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Twitter1 of 20
Another week, another batch of inappropriately hilarious tweets compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them yourself. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.
Follow @robfee on Twitter.
The lone plane crash survivor crawls ashore a deserted island and takes shelter under a tree. Carved in bark: Hot Singles In Your Area
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Twitter2 of 20
Good pickup line: "I notice you're not fat..."
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Twitter3 of 20
raisin hell and raisin' hell are incredibly different
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Twitter4 of 20
How much wu would a wutang tang if a wutang could tang wu?
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Twitter5 of 20
sext: You say that the human body has 206 bones. I say let's make it 207.
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Twitter6 of 20
What if robots dance normal and we've just looked like assholes this whole time
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Twitter7 of 20
If I were a fruit I'd be a cantaloupe because I'm a big piece of shit
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Twitter8 of 20
Was having a bad day then realized Chelsea Clinton's porn star names is "Socks Pennsylvania"
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Twitter9 of 20
Hello, k€sha? are you there? kes#a? kesh@, your fa+h3r and i are very worried about you. please call. love mom.
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Twitter10 of 20
TIP: A common grammatical mistake is confusing "there" and "thinking strangers want your grammatical advice."
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Twitter11 of 20
After sex, the penis turns into an Auntie Anne's pretzel to share.
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Twitter12 of 20
I bet Anne Hathaway's parents still play the "quiet game" with her.
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Twitter13 of 20
Girls who quote Marilyn Monroe poke holes in condoms.
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Twitter14 of 20
it was the busta rhymes, it was the wursta rhymes
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Twitter15 of 20
7 Tips For Getting Back Down To Your Birth Weight
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Twitter16 of 20
Bleeding out after chest bumping the mirror. I just saw a bro and I didn't think, ok?
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Twitter17 of 20
Nothing gets me motivated for 10-15 seconds like a good inspirational quote.
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Twitter18 of 20
Don't be so quick to judge! That "loser" at Taco Bell may know dozens of bird calls.
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Twitter19 of 20
Rap stars make so many promises in their lyrics about how great their sex will be I might just give it a try.
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Twitter20 of 20Next: Even More Hilarious Tweets
I can't believe "strap on" backwards is "no parts." That's literally the most ironic thing in the world.