Grandmas Know How To Do Hand-Me-Down Sneakers With Style

July 26, 2016, 12:18 pm

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Who has the time or energy to bend down and tie a shoe? Not your dear old grandmother, that's for damn sure. But don't buy into her whole arthritis routine so you feel bad for giving her used sneakers as a present. If that were the case, she wouldn't have had the power to lop the back sides of them off, presumably with a pair of those orange-handled scissors that only old people own.


By the way, this is an awful gift to give someone who sends you at least a five dollar check on your birthday every year, even if she did totally own them in the end.

(via Tumblr)

Related: Is There Something Wrong With This Girl's Ponytail, Or Is It Just Him?

 

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Dude Runs Over Employee With Electric Scooter During Walmart Theft

July 26, 2016, 12:23 pm

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Watching somebody roll through Walmart on an electric scooter looking for bargains on oversized containers of cheese balls isn't news. I mean, you see that almost as often as you hear Donald Trump say something racist.

But it's not every day that you see a man use the scooter to escape the discount store after first running over an employee who tried but failed to stop him from stealing.


How have we not seen that in 29 seasons of "Cops"?

Even crazier than the man's ability to make it out of the Tucson Walmart on July 3? You guessed it: Police still haven't caught the guy, and he was so handicapped or injured that he was carrying crutches with him on top of needing an electric scooter to get from point A to point B.

So if you're keeping score at home, a man who needs crutches and an electric scooter to get around was able to do what Heisman Trophy winner and NFL Hall of Fame running back O.J. Simpson couldn't do in a Ford Bronco, and that of course is outrun the law.

h/t Arizona Daily Star

My scooter! My f--king scooter, you bitch! Crazy Woman Attacks Boyfriend And Runs Over His Scooter

 

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Today's Funny Photos

July 27, 2016, 4:02 am

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It's no coincidence that when it comes to songs written about days of the week, Wednesday ranks near the bottom. It's just not a great day. Luckily, it does have a great nickname (hump day) and usually comes with a hilarious collection of funny photos from around the internet. So it's got that going for it.






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More: Yesterday's Funny Photos

 

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16 Women Describe Their Best Orgasm

July 27, 2016, 5:10 am

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As easy as it may be for the fellas to mess their pants, that's not always the case for the gals (the acting job she did with you last night doesn't count). But, women do have orgasms of course, and the 16 women below weren't shy when it came down to describing the best orgasm they ever had.
































h/t Izismile

And here's what the famous gals have to say about this: 9 Famous Women Weigh In On The Female Orgasm

 

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Your Favorite Band Based On Your Zodiac Sign

July 27, 2016, 5:17 am

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Did you know that your Zodiac sign has a predetermined penchant for a specific type of music? It's true. Along with terrible traits, each sign has its own musical guilty pleasure. If you take issue with any of these, please know that you're a minority within your sign.

Aquarius (January 21 - February 19)

Favorite Band: U2

Bono sums up the Aquarius personality perfectly. He's a globalist hippie who likes to go to AIDS-ravaged countries and pretend to care. He will then attempt to instill a democracy where there was none and destabilize an entire region for the sake of killing an alpha dictator. Finally, like a prototypical Aquarius, he will read the Voices section of the Huffington Post and say, "I can't believe the news today. I just can't close my eyes and make it go away." That's because you're embarrassed of what you did.

I know this band pick will piss off Aquarii. However, it fits. In addition to U2, the Aquarius loves hipster indie music. If the band doesn't make any money, the band is therefore good. Unless that band is U2, because Bono is the messiah we need.


Pisces (February 20 - March 20)

Favorite Band: Hawthorne Heights

The Pisces is notoriously emo. They're drawn to the sounds of tears falling on guitars. Screams, cries, howling-at-dad music. They're the most sensitive of the Zodiacs. It makes them great to have as a friend when your girlfriend ripped your heart out of your anus. However, they like Hawthorne Heights, so avoid them if you can.

