Movie title: Die Hard

Book title: Nothing Lasts Forever

Movie title: Planet of the Apes

Book title: Monkey Planet

Movie title: Total Recall

Book title: We Can Remember It for You Wholesale

Movie title: Full Metal Jacket

Book title: The Short-Timers

Movie title: Cape Fear

Book title: Executioner

Movie title: Apocalypse Now

Book title: Heart of Darkness

Movie title: Road to Perdition

Book title: Lone Wolf and Cub

Movie title: Apollo 13

Book title: Lost Moon

Movie title: There Will Be Blood

Book title: Oil!

Movie title: Slumdog Millionaire

Book title: Q&A

Movie title: Shawshank Redemption

Book title: Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption

Movie title: Million Dollar Baby

Book title: Rope Burns

Scott Hall

One of the most popular wrestlers of the '90s, Hall had tremendous success in the WWE as Razor Ramon and then in the WCW under his real name as a founding member of the nWo (along with Kevin Nash and Hulk Hogan). Unfortunately he began struggling with a severe drug and alcohol addiction, which resulted in multiple arrests and several hospital stays from overdoses. He is currently living with another former wrestler, Diamond Dallas Page, and is working to rebuild his life while remaining sober and getting hip replacement surgery.

Rick Steiner

Rick, along with his brother Scott Steiner, was one of the most popular tag teams in wrestling history with a career spanning nearly twenty years.  In 2004, he began a new journey with his life and started selling real estate in Atlanta, where he became a member of the Cherokee County School District Board in 2006.

Tammy Lynn Sytch

Better known as Sunny in the WWE, Sytch was one of the first Divas and spent the majority of her career managing her boyfriend Chris Candido. She began struggling personally after her career ended. This included several trips to rehab and a four-week span in 2012 where she was arrested five different times for burglary, disorderly conduct, and violating a protective order.

Lex Luger

The three-time world champion wrestled in NWA, WCW, and WWE until 2002 when he semi-retired. After multiple legal problems and a divorce, Luger had a terrifying scare in 2007 when he suffered a spinal stroke. He struggled with temporary paralysis and even after a month of treatment he had no movement in his arms or legs. In 2010, he became more comfortable walking on his own and is now able to drive.

Jesse Ventura

Ventura was one of the most charismatic characters in wrestling until 1984 when blood clots in his lungs forced him to retire. He continued to do color commentary as well as acting in movies such as "Predator" and "The Running Man."

In 1998, he made headlines when he was surprisingly voted in as the governor of Minnesota. He held the position until 2003. He remains politically active and, in recent interviews, stated that if he gets enough support he would consider a 2016 presidential run.

Marc Mero

Known as Johnny B. Badd in the WCW and The Wildman in WWE, Mero was a three-time WCW Television Champion and was named PWI's Rookie of the Year in 2001. Since his retirement, he founded a non-profit organization called Champion of Choices where he speaks at schools and churches encouraging teens to make positive choices and pursue their dreams.

Jake Roberts

Roberts well-documented drug and alcohol problems have, unfortunately, overshadowed his popular wrestling career. In 2007 the WWE paid all expenses for Roberts to check in to a 14-week rehab program. He continued on a downward spiral until 2012 when he moved in with Diamond Dallas Page to help with his sobriety. He claims to be on a road to recovery and is improving every day.

Perry Saturn

Saturn saw success in multiple companies including three tag team championships with John Kronus as part of the Eliminators. He resurfaced in 2009 after disappearing from wrestling and the public eye for several years. He revealed that he had struggled with an addiction to meth and was homeless for a few years.

Matt Hardy

Hardy dominated the tag team division of the WWE with his brother Jeff and became a fan favorite with their highly popular Tables, Ladders, and Chairs matches. His personal life began to spiral in 2011 after he crashed into a tree while driving and was arrested for DUI.

Four days later, he was rushed to the hospital after a fall at his home. Shortly after, he posted a suicide note on YouTube that he later claimed was fake. After multiple other arrests, he was admitted and later kicked out of a WWE-sponsored rehab clinic and continues to struggle with legal problems.

