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Twitter1 of 20
Another week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them yourself. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.
Follow @robfee on Twitter.
My family's diet can best be summed up as, "Eat this before it goes bad."
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Twitter2 of 20
Taking pictures with an iPad is the new fanny pack.
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Twitter3 of 20
When my toddlers ask where mommy is, I explain that she's gone to heaven. That way they're super-excited when she gets back from the gym.
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Twitter4 of 20
It'd be funny if the entire theme song played after every single joke on Friends.
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Twitter5 of 20
hmm, I'll see your bet and raise you...as my own son
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Twitter6 of 20
Facebook is the mom jeans of the internet.
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Twitter7 of 20
mum is mad that she bought me a treadmill & i never use it. she's wrong; i put a burger on it just this morning and had it zoom into my mouth
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Twitter8 of 20
I have a small car to compensate for my massive vagina
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Twitter9 of 20
no wonder my gaydar keeps going off i've been holding the dang thing backwards!
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Twitter10 of 20
I think 'XBOX One' is a bad name because I already have an Xbox One. I got it in 2001. It weighs 5,000lbs and has Halo: CE in it permanently.
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Twitter11 of 20
Fun: text friend Are you alone right now? They go Yes. Then you text back LOL.
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Twitter12 of 20
skyscrapers disgust me i just think of all the poop sliding down the filthy pipes from the highest floors barely hidden behind every wall.
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Twitter13 of 20
"Gangnam Style / Schneider, Rob / 9/11 / Inside Job" - my new version of "We Didn't Start the Fire"
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Twitter14 of 20
Boyz II Men II Grandpaz II Skeletonz
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Twitter15 of 20
My head just exploded thinking if Iron Man was actually the Iron Chef and his signature dessert was Robert Brownie Jr.
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Twitter16 of 20
It still blows my mind that I can stay up as late as I want.
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Twitter17 of 20
Folgers got it wrong. The best part of waking up is going back to bed after you pee.
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18 of 20
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Twitter19 of 20
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Twitter20 of 20Next: Even More Hilarious Tweets
Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious.
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