Here's Undeniable Proof That Hipsters Ruin Everything

May 12, 2016, 9:01 am

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Hipsters are a group of people society loves to hate. But it is for good reason, I'll admit. There is absolutely nothing about the hipster lifestyle that seems to make sense, it's merely a subculture built on redundancies. These pale, plaid-swathed people spend wads of cash on clothes that look cheap, they buy disgusting, cheap beer that tastes like sewer water yet they splurge on expensive produce because it's "organic" -- or so it says.

On top of all this, businesses have amassed wealth and power by catering to these ridiculous people. Of course, I speak of Whole Foods and Urban Outfitters, which I'm sure is where the majority of the items below come from.

Though I'm sure you don't need it, here is further photographic evidence that proves hipsters ruin absolutely everything.

Gluten-Free Soap

Because if gluten intolerance wasn't enough of a farce, now gluten can't even touch the skin. Well, for hipsters, anyway.

"Hipster Lager"

Because by re-branding a cheap beer primarily drunk in trailer parks, dudes in skinny jeans will suddenly drool for it.

Tree Stumps As Expensive Decor

The price reflects that it was chopped by a lumber-sexual.

Asparagus Water

Because by tossing some sprigs of dated asparagus into water, you can sell the thing for six bucks.

Veganic Sprouted Brown Rice Cacao Crisps

Because "Cocoa Krispies" are so passe.

Shovels As Plates

Because plates are for conformists.

Beer Without Tabs

This beer cannot be opened with the traditional tab. Instead, it is opened using a device that opens beer with dangerous sharp edges. "Opener included!"

Typewriters As Laptops

No longer a precious part of history, hipsters have made typewriters merely ironic.

VHS

Redundancies, man!

Kaleamole

Because hipsters haven taken the kale trend (as they have all trends) too far.

Ornamental Kale

See what I mean?

Brusselmole

Evidently, guacamole is a trend among hipsters as well.

Organic Tampons

"Everything that touches these lips must be organic. Everything."

Rain Water

Because you were wrong to believe filtered water is best.

Paper Straws

Water + paper = no bueno. REDUNDANT!

Urinals

They've even managed to ruin the receptacles we piss in.

Jewelry

There were so many horrible pieces to choose from, but this guy's so hipster I couldn't pass it up.

Entrepreneurship

This must be in Portland.

 

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Half-Relaxed Cat Gets Photoshopped And It's Funny As All Hell

May 12, 2016, 11:11 am

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We've seen enough of these to pretty much accept the fact that any funny picture that finds its way to the Internet will get Photoshopped, and we can't say we have a problem with that at all. Because while humans are getting Photoshopped left and right, animals are now as well.

For instance, take a look at the cat picture below that was posted on Reddit that shows a cat that is half relaxed and half up and alert.


Now take a look at what the Internet did to this poor cat once it found itself in a Reddit Photoshop Battle, and everyone got their paws on it.


























h/t Mashable

Dogs get it, too: Majestic Dog Leap Gets Hilarious Photoshop Treatment

 

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Side Chick Shows Up To Man's Wedding And Chaos Ensues

May 12, 2016, 12:05 pm

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Here's an older video that somehow slipped by us, and we're surprised by that because we love it when shit hits the fan. In this video, a woman shows up to a guy's wedding and pretty much accuses him of spending the night before with her and calls him and his cheating ways out.

Take a look at the video below posted by D. William Brown, and pay attention to the amazing reaction of the loudest woman there.


Sure, it looks like it was filmed by a shoe, and the person filming this didn't have the skills to point the camera at the mystery woman, but man, the gasps from that guest make up for it.

Pretty sure there was so much drama there that she fainted.

h/t Someecards

And sometimes this happens: Video: Owl Smashes Head First Into Glass After Delivering Wedding Rings

 

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More Than 100,000 People Just Had Their Info Stolen Because An Anal Fisting Site Was Breached

May 12, 2016, 12:09 pm

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We could create hundreds of lists of places where you should never put your fist, and anus would be at the top of damn near every single one of them.

But for the more than 100,000 people who disagree and frequent the anal fisting website Rosebuttboard.com, well, let's just a say a hacker just shoved his fist up their asses.

According to Boing Boing, despite the fact that the website's operator has been using "salted hashes" on his users' passwords, the site was still easily breached because it has been using "out-of-date forum software that has known security vulnerabilities." Plus, those passwords were hashed with a "notoriously weak MD5 algorithm," and as a result, the hacker was able to obtain 107,303 usernames, passwords, IP addresses and email addresses.