Side note: Remember Hawthorne Heights? They're that emo band that came out with the song "Ohio is for Lovers." It includes the lyric "Cut my wrists and black my eyes." Scientifically speaking, they've done studies that allude to the fact that Pisces cry a lot. It's science. Other bands they like may includeSimple Plan, A Thorn for Every Heart, and The Smiths.


Aries (March 21 - April 20)

Favorite Band: Kanye West

When you think of Kanye, you probably think of childishness, arrogance, and stubbornness. These are key traits of the Aries. However, those are just the negative traits (we'll focus on those today to be sure), and like Kanye—bless the little feller—they live within themselves and utilize mental gymnastics to conjure foolish confidence. Like Kanye.


Taurus (April 21 - May 21)

Favorite Band: Coldplay

Tauruses like to melt into aesthetic surroundings and sip wine next to fake fires, reflecting on how great they are. In a robe. Definitely in a robe. Picture a person with zero artistic instinct picking a band that seems artistic but isn't—Coldplay.

Tauruses are the biggest divas in astrology. They're as diva as Coldplay singer Chris Martin's ex-wife, whose name I forgot. They named her daughter Apple, though, and that's a very Taurus thing to do. Materialistic, superficial, self-indulgent. Dave Matthews Band is a close second.


Gemini (May 22 - June 21)

Favorite Band: Nicki Minaj

The Gemini is the schizo of the bunch. They have multiple personalities, hence the "twin." Nicki Minaj is an ideal representation of the Gemini because she has a string of idiotic alter egos, such as Roman, Martha, Female Weezy, Nicki Lewinsky, Rosa, and The Harajuku Barbie. All terrible.

The Gemini is also extremely flighty. It's apparent that Nicki Minaj is constantly trying out new identities on every album. One moment she's singing an inspirational tune about how we're all starships meant to fly, and the next, she's talking about truffle butter and anaconda penises. Where's the consistency?


Cancer (June 22 - July 22)

Favorite Band: Creed

One of the most prominent attributes of Cancers is attention-seeking behavior. Scott Stapp of Creed exemplifies histrionic personality disorder like no other. He wanted to be Jesus. It didn't really work out that well. When Creed was on its way out in 2003, Stapp even wanted to commit suicide so that he would gain Kurt Cobain-like martyr status. Fragile and temperamental, the Cancer finds solace within their crab shell when the world doesn't accept them "with arms wide open."


Leo (July 23 - August 21)

Favorite Band: Jay Z

Power-hungry and vain, the Leo wants to rule the kingdom. While Barack Obama said Jay Z's wife is the most powerful person on Earth, Shawn Carter holds equal ground. He has $520 million in the bank with business ventures including the New Jersey Nets, Roc-A-Fella Records, and holding a chair at Illuminati, Inc. The Leo aspires to be Jay Z, and often has 99 problems.


Virgo (August 22 - September 23)

Favorite Band: The Jonas Brothers

It takes a cold, analytical mind to be OK being a slave of Disney. It also takes a cold, analytical mind to rationalize holding your fake bulge for Flaunt Magazine while promoting purity. That's the Virgo—cold, analytical, virgins. Although the Jonas Bros. are no longer shilling for abstinence, they held the Christian tack for a while. Virgos are also keen on keeping everything inside, especially their semen.


Libra (September 23 - October 22)

Favorite Band: Black Eyed Peas

The Libra is a people-pleaser, and sometimes they try so hard to be balanced that they become undefined. The Black Eyed Peas came to prominence as a multi-ethnic quartet asking the world, "Where is the Love?" They soon released a ballad titled "Let's Get Retarded," which possibly offended the mentally disabled. Thus, the downfall of the Libra. In their quest to please everyone, they please no one.


Scorpio (October 24 - November 22)

Favorite Band: GG Allin

The Scorpio is a firebug notorious for its passion and intensity. GG Allin personifies the Scorpio to a tee. He wasn't just a guy who threw poop on stage and cut himself; he was a cult figure whose birth name was actually Jesus Christ. He died a little differently than Christ did, however, in his own excrement via heroin overdose.

