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Robert De Niro Could've Been The Next Marlon Brando But Lost His Damn Mind Instead

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"Like a Werther's Original dropped down a sewer drain, Dirty Grandpa represents the careless fumbling of a classic talent that once brought pleasure to millions." - Rotten Tomatoes

Is Robert De Niro unwell? The release of "Dirty Grandpa" last month suggests that yes, he has forsaken his past accomplishments as a national treasure thespian. It seems the man who once delighted us with culturally significant roles in "Taxi Driver," "Raging Bull," and "Goodfellas" made a choice somewhere along the line. One that would put his acting talent in the grave. But what was that choice?

I just saw "Dirty Grandpa." It was a standard Hollywood spring break plot with a bunch of piss and shit jokes thrown in. And that's cool. But where the hell did Vito Corleone go? Here are a few reasons that might clear the fog.

1. "The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle"
has robert de niro lost his mind, the dwindling career of robert de niro, adventures of rocky and bullwinkle
When De Niro took the role of Fearless Leader, he might as well have taken a dump on his Hollywood Walk of Fame star. Here he is paying "homage" to his role as Travis Bickle. It's darkly reminiscent of a man who's demeaning his best work, as if saying, "This is who I am now; I'm a guy with a funny voice." Strangely, the cast includes Jason Alexander, Randy Quaid, Janeane Garofalo, Kel Mitchell, and David Alan Grier. Did "The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle" kill the careers of everyone involved? (cue "The Twilight Zone" theme)

2. Someone told him he was the king of comedy.
has robert de niro lost his mind, the dwindling career of robert de niro, king of comedy
Ironic. The "Fockers" franchise, "The Big Wedding," "New Year's Eve," "Last Vegas," and yes, "The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle" formed the malaise and subsequent disappointment behind what De Niro has become. It was probably his agent who saw the opportunity to make millions off these films (with relatively no time investment) and nudged him into them. Joel McHale even made a joke about it during the White House Correspondence Dinner in 2014: "I don't do a De Niro impression, but I do an impression of De Niro's agent: 'He'll do it!'" Spot on.

3. "The talent is in the choices."
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Robert De Niro actually said this.

4. He was paid $35,000 for "Taxi Driver" and $20,000,000 for "Little Fockers."
has robert de niro lost his mind, the dwindling career of robert de niro, taxi driver little fockers salary
C'est la vie. As is the way of Hollywood, once you get famous for legitimate roles you busted your ass on, your agent approaches you with a brilliant new film written and directed by Tyler Perry. But before you say "no," Mr. De Niro, you NEED to check out the salary! Even the most diligent researcher can't find how much he was paid for doing the Rocky and Bullwinkle flick (cue "The Twilight Zone" music again).

5. He became the straightest of straight men.
has robert de niro lost his mind, the dwindling career of robert de niro, straightest of straight men
Do you remember De Niro in "Limitless" or "Machete?" Neither do I, which is weird considering he plays the main villain in both. Once a method actor who prepared for his daunting roles — he actually became a taxi driver in New York for "Taxi Driver," gained 60 pounds for "Raging Bull," and spending months learning the Sicilian dialect for "The Godfather: Part II" — now it appears there's no method to it at all.

6. Distractions, distractions.
has robert de niro lost his mind, the dwindling career of robert de niro, distractions real estate
One month before filming "Dirty Grandpa," De Niro and Australian billionaire (and Hillary fan — we'll get to that later) James Packer set up plans to build a $250 million resort on the Caribbean island of Antigua and Barbuda. "Dirty Grandpa" is widely being hailed as the lowest point in his career; he wasn't exactly thinking about wooing the Academy at the time. Coincidentally, he got into serious investing the year after "Goodfellas." Manhattan is littered with prime De Niro real estate. Is this what put his passion for acting on the back burner? Did method acting change to method money-making? No. 4 surely wouldn't refute this.

7. He endorsed Hillary Clinton for president.
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Would Jimmy Conway endorse Hillary Clinton for president? Well, if she promised him leeway in making that little investment in the Caribbean succeed, then maybe (De Niro's son is also a major real estate wunderkind in New York; gotta get on the good side of the once-senator of the state).

8. "Righteous Kill" killed all hope for a comeback.
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Nothing more needs to be said.

9. He became his character from "Jackie Brown."
has robert de niro lost his mind, the dwindling career of robert de niro, became his jackie brown character
Quentin Tarantino had a prophesy. Remember De Niro's part? He played Louis Gara, a once prolific bank robber who went to prison and came out a burnout. Samuel L. Jackson's character, Ordell, gets him back in the game, but he's become an unshaven loser who can't hack it. At this point in 1997, De Niro had all but ruled the gangster genre typecast, but a spat of lackluster films before and after "Jackie Brown" spelled doom. Master of casting Tarantino called it. Two years later he did "The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle (sorry to keep bringing that up, but it's just so bad).

10. Maybe he just entered early retirement.
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We could give De Niro the benefit of the doubt. In the '70s and '80s, it's obvious that he wanted to make an impact on the niche of gangster drama. And he did. Perhaps the last couple decades he's been playing roles like he's playing a round of golf, or fishing — you know, things old people do for fun. Like Louis Gara, he called it quits, but remained in the game.

Maybe he was satisfied with his life's work a little too early.