Now, we don't know much about salted hashes or MD5 algorithms, and we sure as shit don't know the benefits that come with creating an account on an anal fisting website.

However, we do know that Rosebuttboard.com users who are now too scared to visit their go-to "anal fisting, prolapse, huge insertion and rosebutt" website will be thrilled to know that they can find Ava Devine videos pretty much everywhere else on the Internet.

If it would have been a lesbian site, we would have a crisis on our hands: Here Are The Top Porn Searches And Categories By State

 

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Circus Clown Tries To Lift And Spin Volunteer Dad, Knocks Him Unconscious Instead

May 12, 2016, 1:13 pm

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It's not like we needed another reason to hate clowns, but this video pretty much wraps it up for us.

Some poor bastard in Wales who was attending the circus for the first time in his life decided to volunteer his services on stage with a clown named Benjamin Coles thanks to the encouragement of his daughters.

"I just thought he was going to pretend to do something but not actually do it to get a laugh," 37-year-old Ben Garnham said. "I thought he was just going to squirt me with water or something."

Well, it was definitely something:


Garnham said he was rather upset about the way he was dragged off of the stage, as it could have led to paralysis if he would have been more seriously injured, and we agree. I mean, not too many paramedics rush to an emergency looking like a shirtless Billy Idol, and it turns out that was indeed the case here as well.

Garnham also said Coles and circus officials have contacted him to apologize. They offered him a full refund plus free tickets to their performance this Saturday, but that sounds more like a death wish than a "sorry I almost broke your neck" gift.

h/t Barstool Sports

Don't want to sleep tonight? Read this: The Scariest Clowns In The World

 

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Chinese Ride-Hailing App Offers Passenger $1.50 Refund After Driver Shows Up Without Pants

May 12, 2016, 1:43 pm

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Is it a tad drafty in here, or do you think it's because I'm naked from the waist down?

According to Mashable, a woman recently booked a car in the Chinese city of Tianjin using the ride-hailing app Didi Kuaidi, but she wound up asking the driver to stop so she could get out shortly after her trip began because the driver showed up with just a well-placed pair of gym shorts covering his naughty parts.


Xiaoshang said she immediately contacted a customer service representative at Didi Kuaidi to report the pantsless driver, but even after she provided photographic evidence of the pervert, she was met with resistance and repeated requests to "calm down."

Didi Kuaidi's solution to the unfortunate incident? You guessed it: A refund of $1.50.

That obviously wasn't good enough for Xiaoshang, so she decided to contact the police, who arrested the driver and detained him for 10 days. But that was only after his employer informed him of Xiaoshang's complaint and he responded by sending her a threatening text that read, "You have guts! Are you looking for trouble?"

No, dude. She was just looking for a ride from a guy who wasn't airing out his pecker.

Sometimes the passengers are the douchebags: 16 Uber Horror Stories As Told By The Drivers

 

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18 Photos That Demand A Second Look

May 13, 2016, 3:02 am

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Since you're still scratching your head at the last double-take photos we showed you, we might as well confuse you more by showing you 18 new photos that will make you say "the hell?" So get comfortable, and see if you can figure out just what is happening in each of these photos below.




































Via Izismile

And here are some more: 9 Confusing Photos That Will Make You Do A Double-Take

 

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Here's The First Known Picture Of Someone Flipping The Bird

May 13, 2016, 3:24 am

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Everyone sure does love flipping the bird. Even little kids love it. But it seems that we can trace the first known picture of someone flipping the bird all the way back to 1886.

Major League Baseball pitcher Charles "Old Hoss" Radbourn of the Boston Beaneaters (bring back the Beaneaters!) appears to flip the bird in this 1886 team photo.


Here it is highlighted:


And now a closeup of "Old Hoss" doing what he does best.


Some people have suggested that it looks like a cigar, which it does. However, an excerpt in Edward Achorn's book "Fifty-nine in '84: Old Hoss Radbourn, Barehanded Baseball, and the Greatest Season a Pitcher Ever Had..." seems to confirm that it's the finger:

"Charlie dutifully rested his right hand on the shoulder of the teammate sitting in front of him. But at the last minute, wearing a straight face...he lifted his left hand above his teammate's other shoulder, firmly thrust out his middle finger, and held it rock steady so that it would remain sharp and clear in the captured image...."

Nice going, Charlie. And he seemed to do the same thing the following year:


Hell yeah.

