The rankings of NBA teams can change from week to week depending on who's healthy and who's on a hot or cold streak. But one ranking that can't change without a dramatic overhaul is the team's name. Some have really cool ones that make a lot of sense for their city, but others are far from intimidating and, if you spend any sort of time thinking about them, your brain will leak out your ear. Honestly, so many NBA team names are idiotic. Here are your NBA team name power rankings.
30. Utah Jazz![NBA Team Name Power Rankings]()
Who exactly is intimidated by an old gentleman beautifully playing a horn? Are you going to soothe your opponent to death? No team has a less cool name than the Jazz.
29. Brooklyn Nets![NBA Team Name Power Rankings]()
The only way you're scared of a net is if you're a butterfly or a fish that has already been hooked. Of all the basketball terms that you could use to represent your team, why on earth would you choose the net? "Oooh we're the nets! You could maybe get your finger tangled up in us, ooooh!"
28. New York Knickerbockers![NBA Team Name Power Rankings]()
We've all just accepted the Knicks as a staple of New York, but do you know what knickerbockers actually are? It's when you roll up your pants up to the bottom of your knees. That's it. They could just as easily be called the New York Tight Rolled Slacks.
27. Los Angeles Lakers![NBA Team Name Rankings]()
If there's one thing Los Angeles is known for it's definitely the lakes....
By the way, what is a laker anyway? One who builds lakes? Is it just a big fan of lakes? You know the ocean is right there, don't you? At least be the Los Angeles Oceaners. Just stop sticking to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to.
26. New Orleans Pelicans![NBA Team Name Power Rankings]()
Lots of professional sports teams have chosen birds of prey as their team name, but few have chosen birds as dumb and un-intimidating as a pelican. I guess it's effective if their opponents were only small fish or a gallon of water. What were the names they passed on before landing on Pelicans?
25. Philadelphia 76ers![NBA Team Name Power Rankings]()
Signing the Declaration of Independence was a great moment in U.S. history, but does it really make sense for the name of an NBA team? Plus, they usually abbreviate it to the "Sixers" so it makes even less sense. "Oh you guys are the Hawks? Well we're a date on the calendar when a bunch of guys signed a piece of paper!"
24. Denver Nuggets![NBA Team Name Rankings]()
The gold rush is a big part of Denver's history, but calling your team the Nuggets is such a setup for a joke. I have no idea how that yellow cat became their mascot from the word "Nugget" but it's not like there were a lot of other options. You never want your team to share a name with chunks of fried chicken.
23. Oklahoma City Thunder![NBA Team Name Rankings]()
Lightning is very dangerous. It can start fires, destroy building or just straight up kill you. Thunder causes your dog to bark and makes your toddler want to sleep in your bed. I might forgive them if they figured out some way to incorporate Fleetwood Mac's "Dreams" into their pregame announcements.
22. Orlando Magic![NBA Team Name Rankings]()
Are we talking about just the idea of magic? If you named a specific aspect of magic it might be a little better, but this just feels like you're going to have to play a card game against some husky guys in a basement. To be fair, they were almost called the Challengers, which would have been an absolute mess every time they blew a big game.
21. Detroit Pistons![NBA Team Name Rankings]()
I get that Detroit is the Motor City, but why just pick a random part of a car and name your team after it? I'm guessing the other options included the Brake Pads, Seat Belts, and Keyless Ignitions. The Ignitions would've been cool because you could play R. Kelly before every game. That would boost ticket sales like Rip Hamilton was still there.
20. San Antonio Spurs![NBA Team Name Rankings]()
There's no denying that the Spurs have been one of the best teams in the NBA for years, but their team name certainly doesn't strike fear into opponents. They decided to go with tiny little sharp circles you wear on the back of your cowboy boots. Wow, that'll certainly make it hurt a little more when you step on someone's heel. It's worse than when your mom would accidentally hit the back of your ankle with the grocery cart when you were a kid.
19. Boston Celtics![NBA Team Name Rankings]()
They're basically the Boston Irish People. Sure. Whatever.
18. Portland Trail Blazers![NBA Team Name Rankings]()
These guys aren't taking the paved road. No sir. They're blazing new trails. They're out there in the woods with machetes and dysentery clearing the way for others. It's certainly not a bad name, but it doesn't exactly strike fear into the hearts of their opponents.
17. Dallas Mavericks![NBA Team Name Rankings]()
The word maverick usually refers to an animal that doesn't have a brand or belong to anyone. They're like a free bird, and this bird you cannot change. There's nothing I'd like to see more than Dirk Nowitzki trying to ride a wild horse. That would be an amazing logo.
16. Indiana Pacers![NBA Team Name Rankings]()
Now we're getting into the really good ones. The pace car in racing sets the pace for everyone else. Why can't more teams come up with a name like the Pacers that is relative to their city AND says something cool about the team? I'm just glad they didn't use some sort of sparrow or hummingbird.
15. Miami Heat![NBA Team Name Rankings]()
While the other team in their state went with a sorcery term, Miami decided to go with something that could actually kill you and that, of course, is heat. You can use it so many different ways, and if you've ever been to Miami and noticed that you were dripping in sweat within minutes of stepping outside, you'd agree that heat is a very appropriate name.
