The All-Day McDonald's Breakfast Seemed Too Good To Be True And It Kind Of Is

September 8, 2015, 7:22 am

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With many important things happening around the world, this probably tops the list for the majority of Americans: McDonald's isn't exactly being truthful about serving breakfast all day.


Since we love stuffing our faces with foods that take years off our lifespan, we were excited to hear that McDonald's had finally decided to start offering breakfast all day long starting in October. But now we are learning of the catch, and people have already started to riot (probably).

The all-day breakfast menu will be limited to certain food items. You won't get both McMuffin sandwiches and biscuit sandwiches. You will either get one or the other depending what McDonald's you go to. If they are serving McMuffins, you will only have three to choose from: egg, sausage, or sausage with egg.

If they are serving only biscuit sandwiches, you will also only get three options: bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit, a gross sausage biscuit with egg, or just a regular, gross sausage biscuit.

Screw you, Ronald. Seriously.


Any McGriddle fans? No? Well...if there is one fan out there, you won't be able to buy them after 10:30 a.m. regardless of which McDonald's you go it. Bagels won't be available either. (Who goes to McDonald's for a bagel, though? Satanists?)

Finally, the crushing blow is that hash browns won't be available everywhere, either.

McDonald's says it is limiting the breakfast items because they don't want kitchens to become overwhelmed having to cook breakfast and burgers at the same time. I didn't know taking beef out of an air-tight sealed bag and just throwing it in a wrapper was considered cooking, but I digress.

All in all, we just don't like to be made fools of, McDonald's. You've been warned.

Via Business Insider

This might happen when McDonald's customers hear about this: Insane Woman Pulls McDonald's Worker Out Of Drive-Thru By Her Hair

 

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Mother Acquires 12 Bags Of Cocaine For Daughter's 18th Birthday, Is Arrested

September 8, 2015, 7:01 am

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Some moms just know how to party. And, as is the case of Nicola Austen of Southborough in Kent, England, they'll even get arrested for it if they're in the process of showing their 18-year-old daughter "a good time." This was apparently the reasoning behind the 5.65g of cocaine found in Mama Austen's house by drug-sniffing dogs prior to a planned limo trip to London in celebration of her daughter's big birthday.


Unsurprisingly, this was not Austen's first drug conviction. According to The Sun, she has had six previous court convictions over the course of her lifetime, one of which involved the possession of amphetamines in 2010. Amazingly, her defendant Danny Moore was able to suspend the nine-month prison sentence she received for a year, citing the adverse effects her time away would have on a young boy in the family if she was jailed. She also provides care for her elderly grandmother, which worked in her favor, as well.

Along with her suspended jail sentence, Austen was told to complete 250 hours of unpaid work. But considering that she admitted to possessing cocaine with intent to supply, it still seems like she got off lightly.

And yet, this wasn't even close to the weirdest drug bust of the year: Honduran Woman Busted With Cocaine in Her Fake Boobs

 

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Today's Funny Photos

September 9, 2015, 12:09 am

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We've Been Saying These Quotes Wrong The Whole Time

September 9, 2015, 1:50 am

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You're probably very familiar with the majority of the well known quotes below, but the problem is you've been saying them wrong all along. Everyone has, really. Take a look at all these quotes and see which ones you've gotten wrong all these years. Try not to be too hard on yourself.


This quote is never said in the movie "Dracula." It is only written in that zombie screenplay I never finished.


The actual quote states "The journey of 400 miles begins beneath one's feet." And it wasn't Confucius who said this, it was Lao Tzu. Regardless, I don't want to walk anywhere.


Neil Armstrong actually said many times that what he said was "That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind." Take that, Russia.


Good old Theodore said "Speak softly and carry a big stick." As long as you carry a big stick because no one messes with someone holding a big stick.


This is simply a liberal interpretation of the actual Niccolo Machiavelli quote: One must consider the final result." I consider that to be one sweet robe, Niccolo.


Sorry, Marilyn Monroe never said this. It was a University of New Hampshire student who coined it. I wish I knew this before I got Marilyn's face and the quote tattooed on me.


Creepy Lector says "Good Evening, Clarice." Still polite.


The quote that is said in Shakespeare's play "The Merchant of Venice" is "All that glisters is not gold." Glisters was a 17th century synonym for "glitters." As long as there is glitter involved. Gotta keep it fabulous.


This is just a shorten version of the William Congreve quote "Heaven has no rage like to love to hatred turned/ Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned." The lesson here is not to piss off women.


While a fantastic writer, Mark Twain didn't say this. People thought to have said this range from Benjamin Franklin to Edward Bullock to the IRS when they knocked on my door.


You wrong. Tarzan never said this to Jane. This just sounds like me on a first date.


Darth actually says "No, I am your father." Maury should get on this.


The closes thing Gandhi to this was "If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. ... We need not wait to see what others do." Ask Ben Kingsley.