Ric Flair

As one of the most iconic wrestlers of all time, Flair was loved by fans of all ages and held pretty much every championship belt a wrestler could obtain. Since then he has been divorced four times and has been involved in numerous lawsuits and civil suits including a 2008 bankruptcy. Tragically his 25-year old son Reid was found dead in March of 2013. Flair still makes occasional appearances in the WWE.

Chyna

Perhaps the most infamous woman ever in professional wrestling, Chyna gained huge popularity in the WWE as part of Degeneration X. Her personal life began to take center stage as she underwent multiple plastic surgeries.

She posed for Playboy multiple times and became an adult film star after her sex tape with former wrestler, Sean Waltman was released in 2004. Her substance abuse problem came into the spotlight in 2008, when she appeared on "Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew". She is currently continuing her recovery from drugs and alcohol.

No. 9 - Spring Deals

Flowers aren't the only things blowing up this May. Spring deals on the summer goodies like gas grills and outdoor gear, as well as big home purchases like mattresses and big screen TVs, are up and on sale. If you're planning to get blackout drunk on your own lawn in front of your friends during the upcoming May and summer holidays, you might as well have a sweet, affordable grill to go with your gathering. Your buddies can grill up some meaty masterpieces and concoct some killer cocktails while you show off your beer pong skills to the new neighbor girl who probably already has a boyfriend.

No. 8 - May Day Baskets (May 1)

One of my fondest memories from childhood is hearing the doorbell ring on an early school day morning, dew still on the grass, with nobody on the other side of the door when I answered. An early weekday morning prank? How dare those damn kids with their high top sneakers and hair gel! Until I look down and see a paper plate folded over and stapled shut, only to be opened to the blossoming goodness of May Day candy treats. From there the day only got better, until I was shoved into a locker and stuck there with a full bladder.

No. 7 - National Teacher Day (May 7)

Wherever we end up in our lives, there's a good chance that someone helped us along the way, most likely a teacher with some gentle wisdom and much-needed guidance. Or, perhaps it was the sarcastic, call-it-like-they-see-it teacher who gave life to you straight and helped you avoid living in a cardboard box or getting a girl pregnant. Whatever the case, National Teacher Day is the perfect time to send a letter or personally thank that teacher, even if it means going back and roaming the school halls where you once were shoved into lockers with a full bladder.

No. 6 - National Bike Month

Park the car when you can, get some exercise and save the ozone from your violent fumes. Feel the wind in your damn hair for once, you lazy, tree-hating jerk, and celebrate National Bike Month like a good American should.

If you can't make a drastic change, at least park it on the weekends, borrow some wheels if you have to and make the roads a little safer. Get together with your friends and make a day out of riding around together. It'll be great; trust us. You can ride around like the prepubescent troublemakers you once were, TP'ing houses and banging on doors, perhaps even leaving May Day baskets at 6 a.m. on a school day.

No. 5 - NBA Playoffs Heat Up

Already underway in late April, we have to highlight the NBA excitement running all over our TV sets. Although there are an unfortunate number of sidelined stars, including Derrick Rose, Kobe Bryant, Rajon Rondo and now Russell Westbrook, it'll still be a month full of intense action and a close race to the end. By the end, we're referring to The Finals in June where whoever meets up with the Miami Heat will inevitably get crushed and go home with their (basket) balls thoroughly kicked. But still, May NBA hoops will be fun.

No. 4 - Graduation Season

Finally, all that beer drinking, unprotected sex with promiscuous sorority girls and skipping classes in the name of ultimate Frisbee is paying off. Congrats. Your graduation is the culmination of all your half-baked hard work and adolescent experimentation in a three-hour ceremony of regurgitated false hopes that the world is your oyster and you can easily get that dream job right out the door in that big beautiful world you feel so entitled to run.