Via Twenty Two Words

These will go down in history, too: The Very Best Middle Fingers Ever Given To The World

 

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Today's Funny Photos

May 13, 2016, 3:40 am

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If you're feeling a little uneasy today because it's Friday the 13th, just look below at the hilarious photos gathered up for you to ease your worried mind. Actually, after looking at them again, some are pretty disturbing. Maybe it's best you...you've already quit reading this haven't you? Oh well. Good luck out there today.






Have you followed us on Twitter and Instagram yet?












Here are yesterday's Funny Photos, too.
















More: Funny Photos

 

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The 11 Biggest Onstage Rock Star Meltdowns

May 13, 2016, 4:36 am

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Getting up on stage in front of thousands of people is a real emotional experience, and when your adrenaline is surging, it's easy to get overwhelmed by it. Throughout the history of rock and roll, musicians have been freaking out on unsuspecting audiences and even their own band mates when things go wrong. In this feature, we'll share the stories of the most epic rock star meltdowns of all time. From all-out riots to career-ending fistfights, these are some seriously sour notes.

Guns N' Roses, 1991

Axl Rose is probably the most meltdown-prone rock star of all time, so it's only proper to start the list off with what might be his most epic freakout ever. When a fan in the audience in St. Louis had the gall to take a picture of the singer on stage, Rose lost his mind and jumped into the audience to try and wrestle his camera away. A melee erupted, with the singer punching security guys and audience members indiscriminately. When Axl got back on stage he threw his microphone down and told the assembled throng he was leaving. Naturally, a riot ensued in which dozens were injured. The city of St. Louis prosecuted Rose for inciting a riot, but he was found innocent.


Sly Stone, 2010

Legendary funk singer Sly Stone emerged from exile in 2010 amidst rumors that he was homeless and penniless. A gig at the Coachella Music Festival seemed to be the perfect place for Sly to bring his groove to a new generation, but the reclusive artist instead turned the event into a bizarre disaster. As his band gamely ran through the hits, Stone ranted about manager Jerry Goldstein, forgot words, and lay in the middle of the stage. After about a half an hour of this dismal and depressing performance, Sly simply disappeared. It was a depressing end to what was one of the most anticipated musical comeback stories of the decade, and to this day nobody knows exactly what spurred Stone into his meltdown.


Green Day, 2012

The transformation of Green Day from snot-nosed Oakland punks playing for pennies at Gilman St. to grown-ups with their own Broadway musical is pretty amazing, but you can never take the punk fully out of the man. At the 2012 iHeartRadio festival, lead singer Billie Joe interrupted his set to complain about the short time his band had left to play. He then smashed his guitar and launched into a profane rant against Justin Bieber and the "lazy" crowd before storming off stage. Face it, dude: the crowd was ready to see Rihanna up next, and bragging about being "around since 1988" didn't cut a lot of mustard with them. Billie Joe checked into rehab soon afterward.


Wavves, 2009

San Diego indie band Wavves proves that you don't need to be a pampered multi-millionaire to throw a hissy fit onstage. When the group traveled to Spain in 2009 for the Primavera Sound Festival, they were barely able to get through their soundcheck without arguing. After 15 minutes of that, they began a set that flirted with coherence at points but was punctuated by singer Nathan Williams insulting Spain and telling the crowd he was on ecstasy. Eventually, this all got to be too much for drummer Ryan Ulsh, who dumped a beer on Williams's head, threw his sticks at him and left the stage. Williams then launched into a profanity-filled tirade as the stage crew dismantled his setup around him.


Notorious B.I.G., 1995

Some of these onstage temper tantrums are at least partially justified. Case in point: when Biggie Smalls was trying to rock the 1995 KMEL Summer Jam, his flow was stymied by the myriad screwups coming out of DJ Big Kap's turntables. It wasn't 100 percent Kap's fault, either -- the weather in Southern California was so hot that it was actually melting the records, causing Biggie's instrumentals to go out of time. Biggie took to the live mic and berated the DJ in front of the audience, climaxing by chucking a water bottle at him. The pair apparently made up backstage, but it was a pretty tense moment.


Puddle of Mudd, 2016

It's a real mystery who still goes and sees concerts from nu-metal leftovers like Puddle of Mudd in 2016, but the sold-out audience at their show in Doncaster, England, was treated to a meltdown for the ages. Lead singer Wes Scantlin took the stage shirtless and staggered around, barely able to get songs out in between meandering monologues about being high on crack cocaine. By the end of the set, the rest of the band had abandoned him, and Scantlin sat down on a chair and mumbled into an inactive microphone as the crowd jeered and threw things at him.