While you may have heard this in the film "Apollo 13," no one on the actual crew said it. My personal trainer once said this to me before I blacked out.


Hey nerds, while Captain Kirk said different variations of this, he never says those exact words.


There is no record of Marie Antoinette ever saying these words, and it was actually French philosopher Jean-Jacques Rosseau who said it, saying "Let them eat brioche." Brioche is bread. As long as someone is talking about food it's all good.

Via The Chive

Watch out for these quotes, too: Guy Keeps Trolling IMDB With Hilarious Fake Movie Quotes

 

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Fall TV Is Back For 2015 With A Few New Faces

September 9, 2015, 1:52 am

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With the summer television season coming to an end, fall TV is finally back, along with some new faces. Although shows like "Fear the Walking Dead" and Ron Perlman's "Hand of God" are already underway, there's still a truckload of shows to highlight, starting with some great mid-September and October premieres. Clean out the creases in your couch, because it's time for a load of fresh crumbs between the cushions. Also, we're sorry, but we just don't care about "Supergirl" or "Grey's Anatomy," so those crumbs are on you alone.

The Bastard Executioner (September 15, FX)

"Sons of Anarchy" creator Kurt Sutter is back with an all-new violent series set in the 14th century. Just as "Sons" followed the rise of Jax Teller over a seven-season span, "The Bastard Executioner" will follow a retired knight of King Edward's army who is forced to return to his dark ways as an executioner.

Best Time Ever With Neil Patrick Harris (September 15, NBC)

With all the new hosts of variety shows, you can add one more to the list: Neil Patrick Harris. Due to his role on the recently concluded "How I Met Your Mother" and his admirable hosting gigs of the past, NBC saw fit to give Harris his own solo gig. The show is inspired by the popular British variety series "Ant and Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway."

Gotham (Sept. 21, Fox)

After lackluster ratings for its debut season, "Gotham" amped up a little with its first season finale, which included Bruce Wayne discovering his father's hidden cave. With "Shameless" star Cameron Monaghan more or less announcing at this year's Comic-Con that he'd be joining the cast as a young Joker, Fox will return with a second season and new characters (even though we just spoiled the main one for you already). This pre-Batman saga is certainly on the fence, however, and if it doesn't deliver in its second season, we'll see how long before the lights go out in Gotham City for good.

Minority Report (September 21, Fox)

The adaptation/continuation of Tom Cruise's 2002 futuristic sci-fi movie jumps ahead a decade to 2065 after the end of Precrime, as the Precogs who could witness murders before they happened struggle to return to normal life while continuing to get those same visuals. Instead of full visuals, however, they now only gets flashes, requiring a bit more detective work in order to save lives, which is a bit harder than anticipated. Stark Sands ("Inside Llewyn Davis") and Meagan Good ("Californication") star as the leads in this post-precrime action drama. Sounds simple enough.

Limitless (September 22, CBS)

Another movie adaptation of a recent sci-fi thriller to the small screen stars Jake McDorman ("Shameless") as Brian Finch. Finch discovers the mystery drug that boosts his IQ to the point that he can recall everything he's ever witnessed in every sense. The show is based off the Bradley Cooper/Robert De Niro film from 2011 with rumors that Cooper will appear on the CBS sequel.

Black-ish (September 23, ABC)

Anthony Anderson takes the lead as a father of a big family with a lot of success under his belt. But the more successful he gets, the more he feels he's disowning his heritage. He and his father Pops (played by Laurence Fishburne) work to change all that so they can be a proud black family in America, not just black-ish, which apparently refers to being black but doing a lot of token white people and Jewish things. Watch Anderson as Dre Johnson bring a little 1920s Harlem to sunny L.A. yet again.

Empire (September 23, Fox)

Between murder, arrests and family squabbles, Season Two will start off heavy with Lucious Lyons behind bars with his new cellmate, fighting for his life and his company. The new season will guest star Marisa Tomei as a lesbian venture capitalist - God bless America! - and Ludacris as a prison guard.

Modern Family (September 23, ABC)

With Alex on her way to college, Claire taking over her father's business and Mitchell without a job, things are really maturing for the biggest comedy family on television. Starting up its seventh season, the Pritchetts and Dunphys are getting ready for a few more of life's hilariously entertaining, perfectly scripted curveballs. Expect the the family to get one person larger, Phil Dunphy's antics to get a whole lot wilder and Haley to finally hook up with our boy Adam Devine. "Modern Family" premieres on the same night as the third season of "The Goldbergs," one of the most underrated TV comedies right now.

Heroes Reborn (September 24, NBC)

The formerly cancelled series about ordinary citizens discovering superhuman abilities is back with a fresh look after five years off. Only now, the heroes are being hunted. The original series ran for four seasons, with the relaunch featuring some of the original cast returning. Unfortunately, this doesn't include Hayden Panettiere, one of our favorite short celebrities.