 

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Will Ferrell Is the Best 'Exotic Animal Expert' You Will Ever See

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If you didn't stick around last night after the game to watch "The Late Show With Stephen Colbert" you missed a hilarious segment featuring Will Ferrell as an "exotic animal expert." And regardless of your opinion on Ferrell, everyone loves watching segments featuring animals, especially ones including the "short-spined Peruvian mongoose," which was actually just a cat.

And if you're not into that, make sure to catch a glimpse of the "Mongolian bush tiger," which oddly looks a lot like a guinea pig, and check out the "rare" "duck-bodied platypus," too.


Jack Hanna may have some competition.

More late night animals: Conan's Hilarious 'Puppy Conan' Includes Puppy Sia And Puppy Donald Trump

 

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Potential Plot Spoilers for the Next 10 Fast and Furious Movies

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Fast and Furious Future Films
Usually movies are running out of steam after a few sequels, but "Fast & Furious" is certainly an exception to that rule. The 7th movie had one of the biggest box offices of all time, which means you'd better believe the studio will be cranking out sequels for the rest of our lives. But where can you go with a story based on Vin Diesel driving fast cars and wearing cut off t-shirts? Don't worry, Hollywood, I've come up with plots for the next ten Fast and Furious movies. Warning: there could be spoilers in here, but probably not. The 8th installment is in the works now, so we'll start with Part 9.

Fast and the 9ious
After defeating Jason Statham in part 8, Vin Diesel sits him down and explains how much better it is to be a good guy. Like, you can still rob banks and whatnot, but as long as you're fighting against a worse guy it's cool. The Rock doubles in size and can no longer fit inside of most cars. Michelle Rodriguez loses her memory again and thinks she's Vin Diesel. Not his character, the actual man. She talks about auditioning for roles and what she's going to do after they're done shooting. Fans find it confusing, but forget all about it when she and the real Vin Diesel kiss in mid air while parasailing on a giraffe with a SCUD missile strapped to his back.

Fast and Furious Future Films

xFASTxFURIOUSx
The Rock has gotten so big the only way to fully view him is with aerial shots. He is often mistaken for the grey monster in "Batman vs Superman." The whole crew is back, including Stone Cold Steve Austin, who plays a border patrol agent that gives up his job to fulfill his need for speed. Together they must take down a crime boss that they discover is responsible for Michelle Rodriguez constantly losing her memory. Fans are shocked when the crime boss is revealed to be Ja Rule, who you might remember from the first film and from numerous songs with Ashanti. The final scene of the movie features Ja Rule and Ludacris having a rap battle while the rest of the crew drives around them really fast. Ja Rule loses and must promise to never erase her memory again. He then decides to join their crew as well. Vin Diesel rides a bulldozer into space at one point.

Fas11 Fur11ous
The family must face their toughest challenge yet when one of their own, The Rock, has become so large he's blocking out the sun and causing the earth to freeze. They don't know what to do, but then, out of nowhere, Vin Diesel returns from space on his bulldozer and pushes the rock off the planet to return sunlight and warmth to humanity. It doesn't come without a cost, though. Vin Diesel learns that earlier Ja Rule went to space to look for him and drifted too close to the sun and died. Tyrese finally has his moment in the spotlight as he and Stone Cold Steve Austin jump on hover boards and kill a Kraken that was awoken by The Rock throwing off the earth's gravitational pull. They get eaten, but Vin Diesel drives a Chevy Malibu into the Kraken's stomach to retrieve them.


Fast and Furious Future Films

12 Fast 12 Furious
After defeating the Kraken and sending The Rock orbiting into space, Vin Diesel is pretty sad. He pulls off a crazy heist with Jason Statham, Ludacris, Tyrese, Ja Rule, Stone Cold Steve Austin, the cast of The Expendables, the cast of My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2, and a cartoon donkey voiced by Justin Timberlake, but he feels nothing. He misses his friend The Rock. He can't lose another friend. As he tries to shake it off and enjoy the spoils of the heist they just pulled, all the new members of his crew pull off their masks and reveal themselves all to be John Lithgow. The lesser Lithgows morph together to form the sickest Dodge Charger the world has ever seen as the main Lithgow (still voiced by Justin Timberlake, for some reason) gets behind the wheel and starts trying to run over the original members of the crew. It seems as though all is lost, but suddenly Kid Rock's Bawitdaba starts playing loudly. Where is it coming from? It's The Rock! He's back down to a manageable size and he punches the Dodge Charger so hard it explodes. John Lithgow asks if he can join their crew. The Rock, Vin Diesel, and Ludacris look at him then do a group high five. "Nope!" they yell. Then Michelle Rodriguez runs over him with a dirt bike and completely destroys his face. It gets really gory and graphic but Vin and the boys just keep laughing the whole time.

Fast and Furious Future Films

13 (But the 3 is a curvy road and if you zoom in you can see Vin Diesel driving a Dodge Charger on it and sticking up his middle fingers)
We learn that in between 12 and 13 Ja Rule, Steve Austin, Tyrese, and all the obscure members of the crew stumbled upon a magic lamp. Vin Diesel had always warned them of the dangers of messing with a magic lamp. "There are two rules in life: drive fast and avoid genies." he says. But they didn't listen and a genie has trapped them in his lamp and will only release them if Vin Diesel can beat him in a street race. Vin Diesel agrees because he never backs down from a race, but the genie tricks him by using a special genie version of a Dodge Charger that isn't available in any store. Vin Diesel loses and all of his friends are executed. The Rock, Ludacris, and Michelle Rodriguez try to console him, but he's completely lost. The last 45 minutes are in black and white and is a film noir version of Fast and Furious that just features Diesel driving on back roads silently staring out the window. With around 5 minutes left in the movie Diesel looks into the camera and says, "Wait a minute. I have a plan." He goes back to the genie and asks for a rematch and this time he wins. We aren't sure why it took him so long to think of doing a rematch, but whatever. Also the genie already killed his friends so it's not like they're coming back. The important thing is Vin Diesel won the race and is hoisted onto the shoulders of a bunch of Brazilian street racers that chant his name so loudly the power of their voices launch them into the air. He lands in the ocean and surfs home on a Dodge Dakota.