14. Charlotte Hornets![NBA Team Name Rankings]()
The team initially went with Hornets, then changed to Bobcats, which sounds absolutely adorable and would be my first choice in a Beanie Babies design. Thankfully they wised up and switched it back to Hornets. It may not be the first thing that comes to your mind when you think of terrifying creatures, but if you've ever stepped on a hornet, or seen the movie "My Girl," you know how vicious they can be.
13. Atlanta Hawks![NBA Team Name Rankings]()
I know I've made fun of teams using birds as their mascot, but one of the only birds that is above criticism is the hawk. Seriously, did the Pelicans not know about the Hawks when they were picking their name? Why would you pick such a severely lesser bird? Good job, Atlanta.
12. Milwaukee Bucks![NBA Team Name Rankings]()
The Bucks were a tough one to place because people kill deer on a pretty consistent basis, which makes them less cool, but they can also stab someone with their big antlers. It does look really majestic, even though they're a shot away from being Bambi's dad.
11. Los Angeles Clippers![NBA Team Name Rankings]()
A clipper is a type of ship from the 19th century, which is a great direction to take your team. Everyone else wants to go with animals or weather-related occurrences, but no one else has landed on a boat. Donald Sterling kept the name when he moved the team from San Diego to Los Angeles, which made people upset, but now that we know what a racist he is, it's a good thing he didn't get to choose.
10. Phoenix Suns![NBA Team Name Rankings]()
One sun would be difficult enough to deal with, but now you're up against MULTIPLE suns! That's going to throw off the entire gravitational pull and temperature of the earth. There's no more night because you're just surrounded by suns! You've destroyed us all!
9. Cleveland Cavaliers![NBA Team Name Rankings]()
A man named Jerry Tomko picked the name and said, "Cavaliers represent a group of daring fearless men, whose life pact was never surrender, no matter what the odds." If that doesn't get you pumped up for a team sport then nothing will. I guess LeBron made a slight edit to it in 2010 when he decided to...well, never mind.
8. Chicago Bulls![NBA Team Name Rankings]()
As far as animals go, a bull probably ranks near the top of your list of animals you'd never want to see charging toward you. It's simple and effective, and the red and black with it make it darn near perfect. Good job, Chicago. You did it!
7. Minnesota Timberwolves![NBA Team Name Rankings]()
For all I know, a bobcat could beat the crap out of a timberwolf in a fight. But that means absolutely nothing because just saying the word "Timberwolves" makes you feel intimidating. Sure the team hasn't exactly blazed through the league the last few years, but at least they've still got a great team name. It's certainly not better than a win, but it's, uh, definitely something.
6. Memphis Grizzlies![NBA Team Name Rankings]()
And the second-coolest animal team name of all has to go to these guys. Just calling them the bears is one thing, but Grizzlies sounds so much more ferocious. "I saw a bear last night? Yeah, it was a freaking GRIZZLY BEAR!" That sounds like a bear that can light a match on his chin or break a bottle over his head without flinching. There's only one cooler animal on the list and you'll understand why this one is a distant second.
5. Houston Rockets![NBA Team Name Rankings]()
If you think about it, Rockets is the perfect name for a basketball team because if you grabbed the ball and flew into the sky in a rocket, there's not much anyone could do about it. Is a wolf going to stop a rocket? Is a bull? Maybe a hawk could get sucked into the thrusters, but that's about it. This is as close as you can get to naming your team Space Jam.
4. Golden State Warriors![NBA Team Name Rankings]()
Again, don't overthink it. Just give your team a cool name. The warriors is an incredible name because it sounds like a bunch of guys that are coming out to fight you to the death. Warriors kill kings and anything else that gets in their way. You can't ask for much more than a great team with a great name.
3. Sacramento Kings![NBA Team Name Rankings]()
Sometimes the simplest answer is the best one. While other teams were walking through the zoo trying to figure out the best name, these guys just said, "Yeah, we're the kings." And if you've watched "Game of Thrones" you know that very few things can defeat a king except for
beheadings and poisoned treats.
2. Washington Wizards![NBA Team Name Rankings]()
Take every team name before this one and answer me this question: Could they be destroyed by an evil wizard? The answer is yes. It's always yes. I know Orlando picked magic, but they just went with the concept of magic. This is the guy that's actually doing the magic. Without someone in charge of the magic, you're just dumping fairy dust all over the place. We've seen Harry Potter. The only thing that can beat a wizard is another wizard. Or a giant, evil snake, but no team has picked up that name yet. You'd think that would be the top spot, but that honor actually belongs to...
1. Toronto Raptors![NBA Team Name Rankings]()
THEY WENT WITH DINOSAURS! What do dinosaurs have to do with Toronto? Absolutely nothing whatsoever! Other teams are over there talking about the Declaration of Independence or their love of lakes, and Toronto was like, "Hmm, nah. We're going with the dinosaur." No wonder Drake is so excited about his home team. It's easy to root for the best part of Jurassic Park.
