Texas Sure Is A Weird Place

September 2, 2015, 2:04 am

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Every state has its own share of quirks, but Texas is on another planet. Everything sure is bigger there, too, including their love of horses and guns. Take a look below at some more evidence of how Texas is really, really out there.


Just another ingredient in McDonald's burgers.


"I just want something that tells people I never want to have sex again."


So that's what the "Sons of Anarchy" cast members are up to now.


"Why, God, Why? Why did you curse me with a father that is such an idiot?"


Texas' version of "Fuck, Marry, Kill."


Going a tad overboard on the frugality here.


Better to give than to get.


Man, I just pulled into your rest stop.


Finally, somewhere to take grandpa for his birthday.


A Donald Trump campaign ad.


I wish they had just graduated from high school instead.


"Aww, honey, look! She's ready to avenge me!"


This is the unrated version of "Home Alone."


"Mom! Can I have a quarter?! Please! Mom! Only 25 cents!"


That's what you get for not putting an oven on the wedding registry.


I'd kill for you, baby.


One of them is Taylor Swift.


On her way to pick up your girl and drop her off at her job. As fast and as safe as she can.


Another Donald Trump ad.


I hear their zookeene is amazing.

Via Izismile

It's not all bad: The 25 Hottest Women From Texas

 

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15 Strange But True Facts You Likely Never Realized

September 2, 2015, 2:10 am

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Some facts are so out there that they immediately blow your mind. Others leave you scratching your head simply because you had never made the connection between two seemingly unrelated people, places, things or events. The following list contains a nice balance of both, practically guaranteeing you'll walk away with some knowledge you didn't have before. Let's just hope it doesn't push anything of actual importance out of your brain, because while these facts are certainly interesting, you'd still be hard-pressed to wring much real-world application from them. Does that make them any less enjoyable? That's for you to decide.
















(via Izismile)

 

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Man Rescues Family From Fire, Returns To Save Ribs And Gives Amazing News Interview

September 2, 2015, 2:29 am

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While we're taking a stroll through the viral news interviews hall of fame, we will see such classics as 'Hide yo kids, hide yo wife," "Ain't nobody got time for that," "I like turtles," and now, meet Robert "I ain't gonna let my ribs burn" Wright.


Robert Wright rescued his family from a fire after his apartment building in Fresno, California, went up in flames. After making sure his family was safe, Robert admits he thought of his ribs, and just had to save them, too.

Robert then proceeds to give the most bizarre, hilarious interview to KMPH Fox 26.

"The only thing I think first is, 'make sure them ribs is right' and ran over and got my family, man," Robert explains. "I got my kid [and wife] first, then I thought about my ribs, I didn't want to let the ribs burn, I take pride in what I do, man."

A woman and a child were also trapped inside the building but they escaped through a window.

Robert and his family were alright, and Robert said he didn't need any treatment.

"I didn't get any injuries except for all the smoke in my lungs, but I already had smoke in my lungs so I'm alright."

We feel ya, Robert.

Didn't see this one coming either: Woman Whose House Burnt Down Reveals Culprit On Live TV...And It's Awkward As Hell

 

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Illinois Man Sent HR Manager Nude Selfies After He Was Offered A Job

September 2, 2015, 2:59 am

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Well that's one way to show your appreciation.


A 23-year-old (now back to being unemployed) man from Aurora, Illinois received an offer of employment from a company in St. Charles, and perhaps he was so...excited that he decided to show the HR manager just how excited he was by sharing some nude selfies with her.

That may have been a slip of the finger, but just two days later the man sent another nude. The HR manager recognized who the photos belonged to when she compared the phone numbers after receiving a voicemail from said nudist explaining that he couldn't make an appointment.

The woman decided to contact authorities.

The man admitted to sending naked pictures but explained it was meant for someone else. But it's all too little, too late because the company has rescinded their offer and the man has been told by police to not contact the victim again.

The man was not arrested.

I think this guy got the "sleep your way to the top" plan all wrong.