Fans of GG Allin are degenerate shitlords and more often than not, Scorpios. While GG was alive, they probably didn't tell their coworkers they attended a concert during the weekend where a goat was sacrificed and feces was thrown into the audience, keeping it on the inside. The Scorpio keeps things on the inside, too. Dangerous, deviant, hidden.


Sagittarius (November 23 - December 22)

Favorite Band: Miley Cyrus

A Sagittarius likes to come in like a wrecking ball to parties, singing "Party in the USA" at the top of their lungs. They are ADHD-prone. Miley is a Sag archetype, being a Sag herself. Their reputation precedes them as tactless (twerking with tongue out), adventurous (parties in the USA), and utterly decked out in clown clothes.


Capricorn (December 23 - January 20)

Favorite Band: Kenny G

The Cap is too focused on his career to give much thought to music. So they do their bills in solitude with light saxophone in the background. Inhibited, mature, responsible, it isn't uncommon to see a Capricorn adulting at the age of six. Kenny G and various classical music aligns with the Capricorn lifestyle.

 

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17 More Hilarious Snapchats We're Happy Were Saved

July 27, 2016, 5:30 am

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Sure, the point of Snapchat is that pictures disappear after a few seconds, but sometimes a snap is so funny that someone had to be quick enough to save it forever. That's why we're glad these hilarious snaps weren't deleted, and we're just as glad the snaps below still exist.


































h/t Pleated-Jeans

There's always time for a pun: Snapchat Puns Are Our Favorite New Favorite Kind Of Puns

 

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A Hole-By-Hole Breakdown Of A Typical Golf Outing With Your Buddies

July 27, 2016, 5:58 am

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It's a glorious sunny morning, and you and three of your buddies have all taken the day off to enjoy a round of golf. It's been a really long time since your last golf outing, so you're all super excited for a fun-filled day of great shots, ice cold beers and a lot of laughs. Carts are rented, clubs are loaded up, and the coolers are packed with enough drinks for 18 holes and then some. Your tee time is now, so let's begin...


Hole 1
Your friend who always parties way too hard has already cracked his third beer somehow. He tees off first and shanks it into the woods. That ball's gone forever. Your buddy who takes golf way too seriously hits a decent shot to the right of the fairway but already seems pissed off. Your friend who has only golfed twice in his life before swings and misses a few times before hitting a ground ball shot about 50 yards. You hook one pretty badly into the rough. You'll all be taking at least double bogeys on this one, except for your serious friend. He pars it and takes a sip of his Gatorade, reminding you that he doesn't drink until the back nine.

Hole 2
You all manage to hit decent tee shots and start to think that this golfing thing isn't so difficult after all. Then you all chip like shit and three-putt. Even your serious, competitive friend double bogeys. Party animal friend is about to reach in the cooler for his sixth beer.


Hole 3
It's the first par 3 hole of the course, and nobody notices that your pal who never golfs is using his driver until it's too late. He actually smashes it and the ball sails way over the green, almost killing a lady on the next hole. Now those people are angry. You apologize profusely for your idiot friend, while your drunk friend shouts sarcastic comments from the golf cart. You actually par this hole, though, much to the chagrin of your serious friend who bogeyed.

Hole 4
Oh boy, serious friend just let the expletives fly after slicing his drive. Many young kids were within earshot. You all quickly hit your drives and speed off in the carts. After putting in, you record everyone's score and are pretty sure that your serious friend shaved off a stroke, but don't want to say anything to piss him off more.

Hole 5
Your party animal friend is officially drunk. He wanders away to go find a toilet and says he'll just meet you at the next hole. Your inexperienced golfer buddy is hitting the ball about 20 yards at a time, which is frustrating your serious golfer buddy. You are quietly playing some of the best golf of your life for the past three holes.