The Last Man on Earth (September 27, Fox)

The hit debut season of Will Forte's "The Last Man on Earth" left Phil and Carol on their way out of Tucson. As far as the new season is concerned, Forte suggests there won't be a bunch of character additions like the first season, but rather a different path so people can see where the show might be heading in the future. Let's not rule out more Jason Sudeikis sightings, as well as - for the love of God, yes - more January Jones somehow, too. Fox's other hit comedy "Brooklyn Nine-Nine" is set to return the very same night.

The Grinder (September 29, Fox)

Ageless actor Rob Lowe will play Dean Sanderson, a TV lawyer, returning home to a family of real lawyers. The single-camera comedy focuses in on Dean's relationship with his brother Stewart (Fred Savage) as he joins the family law firm despite only having the actor's guide to lawyering under his belt. Another ageless beauty, John Stamos, returns to regular series television in the premiere of "Grandfathered" the same night. His character, a charismatic entrepreneur, gets the surprise of lifetime as he not only discovers a long lost son, but a granddaughter, too.

Dr. Ken (October 2, ABC)

Funny man, Ken Jeong, whom you might recognize him from "The Hangover" films or "Community, has his own doctor comedy coming to ABC. Just the opposite of Rob Lowe's "The Grinder," Jeong will play a doctor who starts playing one on TV. Juggling fatherhood and his career, ABC might just have the modern Asian family comedy it's always wanted.

Homeland (October 4, Showtime)

After a disappointing loss in Pakistan in Season Four that almost got Saul killed after he'd already quit the business, the fifth season jumps ahead two years with Carrie Mathison - she already has a new boyfriend - working in Berlin with Saul yet again. The slogan for this new season is "The only way out is back in," so don't be surprised if this is someone's swan song.

The Leftovers (October 4, HBO)

The debut season of "The Leftovers" ended in riots and the discovery of babies. Season Two will focus on a new setting and the idea of rebuilding the family as opposed to the first season focusing more on the collapse. The rebuilding starts in Jarden, Texas on October 4. Expect some new faces in this new setting, along with at least one familiar face - we won't spoil it - eventually returning.

Arrow (October 7, The CW)

With big villains defeated in Season Three and Oliver Oliver avoiding taking up the reins as Ra's al Ghul, there wasn't a clear indication on where things might go for the green-hooded hero from there. Queen, however, has no life and his business is in shambles. Season Four will feature more storylines on Oliver - you'll get to see plenty of Arrow's new armor from Comic-Con 2015 - after he drove off into the sunset with Felicity in the previous finale. And Team Arrow - spoiler! - gets a new lair. "The Flash" returns to The CW for its Season Two premiere the previous night.

The Walking Dead (October 11, AMC)

Fans got a good look at where things might be heading for Rick and the other survivors at this year's Comic-Con, with the major addition of Morgan Jones as a series regular possibly spinning things around a little bit. Don't be surprised if Rick and Morgan end up butting heads. While settling down in Alexandria and returning to normal life is the plan, after what they've seen and done, it won't be so simple when they're living with those who haven't lived outside the walls. And with the addition of "Fear The Walking Dead," expect to potentially see things take a few sudden turns in Season Six."

Fargo (October 12, FX)

The last season ended intensely for Gus after the shooting and expecting a new baby with Molly. But the new season of "Fargo" takes a jump back into the 1970s to focus on Molly's father coming in contact with a trio of murders in the local diner. Brace yourselves for flapjacks and mob boss talk from a local crime organization. Nick Offerman has also been cast for the new season, along with Ted Danson and Patrick Wilson as Molly's dad.

 

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Homeless Man Sacrifices Life To Save Woman From Hostage Situation

September 9, 2015, 2:06 am

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The following contains graphic images

A homeless man is being called a hero after he gave up his own life in order to save a woman who was being held hostage on the steps of a cathedral by a gunman.



Gunman Luiz Antonio da Silva took clerk Elenilza Mariana de Oliveria hostage after he entered Sao Paulo Cathedral in Brazil on Friday. The gunman was already a very well known offender in Brazil, and was well known by police.



The gunman then proceeded to hold the woman hostage outside the cathedral doors at gunpoint.

Erasmo Francisco Rodrigues de Lima, a 61-year-old homeless man, decided to do something about the situation, taking the gunman by surprise and tackling him.



In the scuffle, de Lima was shot, but distracted the gunman long enough for not only de Olivera to escape, but for police to shoot and kill da Silva.



After staggering for a bit, de Lima died on the steps of the cathedral.



"It was a heroic act...he gave his life for me," the hostage stated.

Tons of support has poured in for de Lima, as many people have thanked de Lima for giving his life for another.