Furiously Fourteen (And Also Fast)
The crew doesn't appear in the film, but instead voice a bunch of animated cars that drive around, do stunts, and solve problems. It's eerily similar to the movie Cars. Basically it's the movie Cars, but with Vin Diesel, The Rock, Michelle Rodriguez, and Ludacris doing all the voices.


Fast and Furious Future Films

Not As Fast, But Still Moderately Furious 15
It appears the franchise is out of ideas because the 15th installment is just 2 Fast 2 Furious, but slowed down to half speed so it's twice as long. It's nearly unwatchable but still grosses nearly $900 million.

Fast and Furious 16: If Sequels Were Years, This Franchise Could Now Legally Drive...FAST
This one is advertised as the final installment in the franchise. Vin Diesel must face off against the ultimate challenge: another Vin Diesel. All the other characters from the series show up either to cheer him on, or as ghosts to cheer him on. By the final act of the movie everyone in the world has been transformed into Vin Diesel. It's like at the end of The Matrix Revolutions or the scene in Being John Malcovich when he goes into his own portal. There's a big race between the two and Vin Diesel wins. We think it's the good one, but as the movie ends he winks at the camera and in his eye it says "The End?" What does it mean? Is the series actually over? Is this the good Vin Diesel? Does it even matter?


Fast and Furious Future Films

Fast and Furious 17: Back to the Beginning
The story may be over, but that doesn't mean the movies are over. In this prequel we go back to the beginning-literally back to the very beginning of Vin Diesel's conception. Each character voices a different sperm from his father racing to see which one can get to his mom's egg first. Daft Punk does all the music for the soundtrack and there are way more explosions than you would ever imagine in a movie that takes place inside of a womb.

Fresh Fast Freshest Furious
The series gets rebooted with some of the freshest stars from YouTube, Vine, and ABC Family. They literally use the exact same scripts, just with different people so they can start everything over again and make sure the franchise can exist for at least 17 more sequels. Vin Diesel does make a brief appearance as a wise shaman that suggests they should drive fast and furiously, then he straps two Dodge Chargers onto his feet like rollerblades and disappears into the clouds.

Fast and Furious Future Films

Related: 15 Things That Were True When The First Fast & Furious Film Was Released

 

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Don't Let An Ingrown Toenail Go Untreated Or This Disgustingness Will Happen (Warning: Super Graphic And Gross)

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Just when you thought your Monday couldn't get any worse.

We've posted some pretty gross stuff in recent memory, but this may top the list. The video below shows a doctor surgically removing part of a nail on a man's big toe, all while the man groans in pain because who the hell wants a damn scalpel ripping their nail off? Masochists, that's who.

The doctor rips off the nail, only for blood to come pouring out; enough blood to make Quentin Tarantino proud. Oh, and there are even two maggots lounging under his nail for good measure, too. Check out the revolting video below and be warned again: this is disgusting and tough to watch.


The footage is said to have been filmed in Brazil, so hopefully that guy is walking around Brazil with a nail that doesn't produce maggots anymore. And shout-out to the viewers who didn't faint while watching this.

h/t The Sun

Because we are monsters: Watch This Woman Scrape Her Long, Gross Toenails Across The Floor And Try Not To Cringe

 

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Sara Jean Underwood's Lucky Cat Approves Of Her Outfit (We Do, Too)

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If we can find any excuse to write about model and former Playmate of the Year Sara Jean Underwood we are going to take it and run with it. But she makes it easy on us by posting hot pictures of herself on Instagram, including the one below that includes her cat.

When you're done looking at Sara Jean, take a look at what is probably the luckiest cat in the world. That's the look of absolute euphoria.

Dexter 😺 approves my @yandy lingerie. #LoveYandy #WelcomeBackLingerie @yandy #sponsored

A photo posted by Sara Underwood (@saraunderwood) on


Dexter the cat has fantastic taste.

We're also a fan of no clothes, too: Sara Jean Underwood Isn't a Fan Of Clothes And We're Totally Okay With That

 

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The 1985 List Of Bands Russia Banned Is Absolutely Ridiculous

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While it's damn near impossible to find one good reason to ever want to step foot in Russia, Russia continues to do its part by continuing to remind us why they have sucked for years. And one of those reminders is a list of bands Russia banned in 1985. Bands from Black Sabbath to Pink Floyd weren't spared Russia's wrath, and many more weren't either. Check out the list below:

The 1985 List Of Bands Russia Forbid Is Absolutely Ridiculous
Although, they did have the right idea banning Kiss.

Via Tumblr

But hey, they have this guy: Fact-Checking Vladimir Putin's Wikipedia

 

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Leopard Wanders Into School, Attacks Man On Video

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There aren't many things more terrifying than sitting in a desk next to the fourth-hottest girl in class and staring down an AP Calculus exam just minutes after devouring two Beefy 5-Layer Burritos from Taco Bell.

