Mother's Day is the annual celebration honoring our great caretakers with the reciprocated love and respect they have invested into our lives since the moment we painfully exited their bodies. Despite having the easy options of le![mother's day, mother and son, happy mom]()
tting us play in traffic or leaving the hazardous cleaning products in arm's reach, they choose to keep us around and stand by us no matter what.
By now, you should be well aware that if you're even a half-decent human being or contribute any good to society, your mother is solely responsible. The rest is just mumbo jumbo you made up along the way that may work for a bit, but will ultimately fall apart, leaving you crying for your mommy. So this year, treat your mother well and be the son your mom always wished you'd been, making her feel like the world's greatest mother for the entire day, guilt-free. Here's how to make it happen.
Surprise!
Everybody likes a surprise, as long as it's not right before open-heart surgery. Use your distance from home or lack of regular house visits as ammo for giving your mother the thing she always dreams about: her precious baby boy showing up at the front door unannounced. If, however, your mother sees more than she can stand of you as you walk up the basement stairs every morning at noon, you can still surprise her with flowers, a freshly cooked, healthy breakfast or by doing chores galore, preferably before noon.
Everything is better with a surprise delivery, so with a little motivation and good timing, make yourself the world's greatest son, if only for the day. Otherwise, you'll continue on as the guy who keeps ruining the family holidays with your hangovers and string of slutty girlfriends.
Also Check Out: Positive Yo Mama Meme
Borrow Nostalgia
If anybody's sentimental, it's your mother. The way she leaves your room just as you left it at 18, covered in collages of half-naked girls and smelling of shame, is a clear sign of a nostalgic mother. Your mom, however, has her walls covered in the loving memories of a once beautiful life when she had nothing better to do than watch you piss your pants while watching cartoons. Although some of those things might not be too different nowadays, she still constantly looks back with warm feelings of the past.
This Mother's Day, uncover some nostalgic moments she might not have access to, mostly because she doesn't know what Instagram is, and gift them in a presentable, unique fashion that screams you. She'll be so teared up, she'll start ripping the other family members' photos from the wall to make room for her baby boy's masterpiece. Even if it's made of construction paper with Elmer's glue running out the corners like a fourth grade art project, it'll still be the greatest thing in the world to your mom. You could even go a step further and try building something of your own to show her that her good genes were actually passed down a generation. Just don't embarrass yourself.
Get It Together
Nothing tugs on mama's heartstrings like having the whole gang back together. Even if it results in her screaming like the world's ending over holes in your socks and the length of your sideburns, right up to the point where you swear you'll never come visit again, it is her day, so suck it up. Also, suck in that gut and plan ahead with the family to get everyone aboard for a day of togetherness. If your father still ends up spending most of his time in the garage and your siblings are all face-deep in their cell phones, at least everybody was under the same roof, sharing the same food. If you can, take the party outdoors so the neighbors can see how dysfunctional, yet loving, you can all still be at your age.
Stay-cation
Your mom might gripe and beg for everything to carry on as usual for Mother's Day, but what she really needs is a day at home without the responsibility of being a mother for one day, whether she likes it or not. Oprah, despite not being a mother, always says that being a mother is the "toughest job in the world." And if there's one thing men know, it's that Oprah is never wrong.
So this Mother's Day, make sure your one true female guardian has the freedom to look and feel like you do on any other day (you know, care-free, lethargic and unmotivated to leave the couch except in the event of an empty beer can in need of replacement). Don't let her lift one thing, clean one dish or vacuum one foot of carpet. Your mother spends every waking minute making sure you're not failing at life, so for once, sit with her so she can relax, knowing you can't screw anything up too badly from the sofa.
Bare Minimums
If you can't show face, for whatever reason, or lack the general alertness to plan ahead and do something nice for the woman who kept you out of prison (hopefully), at least take the time to honor her with a simple, yet strong sign of affection. Whether that means a flower delivery or long-distance phone call is up to you, but remember that when it comes to your mother, money and time should never be a basis for making the right gesture.
