15 Athletes Whose Names Sound Like Sex Acts

Let's just be honest and admit that deep down we are all immature 12-year-old boys. As dignified and refined as we pretend to be, it's hard not to laugh when someone introduces themselves with a name that sounds like something that belongs in our underwear. Here are 15 athletes whose names sound like sex acts and what those so-called sex acts would entail.


Ron Tugnutt
Who He Is: A 17-year goalie in the NHL
Possible Sex Act: Some sort of discount happy ending request at a low-end massage parlor.


Chuck Knoblauch
Who He Is: 2nd baseman for a number of teams, including the New York Yankees and the Minnesota Twins
Possible Sex Act: Mouth love that takes place while one member of the party is doing a headstand.


Dick Tiddy
Who He Is: Beloved 25 year Club Pro at the Bay Hill Golf Club
Possible Sex Act: C'mon, this one is pretty self explanatory. You can't even say that name without giggling. If you need help, the act would probably be similar to an already-existing one that rhymes with "kitty luck".


Jumbo Cummings
Who He Is: Retired heavyweight boxing contender who fought Joe Frazier in the 1981
Possible Sex Act: Whatever it is, someone is probably leaving pregnant.


Rollie Fingers
Who He Is: Hall of Fame Major League Baseball relief pitcher
Possible Sex Act: Hand love that simulates playing the opening riff from "Sweet Child of Mine" on Guitar Hero.


Dick Butkus
Who He Is: Hall of Fame linebacker from the Chicago Bears
Possible Sex Act: The act of kissing using only each of the participant's rear ends.


Albert Pujols
Who He Is: First baseman for the Anaheim Angels
Possible Sex Act: The act of connecting both parties genitals using a chain held together by bejeweled piercings.


Rusty Kuntz
Who He Is: Retired Major League Baseball player and current first base coach for the Kansas City Royals
Possible Sex Act: Intercourse where WD-40 is used as the personal lubricant.


BJ Armstrong
Who He Is: Retired point guard for the Chicago Bulls
Possible Sex Act: Manual act of love using the bend of the arm on the opposite side of the elbow.


Dick Trickle
Who He Is: Retired American NASCAR driver
Possible Sex Act: Lovemaking act by one individual using a showerhead with stronger than normal water pressure.


Manuel Pfister
Who He Is: World Luge Champion from Australia
Possible Sex Act: Probably what you see in his photo, just replace the sled with a fist.


Bob Griese
Who He Is: Retired Quarterback for the Miami Dolphins
Possible Sex Act: Mouth love given and received while each partner eats a pepperoni P'zone from Pizza Hut.


Phyllis Mangina
Who She Is: Former basketball player and coach for Seton Hall
Possible Sex Act: Furious dry humping that requires both participants to wear a finely pressed pant suit.


Misty Hyman
Who She Is: American gold medal winning swimmer from the 2000 Summer Olympics
Possible Sex Act: Lovemaking involving one person and a completely filled Windex bottle.


Dean Windass
Who He Is: English Premier League Soccer player
Possible Sex Act: Spanking the buttocks of your partner while it hangs out the window of a fast moving car.

 

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