But we're pretty sure a wild leopard wandering into the school and mauling every human in sight is one of those things.

According to Mirror, that's exactly what happened Sunday at Vibgyor School in Bangalore, India. Luckily for us, the cameras were rolling:


Even more disturbing than a giant wild cat taking a chunk out of your arm at an award-winning international academic institution? You guessed it: The fact that it took...wait for it...10 hours to tranquilize the damn thing.

Forest officials were finally able to corner the leopard and sedate it at 8:15 p.m. and eventually released it back into the wild.

Maybe it's just us, but classes on Sunday? Releasing an insane wild leopard back into the wild where it can regroup and eventually come back to finish the job? It sounds like if you're a kid enrolled at this school, odds are your parents hate you.

Now here's a cat that we can get behind: Badass Cat Saves Boy From Vicious Dog Attack

 

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Man Hoping To Eat 12 Doughnuts And Run Five Miles In One Hour Unfortunately Dies Instead

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The most surprising part of the story might be that this is the first time it's happened.

According to the New York Post, a 58-year-old man who took part in the 12th annual Krispy Kreme Challenge in Raleigh, North Carolina on Saturday died after complaining of chest pains and pulling out of the charity race in the first mile.

Man Hoping To Eat 12 Doughnuts And Run Five Miles In One Hour Unfortunately Dies Instead
Started in 2004 as a dare amongst a group of friends attending NC State, the Krispy Kreme Challenge has evolved into the "number one tradition to complete before graduating from the university." Competitors run 2.5 miles to a local Krispy Kreme location, devour 12 Krispy Kreme doughnuts that amount to 2,400 calories and then return to the starting line, and they must do so in under an hour.

Unfortunately for one competitor this time around, he didn't get the chance to scarf down those doughnuts after succumbing to chest pains that occurred during the race's first mile.

There is good news regarding this year's event, however, as when the final donations are tallied sometime in the near future, the total amount of money raised for North Carolina Children's Hospital since the race's inception will eclipse the $1 million mark.

Probably the only beauty pageant queen to ever eat 20 cheeseburgers and keep them down: This Former Beauty Pageant Winner Ate 20 Cheeseburgers In 16 Minutes

 

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This Year's Oscars Gift Bag Features A Sex Toy And Breast Lift

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Well, then Kate Winslet should probably give this one to one of her friends who isn't as "blessed" as she is.

According to The Guardian, all acting and directing nominees attending the 88th Academy Awards later this month will be going home with a gift bag worth $200,000 because it includes items such as a 15-day walking tour of Japan, unlimited Audi car rentals and a lifetime supply of Lizora skin creams.

But all female nominees will be going home with something that could actually make the Oscars gift bag priceless: An "arouser" that offers "gentle suction and stimulation" valued at $250.

Leo DiCaprio Oscars 2016 gift bag
Several of Hollywood's leading ladies might also be thrilled about the "vampire breast lift" that can be found somewhere in the bag between the $250 Haze Dual V3 Vaporizer and the more than $5,500 worth of laser skin therapy.

Since only the female nominees will be receiving the sex toys, it looks as though Leonardo DiCaprio will have to take one of the lovely ladies home if he wants to get his hands on one.

Which shouldn't be a problem since he's Leonardo DiCaprio.

Three 6 Mafia once beat Dolly Parton? The Top 10 Biggest Oscars Upsets

 

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Niamh Adkins Is Another Rising Rookie Model With World Swimsuit

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Niamh Adkins has our attention, as yet another worldly swimsuit poster girl is born. The blonde Brit beauty from Manchester, England has been modeling for the last five years, but unfortunately, we're just now getting a glimpse. Follow Niamh along with coast of South Africa and Cape Town for a sexy beach shoot for World Swimsuit using a number of bikini prints and styles. It's never too early in the year for bikinis, and it's never too early in the week for a little Niamh. For more Niamh Adkins, stay tuned.

 

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Today's Funny Photos

10 Things We'd Like to See in Season 4 of 'House of Cards'

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frank underwood 2016, house of cards season 4 preview
The best of the heavy-hitting Netflix originals is on its way back, and this season Frank Underwood's message is "Anything for America." And we think "anything" is a clever way of saying the gloves are off, and he'll do whatever it takes to keep his throne. As the fourth season premiere nears, we have a number of things we'd like to see happen, so if you haven't caught up, you better, because this sucker is full of spoilers, predictions and hot plot points. Where Kevin Spacey's character takes things when the show returns on Netflix with 13 streaming episodes is anybody's guess, but you better be ready come March 4.

1. Claire causes Frank to lose his footing in the race.
10 Things We'd Like to See in Season 4 of 'House of Cards'
The Underwoods have always done everything as a work-minded team, so whether or not Claire's separation from Frank will be public should be interesting. Likely, it will be through lack of appearance and support that people will take note, while Frank continues to hide their falling-out from the voters. Claire's fight against Heather Dunbar was what put Frank ahead on the campaign trail, but without her, he's toast and knows it. Although, if she were to get real public with her deep knowledge of their future fearless leader, that could really spice things up for President Underwood.

2. Frank Underwood plays extra dirty.
10 Things We'd Like to See in Season 4 of 'House of Cards'
The stakes are higher and if Frank's going it alone, you know he'll have to play extra dirty to keep his edge. A low poll rating and a couple skeletons buried deep, Frank and Doug Stamper will have to be ruthless to stay a step ahead, and without Claire to keep him centered, don't be surprised if he spins right off his axis and does something sloppy and reckless. The only way this show will get better is if he plays dirtier and keeps adding skeletons to that closet.