When you go to receive your diploma, don't be surprised if they hand you a blank sheet of paper since they weren't sure you'd make it to the ceremony. And when you finally get to the front of the line, the lady who says, "Welcome to the alumni club" is really saying, "Are you ready to make a donation?" Just smile with your cheesy, half-drunk smirk and say, "I already did; it's called tuition, but why don't we at least wait until I get my freaking diploma LADY!"

(Editor's note: Congratulations to all high school, college and grad school grads.)

No. 3 - Cinco de Mayo (May 5)

That's right, another holiday stolen from another country for no good reason other than we like to party. Americans who didn't get their fill on St. Patty's Day will go to bat at the bars again, slamming whatever alcoholic beverages they can in the name of their Mexican brethren under the red, hot sun. No wonder some other countries don't like us anymore; we keep stealing their cool stuff.

No. 2 - Mother's Day (May 12)

We men wouldn't be the sensitive, kind-hearted gentlemen we are without our mothers, and on this day, we celebrate their incredible talent of raising little a-holes like us. For every time we started screaming and crying when we didn't get our way, we salute these strong-willed women who managed to avoid drowning us in the bathtub when they clearly had the chance to pass it off as an accident.

Do something wildly nice and surprise your mommy this Mother's Day. If that means flying to her doorstep to give her a hug or taking some time out of your busy day to do something to show how grateful you are, like buying flowers, then please do. There's probably no one else to credit for the good parts of your life, because we sure as hell don't know what we'd be doing without these lovely women.

Must be a big Willy Wonka fan.

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One more question: Who's buried in Grant's tomb?

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As far as Chewbacca costumes go, this one kind of rules.

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Her full name is Leticia Ann Bjork Cline. She took the last name Cline after she was married.

Leticia describes herself on Twitter as "50% Irish and 50% Cherokee, but 100% Kentuckian."

Leticia said, "I worked hard to prove I'm more than a body and a face."

She doesn't get motion sickness. In fact, she said, "Never. The faster, the higher, the better."

Aside from her Maxim and Playboy photo-shoots, Leticia also appeared on the reality show "Beauty and the Geek" in 2008.

Leticia said, "I'm also a greedy lover, I want to be the guy's first for everything. I want all of his best sexual memories to be with me."

Leticia added, "I like dirty talk, a whole lot of touching...I have one spot on my body...finding it is the best part, and believe me it's the discovery, gentlemen."

Leticia began modeling when she was 14.

ALA AD-DIN MUHAMMAD II

The Khwarezmian Empire stretched from the Sea of Oman to the Oxus River and encompassed what sociologists refer to as "Greater Iran," incorporating parts of modern-day China, Iraq, Pakistan, and Afghanistan, but you can be forgiven for not having heard of it before today as its 200-year history ended as the result of a single spectacularly bad decision.

Legendary Mongol ruler Genghis Khan came across Muhammad II's territory relatively early in his career and decided to play it safe, sending in a trade mission of Mongol and Muslim merchants to explore diplomatic and commercial possibilities. Muhammad, nervous over the real military skill of the Mongols and the exaggerated accounts of their brutality, arrested the merchants and seized their goods.

Khan, who was way more diplomatic than people generally gave him credit for, sent three envoys to Muhammad to offer him an easy out-blame the arrest of the merchants on a local governor, chop off his head, everything will be cool and we can discuss trade opportunities-but the paranoid Khwarezmian ruler had all or most of the envoy and merchant mission killed.

It was at this point, after having two reasonable proposals rebuffed in the most insulting way possible, that Genghis Khan decided to buck wild. 200,000 elite Mongol troops stormed Khwarezmia, lead by Genghis' three greatest generals with orders to kill everything in their path-the great cities of Khorasan in particular were to be scoured of all living things, even pets. Muhammad II ran from hiding place to hiding place before finally dying of pleurisy on a remote island of the Caspian Sea... like a wuss.

LUDWIG II OF BAVARIA

Called "The Swan King" to his face and "Mad King Ludwig" to his back, Ludwig II was a promising prospect for royalty in his teens: strikingly handsome, highly intelligent, and not even a little bit deformed by inbreeding, the other young Bavarian was thought highly of by other German nobles.