Via Death and Taxes

Those nude selfies are trouble: Swiss Model Arrested For Taking Nude Selfies With Tourists At Eiffel Tower

 

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An Updated Resume For The Former Ashley Madison CEO

September 2, 2015, 3:50 am

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Now that the CEO of Ashley Madison has stepped down after his horrible company was breached and compromised, he's going to have to look for a new job. It can seem stressful getting back out there, but he doesn't need to worry. We've gone ahead and put together a beautiful resume that fits him perfectly and highlights all of his amazing skills and abilities. Good luck out there, pal!

 

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Watch This Girl Pass Out Twice On A Slingshot Ride

September 2, 2015, 4:09 am

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I've never been on this Slingshot ride (I usually just hold everyone's bags down below because that's a tad safer), but if my reaction to riding it is anything like the poor girl above, I think I'll stay far away.

The girl in black passes out twice, all while her friend is laughing and grunting. If this isn't a true friendship, what is?

Everyone is passing out: Watch This Drunk Dude Pass Out On An Electric Fence (NSFW Language)

 

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Meet The 15-Year-Old Kid Behind Presidential Candidate 'Deez Nuts'

September 2, 2015, 6:29 am

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Other than several spectacular pictures of Kim Kardashian's oiled-up butt, nothing has taken the Internet by storm over the last calendar year quite like the Iowa teenager who decided to enter "Deez Nuts" into the 2016 presidential election.

Brady Olson, 15, of Wallingford, Iowa recently sat down with Sioux City's local NBC affiliate KTIV to reveal why he entered the race and what he would do in terms of immigration reform if Nuts ever made it to the Oval Office.


Weird. We thought a teenager's platform would be centered around free Brazzers accounts and rubbers for everybody instead of encouraging more parties to be seriously included on the ballot and a wall that makes it harder for illegal immigrants to cross the border.

Of course, since Deez Nuts is really just a 15-year-old boy, his dream of making it to the White House won't come to fruition anytime soon. Nonetheless, it's pretty damn funny that a simple joke has gone this far. Hell, this is our fourth article about him.

h/t Complex

Another 'Deez Nuts' Once Called 911: Read This Georgia Boy's Apology Note For Dropping 'Deez Nuts' On A 911 Operator

 

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Watch This Hillbilly Catch A Fish With His Drone

September 2, 2015, 6:32 am

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We've heard of rednecks doing crazy things like giving birth in a Denny's and having sex with a donkey because it's their constitutional right, but using a drone to fish might just be the most redneck thing you can do in the era of technology that we are currently living in. (Well, except for attaching a gun to it, of course.)

Meet Farmer Derek. He's got himself a sweet paddleboat on top of a pier in a small lake in the middle of nowhere America. He's also got himself a new drone, and by golly, he's decided to use that thing for fishing:


In all seriousness, catching a fish with a drone - even if it's a bluegill that's smaller than my hand - is nothing short of amazing. In fact, it's almost as amazing as Farmer Derek finding something to do with his time other than sleeping with his cousin.

h/t Barstool Sports

Apparently, kangaroos don't care too much for drones, mate: Pissed Off Kangaroo Brings Down Drone Camera

 

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Woman Thinks She 'Teleported' After Forklift Moves Port-A-Potty She Was In

September 2, 2015, 5:48 am

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She would have avoided this whole debacle if she just used the restroom before leaving like her mom told her to.


An unnamed woman received a scare after she decided to use a port-a-potty at the Newlyn Fish Festival in Cornwall, U.K. Aside from the normal horrors of using a port-a-potty, the woman was picked up by a forklift that had no idea she was in there and transferred her to another location.

The woman opened the door to discover she was in a completely different spot at the festival, leading her to believe she had teleported.

"She got in the loo, and then it was picked up and taken to the other side of the harbor with her in it," Rob Parsons, harbormaster at Newlyn, explains. "I think she was suffering from a bit of shock or she thought she had teleported across to the other side of the harbor."

The woman was not injured but was said to be shocked and ... relieved.

Via Metro.

Bet this guy wishes he would have teleported: Man Masturbating In Port-A-Potty Gets Knocked Over By Homeless Vigilantes

 

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New Jersey Day Care Was Running A 'Fight Club' With Toddlers

September 2, 2015, 6:52 am

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The first rule of Fight Club might be "You don't talk about Fight Club," but if the second rule of Fight Club would have been "You don't Snapchat about Fight Club," then this New Jersey day care's "Toddler Fight Club" might still be in business.