3. Neve Campbell provides a bit of sass and half of a catfight.
10 Things We'd Like to See in Season 4 of 'House of Cards'
The "Scream" queen, Neve Campbell, is making her move back to TV since the days of '90s heartthrobs. Only this time she's going political drama and stabbing Frank in the back more figuratively than anything. Rumor has it she'll play half of a younger, just as deceptive couple to rival the Underwoods, or perhaps keep the couple estranged a bit further. Whether she is Frank's friend or not will add an interesting dynamic to the story, but we can always hope she's some sort of dominatrix, too. Looks like we'll see if she can escape the cold knife of death once again, but one thing is for damn sure: We would love to see Neve catfight with the First Lady.

4. Doug Stamper is back and more dangerous than ever.
10 Things We'd Like to See in Season 4 of 'House of Cards'
With most of the skeletons of their past put to rest, Stamper will look to secure Frank's future presidency and remove anybody who gets in their way, be it Heather Dunbar, Jackie Sharp or even the former First Lady. We saw Stamper turn back and put Rachel in the ground, giving us the reassurance that he's back, focused and never planning to upset his commitment to Frank again.

5. Janine is back, and takes on the Underwoods when it hurts most.
10 Things We'd Like to See in Season 4 of 'House of Cards'
At a time when Frank attempts to regain office and needs to be challenged the least with his personal affairs, Janine the journalist will come out of hiding, as will a recently unshackled Lucas Goodwin to help get the ball rolling on bringing Zoe Barnes back from the depths. Though the intensity of season three helped us forget past episodes, those old bones will come calling when Janine starts working with one of Frank's enemies, perhaps Jackie Sharp. In that scenario, Remy Danton would likely be at odds as he chooses, like Doug had to, between love and work commitments.

6. Hacker Gavin Orsay will retaliate for Stamper's attack after he fails to locate Rachel.
10 Things We'd Like to See in Season 4 of 'House of Cards'
The end of season three gave an actual ass whooping to Gavin as he attempted to hide from the FBI and Doug Stamper, but once he fails to find Rachel in the new season, he'll know Stamper got to her already. Rachel was expected to work the day after she was murdered, so when he goes on a mission to find her and fails, his next move will be to help Janine or anyone who can help him get the word out about Rachel's murder and everything else she knew. Janine and Lucas' knowledge about Zoe mixed with his knowledge of Rachel could be a powerful double punch with the right ally.

7. Frank is more gay than we realize.
10 Things We'd Like to See in Season 4 of 'House of Cards'
His homoerotic tendencies with Claire by his side seemed like an open-minded stance toward sexuality, but with Claire gone, will he continue to invite those tendencies in? Perhaps he'll take to his head of security, Edward Meechum, once again since he's already got him in the trust circle. I mean, he is the President of the United States after all. Maybe an ode to Slick Willy?

8. Freddy gets back into barbecue.
10 Things We'd Like to See in Season 4 of 'House of Cards'
Life after selling off his business doesn't make sense, so of course we'll see Freddy Hayes come back in the only way he knows how, with the best goddamn ribs in town. Besides his delicious ventures, he's quietly been a small voice of reason to an otherwise loud giant like Frank Underwood while working on the White House grounds. While that seems like a more convenient location, we'd like to offer a compromise and say he'll cook barbecue at the White House.

9. Claire runs for President.
10 Things We'd Like to See in Season 4 of 'House of Cards'
Hey, if Hillary can do it after Bill screwed up in office, so can Claire. Cunning and persuasive as well as timely and appropriate for today, Claire could easily hold Frank's past over his head to advance her own career. At the end of season three, we saw her pulling on that exercise bike with fierce determination, as well as sitting in Frank's presidential chair, perhaps foreshadowing that she's following down Frank's rabbit hole.

The two were always catalysts for one another's careers, but when Frank made his more important, Claire was forced to react. They're the two most cutthroat people on the show when it comes to business, so if you take the relationship away, they're basically enemies at a certain point.

10. The season will end with Frank behind bars and out of his presidency.
10 Things We'd Like to See in Season 4 of 'House of Cards'
Either for the leaked death of Zoe Barnes, his association for the disappearance of Rachel or an attempted assault on his wife, we think the writers of "House of Cards" will go rogue before the season ends and put Frank behind bars. Whether or not he's framed or found out, we think he'll be forced out of his presidential seat to allow room for Claire to eventually swoop.

 

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'The Simpsons' Meets 'Straight Outta Compton' In These Clever Parody Memes

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"Straight Outta Compton" may have been snubbed when it comes to the Academy Awards this year, but thanks to the good people of the Internet, the award-worthy film was at least "Snrubbed" as well. Casual fans of "The Simpsons" may not necessarily get the jokes behind most of the following memes that have been circling the web for a few months now, but they're still among the funniest mash-ups since "Archer" meets "James Bond." Trust us, when #OscarsSoYellow starts trending (and it won't since it makes no sense whatsoever), these babies will be the talk of Tinseltown.

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(via Imgur)

Related: Political Parody Of 'Straight Outta Compton' Starring A Bunch Of Presidential Hopefuls

 

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11 Tumblr Comments That Made The Photo Even Funnier

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Tumblr is a magical place. It can take the most random and seemingly mundane things and microblog them into something totally meme-worthy. Here's 11 instances where we thank the quriky and satirical users of the Tumblr community for making these funny photos even more hilarious.