Sr Francisco Erasmo Rodrigues de Lima, UM HERÓI ! Morrer como homem é o prêmio da guerra 🎶 pic.twitter.com/achVTz6xyU

- Tauã ❗ (@Eduardo_taaaua) September 6, 2015

"The real hero is the one who does what he can"

Francisco Erasmo Rodrigues de Lima, espero que esteja com Deus, que continue sendo um anjo que o senhor é! Lágrimas.. pic.twitter.com/t8rUaX7q7E

- Carlos Vinicius* (@CarlosViniciusy) September 5, 2015

"Francisco Rodrigues de Lima Erasmus, I hope you are with God, and continue being the angel that you are. Tears.."

Esse mendigo que morreu em SP merece todo respeito do mundo. Herói do ano!

- Glau ✠ (@crvgglau) September 6, 2015

"This homeless man that died in Sao Paulo deserves all the respect. Hero of the year!"

You can watch video of de Lima saving the woman's life below. The footage is quite graphic.



Via Buzzfeed

 

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If Candy Packaging Was Honest

September 9, 2015, 2:20 am

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Candy companies could really do us a solid by being more descriptive with the names of their candy bars and other treats. Sure, it might dissuade us from buying certain items, but as long as sugar is still included we really won't mind devouring some "peanut butter" dust or having wrappers fucking everywhere.



Via College Humor

 

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These City And State Memes Are Painfully Accurate

September 9, 2015, 2:47 am

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The city and state memes below showcase what they are truly each about at the center of it all. Whether you want to accept it or not, the following cities and states are pretty well known for something that they may not want to be known for.





















Via Tumblr

Time to ruffle more feathers: 10 Places You Needn't Visit In America

 

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Woman Caught On Camera Masturbating In A Starbucks

September 9, 2015, 3:28 am

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I guess I should make my way to Starbucks more often.


Seems like this woman's Frappuccino was beyond amazing, because she decided to pleasure herself while sitting in a Starbucks while her boyfriend sat across from her. And it was captured on camera.

The clip, captured in Beirut, Lebanon, seemed to have been filmed by someone who was across the street from the Starbucks. The woman can clearly be seen moving in her chair and exposing herself while sitting near huge windows for all of Beirut to see.


The guy across the street wasn't the only one filming the woman as her boyfriend was also recording her self-love fest.

Check out footage of the woman enjoying herself a lot and showing just how much she loves Starbucks. Although it's too bad it looks like it was filmed in the early '90s. The footage also isn't exactly suitable for work. (Warning: NSFW)


Via Mirror

The guy prefers a more enjoyable backdrop: Guy Caught Masturbating On The Beach Gives Cop The Worst Excuse

 

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California Woman Goes Number Two On Lawn In Broad Daylight

September 9, 2015, 3:49 am

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Warning: Graphic photos below, folks.

What this lady did was pretty shitty (I hope you all appreciate my highbrow humor).

A disgusting, shameless woman was photographed taking a dump on a private lawn just outside someone's house in broad daylight. It seems the woman put down a plastic bag before lowering her pants and releasing all hell onto the lawn.



And because she isn't a disgusting person, the woman then decided to wipe herself with a handy roll of toilet paper and toss all that awfulness onto the ground.



The photos were taken in Monterey Park, California.



The homeowner thought dog owners were wiping their dogs after they'd use the bathroom, but now he knows it was just a crazy woman pooping on lawns, because you know, she's saving water by not flushing.

Via Daily Star

Something about shopping brings on the nerves: British Woman Defecates In Store Then Continues Shopping

 

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All 32 Of Today's NFL Starting Quarterbacks If They Were Bald

September 9, 2015, 3:50 am

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We've had fun the past two seasons imagining what some of the most popular NFL quarterbacks would look like if they were bald, but this year we've decided that it's time to stop being so exclusive. For the 2015 season, if a quarterback was good enough to be named his team's starter, he was good enough for us to Photoshop and make look like a bald weirdo. Here are all 32 NFL starting QBs if they were bald.

Carson Palmer, Arizona Cardinals


Matt Ryan, Atlanta Falcons


Joe Flacco, Baltimore Ravens


Tyrod Taylor, Buffalo Bills


Cam Newton, Carolina Panthers


Jay Cutler, Chicago Bears


Andy Dalton, Cincinnati Bengals


Josh McCown, Cleveland Browns


Tony Romo, Dallas Cowboys


Peyton Manning, Denver Broncos


Matthew Stafford, Detroit Lions


Aaron Rodgers, Green Bay Packers


Brian Hoyer, Houston Texans (no Photoshop required, poor Brian)


Andrew Luck, Indianapolis Colts


Blake Bortles, Jacksonville Jaguars


Alex Smith, Kansas City Chiefs


Ryan Tannehill, Miami Dolphins


Teddy Bridgewater, Minnesota Vikings


Tom Brady, New England Patriots


Drew Brees, New Orleans Saints


Eli Manning, New York Giants


Ryan Fitzpatrick, New York Jets


Derek Carr, Oakland Raiders


Sam Bradford, Philadelphia Eagles


Ben Roethlisberger, Pittsburgh Steelers


Philip Rivers, San Diego Chargers


Colin Kaepernick, San Francisco 49ers


Russell Wilson, Seattle Seahawks


Nick Foles, St. Louis Rams


Jameis Winston, Tampa Bay Buccaneers


Marcus Mariota, Tennessee Titans


Kirk Cousins, Washington Redskins


Also check out: 15 NFL Pickup Lines That Will Almost Definitely Not Work On Anyone

 

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Florida Bomb Squad Investigating Suspicious Package Finds Bong Instead

September 9, 2015, 4:30 am

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Well, they do say if you see something suspicious say something.



