-
1 of 22
By now, everyone is more than familiar with Chuck Norris facts. If you somehow missed them, they're basically jokes about Chuck Norris being the toughest guy on the planet. Here's an example:
"When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down."
But Chuck Norris has gotten really, really old. So we figured it was time to update the jokes to better suit his twilight years. Please enjoy Old Chuck Norris: the meme...
When Old Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up. He's being picked up by a hospice nurse.
-
-
More
- Share on Tumblr
- Pin It
- Email to a friend
-
2 of 22Old Chuck Norris doesn't wash his clothes. He soils them.
-
-
More
- Share on Tumblr
- Pin It
- Email to a friend
-
3 of 22Old Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He naps.
-
-
More
- Share on Tumblr
- Pin It
- Email to a friend
-
4 of 22Old Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Which is great because Old Chuck Norris has prostate cancer.
-
-
More
- Share on Tumblr
- Pin It
- Email to a friend
-
5 of 22Old Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Which is the same number of pills he has to take every day.
-
-
More
- Share on Tumblr
- Pin It
- Email to a friend
-
6 of 22Old Chuck Norris doesn't own a can opener. Because of his arthritis.
-
-
More
- Share on Tumblr
- Pin It
- Email to a friend
-
7 of 22The quickest way to a man's heart is with Old Chuck Norris' defibrillator.
-
-
More
- Share on Tumblr
- Pin It
- Email to a friend
-
8 of 22Old Chuck Norris has two speeds: Shuffle and Pudding.
-
-
More
- Share on Tumblr
- Pin It
- Email to a friend
-
9 of 22Old Chuck Norris doesn't read books, because he has cataracts.
-
-
More
- Share on Tumblr
- Pin It
- Email to a friend
-
10 of 22If you can see Old Chuck Norris, hold a mirror under his nose to see if he's still breathing.
-
-
More
- Share on Tumblr
- Pin It
- Email to a friend
-
11 of 22The chief export of Old Chuck Norris is pain-ful urination.
-
-
More
- Share on Tumblr
- Pin It
- Email to a friend
-
12 of 22Old Chuck never showers, he takes sponge baths.
-
-
More
- Share on Tumblr
- Pin It
- Email to a friend
-
13 of 22Old Chuck Norris doesn't use Google. He faxes.
-
-
More
- Share on Tumblr
- Pin It
- Email to a friend
-
14 of 22Young Chuck Norris starred in "Walker, Texas Ranger." Old Chuck Norris uses a walker in Texas and watches the Rangers.
-
-
More
- Share on Tumblr
- Pin It
- Email to a friend
-
15 of 22A cop once pulled over Old Chuck Norris. For driving 25 in a 55.
-
-
More
- Share on Tumblr
- Pin It
- Email to a friend
-
16 of 22Old Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. He will most likely have a stroke.
-
-
More
- Share on Tumblr
- Pin It
- Email to a friend
-
17 of 22Some people wear Superman pajamas. Old Chuck Norris needs some people to help him get into his pajamas.
-
-
More
- Share on Tumblr
- Pin It
- Email to a friend
-
18 of 22Old Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. Because he can't find it.
-
-
More
- Share on Tumblr
- Pin It
- Email to a friend
-
19 of 22When Old Chuck Norris breaks wind, he also breaks his hip.
-
-
More
- Share on Tumblr
- Pin It
- Email to a friend
-
20 of 22When Old Chuck Norris falls in water, Old Chuck Norris drowns.
-
-
More
- Share on Tumblr
- Pin It
- Email to a friend
-
21 of 22Old Chuck Norris' house doesn't have doors. Because his body is buried in the cemetery.
-
-
More
- Share on Tumblr
- Pin It
- Email to a friend
-
22 of 22Next: The Real Life Don Draper MemeOld Chuck Norris died four years ago....
-
-
More
- Share on Tumblr
- Pin It
- Email to a friend