11 Tumblr Comments That Made The Photo Even Better

11 Tumblr Comments That Made The Photo Even Better

11 Tumblr Comments That Made The Photo Even Better

11 Tumblr Comments That Made The Photo Even Better

11 Tumblr Comments That Made The Photo Even Better

11 Tumblr Comments That Made The Photo Even Better

11 Tumblr Comments That Made The Photo Even Better

11 Tumblr Comments That Made The Photo Even Better

11 Tumblr Comments That Made The Photo Even Better

11 Tumblr Comments That Made The Photo Even Better

11 Tumblr Comments That Made The Photo Even Better

h/t Pleated-Jeans

 

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28 Hilarious Celebrity Sex Quotes

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Since some people worship celebrities and have shrines to them (not saying I do...), people usually listen up when the rich and famous have something to say, especially about sex. And since it's gross to have to listen to Dr. Phil talk about sex, we thought we would show you some of the most hilarious celebrity sex quotes instead.

Megan Fox
Hilarious Celebrity Sex Quotes

Amy Schumer
Hilarious Celebrity Sex Quotes

Eva Longoria
Hilarious Celebrity Sex Quotes

Louis C.K.
Hilarious Celebrity Sex Quotes

Chris Rock
Hilarious Celebrity Sex Quotes

Groucho Marx
Hilarious Celebrity Sex Quotes

Tina Fey
Hilarious Celebrity Sex Quotes

Bill Maher
Hilarious Celebrity Sex Quotes

Toni Braxton
Hilarious Celebrity Sex Quotes

Casey Stengel
Hilarious Celebrity Sex Quotes

Mignon McLaughlin
Hilarious Celebrity Sex Quotes

Amy Poehler
Hilarious Celebrity Sex Quotes

Chelsea Handler
Hilarious Celebrity Sex Quotes

John Updike
Hilarious Celebrity Sex Quotes

Jacki Weaver
Hilarious Celebrity Sex Quotes

Sacha Baron Cohen
Hilarious Celebrity Sex Quotes

Emo Philips
Hilarious Celebrity Sex Quotes

James Caan
Hilarious Celebrity Sex Quotes

Mel Brooks
Hilarious Celebrity Sex Quotes

Russell Brand
Hilarious Celebrity Sex Quotes

Angelina Jolie
Hilarious Celebrity Sex Quotes

Lily Tomlin
Hilarious Celebrity Sex Quotes

John Waters
Hilarious Celebrity Sex Quotes

Rodney Dangerfield
Hilarious Celebrity Sex Quotes

Matt Groening
Hilarious Celebrity Sex Quotes

Joan Rivers
Hilarious Celebrity Sex Quotes

Chuck Klosterman
Hilarious Celebrity Sex Quotes

Hilarious Celebrity Sex Quotes

 

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Weird News: Florida Man Throws Live Alligator Through Wendy's Drive-Thru Window

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Just another day in Florida, folks.

Dealing with shitty customers is bad enough, but something tells me that employees at the Royal Palm Beach Wendy's didn't really expect to deal with a live alligator. And yet, that's exactly what happened.

You read that right: a live alligator ended up in a Wendy's kitchen after 23-year-old Florida resident Joshua James threw the three-and-a-half foot-long alligator through the window, sending the entire kitchen into chaos.

It all started when James went to pick up his food at the drive-thru window, and then inexplicably threw the alligator through the window. Surveillance footage does capture James grabbing the reptile from behind his truck and tossing it in the kitchen. The photo below shows the alligator just hanging out at Wendy's.


James was arrested and charged with assault with a deadly weapon, and boy is that one bizarre weapon. James did confess to the crime, explaining that he found the alligator on the side of the road because, you know, Florida.

Weird News: Florida Man Throws Live Alligator Through Wendy's Drive-Thru Window
According to James' mom, this was intended to be a prank and her son isn't a violent man:

"He's a prankster," his mother said. "He does stuff like this because he thinks it's funny...I don't even get that. Just a stupid prank that he did that's now turning into this. Stupid."

Fortunately the reptile did not hurt any employee, and it has even been released back into the canal.

And unfortunately for James, he hasn't been released from jail as he hasn't met his bail yet.

h/t Inquisitr

This guy wasn't as lucky: Guy Yells 'F**k That Alligator,' Immediately Gets Eaten By Alligator

 

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The Viral Awkward Thumb Girl Is Actually Super Hot

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For those of you that don't know, "thumbing" for a photo is when you take a selfie with your chin tucked in, creating a double chin and a seriously unflattering photo. And Carmen Dickman sure does love "thumbing" as made evident by the picture below that has gone viral.