According to the New York Post, two employees at Lightbridge Academy in Cranford are in deep shit after they allegedly staged "Fight Club"-style brawls between kids aged 4 to 6 years old at their day care.


Police charged 22-year-old Erica Kenny and 28-year-old Chanese White with fourth-degree child abuse after they posted videos of "approximately a dozen boys and girls at the day care center shoving each other to the ground and attempting to strike each other" to Snapchat.

The videos were uploaded August 13, and they include "group melees and one-on-one battles." In at least one video, Kenny can even be heard calling the group activity "Fight Club."

Both Kenny and White have since been fired, and day care officials are calling "Toddler Fight Club" an isolated incident.

They are also encouraging parents and other employees not to talk about the incident, which shouldn't be a problem as long as everybody adheres to rule number one.

Here are some other rules of Fight Club that you might have missed: 20 Other Rules Of Fight Club

 

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Female MMA Fighter Delivers Instant Karma To Would-Be Robber

September 2, 2015, 8:18 am

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Before you decide to try your hand at mugging, always be sure to A) strongly consider your life choices in general, and B) always study your prospective victim carefully before you make your move. Otherwise, you'll end up like the man in this video who made the very unwise decision to try and rob MMA strawweight fighter Monique Bastos in Acailandia, Brazil, last night. If you're not a fan of men shrieking, it might be a good idea to turn your volume down, because this guy wasn't going down without a pathetic sob session. (h/t Uproxx)

Speaking of MMA fighters: Ronda Rousey Got Asked Out To The Marine Corps Ball And She Said Yes

 

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A New Bikini Top Is Helping Women Free The Nipple In A New Way

September 2, 2015, 8:31 am

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While topless performers in New York City are still being criticized by many people, a married couple has created a bikini top that helps women free the nipple, and we strongly support this.


The Chicago couple, Robyn and Michelle Lytle, have created a bikini top that comes in three different types of skin tones and features a nipple print. Some people might still complain about this top, but it's totally legal, so those people can go back to rolling their eyes in waiting lines.

The idea for the TaTa Top (yes, that's the actual name) sprung from a group of exchange students from the Netherlands that Robyn and Michelle hosted in 2012. The students went to the beach topless and were stopped due to the illegality of it. Now, just a few years later, this bikini top has been born.

Check out some gals rocking the TaTa Top below:

😎 Happy Sunday 😎

A photo posted by The TaTa Top (@thetatatop) on Aug 16, 2015 at 4:41pm PDT

Student Resigns from Sorority Over Instagram Photo in Nipple-Print Bikini http://www.cosmopolitan.com/politics/news/a45028/woman-resigns-from-sorority-nipple-printed-bikini-top/

A photo posted by The TaTa Top (@thetatatop) on Aug 19, 2015 at 12:42pm PDT

TGIF!!!!!

A photo posted by The TaTa Top (@thetatatop) on Aug 7, 2015 at 6:56pm PDT

#tbt to Chicago Pride weekend!

A photo posted by The TaTa Top (@thetatatop) on Jul 16, 2015 at 3:31pm PDT

Things you can do in your TaTa Top...play Cards Against Humanity!

A photo posted by The TaTa Top (@thetatatop) on Jun 7, 2015 at 3:42pm PDT

Via Maxim

Celebrities supporting the nipple: The 10 Biggest 'Free The Nipple' Advocates

 

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Hot Florida Woman Offered Three Cops Oral Sex To Get Out Of A Ticket

September 2, 2015, 9:02 am

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The gal below did her darnedest to avoid getting a ticket, even going as far as offering multiple cops sexual favors.


After being pulled over for weaving in the road in Pinellas County, Florida, 24-year-old Arielle Engert decided to try and bribe the traffic cops with some oral sex after she not only failed a drunk-driving test, but also was found with a small amount of cocaine and weed.


Arielle first offered up her services to Deputy Brian Sudbrink, and then offered the same to Deputies Obed Munoz and Eric Biddle when they arrived to deal with the coke and weed.

"The defendant stated repeatedly that she would perform fellatio (and) other sex acts if deputy would not charge her with the offenses she was arrested for," one officer recorded.