After a caller reported seeing a man put a gray hard-sided case wrapped in black under a bridge, the Sarasota County Sheriff's bomb squad headed out to investigate it. Upon using x-ray on the case, the squad learned that the contents weren't a bomb, just a bong.

The Sheriff's office was able to poke a little fun at the situation by posting this tweet:

Call our Bomb Unit the bong unit after investigating suspicious package. Owner can contact us to claim property! pic.twitter.com/JzFj7tS9cZ

- SarasotaSheriff (@SarasotaSheriff) September 9, 2015

And for those uptight folks wondering if the person will be charged, the Sheriff's office added this, too:

.@VeryFineRight @TampaBayFamily a piece of art glass, aka bong, itself is not illegal.

- SarasotaSheriff (@SarasotaSheriff) September 9, 2015

Via Herald-Tribune

That wasn't a bomb and this wasn't salad: Guy Tries To Fool Cops By Saying Bag Of Marijuana Is Actually Salad

 

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A Couple Decided To Do A 'Drunk History' Instead Of The Typical Wedding Video

September 9, 2015, 5:53 am

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The only reason people get excited once they are invited to a wedding is for the (hopefully) free booze that will be there. No one attends a wedding to see two people awkwardly tell everyone the story of how they met. Just tell everyone it was on Tinder so we can continue to drink and forget that we're single.

One couple though, Justin Willman and Jillian Sipkins, decided to do things a tad differently by instead filming a "Drunk History." Check out the hilarious video below:





Someone was definitely drunk here: Groomsman's Epic Entrance Fail Damn Near Knocked Bridesmaid

 

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Woman Who Wore Blindfold During Sex For Two Years Discovers Her 'Boyfriend' Is A Woman

September 9, 2015, 6:11 am

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This wasn't exactly love at first sight. It's also one very odd case, so try and keep up with all the bizarreness.


A woman, who can't be named for legal reasons, and also because all of this is humiliating, got a Facebook friend request back in 2011 from a guy named 'Kye Fortune.' After talking, the woman learned that Kye was a half-Filipino, half-Latino guy who had scars from a car accident that he was embarrassed about. Oh, and Kye also had a brain tumor.

It gets weirder. The woman questioned Kye's high-pitched voice when they spoke on the phone, and Kye said it was because he's Filipino. Ah, yes. Filipinos are known for their high-pitched voices, of course.

Eventually the pair met up, after much hesitation from Kye, but Kye told the woman that she had to wear a blindfold. For two years the two met up at hotels, had sex, all while the woman was blindfolded. Eventually, the woman discovered Kye's secret one night at her place.


"When I was having sex I grabbed for the back of his head and my hand got caught on something. It did not feel right. I was sat on the bed, he was standing up. Something in my mind said 'pull it (the blindfold) off, pull it off'," the woman states.

The woman realized that it was her best friend, 25-year-old Gayle Newland, all along. The woman had met Gayle during the two-year relationship with Kye, and Gayle mentioned she knew Kye.

"I just pulled it off. Gayle was just standing there ... I just couldn't believe it, I couldn't believe it. Straight away she held her hand down over her face and said 'it's not what you think'," the woman adds.

It gets even weirder. Gayle had been using a strap-on the entire time, had used a hat to conceal her hair, and had even taped down her boobs in order to make the woman believe she was a man.

Gayle has denied any wrongdoing, but she is currently on trial in Cheshire, England, being charged with five counts of sexual assault.

What Gayle did is pretty sick and strange and she should be in prison, but instead of "naive," a new word has to be created for that woman who fell for this for two years.

Via The Lad Bible

 

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Internet Classic: Girl Wrecks Hard On Bike Jump

September 9, 2015, 7:34 am

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If you're not an experienced BMX athlete, you probably shouldn't be attempting elaborate jumps on you bike. No matter how sweet you think it'll look when you land it, trust us, it won't. Namely because most attempts turn out like this classic video.

 

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Is This A Pterodactyl Casually Flying Over Idaho?

September 9, 2015, 8:23 am

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Apparently things do occur in Idaho.

A video of what looks like a pterodactyl flying over Idaho has gone viral, with the majority of people trying to figure out just what the hell this prehistoric bird was thinking hanging out in Idaho of all places.