Girl 'Thumbing' Is Actually Super Hot
Carmen doesn't seem like the type of gal that would draw a lot of double takes. Then you look at her Instagram, when she's not "thumbing," and Carmen is actually one hot tamale. Meaning, she's pretty hot. Take a look and see how hot Carmen is:

Girl 'Thumbing' Is Actually Super Hot

Girl 'Thumbing' Is Actually Super Hot

Girl 'Thumbing' Is Actually Super Hot

Girl 'Thumbing' Is Actually Super Hot

Girl 'Thumbing' Is Actually Super Hot

Girl 'Thumbing' Is Actually Super Hot

Girl 'Thumbing' Is Actually Super Hot

Girl 'Thumbing' Is Actually Super Hot

Girl 'Thumbing' Is Actually Super Hot

Girl 'Thumbing' Is Actually Super Hot

Girl 'Thumbing' Is Actually Super Hot

Girl 'Thumbing' Is Actually Super Hot

Girl 'Thumbing' Is Actually Super Hot
h/t The Chive

More girls you may want to give a second look: 20 Hottest Geek Girls On The Internet

 

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How To Listen To The YouTube App In The Background Of Your iPhone

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If you're super frustrated because you can't listen to your favorite song on the YouTube app while you browse the Internet, you don't have to feel frustrated anymore because there is actually a way to make that happen.

How To Listen To The YouTube App In The Background Of Your iPhone
What you first want to do is open Safari.

How To Listen To The YouTube App In The Background Of Your iPhone
You then want to type out YouTube's entire URL into your search bar, as exhausting as that sounds.

Once you've selected a song, set the video to play. Then press the home button on your phone, and while this may stop the video from playing, it is only temporary.

You will then have to swipe from the bottom of your screen up in order to bring up the control center that you rarely use.

How To Listen To The YouTube App In The Background Of Your iPhone
Now just press play on the media panel and you will have that song playing while you browse Facebook and other sites that distract you from everything.

As simple as that.


Via The Lad Bible

And did you know this? Facebook Has A Secret Second Website Made Just For Talking To Your Friends

 

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Guy Loses Wedding Ring Inside Wife During Anal Sex

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I'm not married, so I can't relate to anyone that has lost their wedding ring, but I'm going to assume it's as scary as losing your phone or a coupon. But it's hard to relate to the guy in this story who happened to lose his wedding ring inside of his wife. Yep.

Guy Loses Wedding Ring Inside Wife During Anal Sex
Posted on Reddit's forum r/TIFU, which stands for "Today I fucked up" and allows users to share fails from their lives, a story came across of a man claiming to have lost his wedding ring while having anal sex with his life. Read the extremely awkward story below:

Alright, so I lost a bunch of weight recently. I was a big guy at the time of my wedding, and as a result of the weight loss my wedding ring is now a whole lot looser around my finger. So, perhaps thanks to my new sexy physique (...) the missus and I were getting it on today. With a devious glint in her eye, she suggested: "How about anal?"

Excellent plan, of course. I got the lube and used copious amounts. Now, you've got to take it slowly; first, gently with one finger... Then two... And finally, my index, middle and ring finger were all lubed up and in there. Good times.

After my lady was sufficiently warmed up, we were happily banging away. But as I slapped her fine ass, I noticed something. Something missing.

"Hey, my ring came off," I said.

"Probably on the mattress," she replied.

Not on the mattress.

"On the ground?" she asked, now with a hint of nervosity.

Not on the ground.

Then it dawned upon both of us.

So my fingers went back in there. Yet my monster dong (...) had already pushed it far beyond reach. I spent a good 10 minutes with my hand up my wife's butthole. I even tried to lighten the mood by doing my best Gollum impression and hissing: "My preciousss! Give it back to us!" But she was not amused.

We finally had to give up the search. She drank 4 cups of coffee over the course of the next hour and made her retreat to the bathroom with a box of rubber gloves. From the living room I heard an explosive splattering sound, followed by a faint "Oh my God..."

After half an hour of scrubbing she handed me my ring back without making eye contact.

So now, whenever I look at my ring, I'm reminded of the vow I took to always be at the side of my lovely wife, on the day of our beautiful wedding ceremony. And how this particular piece of jewelry was violently blasted out of her asshole amongst a torrent of diarrhea.


The couple is actually still together, so if they can get through that they can get through any shit.

h/t Someecards

Talk about a romantic gesture: Man On Reddit Says He Started Fire Trying To Clean His Wife's Dildos

 

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12 Surprising Meanings Behind The Acronyms of Famous Musicians

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band names

Ever wondered what was the meaning behind the acronyms of popular musical acts? From hip-hop to EDM, rock and a litany of sub-genres, there's a lot of meanings (and sometimes none at all) locked up in the shortened characters of famous band names.

DMX
12 Surprising Meanings Behind Musicians' Acronyms
New York rapper Earl Simmons, famously known by his emcee name DMX, is a longstanding force in hip-hop, but the initial meaning behind his three character name is often misinterpreted. According to an MTV biography, he started out as a DJ and human beatbox, and later moved into rapping for a greater share of the spotlight, taking his name from the DMX digital drum machine (though it has also been reinterpreted to mean "Dark Man X").


AC/DC
12 Surprising Meanings Behind Musicians' Acronyms
Malcolm and Angus Young developed the idea for the Australian hard rock band's name after their sister, Margaret Young, saw the initials "AC/DC" on a sewing machine. "AC/DC" is an abbreviation meaning "alternating current/direct current" electricity. According to about.com, the reference to electrical current was intended — like name of the band's first album, "High Voltage."The brothers felt this name symbolized the band's high energy music.