Hole 6
The golf course is now pretty backed up, so you are waiting at the tee box for the group ahead of you to finish. This is bad news because now your drunk friend is trying to be funny, but is just being loud while people are teeing off. The dirty looks from fellow golfers are clearly in your group's direction.

Hole 7
The morning coolness has now passed and it's hot as hell and humid. The beers are not staying cold as long, which sucks for everyone except the party animal, who just finished his tenth. Your pal who never golfs puts on some sunscreen, which causes him to loose grip of his club when he swings and it goes flying. Everyone starts laughing except the foursome behind you, who looks like they want to kill all of you.


Hole 8
Your serious golfer friend has not said a word in 20 minutes, which you realize is because you are currently beating him by two strokes. Now that you are aware of that, you drive one right into the water.

Hole 9
After taking two penalty strokes on the last hole at the insistence of your competitive buddy, you are now tied with him and a little pissed off yourself. Time to start drinking more heavily!

Hole 10
Three of you just housed some hot dogs from the clubhouse before starting the back nine. Serious friend opted for a banana and a PowerBar instead. However, he did crack his first beer as promised. Your drunk pal just tried to do the Happy Gilmore swing off the tee and missed completely and fell down. He also may have pissed himself. You are getting pretty drunk, as well. Inexperienced guy is currently 30 over par and says he's gonna sit the next few holes out.

Hole 11
After hitting two straight shots into the water, your drunk pal attempts to throw the ball over the pond instead, but that also doesn't make it either. He yells "Fuck this sport!" and heads back to the cart to continue drinking (a small bottle of whiskey now somehow). You miss an easy putt and it takes every ounce of energy to not yell some profanity, as well.


Hole 12
Drunk buddy and inexperienced buddy (who is also very drunk) drive their cart off path to go check out a foursome of lady golfers. They are pretending to look for a missing ball but it is painfully obvious.

Holes 13 through 17
Nobody remembers playing these holes except for your serious competitive friend because you're all too drunk. He will tell you later on that he got a few birdies, but nobody will be able to verify his score.

Hole 18
All four of you decide to get your shit together for the final hole, a beautiful par 3 that leads back to the clubhouse. Your inexperienced friend pulls out his driver again, but you catch it this time and hand him a 9-iron. He hits it perfectly and it stops a foot away from being a hole-in-one. It's the shot of the day. Everyone cheers and is happy to be playing this wonderful game called golf...except one person...your friend who takes it all way too seriously.


Related: The Craziest Hole-In-One You'll Ever See

 

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11 Movies That Still Confuse The Hell Out Of Us (And Their Simpler Alternatives)

July 27, 2016, 6:45 am

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It's nice when you can go see a movie, shut your brain off for two hours and just forget about everything. However, some films are more complex and don't allow you to do that, and then there are a particular number of movies that aim to completely twist your brain up in a knot. The films below do exactly that. But not to worry, because while we will remind you of these films, we are also going to suggest some simple, easier-to-understand alternatives.

"Interseller" (2014)

Just what in the hell is this movie? Matthew McConaughey and his laid-back attitude goes from wormholes to different dimensions to blackholes, and when it is all said and done we are left absolutely lost and unaware as to what has just occurred. You pretty much need an astrophysics degree to understand this one.

Alternative: "Armageddon" - A bunch of drillers are trained to be astronauts and they're taken into space where they have to drill a hole in an asteroid to blow it up. Thanks for simplicity, Michael Bay.

"Inception" (2010)

Wait, what layer are we in? A dream, within a dream, within a dream? And was Leo dreaming at the end? Someone tell me! Damn you, Christopher Nolan, you give us all headaches with your puzzles.

Alternative: "Nightmare On Elm Street" - Crazed guy kills teenagers in their dreams. So much for wet dreams.

"Donnie Darko" (2001)

A film featuring a giant talking bunny shouldn't make your head hurt, but thanks to director Richard Kelly that's exactly what occurs here. Jake Gyllenhaal's character learns the world will end so he tries to change it, and of course time travel becomes involved which affects his life all while he's losing his mind.