Arielle had an alcohol content of twice the legal limit and was charged with drunk driving, drug possession, and of course, bribery. She was released after paying her bond of just over $5,000. Here's her mugshot:


Let's give kudos to these cops for having so much self-control and not being tempted even though they all collectively sighed in their car and quietly sobbed afterward (most likely).

Via Mirror

She was a tad more direct: Louisiana Woman Offers To Lick Cop's Anus To Get Out Of Arrest

 

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Science Says Penis Size Does Matter, But Only For A Short Time

September 2, 2015, 9:03 am

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The average man's penis size in the U.S. is 5.1 inches long and 4.5 inches around. So if you fall somewhere in that ball park, congratulations, you'll have it a little easier finding a long-term lover, if the latest poll done by researchers at the University of California, Los Angeles, and University of New Mexico, Albuquerque, is to be believed. However, if you are just out there looking for a quick hookup, you might be S.O.L.


According to this new study, which used 3D printed penises of varied sizes, the 75 women tested preferred the penis model that was 6.3 inches long and 4.8 inches in circumference when it came to the one they'd most want to be in a serious relationship with. That's a bit longer than average, but at least the girth wasn't much of a difference. However, when it came to just having a good time with a fella, the ladies preferred their man meat to be a little wider, clocking in at 5 inches around. Surprisingly, in that instance, the length only went up to 6.4 inches.

So what can we take away from all this? When you consider that 20 percent of these women also said they'd ended a relationship at least partially because their man's penis size wasn't up to par, you might assume those on the tiny end of the spectrum are all screwed. But since 7 percent of those very same women said they hit the brakes because their man was too big, there is at least some hope.

Plus, co-author of the study Geoffrey Miller graciously put things a bit more into perspective by adding, "Human penises evolved to be unusually long and thick, consistent with our findings about women's preferences. Yet a man's intelligence, kindness, sense of humor, and other mental traits are also extremely important to women." Let's hope he's onto something with that last part. (via Vocativ)

Need a second opinion?: Watch What Happens When Women Try to Draw the Perfect Penis

 

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Today's Funny Photos

September 3, 2015, 12:02 am

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Let's face it: the final summer holiday weekend is almost here and none of us feel like doing work. It's OK. We're all in this together. That being said, let's all just enjoy some hilarious photos instead.







Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, too.









Click here for more hilarious photos.


















Click here for more hilarious photos.

 

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The 10 Worst Celebrity Tattoos, Vol. 2

September 3, 2015, 1:42 am

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Back by popular demand, we've got 10 more of the worst celebrity tattoos since that first cutting edge volume back in 2012. Nobody else has been smart enough to do this - we're kidding, everyone is doing it - so we thought we'd expand on our top-notch journalism with some more of celebrity's biggest permanent mistakes. If these folks have as much cash as they lead on, they should be able to afford someone smart enough to advise them against these huge tattoo misfires.

Chris Brown's Beaten Face

Starting off strong is the neck tattoo on known abuser, Chris Brown, of a woman's face half beaten in. It even looks like Rihanna. Jesus Christ, is nothing sacred?

Zac Efron's YOLO

Clearly the "Neighbors" star doesn't see YOLO as a passing fad. What's that? It already passed? Oh. Goes well with Hayden Panettiere's Italian version of YOLO, however misspelled, from our first edition of Worst Celebrity Tattoos. She may be one of the shortest celebrities with a flawed tattoo, but we still love her.

Harry Style's Butterfly

It doesn't matter how cool you are or how progressive a society we become, a butterfly tattooed above your belly button will never be alright. Unless you're Charlie Runkle, you'll never be celebrated for such an odd ink appendage. Doesn't help he has another running to his box either.

Johnny Depp's Winona Forever

Maybe not so forever, Johnny. He's already remarried. Luckily, it's been so long it's beginning to smudge and thus almost unreadable. In his defense, the "Rum Diary" actor is now married to his former co-star, the hottest gal on the planet, Amber Heard.

Pink's Barcode

I wonder what product might come up if you scan that barcode with one of those trendy apps for barcodes? Maybe it's some very "Orange Is The New Black" kind of barcode. Maybe it's a barcode for feminine hygienic products.