LMFAO
12 Surprising Meanings Behind Musicians' Acronyms
Los Angeles electro-rap duo LMFAO is comprised of Redfoo and Sky Blu (the son and grandson, respectively, of Motown impresario Berry Gordy). While fans' speculations of the band's five character name ranged from the original explicit Internet acronym to "Loving My Friends And Others," the duo finally revealed what "LMFAO" meant after they filed their trademark application in March 2012. The result: "Laughing My Freaking Ass Off." They wanted to copyright more explicit phrases, too, but failed. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the duo first applied for a trademark in 2008, but the application was rejected by a trademark examiner on the basis that the mark "consists of or comprises immoral, deceptive or scandalous matter." In 2015, the band dragged Pigeon Hill Brewing Company into court over alleged copyright infringement surrounding the company's LMFAO Stout, which the brewers used as "Let Me Fetch An Oatmeal" Stout. They settled out of court. Just so you know, the band doesn't promote or endorse the brew.


DJDS
12 Surprising Meanings Behind Musicians' Acronyms
Los Angeles-based electronic dance act DJDS have gone by a lot of wacky names in the last couple of years, LOL Boys being one of them. The duo, comprised of musicians Jerome LOL and Samo Sound Boy, who just released their 2016 album "Stand Up And Speak," formerly went by the sporty moniker DJ Dodger Stadium. According to Spin, they came up with the name "after a summer working out of [Samo Sound Boy]'s old apartment, located on the edge of the Dodger Stadium parking lot." And, thankfully, considering how clunky and jarring it sounded — changed it to DJDS.


KISS
12 Surprising Meanings Behind Musicians' Acronyms
Surprisingly, the makeup clad rockers known the world over as KISS (all caps, with a sweet font designed by the band's guitarist Ace Frehley himself) is not an acronym at all. Rumors flourished that the band's name stood for "Knights In Satan's Service," but it is continuously denied. Despite many accusations of the name standing for something involving Satan, band co-founder Paul Stanley insists the name came to be after they heard drummer Peter Criss had once been in a band called Lips. According to The Chive, they decided that KISS sounded "dangerous and sexy at the same time."


LFO
12 Surprising Meanings Behind Musicians' Acronyms
Three guys from Massachusetts — Rich Cronin, Devin Lima, and Brian Gillis — came together with a goal of making MTV-friendly bubblegum pop-rap allegedly inspired by another acronym-clad boy band NKOTB (New Kids On The Block, for the uninitiated). Trio member Rich Cronin once explained LFO's band name origins in an interview with The Florida Times-Union by admitting that when he first began rapping "a lot of black kids I was around would make a joke and call me the Lyte Funkie One. Then later I hooked up with Brian and we just pluralized it," hence, LFO, or the Lyte Funkie Ones.


OFWGKTA
12 Surprising Meanings Behind Musicians' Acronyms
Los Angeles hip-hop collective Odd Future, fronted by rapper/producer Tyler, The Creator, goes by a lot of names, including Golf Wang, Bacon Boys and Flog Gnaw, to name a few. However, Odd Future is a shortened form of their much longer abbreviated name OFWGKTA, which stands for "Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All."


L7
12 Surprising Meanings Behind Musicians' Acronyms
Using just two characters in their name to front their hard-rocking Seattle grunge sound, the girls behind L7 took to the name that stood for an archaic reference for someone that was "uncool." Can't figure it out, yet? Make an "L" with the thumb and forefinger of your left hand, then make a "7" with the thumb and forefinger of the right. Now put them together. Got it? Thankfully, if you're a fan of these chicks, you're anything but square.


R.E.M.
12 Surprising Meanings Behind Musicians' Acronyms
After considering names like "Twisted Kites," "Cans of Piss," and "Negro Wives," the Athens, Georgia, alternative rockers settled on "R.E.M." (which stands for the stage of sleep called rapid eye movement), which frontman Michael Stipe selected at random from a dictionary, according to R.E.M. biographer David Buckley's "R.E.M.: Fiction: An Alternative Biography."


INXS
12 Surprising Meanings Behind Musicians' Acronyms
Sydney, Australia-based pub band INXS (pronounced: "in excess") have a cool band name, no doubt about it. But band members admitted that they got inspiration for their iconic name through the love of the English band named XTC and Australian jam maker IXL. In an interview pulled from Anthony Bozza's 2005 book "INXS Story to Story: The Official Autobiography," band manager Gary Morris states, "I saw a commercial for a brand of jam called IXL. Their ad featured a guy who said, 'I excel in all I do.' In that moment, I put all those thoughts together. The name needed to be letters, but make a word. I put the IXL jam commercial together with XTC and the concept of a band that was inaccessible and I had it: INXS."


KMFDM
12 Surprising Meanings Behind Musicians' Acronyms
While the popular assertion behind the origin of the Hamburg, Germany band KMFDM name is that it stands for "Kill Mother Fucking Depeche Mode," this is sadly, not true, music fans; it actually stands for Kein Mehrheit Für Die Mitleid (which translated from German means "No Pity for the Majority"), although fans and critics alike simply use the initials.


W.A.S.P.
12 Surprising Meanings Behind Musicians' Acronyms
This Los Angeles metal outfit inspired robust debate as to the meaning of the acronym W.A.S.P. Many convoluted theories abounded, including "We Are Satan's Preachers," "We All Smoke Pot" and one of the most infamous "We Are Sexual Perverts." The origin is actually much more straightforward. According to rock journalist Joe Daly of TheWeeklings, one of the band members saw a wasp one evening and opined that "Wasp" would be a cool name for the group. Singer/guitarist Blackie Lawless later said that they added the periods between the letters, simply because nobody else was doing it and it might incite curious debate. And they obviously succeeded.

Related: 10 Fascinating Band Name Origins Including The Jackson 5

 

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