Alternative: "Hop" - The Easter bunny's teenage son wants to become a drummer instead of taking over the family business. Yes, this is a real movie.

"The Big Short" (2015)

Not even an appearance from Margot Robbie in a bathtub could help me understand anything that was going on in this film. A bunch of dudes predict the housing collapse and then use it to their advantage to do stuff. They also take on the banks. I honestly have no idea, but I'm pretty sure Bernie Sanders would have loved to have made a cameo.

Alternative: "Smart House" - Kid wins a fully automated house. House takes control of family. Lessons are learned. The end.

"Memento" (2000)

So before Christopher Nolan was messing up our dreams, he was completely breaking our brains by making this film. "Memento" is filled with so many different pieces you're going to try and force it all together so that it fits like that remaining piece on your grandma's puzzle. Problem is, none of it makes sense.

Alternative: "Finding Dory" - Dory has short-term memory but she wants to find her parents.

"Pi" (1998)

If you thought Beginners Algebra was the most difficult thing you've ever come across you may not want to see this movie. "Pi" deals with a lot of math, puzzles, numbers, patterns, combinations, and oh, the whole damn universe.

Alternative - "Good Will Hunting" - Matt Damon's character is a genius but an asshole, and after he solves a super difficult math problem he's sent to a therapist.

"2001: A Space Odyssey" (1968)

If you somehow got through this movie without collapsing, we commend you. Sure, this Stanley Kubrick film is a classic, but the pacing moves like a slug, scenes are long, and to this day the ending still baffles us. So David Bowman turns into a baby? Wait, what?

Alternative: "WALL-E" - Robot on wheels spends his day hanging by himself on earth until he meets a gal, and together they go on a space journey.

"Synecdoche, New York" (2008)

Charlie Kaufman doesn't enjoy doing simple films, so watching "Synecdoche New York" is nothing more than a trip into a corn maze -- a maze you're never going to get out of. The late-great Philip Seymour Hoffman plays a theatre director who is working on a mock-up city. And as it progresses, so does his mind, as he falls into a world that neither you nor I can comprehend. Seriously, what the hell is going on in this film?

Alternative: ""Evan Almighty" - Not a city, but a dad is instructed to build an ark, so he does. And he grows a beard.

"Adaptation" (2002)

Speaking of Kaufman's ability to confuse us all, "Adaptation" is one of those rare Nicolas Cage movies that don't suck. Even though we have no clue what's going on. Cage's character is a screenwriter who is trying (and struggling) to adapt a novel, and the screenplay ends up being about him trying to adapt that specific novel. The hell?

Alternative: "The NeverEnding Story" - Kid starts reading a book and enters a fantasy world.

"Primer" (2004)

If you're never heard of "Primer" you're one of the lucky ones. Shane Carruth, the man behind this film, is a former engineer with a degree in mathematics. And that should tell you how complex this film is. "Primer" deals with time travel, doubles, different timelines, headaches and mor headaches. At the end your ears might be bleeding from trying to follow everything.

Alternative: "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" - Two friends time travel. Hilarity ensues.

"Lost Highway" (1997)

It all starts with a videotape that Bill Pullman's character finds outside his door. And from there things get so bizarre and unsettling, that before you know it Pullman has turned into an entirely different character. Exactly. But hey, if you're looking for another mindfuck from David Lynch, give "Mulholland Drive" a shot, too.

Alternative: "Big" - Kid turns into another entirely different character: Tom Hanks.

 

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19 Painfully Obvious Movie Mistakes

July 27, 2016, 6:50 am

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It takes months to make a film, so it's no surprise that sometimes mistakes go unnoticed. But the mistakes below are so obvious, so in your face, that's it's pretty baffling that weren't caught before they were released for millions and millions of people to see. Check out 19 mistakes that somehow found their way into the movies.






