Billy Joel, 1987

The Piano Man isn't the type you'd expect to throw a tantrum in the middle of a set, but at his 1987 show in Moscow, things got a little wild. A film crew was documenting the concert, and Joel started to get upset whenever they'd shine their lights into the crowd. The guys working security got confused and thought the audience members themselves were pissing Billy off, so they started removing them. That triggered Joel into literally flipping his piano onstage like the Hulk, grabbing a microphone stand and trying to beat the living crap out of one of the cameramen. Like a true pro, though, he somehow still managed to sing on key while doing all that.


The Ataris, 2012

Playing live music is a team effort, and if one member of the team isn't pulling their weight, things can get ugly. When B-rate pop-punk band The Ataris played a show in Asbury Park, NJ, drummer Rob Felcetti was notably behind the beat. Singer Kris Roe didn't take things that well, and responded by hurling his guitar at the hapless drummer before chasing him off the stage with a tirade of profanity. Roe then took apart Felcetti's drum kit piece by piece and threw it at him as well. The band issued a halfhearted apology and claimed that Felcetti was drunk, which he denies. The Ataris haven't released a record since 2007, though, so it might have been the final nail in the coffin.


Courtney Love, 1995

Courtney Love has basically made a career out of losing her mind both publicly and privately (remind me to tell you the story about how she used to call my old office at 2:30 a.m. and leave long rambling voicemails about how we stole her phone number), but one of her greatest meltdowns came in 1995 when she was touring Brazil with Hole. Midway through the set, Love stopped performing and said the show was over. When the crowd (quite naturally) reacted with anger, she launched into a bizarre tirade against fans, calling out one for being a "fat goth" and threatening to beat up another for holding a picture of Kurt Cobain for some reason.


Screeching Weasel, 2011

There are a lot of pogo punk bands on this list for some reason. It's weird that people who play super-dumb, three-chord tracks for tweens would be so crabby, but it appears they are. One of the nastiest incidents came in 2011 at SXSW, when perennial scene fixture Screeching Weasel played a gig that would go down in infamy. Frontman Ben Weasel grew tired of a woman in the audience throwing ice at him and charged at her, punching her in the face. When a female employee of the club tried to calm the situation down, Weasel attacked her, too. The day after the incident, every other member of the band quit in protest.


Creed, 2002

This final onstage meltdown was so bad that the audience actually sued the band. In 2002, Christian nu-metal group Creed was already on the decline. Frontman Scott Stapp's substance abuse problem had reduced him to a gibbering wreck, and when the group rolled into Chicago's Allstate Arena, he was in no condition to perform for the 15,000 fans in attendance. The show must go on, though, so as the rest of the band gamely soldiered through the hits, Stapp rolled around on stage, tried to mumble out the few words he remembered, and eventually passed out. Several concertgoers actually filed a class action lawsuit against the band demanding their money back.

 

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Porn Stars Reveal The Most Extreme Sex Scenes They've Ever Done (NSFW Language)

May 13, 2016, 6:49 am

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Since we've all seen porn, we've probably all come across a scene that just boggled our minds and made us want to step away from watching porn for a little bit (but not too long). Well, the porn stars in the video below probably felt the same way because they were part of those scenes.


Wood Rocket reeled in some porn stars and asked them what are the most extreme sex scenes they've ever been a part of. And man, some of them even shocked me. And I'm a disgusting human. Check out the video below, and pop in some headphones if you're at work.


"Thinking about it now I'm like 'ew, what the fuck?" Yep, that pretty much describes how we feel after watching some porn scenes, too.

Now you know: Do Porn Stars Have Real Orgasms On Set?

 

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The Non-Sequel Non-Superhero Movies of Summer to See

May 13, 2016, 7:20 am

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We've got more than enough summer sequels that are both superhero and unnecessary, but what about some of the non-sequel, non-superhero movies of summer? Earning their place based on merit rather than their loser lineage, these films are potentially quality viewing scenarios. Check out the movies of summer '16 for those of us who don't read comic books alone in bed every night.

"High-Rise" (May 13)

A doctor (Tom Hiddleston) lives atop a London skyscraper where class is proportional to the floor you live on: the well-to-do up top and the impoverished in the basement. As anarchy ensues, an architectural war begins and Sienna Miller continues to look smoking hot. And we see Dr. Laing take matters into his own hands. The book adaptation also stars Jeremy Irons and Elizabeth Moss.

"The Nice Guys" (May 20)

The young and seasoned duo of Ryan Gosling and Russell Crowe buddy up back in late '70s Los Angeles to investigate the disappearance of a girl and death of a porn star. Shane Black directs the detective thriller with its bits of comic relief. Young and classic beauties, Kim Basinger and Margaret Qualley (of "The Leftovers") star.