His first significant acts after ascending to the throne were dedicated to turning Munich into a seat of culture, rescuing Richard Wagner from his creditors and staging plays and concerts from all of Europe in several new theaters built for the purpose.

The legend of Ludwig's "madness" was an exaggeration of his somewhat eccentric and creative nature and was based on two of his life-long hobbies-building gorgeous palaces and having gay sex. Ludwig II was unfortunate to be a homosexual monarch in one of the relatively few times and places where that would be looked upon as a significant scandal instead of being excused as an amusing eccentricity.

The palace-building came after the Franco-Prussian war and the loss of Bavarian independence; stripped of any real duties besides marrying and reproducing with a suitable woman, Ludwig focused his considerable intelligence and refinement into the design and construction of a series of beautiful French-influenced palaces.

Although he paid for the castles out of his own pocket, the vast expense was still harming the state economy, and his court conspired against him to have him declared insane and unfit to rule. Sad King Ludwig was exiled to Castle Berg off of Lake Stamberg, where he was later said to have drowned in a mysterious death that today remains unsolved. Ironically, the expensive palaces that convinced his counselors to depose him are now the greatest generators of tourist revenue for Bavaria today.

EDWARD II OF ENGLAND

Son of the badass Edward "Hammer of the Scots" Longshanks, Ed II's reign managed to undo most of his father's accomplishments and did not earn him any awesome nicknames. Lacking in confidence and experience, Edward II spent most of his time scheming against his barons and hanging out suspiciously closely with various hunky knights under his employ-which wouldn't have been that much of a problem if he didn't keep giving them gifts and power way above their station.

Worst of all was his handling of the Scottish campaign, fleeing in a panic from the Battle of Bannockburn and abandoning most of his troops in the worst English defeat since the Battle of Hastings. Ed returned to London in a sulk, finding consolation in the arms of yet another foxy young gentleman and causing his long-suffering wife Isabella to finally say "screw it," leave for France, and come back at the head of an invasion force.

Edward II had even less success dealing with his pissed-off wife than a horde of marauding Scots, and was soon deposed, imprisoned, and murdered.

COMMODUS

Commodus, son of renowned strategist, legislator, and Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius, was concerned primarily with reminding everyone in Rome how strong, handsome, and literally God-like he was, spending his time commissioning hundreds of statues of himself as Hercules while neglecting important matters of state.

While the death of the warlike Aurelius meant that the Empire experienced a term of relative peace, Commodus' gullible nature and lack of interest in imperial duties meant that any number of sneaky intrigues and political conflicts began to fester while Commodus was working on his pecs; historians like Edward Gibbon would later label his rule the beginning of the Roman decline.

Commodus was especially fond of gladiatorial combat and even participated in battles himself, scandalizing the Roman elite and costing the city of Rome a million sesterces for each special appearance, during which most of his battles would end with a submission to the Emperor (ironically he was said to have regularly killed his practice opponents).

Later gladiator appearances got seriously weird as Commodus got deeper into his Hercules kick, cruelly slaying wounded POWs to the horror of the Roman military and slaughtering a horrific number of animals: he was rumored to have killed 100 lions in a single day, killed a helpless giraffe just for the hell of it, and decapitated a running ostrich with a specially-designed dart as a bizarre warning to his political opponents.

After Commodus officially declared himself simultaneously the new Romulus and a god, the Senate had enough and had him strangled in his bath. All glory to the Imperial Himbo!

KIM JONG-IL

It's hard to establish an honest-to-goodness royal dynasty in the 20th Century, what with all this democracy this and socialism that and international spy agencies generally ready to shoot ricin into you at a moment's notice, but the career and behavior of Kim Jong-Il fit right in with the excesses of any number of mad kings of history.

There are some reports that Kim even "accidentally" caused the drowning of his elder brother Kim Pyong-Il at the age of five, a classic evil monarch move and an incident that has been said to be the reason his younger brother (also named Pyong-Il) has always been kept far, far away on ambassadorial duty.

