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Twitter1 of 20
Another week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them yourself. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.
Follow @robfee on Twitter.
It still takes me a while before I completely trust any woman whose name is mentioned in "Mambo No. 5".
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Twitter2 of 20
Sex would be a lot easier if our 4th grade teachers still picked our partners.
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Twitter3 of 20
I bet Waldo's parents are worried sick.
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Twitter4 of 20
I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 10. Not really interested in your input.
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Twitter5 of 20
You down with A.D.D.? Yeah you kn
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Twitter6 of 20
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Twitter7 of 20
*picks up rattlesnake* yo check out this weird spagheti haha *gets bited* OH MY H*CK THIS IS OUCH SPOGETYI
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Twitter8 of 20
the movie "se7en" but each murder is based on a different dwarf
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Twitter9 of 20
Kanye furious that his concert stops when he goes into the crowd to watch.
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Twitter10 of 20
Great now Disney rejected my script for a 8 year old kid detective solving neighborhood crimes on his bike called "The Pedal Files".
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Twitter11 of 20
Every time you have McDonald's as a kid, it's a victory. Every time you have it as an adult, it's a defeat.
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Twitter12 of 20
Your 90s nostalgia will not slow the reaper's sccythe.
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Twitter13 of 20
When you're a clown posse the 'insane' is implied.
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Twitter14 of 20
My parents were mimes. The "sex talk" was really awkward.
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Twitter15 of 20
*dog runs for president*
*is asked race sensitive question
"The thing is, I don't see color"
*crowd goes wild*
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16 of 20
Bruce Willis is talking to a parrot. "I'm Bruce Willis" he says. The parrot repeats it. "yeah right" Bruce Says, but is secretly worried.
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Twitter17 of 20
How to get a girl to like you:
1. Become a lion tamer
2. Release a lion on her
3. Tame it right before it kills her
4. Take her to Chili's?
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Twitter18 of 20
Guy at a rave frantically trying to find his girlfriend Molly, constantly being offered drugs
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Twitter19 of 20
*passes thru suburbs* roll up your window, son. this is a bad neighborhood. this is where ppl who comment on newspaper articles live
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Twitter20 of 20Next: Even More Hilarious Tweets
If you want people to feel sorry for you, just add "Sent From My Blackberry" to the signature in your emails.