"Manhattan Night" (May 20)

Academy Award winner Adrien Brody plays petering journalist Porter Wren, who's always on the lookout for an edgy story. "Dexter" babe Yvonne Strahovski plays a housewife who enlists Wren to solve her husband's mysterious death, but in the end, he's the one whose life hangs in the balance as she and her accomplices burn every corner of his Manhattan life in a very "Basic Instinct" kind of way.

"Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping" (June 3)

Andy Samberg is popping hot (HOT, I say!) in his new mockumentary film, sort of a Zoolander-esque take on pop star culture. Playing pop sensation, Conner4Real, Samberg gives us the overhyped, overdone life of a spoiled pop star with an oversized entourage, including heavy comedy hitters Will Forte, Will Arnett, Bill Hader and Sarah Silverman, along with the amazing Imogen Poots and a few real-life pop stars themselves. It's going to be ridiculous, folks.

"Warcraft: The Beginning" (June 10)

The Warcraft series makes it to the big screen as orc warriors are forced to flee their homes toward Azeroth, a peaceful refuge. As the native army of a peaceful land faces destruction, the orc army faces extinction as the two butt heads, each with their own hero who will likely go head to head in the end.

"Central Intelligence" (June 17)

Facebook has done it again: reuniting estranged friends who have no business in each other's lives. Little man, Kevin Hart, plays a simple accountant who reconnects with an old buddy (Dwayne Johnson) who gets him caught up in his life of international espionage. Suffice it to say Kevin Hart is once again feeling completely misplaced in a midrange comedy that will likely get about 40 to 50 percent on the Tomatometer.

"Free State of Jones" (June 24)

Matthew McConaughey (Newt Knight) will try his hand in a period piece where his degenerate language is better suited as he goes from war hero to leader of a small, yet noble, Jones County Mississippi, army of slaves and farmers against the Confederacy. If you're uncertain of seeing it, watch the preview: We're pretty sure the trailer spoiled the entire ending.

"Elvis and Nixon" (June 24)

One of the most notorious photos in political history gets its story told as Kevin Spacey stays in the White House, but changes his name tag from Frank Underwood to President Nixon. Michael Shannon, plays Elvis Presley, who goes to the nation's capital to buddy up with the president himself in this rock 'n' roll political bro-love story.

"Suicide Squad" (August 5)

It's not another superhero movie; no, it's all about the anti-heroes. With no origin film to predicate itself on, no rule book or necessary signposts, we get an electric cast with Jared Leto's Joker down to his little sexy sidekick, Margot Robbie's Harley Quinn. As the summer winds down, the "Suicide Squad" warms up, and it's going to hit hard as everyone's favorite of the villainous variety.

"The Founder" (August 5)

Michael Keaton continues down his unique role path as the "founder" of one of the biggest franchises in American history. From a milkshake salesman to a rooster in the hen house, Ray Kroc steps on every toe he has to in order to make those golden arches cover the globe. Watch as Kroc puts a small-time diner on the map in the biggest, most deceitful way possible. Hey, it's only business.

 

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Fascinating Movie Facts You Never Knew

May 13, 2016, 7:50 am

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Everyone enjoys movies, and there are always film facts that people have no clue about and still don't. While you may know some crazy facts about your favorite classic movies, you can now use the ones below to impress your date, or to mutter to yourself when she leaves you.




























Via Izismile

Here are some more: 20 Facts About Popular Movies That Might've Gone Over Your Head

 

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Super Creepy Ghost Footage Captured In Honduras Hospital

May 13, 2016, 7:50 am

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Hospitals are a scary place; there really isn't a way around that. So it is no surprise that super creepy footage of a ghost was captured...in a hospital.

The video below, shot at School Hospital Universitario in Honduras, is also the location where a doctor reportedly took his own life. It is said that the doctor now haunts the corridors and turns lights on and off in patient rooms because he's probably bored, and what else would you do as a ghost?

I don't know what the hell it is that this person captured on video, but it's going to freak you out.


A lot of people will label this footage as fake or a trick, but I'm going to label it as "enough for me to never hang out in a dark hallway again."

h/t Viral Thread

Drinking at home sounds better now: Watch A Ghost Run Across A Bar After Knocking Over A Stool

 

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This Security Line At Midway Airport May Be The Longest Line Ever

May 13, 2016, 8:43 am

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It has been experienced by miserable people everywhere that airports are a gateway to hell, and the video in this story is just more evidence of that.