Audrina Patridge's Rotten Apple

Unless she's got a real thing for bad produce, there's no good reason for this beauty to desecrate her body with a rotten apple. I don't care how much trouble she thinks she is.

Nick Cannon's Mariah Mistake

A little prematurely, Nick Cannon exclaimed his devotion to Mariah Carey with a giant back tattoo. Luckily, he can afford laser removal and got that tattoo erased for good.

Lea Michele's "I Believe" Turquoise Tat

If it's not terrible because it's ugly or in the worst color possible for someone's skin, it's the cheesiest thing you could get on your body. "I believe," [chuckles]. I believe that's the shittiest tattoo you could get.

Scarlett Johansson's "Lucky You" Horseshoe

Oh, to be such a lucky horseshoe. Scarlett surprisingly has a somewhat teenager-style tattoo on her ribcage near her sideboob, just where we'd like to be.

T-Pain's Painful Facebook Reference

If T-Pain was hoping to garner some love with his Facebook friendly "You don't have to (Like) Me" arm tattoo, he just got unfriended instead. He got it done in Hawaii; must have had one too many daiquiris. Job not well done, Faheem Rashad Najm.

 

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The Weekly Mandatory Meme Contest Winners: Baby Blues

September 3, 2015, 1:50 am

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Yesterday we asked you to use our meme generator to create some hilarious memes to unleash on the Internet. There were a lot of entries, but we managed to narrow it down to these fine and deserving winners. Congratulations, you truly understand what the Internet is all about. And to those of you who lost...oh well, there's always next week!

Speaking of which, get a head start and create a new meme for next week's contest right here.


Submitted by: Harvey


Submitted by: Mike K.


Submitted by: Lori mac


Submitted by: Andrew M.


Submitted by: jIMMYZED


Submitted by: Howsey


Submitted by: nick b


Submitted by: Shane


Submitted by: Candace


Submitted by: Hobbes

 

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These 'Goosebumps' Books Would Terrify Adults

September 3, 2015, 1:57 am

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R.L. Stine is known as a legendary horror writer for children, but thanks to Playboy, now we can see what it would look like if Stine took on some typical adult life moments and wrote books out of them. All of these are as horrifying as adulthood so brace yourselves.























More scares: 12 Creepy Stories That Will Keep You Awake At Night

 

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Girl Attempts To Stretch Her Ear, Rips It In Half Instead

September 3, 2015, 2:15 am

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If you want to stretch your ears out for some reason, it's best to know what you're doing because you might injury yourself; like, I don't know, by ripping your ear in half. Let's all take a look and cringe together as this girl's ear lobe gets shredded.


At least she remained fairly calm even while a cool breeze is now able to tear through her ear lobe. I would have been sobbing and cursing myself for ever wanting to be like that hip guy I saw at Spencer's.

More intelligent people: This Is What Happens When You Give Drunk People A Sword

 

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Toronto Dad Claims Video Shows Ghost Crawl Into Daughter's Bed And Sing With Her

September 3, 2015, 2:41 am

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I will admit that I believe in ghosts, but I can also understand why some people are skeptics. Regardless if you believe in them or not, though, it's impossible not to feel uncomfortable and freaked out by the video below.

Daniel Garrett, a father of one from Toronto, Canada, is claiming that while his daughter was recording herself singing with his phone, she unknowingly filmed not only a ghost crawling in the bed with her, but singing along with her as well.


"She is babbling as children do and when she pauses you hear a male voice sing along with her and the blanket moves," the terrified father says. "Also, at the end, the male voice says: "You're so funny."

You can clearly hear a male voice singing along with her as well as say "You're so funny" at the end, which is reason enough for me to set the house on fire and move thousands of miles away.

Daniel is so scared he has gone and stayed at his parents' house and he won't be returning back to his place anytime soon.

"I have never had anything like this happen to me. My eyes water and my hair stands up on my arms when I watch this."

If this is truly a ghost, he didn't sound pissed off or anything, but just to be safe, perhaps that little girl needs this:


These ghosts need to chill: Is This The Ghost Of A Person Killed At Pocatello High School Roaming Its Halls?

 

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