The stories of Kim Jong-Il's madness are too many to list here: the boatloads of expensive cognac, his obsession with cheap action and monster movies, the bizarre and amazing legends of his sporting ability and magical powers, etc., etc.

It's an open question how much of Jong-Il's cult of personality was based on effective propaganda and brainwashing vs. simple fear and/or continuing respect for his no-nonsense father Kim Il-Sung, and some think that one reason Kim Jong-Un is being such a dick right now is that he's desperately hoping to appear as crazy and dangerous as his father to audiences at home and abroad.

LIU SHAN

There are some historians who think that Liu Shan, last emperor of Shu Han, was an uncommonly clever and subtle ruler, highly skilled in manipulating others and controlling people's perceptions of him. This is to be balanced against the fact that his infant name "Adou" is even today a Chinese slang term for "severely mentally deficient."

If the "subtle manipulator" theory is right, Liu Shan was better than anyone else in history at pretending to be incompetent: his "reign" consisted of a series of regencies as a number of different nobles took on the duties of defending Shu Han against the Chinese kingdoms not currently being ruled by man-children.

After the inevitable fall of Shu, Adou and his family were relocated to the Wei capital and he was decreed the "Duke of Peace and Comfort," suiting the laid-back emperor right down to the ground.

As his powerless advisors moped around the compound, the curious Wei regent asked the chillaxed Duke if he missed his home and status as emperor, to which Liu Shan infamously responded "I enjoy life here and do not think of Shu at all," inspiring another Chinese idiom referring to a condition of blissfully ignorant negligence. The child-like emperor died peacefully six years later.

FYODOR I, THE BELL-RINGER

Whereas China only experienced one famously slow (or subtly sandbagging) ruler, Imperial Russia and its famously kinked bloodlines featured a number of Tzars so mentally disabled that a few were believed to be little better than vegetative. Of these, the most famous and celebrated was Fyodor the Bell-Ringer, the unlikely son of the genuinely terrible Ivan the Terrible and the last of the Rurikian dynasty.

Fyodor's interests included praying, visiting churches to ring the bells, and (in stark contrast to his father) generally not raping and murdering people by the thousands, and as a result his subjects came to regard his simple-mindedness as a sort of divine childishness, and even today Russian historians tend to refer to him not as Fyodor the Bell-Ringer but Fyodor the Blessed.

The de facto rule of Russia fell to the clever Boris Godunov, a member of Ivan's personal guard and friend of the family who managed the country's affairs with a striking lack of insanity and rage. He arranged Fyodor's marriage to his sister Irina, guaranteeing the Godunov family's claim to the throne should the gentle, pious Tzar of All the Russias ever figure out how to have sex.

SAPARMURAT NIYAZOV

Unlike everyone else on this list, Saparmurat Niyazov wasn't really part of a dynasty, either as the beginning or the end of one. Niyazov merits inclusion on this list because he was so off-the-charts crazy he made Kim Jong-Il look like Dwight Eisenhower. After becoming the first elected leader of Turkmenistan in an election where he was the sole candidate, Niyazov took on the additional title Turkmenbashi, meaning "leader of Turkmen" and granting him power over all the Turkmen of the world, most of which were conveniently still located in Turkmenistan.

His legislative accomplishments included bans on lip synching, TV makeup, beards and long hair, dogs and cultural performances that he judged "decidedly unturkmen-like"; the construction of an ice palace and skating rink outside the capital to help the residents of the desert country learn how to skate; the renaming of the nearly everything he could after himself and his family members, and the closing of public libraries (Niyazov's position being that the only books anyone needed were the Koran and his personal book of poetry).

The main reason Niyazov never managed to grab the kind of headlines Kim did was his firmly neutral stance on everything, most visibly commemorated by the famous "Neutrality Tripod" in Ashgabat, surmounted by a 12-foot-tall gold-plated statue of himself that would gradually rotate throughout the day in order to constantly face the sun.

If this is headline-worthy, I have some breaking news every morning.

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