Besides, do you have any idea how much money that woman has wasted to keep you from polluting the world with your incessant whining, repeatedly soiled pants and begging for toys? Even today as a grown man, you may still stand a whiny, soiled, crybaby who needs his mom, so show her how much you need and love her this Mother's Day.![i love you mom, happy mother's day]()
tting us play in traffic or leaving the hazardous cleaning products in arm's reach, they choose to keep us around and stand by us no matter what.By now, you should be well aware that if you're even a half-decent human being or contribute any good to society, your mother is solely responsible. The rest is just mumbo jumbo you made up along the way that may work for a bit, but will ultimately fall apart, leaving you crying for your mommy. So this year, treat your mother well and be the son your mom always wished you'd been, making her feel like the world's greatest mother for the entire day, guilt-free. Here's how to make it happen.
Surprise!
Everybody likes a surprise, as long as it's not right before open-heart surgery. Use your distance from home or lack of regular house visits as ammo for giving your mother the thing she always dreams about: her precious baby boy showing up at the front door unannounced. If, however, your mother sees more than she can stand of you as you walk up the basement stairs every morning at noon, you can still surprise her with flowers, a freshly cooked, healthy breakfast or by doing chores galore, preferably before noon.
Everything is better with a surprise delivery, so with a little motivation and good timing, make yourself the world's greatest son, if only for the day. Otherwise, you'll continue on as the guy who keeps ruining the family holidays with your hangovers and string of slutty girlfriends.
Also Check Out: Positive Yo Mama Meme
Borrow Nostalgia
If anybody's sentimental, it's your mother. The way she leaves your room just as you left it at 18, covered in collages of half-naked girls and smelling of shame, is a clear sign of a nostalgic mother. Your mom, however, has her walls covered in the loving memories of a once beautiful life when she had nothing better to do than watch you piss your pants while watching cartoons. Although some of those things might not be too different nowadays, she still constantly looks back with warm feelings of the past.
This Mother's Day, uncover some nostalgic moments she might not have access to, mostly because she doesn't know what Instagram is, and gift them in a presentable, unique fashion that screams you. She'll be so teared up, she'll start ripping the other family members' photos from the wall to make room for her baby boy's masterpiece. Even if it's made of construction paper with Elmer's glue running out the corners like a fourth grade art project, it'll still be the greatest thing in the world to your mom. You could even go a step further and try building something of your own to show her that her good genes were actually passed down a generation. Just don't embarrass yourself.
Get It Together
Nothing tugs on mama's heartstrings like having the whole gang back together. Even if it results in her screaming like the world's ending over holes in your socks and the length of your sideburns, right up to the point where you swear you'll never come visit again, it is her day, so suck it up. Also, suck in that gut and plan ahead with the family to get everyone aboard for a day of togetherness. If your father still ends up spending most of his time in the garage and your siblings are all face-deep in their cell phones, at least everybody was under the same roof, sharing the same food. If you can, take the party outdoors so the neighbors can see how dysfunctional, yet loving, you can all still be at your age.
Stay-cation
Your mom might gripe and beg for everything to carry on as usual for Mother's Day, but what she really needs is a day at home without the responsibility of being a mother for one day, whether she likes it or not. Oprah, despite not being a mother, always says that being a mother is the "toughest job in the world." And if there's one thing men know, it's that Oprah is never wrong.
So this Mother's Day, make sure your one true female guardian has the freedom to look and feel like you do on any other day (you know, care-free, lethargic and unmotivated to leave the couch except in the event of an empty beer can in need of replacement). Don't let her lift one thing, clean one dish or vacuum one foot of carpet. Your mother spends every waking minute making sure you're not failing at life, so for once, sit with her so she can relax, knowing you can't screw anything up too badly from the sofa.
Bare Minimums
If you can't show face, for whatever reason, or lack the general alertness to plan ahead and do something nice for the woman who kept you out of prison (hopefully), at least take the time to honor her with a simple, yet strong sign of affection. Whether that means a flower delivery or long-distance phone call is up to you, but remember that when it comes to your mother, money and time should never be a basis for making the right gesture.
Besides, do you have any idea how much money that woman has wasted to keep you from polluting the world with your incessant whining, repeatedly soiled pants and begging for toys? Even today as a grown man, you may still stand a whiny, soiled, crybaby who needs his mom, so show her how much you need and love her this Mother's Day.