Via Movie Mistakes

And sometimes bloopers make it on film as well: These Movie Bloopers Actually Made It Into The FIlm

 

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The Woman Who Voices Harley Quinn In Video Games Gives Margot Robbie A Run For Her Money

July 27, 2016, 7:23 am

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OK, so she's no Margot Robbie, but Canadian-American actress Tara Strong is certainly not doing badly for herself at all.

Enjoy your dinner Puddins! #harleyquinn #sdcc2016

A photo posted by Tara Strong (@tarastrong514) on Jul 23, 2016 at 8:51pm PDT

The 43-year-old voices Harley Quinn in all of the Arkham video games, including "Injustice: Gods Among Us" and "Lego Dimensions." Gamers with a keen ear may also recognize her voice as the voice of Batgirl in "Batman: The Animated Series" and "Batman: The Killing Joke."

Although Strong is probably most known for voicing Timmy Turner in "The Fairly OddParents." And while she won't play Harley Quinn in "Suicide Squad," Strong did dress up as her at Comic Con. Check out her costume thanks to her Instagram:

Kinda loved surprising the fans tonight.... #sdcc2016 #harleyquinn

A photo posted by Tara Strong (@tarastrong514) on Jul 23, 2016 at 8:15pm PDT

#sdcc2016 #harleyquinn

A photo posted by Tara Strong (@tarastrong514) on Jul 23, 2016 at 8:30pm PDT

And here's Strong when she isn't in costume:

Hmm...who'm I voicing r now!...

A photo posted by Tara Strong (@tarastrong514) on Dec 15, 2015 at 1:22pm PST

Just another day at the office #voicechick

A photo posted by Tara Strong (@tarastrong514) on Nov 23, 2015 at 10:56am PST

#wearorange

A photo posted by Tara Strong (@tarastrong514) on Jun 2, 2016 at 3:13pm PDT

h/t BroBible

And here's Margot's version: Margot Robbie Sizzles As Harley Quinn In The Newest 'Suicide Squad' Promo

 

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This Drinking Story Further Cements Andre The Giant's Legacy

July 27, 2016, 8:35 am

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Andre the Giant was an incredible specimen, and one of the 100 greatest wrestlers of the '90s. But it's been more than 20 years since his passing, and stories continue to pour in that remind everyone just what a wonder he was -- and most of the stories have to do with drinking.


Retired pro wrestling legend Gerald Brisco spoke with the Tampa Bay Times recently and shared a crazy drinking story featuring his buddy, Andre.

"Andre used to ask me to get him six bottles of Mateus wine and ice them down," Gerald recalls. "He would drink those before we went to the ring and no one could tell. One night in Sarasota, Andre is traveling with us. So we pull over and get two cases of tall boys. By the time we get from Sarasota to the Tahitian Inn on Dale Mabry, the two cases were bone dry."


The man was the Babe Ruth of wrestling. With way more of an alcohol intake.

Here are some more crazy facts: 12 Fun Size Facts About Andre The Giant That Will Make You Feel Small

 

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'Sweet Valley High' Twins Are Back Together And They're As Hot As Ever

July 27, 2016, 9:06 am

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"Sweet Valley High" was pretty much a show that focused on two blonde twins and their lives. Not exactly groundbreaking. But Brittany Daniel and her sister Cynthia played the twins, and boy, they are still looking great.

Holiday weekend hang time with family and friends. #4thofjuly #family #summer #twins

A photo posted by Brittanyandcynthiadaniel (@thetwintravelers) on Jul 3, 2016 at 1:51pm PDT

It's been almost 20 years since "Sweet Valley High" was canceled after four seasons. Check them out in all their '90s glory below.


While the twins haven't really stayed much on the radar, they do have an Instagram that shows them traveling the world and looking good doing it.

