Musk Has Some Excellent Ideas To Improve Our Lives

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While Ya Boy Bill Nye is tweeting scientific facts all while keeping it hood, parody account Bored Elon Musk is tweeting various invention ideas that can go a long way to improving our way of life. Because even if he does have billions and billions of dollars, that doesn't mean he sleeps on enhancing the future. Check out some of Bored Elon Musk's best ideas.











 

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'Jimmy Kimmel Live!': This Week in Unnecessary Censorship

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'Jimmy Kimmel Live!': This Week in Unnecessary Censorship
After almost eight years in office, I'm sure President Obama sometimes just wants to give a big "F*** you" to anyone who cares to listen, and he's just one of the many people Jimmy Kimmel blurred and bleeped in order to make it seem they were saying a bunch of words you probably shouldn't say on television.

Let's all give it up to Ben Carson at the end for his honesty.

More politicians saying things you don't expect them to say: 'Bad Lip Reading' Actually Makes The First Republican Debate Entertaining

 

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Florida Burglar Mocks Cops On Facebook, Gets Caught And Trolled

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He should have just used Facebook to stalk and judge the lives of his high school friends like everyone else does.

News, Guy Mocks Cops On Facebook, Cops Troll Criminal

Logan Hale, a 21-year-old idiot from Polk County, FL, not only decided to break into a home and steal but to mock cops as well, was caught soon after his taunts.

"HELLO here i am.....Deputies continue to look for me but Are frustrated that i am unable to be located...." a Facebook user ironically named Logan Finallyfree said.

News, Guy Mocks Cops On Facebook, Cops Troll Criminal

Logan also had an accomplice, Tyler Thornton, who was caught after Logan thought it would be a smart idea to taunt cops on social media. The "mastermind" was caught later.

Cops decided to have a little fun at Logan's expense after apprehending him.

"Logan Hale, you are on your way to jail. Your attempts to hide were to no avail. Epic fail," the cops wrote.

News, Guy Mocks Cops On Facebook, Cops Troll Criminal

Logan and his accomplice have already been jailed five times before so it's clear these guys have a bright future ahead of them. Well, at least one person thinks a bright future is still possible: Logan's ninth grade teacher.

"You were always so polite and nice to me, and I always liked you. Because of that, I want to help you...You did the crime, now do the time. You are only 21. You can still change your life around. Serve your time and use it to study ... You still have a chance to become something good. Do it !!" Mary Lynn Higgs wrote.

The man owns a pair of camo, cargo shorts. I don't think he still has a chance to become something good.

Via NY Daily News

More authorities trolling: Sheriff's Office Using Facebook To Trick Drug Dealers Into Turning Each Other In

 

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This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets

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nother week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them yourself. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.

Follow @robfee on Twitter.

More very funny tweets can be found right here.

 

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Juliana Proven Will Improve Your Day

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