On May 12, travelers at Chicago Midway International Airport found themselves in a terrible situation, because the security line they were a part of was probably the longest line in the history of lines. Check out video proof below posted by Sean H on YouTube.


And this is also further proof that the TSA has no idea what the hell they are doing.

h/t Someecards

Accurate: A Timeline Of Every Trip To The Airport

 

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Smart-Ass Kid 'Cheats' On Test Without Breaking Any Rules At All

May 13, 2016, 9:00 am

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As much as it seems like we're getting dumber and dumber (and we are), there are still smart kids out there who should give everyone hope that we are not completely screwed. And the boy in this story is one of those kids.

A picture on imgur posted by a relative of the boy shows test questions that ask for a certain digit in different places. And instead of trying to figure out where to correctly put the number, the boy did this:


He just put that number in every single place.

It's not cheating, it's just a boy using common sense. Brilliant.

And then we have these kids: These Kids Are Either Really Smart Or Really Dumb: You Decide

 

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10 Times Major TV Characters Have Been Brought Back From The Dead

May 13, 2016, 9:50 am

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The main difference between fiction and reality (well, besides their very definitions) is that death rarely sticks in works of imagination. That is especially true for television, where just because a character is killed doesn't mean they are necessarily gone forever. There are ratings to chase, after all! The following TV deaths were eventually reversed, and whether it made much sense or not, you at least had your favorite characters back.

Jon Snow, "Game of Thrones"
Explanation: Prayer to the Lord of Light

Jon Snow was obviously not going to stay dead after being killed in the Season 5 finale of "Game of Thrones," but they sure wanted you to think he was. Even with the actor who plays him (Kit Harington) vehemently denying his return at every opportunity in-between seasons, fans had already seen Beric Dondarrion resurrected several times by Thoros of Myr, so it was no stretch of the imagination to figure that Jon would rise from the dead in similar fashion with a little aid from the Lord of Light.


Tony Almeida, "24"
Explanation: Shady organization injected him with a flimsy concept

If you were a fan of the FOX series "24" and it wasn't because of Jack Bauer, odds are you were tuning in for the next chapter in the life of Tony Almeida...until Season 5 when he was killed off unexpectedly (and pretty unceremoniously). His "death" seemed to serve very little purpose beyond shock value, so when he showed up again as the villain in Season 7, it was a bit confusing. Especially once we were told how it was even possible: After being injected with a lethal dose of hyoscine-pentothal and dying, he was revived 10 minutes later with a hypothermic compound and recruited into a secret underground mercenary organization composed of former special forces soldiers with grudges against the government. Sure, why not.


Buffy Summers, "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"
Explanation: Yanked back from heaven by a magic spell

Both "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and its spin-off "Angel" were no strangers to major deaths, including the occasional demise of a title character. When such an event happens as it did in the Season 5 finale of "Buffy" (jeez, is there a Season 5 of any show that doesn't end in death and misery?), you know the character will be coming back the next year. Hence, Buffy was revived with a magic spell performed by her best friend, Willow. The only problem was that rather than pulling her out of the Hell that is the afterlife, she was dragged away from Heaven instead. Life sort of pales in comparison after that, as we found out over the course of Season 6.


Dr. Sara Tancredi, "Prison Break"
Explanation: Eh, that wasn't her head in the box

Off-camera deaths are the worst, so it should come as no surprise that one of the dumbest resurrections in the history of television started as such. During Season 3 of "Prison Break," a box was sent to Lincoln Burrows from The Company with the supposed head of Michael Scofield's girlfriend, Dr. Sara Tancredi, inside. Psych! The next season, Sara returned alive and well with yet another half-assed explanation for her resurrection. Apparently, Linc didn't get a real good look at that head-in-a-box (probably because it was a freakin' head in a box!) and it was actually a decoy head belonging to another poor soul. The whole thing was pretty dumb all around, but since it wound up being due to contract negotiations with actress Sarah Wayne Callies and not just poor writing, we'll let it slide. After all, she was brought back as fan service, anyway.


Sam and Dean Winchester, "Supernatural"
Explanation: Death has no permanence

Truth be told, I haven't followed "Supernatural" since the Season 5 finale, which ended with Sam Winchester "dying" yet again, this time tumbling straight into Hell (yeah, it's a pretty complicated show). But it had already become a running joke by that point that Sam and his older brother Dean get killed an awful lot for a couple of guys who aren't actually dead. Well apparently, this is still a trend, as according to TV Guide, the pair have croaked a staggering 117 times combined (and counting). Clearly death means nothing to this series, a trope usually reserved for cartoons.


