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Twitter1 of 20Another week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them yourself. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.
Follow @robfee on Twitter.
"Yo bro this horse is actin a little weird"
"Dude that's my dog get off"
"why is your horse so small"
"It's a DOG"
"Why you pronouncing horse weird?"
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Twitter2 of 20Remember that weird kid who ate the batteries in middle school? Well he's a millionaire now! Just kidding, he died. He ate batteries.
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Twitter3 of 20Brought a puppy to a knife fight and everyone dropped their knives and started petting him then some asshole brought out a kitten and I lost.
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Twitter4 of 20A Pokemon card and your elementary school picture do not count as two forms of government ID. Please step to the back of the line.
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Clik here to view.Twitter5 of 20if you ask a magic eight-ball if it's cop it has to say yes
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Clik here to view.Twitter6 of 20To: 420blazer69satan@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: Interview
Hello sir,
I am sorry to inform you that you didn't get the job on this occasion.
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Clik here to view.Twitter7 of 20Son, when I was your age we only had two Pokemon. Dog and cat. But we made do.
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Clik here to view.Twitter8 of 20Keying my updated resume into my high school guidance counselor's car.
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Clik here to view.Twitter9 of 20Just opened a bag of chips to find it was 70% air. Must be similar to how a guy feels when he realizes he just took off a pushup bra.
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Clik here to view.10 of 20Sometimes I think tweeting is just a way for me to get more of that attention I crave, AND TRULY DESERVE BECAUSE I AM AMAZING, DAD!!!
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Clik here to view.Twitter11 of 20I think a funny thing to send your kids from your vacation is a post card that says "Wish you were here!" with a picture of an orphanage.
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Clik here to view.Twitter12 of 20Fun fact: 100% of married people never choose the option 'Remember this password?'
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Clik here to view.Twitter13 of 20The worst thing about getting cooties is having to contact all your old freeze tag partners.
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Clik here to view.Twitter14 of 20Of all the stereotypes, my favorite is Sony.
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Clik here to view.Twitter15 of 20"So you're a foodie? What's a foodie?"
"We enjoy eating out and trying new food."
"So you're like everyone else, except you brag about it?"
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Clik here to view.Twitter16 of 20Please don't go out in shorts if your circulatory system is visible.
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Clik here to view.Twitter17 of 20"No, I'm sorry, I can't. I'm usy right now." I said with a straight face, as I carried two pudding cups down the hallway.
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Clik here to view.Twitter18 of 20"That guy is such a douchebag! Is he single? Maybe I can fix him!" - women
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Clik here to view.Twitter19 of 20Porn is so unrealistic. There's no way a guy with a ponytail could have a house that nice.
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Clik here to view.Twitter20 of 20Next: Even More Hilarious TweetsIt's almost keep my t-shirt on at the pool weather!