While it is unlikely that the extinct reptile is back, it is fascinating to wonder about reeling him in so they can get going on some sort of dinosaur amusement park.


The hell is going on? Odd Alien 'FaceHugger' Spotted Crawling Out Of Cave On Mars

 

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Weatherman Pronounced 58-Letter Welsh Town Name Like It Was No Big Deal

September 9, 2015, 11:59 am

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Say what?

Yesterday, a British weatherman completely nailed the pronunciation of a Welsh town, which has 58 letters in its name for some reason. He was reporting on it because it has the hottest temperatures in the U.K. So what was that name again? Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, of course.

The weatherman/pronunciation pro goes by the name of Liam Dutton. I can actually say that.

 

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Apple's September 2015 Event Recap For iPhone 6S, iPad Pro & Apple TV

September 9, 2015, 11:39 pm

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Another day of California heat is met by some red hot new items from the folks at Apple. Tim Cook's September 9th presentation came like Christmas, giving the people what they want, but even more of what they didn't know existed. Putting human day-to-day experience even more in the palms of our hands, Apple released much more than just a new series of iPhones; they invented several new technologies including 3D Touch and Live Photos, brought us a renaissance tablet in their iPad Pro and the most anticipated reinvention - Apple TV - since Marty McFly's hoverboard.

Here are the juicy deets on everything new to Apple, including price, release dates, shortcuts, specs and a series of new small inventions integrated into the new inventions themselves. You'll definitely be asking for these beautiful things on your Christmas wish list as you watch technology fly to a whole new stratosphere with Apple's September 2015 event recap.

iPad Pro

With iOS 9 coming September 16, Apple wanted to reinvigorate our creative spirits and streamline our productivity levels by making things bigger, faster and more in sync with the touch of our fingers. The larger 12.9-inch iPad Pro screen - iPad Air 2 is a mere 9.7 inches - is meant to revolutionize our workspace in a thin, light and spacious way.

iPad Pro comes with a multi-touch, 2732 x 2048 pixel resolution within a fingerprint-resistant, antireflective retina display. The plus-sized iPad also features big upgrades like an 8-MP iSight camera, Siri - about time! - Apple Pay and touch sensors, all operating on the new iOS 9.

Apps like Photoshop have never been more streamlined and mobile, allowing designers to work on the go while showcasing their talent at the same time on an epic, highly graphic screen.
In addition, four speakers instead of the usual two and dual microphones instead of the usual one make this iPad feel more powerful, sustainable and useful than any other.

Starting at $799, the iPad Pro is met with a hip, productive accessory line - it takes two to tango in the land of Apple accessories - including the Smart Keyboard ($169), which locks in to create an upright laptop appearance, and Apple Pencil ($99), a much more expensive and sensitive appendage than other stylus pens with pressure sensors for accurate results. All of this is available in November. Who wouldn't want to pay $99 for a damn pencil?

Apple TV

The long-awaited redesign of the Apple TV is giving people more of a reason not to have cable anymore than ever before. Although built in the same style of box - a bit taller for all those sexy new features - the newly imagined Apple TV comes with a brand spanking new layout and fancy new remote.

The future of television has arrived, according to Cook, with an app-centric tvOS that allows for smart navigation accompanied by Siri. The new remote features a touch surface with rechargeable Bluetooth, allowing for multi-app interactivity and sophisticated searches with Siri herself. The glass touchscreen has more built-in sensors than a dangerously pubescent boy to allow for quick, accurate movement.

Apple TV's fine-tuned search makes moving around within an episode of TV possible. For instance, "what did she just say, Siri?" rewinds the episode 15 seconds. Finding "that one film with that one actor you love" has never been easier - or even possible for that matter - within the world of user interactive television. Who needs IMDB anymore?

In addition, Apple TV is taking on a Wii-like experience with gaming apps that allow for multiplayer functionality, syncing with iPhones and iPads as remotes to bring classic games like "Crossy Road" and a new "Guitar Hero" to your TV set. After a quick tutorial of "Crossy Roads," you get the thrill of knowing you can push your friend in front of an oncoming train. Just as well, shopping and sports packages have never been better for multi-tasking and interactive productivity. You can check the game scores while you're watching a movie without interrupting the experience thanks to a quick vocal inquiry with Siri on your handy new remote.

Starting at $149 (32GB) - 64GB goes for $199 - Apple TV can be a part of your home binge-watching experience as early as next month. I know, it's a lot to take in.

iPhone 6S and 6S Plus

Speaking of a lot to take in, the new iPhone 6S and 6S Plus are finally here, complete with a contemporary new color - rose gold aluminum - and made from Apple's custom recyclable material.

Like its predecessor iPhone 6, the 6S is also 4.7 inches. The 6S Plus is larger 5.5 inches, with a 64-bit A9 chip that's 70 percent faster - 90% faster for graphics too - with a new M9 for motion processing and a sassier than ever Siri. It would be unjust not to mention its twice as fast LTE wireless connectivity and enhanced multi-touchscreen, as well.

