The Truth Behind Popular "Evidence" of Time Travel

ANALYSIS: IT'S PROBABLY AN EAR TRUMPET

In spite of its name, the early hearing aid devices known as "ear trumpets" weren't always trumpet-shaped. The smaller and more sophisticated models could fit unobtrusively in the palm of ones hand, to be pointed at whatever needed hearing better.

It's also possible she was using (or having problems with) one of the early electronic hearing aids, which had been invented just a few years prior. Or hell, maybe she had an earache, or a weird itch, or was covering up a weird blemish or something. Since the picture is so indistinct (even more so in the original video) it's hard to tell if she has anything in her hand at all.

EVIDENCE: TIME HIPSTER

Much like Justice Potter Stewart's famous definition of the difference between art and pornography, we may not be able to define hipsters but we know them when we see them, and some people think that they can see one here. This 1940 (or '41) photo from the Canadian archives seems to show a man with a modern set of Ray Bans, a modern camera, and a screen-printed t-shirt (first developed twenty years later).

Analysis of the original photo shows that it's the correct age and had not been tampered with, and further research even turned up an alternate angle on the same crowd where the man could still be seen. Does the common hipster's perverse fascination with vintage styles extend all the way to actual time travel?

ANALYSIS: HE'S JUST FASHION-FORWARD

Actually, everything this man was wearing was available in the early forties, even if they were fairly uncommon for the time. Sunglasses caught on after their use by fighter pilots and turret gunners to cut down on glare, the camera was later identified as a Kodak Folding Pocket model, and as for the screen-printed t-shirt, a little research identified it as almost certainly the knit sweater bearing the logo of a local sports team.

A better question is what this able-bodied-looking youngster is doing in Canada at the height of WWII; shouldn't he at least be welding submarines together or something?

EVIDENCE: PLUMBING THE DEPTHS OF TIME AND SPACE

Swedish plumber Hakan Nordkvist was having a day like any other Swedish plumber until he crawled underneath a leaky kitchen sink to discover a bizarre wormhole to the future. There he met none other than himself, a spry and healthy man of seventy, and had the presence of mind to record the event on his crappy cellphone camera.

The men compared tattoos and apparently had a pleasant chat that somehow did not create a universe-ending time paradox, and the story has reportedly been taken up by a major Swedish company that intends to make a documentary on the feature.

ANALYSIS: THE SWEDES ARE A TRICKY PEOPLE

The cellphone video "evidence" (which has never been released unedited) basically just shows two bald guys who look vaguely similar and have the same tattoo. The company that "bought" the "rights" to the "evidence" was AMF Pension, an agency specializing in retirement planning and pension insurance that was running an ad campaign at the time where people could upload their photos to the AMF website to see what they might look like at age 70.

Lastly, time travel is the only crime a Swede can be executed for, as the framers of the Swedish constitution considered it socially irresponsible and an implied insult to the country's royal family.

EVIDENCE: HENRY FONDA'S OLD WEST iPHONE

A-list actor and casual chrononaut Henry Fonda was apparently particularly careless with his futuristic technology during the filming of John Ford's Fort Apache. In a widely circulated but oddly edited video clip, Fonda appears to consult a familiar rectangular gewgaw to determine when he should arrive at the titular location.

Fort Apache was notable for being one of the first Western films to attempt to portray Native Americans in a sympathetic light-possibly the influence of liberal time traveler Fonda. The double anachronism of an iPhone appearing in a 1948 movie set in 1866 can only be assumed to be an attempt on the behalf of Ford's editor to expose the Hollywood time-traveling cowboy conspiracy (or maybe he just wasn't that good-later on in the movie, a very visible truck passes by in the background of a shot).

ANALYSIS: IT'S JUST A NOTEPAD

Come on guys, this was just dumb. Earlier scenes carefully cut from the youtube video show him flipping it open and leafing through pages, and while you don't see too many leather notepads nowadays it's not like they're that strange to the modern viewer.

In spite of (or maybe because of) the obvious nature of this "evidence" the video spread surprisingly quickly, achieving its real purpose of publicizing a film festival honoring obscure American actor and Fonda co-star John Wayne.

EVIDENCE: PORTRAITS OF THE STARS

Nicolas Cage, John Travolta, John Krasinski-celebrity media sites with access to old-timey daguerreotype archives are coming through them as fast as they can, uncovering more and more proof of actors whose careers seem to have bridged centuries.

The example above-Raphael's seventeenth-century depiction of Pope Gregory IX-pretty clearly shows Sylvester Stallone hanging out with the rest of the papal retinue, possibly accompanied by Steve Buscemi, Rowan Atkinson, and maybe Joe Pesci if you squint. Have the Hollywood elite used their cash and connections to joyride through time, possibly interfering with the papacy?