Brian Griffin, "Family Guy"
Explanation: Time travel (but mostly fan outrage)

As far as killing off major characters goes, this one felt the most orchestrated specifically for ratings. We're talking about the show that will murder a character in one scene and have them back unscathed in the next. Hell, they even "permanently" offed James Woods in the Season 9 episode "And Then There Were Fewer" only to bring him back one season later with a cheap, one-off joke. So I'm not even going to get into this one too much. In a nutshell, Stewie destroys his time travel machine, Brian dies, and Stewie realizes he can't go back and fix it. Only one episode went by without Brian before he was resurrected in the Season 12 episode "Christmas Guy" after Stewie managed to get his hands on his past self's time travel device. Even though this was clearly just a ploy for attention, fans freaked out and demanded Brian's return instantly after his death. When they got what they wanted, Seth MacFarlane all but confirmed exactly what I just said with this tweet.


Doctor Who, "Doctor Who"
Explanation: New Who

This is the only instance where the main character's death (sorry, "regeneration" in this case) is actually the lifeblood of the series. You see, whenever a Doctor "regenerates," they come back in a new form, reinvigorating the show every few years with a new actor in the lead Doctor role. Beyond that, I have no freaking idea what this show is about. But it's been around for 50+ years, so its clearly doing something right in the resurrections department.


Bobby Ewing, "Dallas"
Explanation: It was all a dream

This is about as "bottom of the barrel" as TV shows get when it comes to bringing main characters back from the grave. Like I said in the beginning, though, ratings conquer all. After Bobby Ewing's sister-in-law Katherine Wentworth ran him down at the end of the 1984–1985 season of "Dallas," he was brought back to the show a year later in the now classic shower scene pictured above. As it turned out, the entire previous season where Bobby had passed away had been a dream of his fiancée and ex-wife Pamela Barnes Ewing. That's either lucky or lazy, but considering the show survived several more years (and revivals) regardless, probably a dash more of the former.


Agent Phil Coulson, "Agents of Shield"
Explanation: Something about alien organs

This is a strange one for many reasons. First and foremost, Agent Coulson wasn't even killed during his time on the ABC series "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D." He actually kicked the bucket in the first "The Avengers" film, as his character originated in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. So how did he not only end up alive, but with his own TV series? Aliens, of course. As luck would have it, Coulson had been put in charge of a secret project known as T.A.H.I.T.I. prior to his death, with the objective being the ability to revive dead Avengers with a drug derived from alien organs and DNA. However, when applied, the drug drove test subjects crazy, so it was scrapped. Once Coulson died in action, S.H.I.E.L.D. director Nick Fury decided he'd simply give Coulson the T.A.H.I.T.I. treatment, but wipe his memory of all the bad stuff. Gotta love comic book logic!


Kenny McCormick, "South Park"
Explanation: Immortality

Speaking of comic book logic, no one besides maybe Wolverine regenerates faster than Kenny McCormick, the "South Park" character who would literally die every episode and come back for the first five seasons of the show. He still dies from time to time nowadays, but at the end of that fifth season, creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone got tired of the gimmick and killed him off for good in the episode "Kenny Dies." They eventually brought him back in Season 6 sans the running gag, and even fleshed out how such a phenomenon as rebirth was possible in the episodes "Coon 2: Hindsight," "Mysterion Rises" and "Coon vs. Coon and Friends" in Season 14. As I was saying, comic book logic is the best logic.

 

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Kim Jong-un Portrait Gets Photoshopped In The Most Perfect Ways

May 13, 2016, 10:04 am

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It's extremely difficult not to make fun of Kim Jong-un with his delusions, his empty threats and his terrible haircut, but it's even easier now that we've seen this recently released untouched photo of him.

Take a look at the portrait below:


And you know exactly what happens once a photo reaches Reddit: it gets Photoshopped. Take a look at the best and most hilarious Kim Jong-un photoshops the Internet had to offer:






















Hell, even Arnold isn't safe: Arnold Schwarzenegger Drinking A Beer Is The Latest Photoshop Battle Entry

 

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This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets

May 13, 2016, 10:50 am

≫ Next: Mia Khalifa Used The Crying Jordan Face In The Hottest Way Possible

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Another week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets, compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.

Follow @robfee on Twitter.