Some of the best collaboration between hardware and software has led to Apple's newest feature, 3D Touch, a multi-touch enhancement that's now at the next level and possibly even a few levels ahead. Based on the pressure sensor within the screen, users can do a number of operations - much like trackpads on a Macbook have multi-function options based on hand movement - using mini and full taps of their fingers. For instance, drop-down lists for apps appear when you hold on an app, which allows for multi-tasking, zoom and quick shortcuts like posting a photo on Instagram from your home screen. You'll be overjoyed to know that "Take a Selfie" is now a quick option, too.

6S Camera

Something Apple has held out on compared to other competing phones is an all new iSight camera. More specifically, a 12-megapixel - finally! - camera. Their postponed output of the update is likely due to the possibility of losing image quality with a higher megapixel camera, but Apple made a point to go out of their way to avoid corrupting photos with 50 percent more pixels, more accurate autofocus for noise avoidance/loss of true colors and a little technology they like to call "deep trench isolation."
With the new modifications, skin tones and fantastic colors don't need as many touchups or filters to make them acceptable. Life has never been more real or filter-free.

On top of that, HD video continues to advance. For the first time, 4K quality video with up to 8 million pixels is available, all of which can be shot, edited and uploaded from your new 6S device. Okay, now life never looked more real.

Lastly, the invention of Live Photos - a default photo-taking option that captures movement and sound in live display - is not unlike video, but it's not video. The idea behind the live movement is to better capture a moment by bringing it to life.

Other Important iPhone Tidbits

With so much to say, we had to break it up or risk losing your attention. The 5-megapixel FaceTime video front camera makes real-time chats between you and your loved ones better than ever. New charging docks and phone covers allow us to spend more money while getting a pretty prize for our hard-won loyalty. And even though this is the fastest, sexiest and most eco-friendly iPhone series yet - that's a 7000 series aluminum - the phones are still starting at $199 to $299 for 6S Plus - while the 5S drops to free of charge with a two-year deal. iPhone 6S models are available for pre-order on September 12, and for purchase September 25. Be smart and sign up on the 12th. They'll likely get backordered fast.

Things You May Have Missed Amidst the Chaos

*New Apple Watch bands are available
Apple Watch Sport now comes in gold and rose gold, in addition to silver and space grey. New bands - a Hermes leather partnership- have emerged, keeping the fresh look of Apple's newest wearable tech. WatchOS 2 will be released September 16.

*iPhone Upgrade Program
Apple will offer installment plans, too, as low as $19 up to $31 per month, based on the model of iPhone you choose. This way, you can get a new one each year without having to remain loyal to your carrier.

*Tim Cook saw his first concert, One Republic, and nerded out to close out the ceremony (pictured)
One Republic tried to start a mosh pit at an Apple conference, forgetting they were playing three songs for a room full of tech nerds trying to blog about these new devices. That didn't keep CEO Tim Cook from rocking out like a small child.

 

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Today's Funny Photos

September 10, 2015, 12:10 am

≫ Next: 25 Fun Facts About Marijuana

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25 Fun Facts About Marijuana

September 10, 2015, 1:24 am

≫ Next: Big Fall Music Tours To See Now That Summer Is Ending

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Famous comedian and utter genius Bill Hicks once said, "Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn't the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit...unnatural?" Whether you agree or not, the fact remains that cannabis is the most popular drug in the world. Sure, it makes you lazy and drops your IQ, but so does the McRib. It deserves consideration as a substance with sincere benefits, and likewise, education is the only remedy for a society that still considers it taboo, or worse, dangerous. So sit back, light up and learn something.


1. George Washington grew pot.
Washington wrote in letters on more than one occasion that he grew marijuana: "Began to separate the male from female plants rather too late ... Pulling up the (male) help. Was too late for the blossom hemp by three weeks or a month." Many today suspect he smoked weed to alleviate the pain caused by his 18th century dentures.

2. The first thing bought and sold online was a bag of weed.
It was a straight up drug deal, actually. In 1971, students at Stanford used Arpanet accounts at the university's Artificial Intelligence Laboratory to engage in the world's first e-commerce transaction.


3. The Jamestown colony in 1619 passed legislation FORCING settlers to grow cannabis.
Hemp was a mainstream cash crop that was used to make rope, fabric and ship sails. It was literally against the law not to grow it. How far we've fallen.

4. Carl Sagan wrote about the benefits of getting high under a pseudonym.
The great astrophysicist and pop scientist was a serious stoner. In 1969, he wrote an article that appeared in the 1971 book "Reconsidering Marijuana." It was revealed after Sagan's death that he was the one who wrote it.

One of his quotes: "The illegality of cannabis is outrageous, an impediment to full utilization of a drug which helps produce the serenity and insight, sensitivity and fellowship so desperately needed in this increasingly mad and dangerous world."

