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Twitter1 of 20
Another week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them yourself. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.
Follow @robfee on Twitter.
Shout out to Mario Lopez's hair for being wet his entire life.
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Twitter2 of 20
When I lose a follower, I like to pretend they were taken, then I go to Europe and shoot absolutely everyone.
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Twitter3 of 20
I'm so gangster, I don't even report to Apple when Safari unexpectedly quits. Snitches get stitches.
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Twitter4 of 20
My sense of humor has been decsribed as "please stop" and "you're ruining dinner."
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Twitter5 of 20
fun Fact for you; if you stacked up allllllllLLLLLllll the pancake in the World then I'm coming over for breakfast >;)
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Twitter6 of 20
if you say "Jesus" backwards it's basically "sausage." So either way you look at it, he's a pretty great guy.
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Twitter7 of 20
Sitting at my daughter's pretend restaurant. The service is horrible here and the prices are outrageous.
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Twitter8 of 20
haha ok son here's another riddle, what has 4 legs but isn't alive?
"a chair haha duh, nice try mo-
it's your dog. Spot's dead billy.
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Twitter9 of 20
Cool people: "I've never seen Game of Thrones or Mad Men or sports or a thing with people or words or colors or ideas. I don't breathe."
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Twitter10 of 20
A horse walks into a bar. A chicken crosses the road. A lot of animals do things. It is not our place to judge.
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Twitter11 of 20
Why isn't there a Ben & Jerry's falvor called OREO Speedwagon?
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Twitter12 of 20
Let us not judge a man based on the color of his skin, but by which character he picks in Super Smash Bros.
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Twitter13 of 20
The key to happiness is realizing that the sexy single in your area is you.
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Twitter14 of 20
He was a good dog. He was a beautiful, very good dog. Who was a good dog? Who's a beautiful, good boy? Was it you? It was. -Dog obituary
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Twitter15 of 20
My favorite drinking game is making it through the day.
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Twitter16 of 20
Are there glory holes for just holding hands?
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Twitter17 of 20
*takes puff from a weed blunt* dude what if like kids keep coming inside w/dirty shoes? the earth will be gone cuz all the dirts inside now
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Twitter18 of 20
Probably not going to run with or without scissors
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Twitter19 of 20
That awkward moment when you try to start a food fight by throwing a sandwich but the guy just catches it and says "thanks for the sandwich'
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Twitter20 of 20Next: Even More Hilarious Tweets
Sex tip: Have it with me.