Don't brag about flying a chick out if u live in a poppin city. Impress me by getting her to ride Greyhound 13hrs to Horn Lake Mississippi

— Brandon (@JealousCloud) April 29, 2016

my bestfriend threw a birthday party for her dog and invited other dogs... this is what I AM ALIVE FOR pic.twitter.com/NQWlcp4oWg

— manda (@mandytbh) February 25, 2016

WHAT A RIPOFF. Did a bird come up with this mug? pic.twitter.com/He4wAxYdyT

— Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins) April 25, 2016

"WHOM WHOM WHOM"-owl that never gets invited to parties

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) April 30, 2016

Trying to do the snapchat filter where they swap you with an image of someone from your camera roll but almost every photo is of my own face

— Laura Benanti (@LauraBenanti) April 23, 2016

me: ah, now I will drift gently off to dreamland.

refrigerator: I SHALL MAKE US SOME ICE CUBES

— spacegirl incognito (@iamspacegirl) April 26, 2016

When autocorrect changes it to "holy shot" pic.twitter.com/ilkQeLUFRE

— TYLER LEMCO (@tlemco) April 28, 2016

I'm sorry, Mr Danza, I really am. We'd like to give you the role, but as you can clearly see, this character's name isn't Tony.

— Inappropriate Charm (@LackOfShame) May 5, 2016

This needs to be preserved in an art museum. pic.twitter.com/CGDxv4SYlC

— artificialdeath.flac (@hyped_resonance) April 30, 2016

[inside his head]
alien 1: what are you doing? smile protocol!!
alien 2 (fumbling with the controls): I'm trying pic.twitter.com/O0wasK2mUy

— Hippo (@InternetHippo) April 27, 2016

When did teen girls meet up and agree to comment the same thing on every Instagram picture and how do we stop them

— NOT A METH LAB (@jenlaw_11) April 28, 2016

If you have a crush on someone, try spending time with them and you'll usually get over it.

— Andrew Michaan (@AndrewMichaan) April 24, 2016

cowboy 1: this town aint big enough for the two of us
cowboy 2: whatever. i want to die anyway
cowboy 1: whoa r u ok dude

— cool as h*ck turtle (@dubstep4dads) April 29, 2016

You think this is tough? I was mayor of Baltimore, dude. The Lannisters wouldn't last five seconds against Omar pic.twitter.com/qlrlNVWcmM

— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) April 28, 2016

FRIEND: Make sure you ask her questions about herself - stuff you're both interested in.

[on date]

ME: So how many boobs do you have?

— Matt Shirley (@mattsurely) April 25, 2016

When the Wild Wacky Arm Guy has put on weight but thinks he's still got it pic.twitter.com/KWeODUwxfs

— Zack (@Mr_Kapowski) April 25, 2016

A millennial is any young person you don't like.

— Kashana (@kashanacauley) April 30, 2016

please don't try to get with anyone ive hooked up with. not cuz i have feelings for them or anything, just cuz i have really bad taste

— darcie wilder (@333333333433333) December 18, 2015

I keep a chalk outline of myself drawn outside my house so any murderers think, "dang, someone's already got the murdering covered here"

— non human paul (@Death_Buddy) March 21, 2016

One time I saw a video of a guy holding up a sign that said "I love you Stevie" at a Stevie Wonder concert. I think about this a lot.

— ♡ Good Account ♡ (@SortaBad) April 26, 2016

Want more? Check out last week's hilarious tweets.

 

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Mia Khalifa Used The Crying Jordan Face In The Hottest Way Possible

May 13, 2016, 11:01 am

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Mia Khalifa is obviously known as everyone's favorite Lebanese-American porn star (and we know a lot of Lebanese-American porn stars!), but Mia does more than everything you've seen her do in all those clips you've bookmarked. The 23-year-old also has a sense of humor.

That Crying Jordan meme is everywhere, but we're pretty sure he'd be OK with how it was used on Mia. Check it out below courtesy of her Instagram:

I hate all y'all. Whoever did this is petty 😭

A photo posted by Mia Khalifa (@notthefakemiakhalifa) on May 4, 2016 at 8:31pm PDT

And it should be noted that Mia is a big hockey fan, specifically the Washington Capitals. So if you're a Caps fan and you're bummed out that they are out of the playoffs, maybe this will lift your spirits:

Team spirit strong af 🏒 @andreburakovsky

A photo posted by Mia Khalifa (@notthefakemiakhalifa) on May 7, 2016 at 3:02pm PDT

Basic bitch. #Camster

A photo posted by Mia Khalifa (@notthefakemiakhalifa) on May 7, 2016 at 1:45pm PDT

Hell, I think I just became a hockey fan.

Get to know Mia more: We've Got The Dirt On Dirty Girl Mia Khalifa

 

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