5. Mexico grows the most weed in the world.
Paraguay is No. 2.


6. Pot plants are so common in Bhutan that they are seen as a pest, and virtually no one smokes them.
They are found along roadsides, in forests and even growing out of cracks in pavement. They are said to be more common than grass. Not that grass, actual grass. Much of the cannabis is used to feed livestock. As a Buddhist nation, one would expect them to indulge.

7. Shakespeare dabbled in the marijuana.
No, really. Researchers at South Africa's University of the Witwatersrand tested 24 tobacco pipes from Shakespeare's Stratford-upon-Avon property and found eight tested positive for cannabis residue.

8. Suicide rates have dropped in Colorado since its legalization.
According to the study: "Our results suggest that the passage of a medical marijuana law is associated with an almost 5% reduction in total suicide rate, an 11% reduction in the suicide rate of age 20-29 males, and a 9% reduction in the suicide rate of 30-39 males."

9. Eskimos have 100 words for snow; Americans have more than 200 words for marijuana.
Bud. Chiba. Dank. Dope. Ganja. Grass. Herb. Mary Jane. Pot. Reefer. Trees. Weed. Kush. Chronic. Nug. And so on.


10. Remember those Chilean miners who got trapped? Weed was dropped down to them to get them through the turmoil.
And porn. Hey, it helped.

11. Richard Nixon once smuggled three pounds of marijuana for Louis Armstrong.
In 1958, Vice President Richard Nixon walked past a sweaty and nervous Louis Armstrong in the airport security line. Armstrong knew his bags were able to be confiscated because customs agents were tipped off about recent drug smugglers passing through. Nixon spotted Ol' Satchmo and asked him why he would wait in line. He took his suitcases without hesitation and brought them through customs and into America as a kind gesture to a friend. A traveling aide would later tell Nixon what happened.


12. Pot is legal in North Korea.
It isn't regulated, therefore, there is no law against it.

13. Weed and beer are botanical cousins.
Both hops and cannabis belong to the family Cannabinaceae. It is actually possible to graft hops onto cannabis plants. The prospect of hybrid brews is titillating, isn't it?


14. The first recorded use of marijuana happened in China more than 4,700 years ago.
Chinese Emperor Shen Nung used it to treat such maladies as gout, malaria and rheumatism. It was banned in 500 B.C. because it was believed to cause young people to disrespect the elderly.

15. Marijuana dispensaries outnumber Starbucks locations in Denver.
Which is a double-win for the hippies.


16. Legalizing pot would generate $8.7 billion in tax revenue annually.
According to a Cato Institute study, taxes similar to those imposed on cigarettes and alcohol would lead to huge economic gains. The money used to regulate pot use and maintain incarceration of offenders ($800,000 a year) would also be saved.

17. The Gutenberg Bible was printed on hemp paper.
In 1456, Johannes Gutenberg came out with the printing press. The first book, the Bible - ironically enough - was printed on hemp. Some believe that original drafts of the Declaration of Independence were also written on hemp. Adding credibility to this claim is one of Thomas Jefferson's famous quotes: "Some of my finest hours have been spent on my back veranda, smoking hemp and observing as far as my eye can see."


18. Rastafarians can legally smoke cannabis in Italy because it was ruled by the government to be a sacrament to their religion.
As Italy's Court of Cassation stated, they can use it "not only as a medical but also as a meditative herb. And, as such it is a possible bearer of the psychophysical state to contemplation and prayer."

19. In 1977, a plane crashed in Yosemite carrying six tons of weed.
Local rock climbers who converged on the crash salvaged what was on board. When authorities found the plane, the marijuana was nearly gone. The plane came from Colombia.


20. Americans grow 22 million pounds of marijuana each year.
Five states - California, Kentucky, Hawaii, Tennessee, and Washington - grow 80 percent of it. One third is grown indoors. The annual value comes out to $35.8 billion.

21. California growers use 9 percent of the household electricity in the state.
Indoor cultivation also makes up 15 percent of California's water consumption (bad for the drought, but for a good purpose.)

22. It takes 800 joints to kill a man.
But there is no such thing as a marijuana overdose. Carbon monoxide poisoning would be the cause of death.


23. Marijuana accounts for 48 percent of drug arrests.
In 2012, police arrested one U.S. citizen every 42 seconds according to FBI data. The vast majority (87 percent) constituted possession, not intent to sell.

24. Marijuana milkshakes, called Bhang, are very popular in India.
The Indian subcontinent absolutely loves pot. In fact, the government declared the plant to be entirely harmless in 1894. The British, who were still doing their colonial thing, thought it was driving Indian citizens insane. Anthony Bourdain took a liking to Bhang on one of his trips there.


25. Cameron Diaz bought weed from Snoop Dogg when they were in high school.
This, of course, was before either of them was famous.

 

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