Check out some of the twins' best pictures below thanks to their Instagram:

Being we are from Florida we love traveling to warm sunny locations. #Mexico #puntamita #summer #twintravelers #twins

A photo posted by Brittanyandcynthiadaniel (@thetwintravelers) on Jul 25, 2016 at 8:33pm PDT

Traveling with your #twin sis and best friend is what we live for....#twintravelers #40isthenew30 #beachbody #grateful #beaches #travel #love #bathingsuits

A photo posted by Brittanyandcynthiadaniel (@thetwintravelers) on May 24, 2016 at 8:03pm PDT

Cuttin up before our meeting! @iambdaniel @fivearrowsphotography #twins #travel #love #friendship #thankful

A photo posted by Brittanyandcynthiadaniel (@thetwintravelers) on Jun 28, 2016 at 8:07pm PDT

Vacation time!!! @iambdaniel @fivearrowsphotography @aepcrown #hawaii #lovers+friends #aguadecoco @aguadecocoswimwear @revolveclothing @huckleberryltd

A photo posted by Brittanyandcynthiadaniel (@thetwintravelers) on Nov 7, 2015 at 11:03pm PST

Sister night out at the @thehuntleyhotel in #santamonica .... Beautiful dinner... Amazing view... #twintravelers #twins

A photo posted by Brittanyandcynthiadaniel (@thetwintravelers) on Jun 9, 2016 at 9:41pm PDT

Enjoying the sunset with friends at @nobumalibu .... Little bit of heaven. #twintravelers #sunset #sushi

A photo posted by Brittanyandcynthiadaniel (@thetwintravelers) on Jul 22, 2016 at 10:47am PDT

h/t Someecards

And here's a tad more on one-half of the twins: Brittany Daniel Is 40 Years Old And Still Rocking A Hot Body

 

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Guy Lip Syncs The Hell Out Of Various Songs While His Mom Completely Ignores Him

July 27, 2016, 9:30 am

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Because Jimmy Fallon wants to punish us for our sins, lip syncing has been taking over the world. Now that James Corden is doing his thing on Car Karaoke, this trend won't be dying anytime soon either. So it makes sense that people are capitalizing on it -- especially people on YouTube.

Youtuber Moretoki is one of those people, as he took a simple car ride with his mother and turned it into his own concert. Too bad his mom didn't care one bit. Take a look at the hilarious video.


Mom wasn't having any of that performance.

This girl didn't impress her mom either: This Mom Doesn't Give A Damn About Her Daughter's Dancing Aspirations

 

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You're Never Going To Drive Alone At Night Again After Watching This

July 27, 2016, 10:20 am

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There aren't many positive things that can happen when you find yourself driving alone on a deserted road, but usually you hope that your car doesn't die there or that a deer doesn't run out in front of you. If those things don't happen you're usually safe. Then again, you don't really expect what happened to the driver below to occur.

Check out this bizarre road incident thanks to Reddit:


Yeah, let's just wait until daylight next time.

Now watch this if you're brave: Scary As Hell Video Is Another Reason Not To Take Selfies Again

 

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Girl Confuses Nair With Shampoo, Now Looks Like Bald Man

July 27, 2016, 1:59 pm

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Sometimes the best jokes are on oneself. Well, to an outsider, anyways. We can't imagine the girl pictured in the following tweets from @Kaycon000 is finding the situation quite as comical. But that's what happens when you don't read labels carefully.

MY SISTER THOUGHT NAIR WAS SHAMPOO 😨😲😳 pic.twitter.com/rraERLdGU6

— Kayla Connors (@Kaycon000) July 27, 2016

On the plus side, with Halloween only a few months out, she'd make a great Larry David.

Related: 30 Of The Funniest Women You Should Be Following On Twitter

 

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Trailer Rolls Down A California Highway With No Truck At The Helm

July 27, 2016, 10:18 pm

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Rolling through Bakersfield, California can be quite the adventure. It's hot. It's dry. People stab each other in broad daylight. I mean, pick your poison.

And when you're driving on Highway 99, you better be paying attention because if it's not a guy behind the wheel of a pickup truck hauling two dozen caged chickens doing 45 MPH in the left lane and suddenly swerving to the right because he didn't see that there was a Del Taco at the next exit until the very last second, then it's a trailer full of pallets cruising down the road on its own.

Seriously, there's no truck pulling this bad boy:


I know it's not the first thing that comes to mind when you see something like that, but goddamn, how top notch is that trailer's alignment?

h/t UPI

This runaway trailer wound up being a hero: Serial Rapist Watching Porn On His Phone Gets Smoked By Runaway Trailer

 

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Church Organist Arrested For Shoving His Penis Through Hole In Bathroom Wall

July 27, 2016, 10:24 pm

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Maybe he misunderstood them when they told him to have fun with his organ in a holy place.

According to The Smoking Gun, a 75-year-old church organist was arrested earlier this month after he entered the men's room at a Brooksville, Florida park, "shoved his penis" through a hole in a crapper stall divider wall and then waited for the street sweeper who was dropping a deuce on the other side to do something with it.


The "agitated victim" wanted no part of that glory hole action on July 12, so he confronted Jerry Childress, who quickly ran off into the woods. Responding cops couldn't find him, but the street sweeper sure as shit did a little while later after he went back to work.

Childress hopped in car and beelined it to Faith Evangelical Presbyterian Church, where he had been playing organ music and giving his "gift back to God" for the last decade. Unbeknownst to Childress, the victim had followed him the entire way on his street sweeper and called the police.

Childress eventually admitted to being a perv when police questioned him on the matter and was arrested for indecent exposure.

Sometimes the back of a squad car makes a fine toilet: Florida Man Speeding Home To Use Bathroom Poops In Squad Car Instead

 

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This Masturbating Monkey Is Having Way More Fun Than You Are

July 27, 2016, 10:32 pm

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Odds are if you hang around any monkey exhibit at the zoo long enough, you're going to get your money's worth.

It might be in the form an orangutan shoving his thumb up his ass and then giving it a whiff, or it could be in the form of a baboon taking a shit in his hand and then throwing it at the group of second-graders in the front row.

Or it could be in the form of a monkey hanging upside down and punching his clown and showing absolutely no shame about doing so:

This monkey is a straight up savage pic.twitter.com/h6yp9x9HC5

— Barstool Sports (@barstoolsports) July 26, 2016

On a side note, how messed up is that dude at the end of the clip? I mean, that's a monkey yanking his chain, bro, and your first instinct is to move closer to the thin layer of glass separating you from his savagery and attempt to pet him?

Good lord. If that guy is babysitting your kids this weekend, our suggestion is that you find somebody else.

h/t Barstool Sports

The monkeys haven't totally grasped the concept of an illusion yet: Baboon Gets Mind Blown By Simple Magic Trick

 

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Today's Funny Photos

July 28, 2016, 4:19 am

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This Thursday collection of funny pictures and memes is perfect for the individual who is stuck at home or at the office, possibly with an ankle monitor on. Scroll down and forget about all your troubles, including that court ordered tracking device you can't remove for six months.






Hey, wanna be cool? Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, fool.








Check out more Funny Photos on Mandatory.








Check out more Funny Photos on Mandatory.












More: Yesterday's Funny Photos

 

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The Funniest GIFs Of The Week

July 28, 2016, 4:37 am

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The best thing about GIFs is that they'll be just as funny in a week as they are right now. We'd never make you wait that long since it's our job to show you new ones every week, but just to prove our point, we'll provide a link to last week's post at the very end of this collection. Sure, we were gonna do that anyways, but it never hurts to make people think you're working twice as hard.


Eh, slap a filter on it and it'll still kill on Instagram.



Pfff, I've been drunker.



Spoiler: He never reaches the food.



I can't remember the last time someone gave me a free car wash.



Who needs towels when there's excess neck skin aplenty?



Even if it does work, you look ridiculous.



Still looks better than most yearbook photos.



It loves you not.



At least he finally caught the red dot.



Speaking of catching things...



Showoff.



Oh, nevermind, this is some kind of slug-off. My bad.

While I slink away in shame, you should try out last week's hilarious GIFs one more time.

 

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