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Setting aside the fact that it's awesome to travel thousands of miles in mere hours, pretty much everything about air travel is miserable. Airports are overcrowded, TSA pat downs are a totally invasive, possibly ass-grabbing experience, and certain people feel compelled to chew your ear off just because you're seated next to them. It's the worst form of travel. Surely assailing aviation is not a novel concept, but all we can do is bitch and complain (perhaps boycott if you're ambitious), so that's what we're going to do. Air travel: We hate you, but just can't quit you. Let us count the ways.
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2 of 20
Bathrooms
Oh lord, good luck trying to take a dump in a 3x2 box of plastic, complete with urine sprayed by the guy who missed the mark because of turbulence.
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3 of 20
Airplane food
Looks like a slab of salmon getting swallowed by crusted mashed potatoes, while lone pieces of broccoli and carrot attempt to escape the angry starch mass. Oh, and that'll be $8.50.
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4 of 20
Elbow and shoulder space
Who doesn't enjoy a four hour passive aggressive war for the elbow rest and shoulder space? If your counterpart gets the best of you, that means you've got to (1) fold our arms or (2) try to lock your elbow onto the inside of the elbow rest. Reclaim position when he goes to the bathroom, then cry inside.
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5 of 20
Holding in farts
More science: doctors recommend letting it rip if your body is telling you it needs to release some gas. Maybe you're still reluctant. That's your choice. This cartoon depicts the alternate scenario, where everyone drops stink bombs and fills the cabin with a horrific cloud of broken wind. Enjoy your meal.
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6 of 20
Boarding the plane
Even with the advent of "boarding zones," passengers become deranged lunatics when attendants announce it's time to line up. Just chill. There will be time enough to squeeze into your 2x2 plot of discomfort.
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7 of 20
Carry on baggages
Everyone wants to avoid checked bag fees, leading to carry-on monstrosities that simply don't fit in those overhead compartments. Maybe you've had the pleasure of getting whacked with a carry-on beast while boarding. Silver lining is that shoving bags into tiny spaces makes a good triceps workout.
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8 of 20
Germs, sickness
This is a fact: airplanes breed germs. In water, seat pockets, tray tables, meals (food poisoning!), pillows, blankets and bathrooms. Open up wide and let this flight attendant sanitize your face.
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9 of 20
The chatty neighbor
You grab a magazine, put on headphones, answer in one word sentences, but Chatty McChatterson still wants to badger you with questions or unload a wave of bullshit. If all else fails, pretend to sleep, or punch the person in the face and deal with assault charges later.
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10 of 20
Delays and cancellations
Oh, you're going to miss that wedding? An appointment? Interview? Sorry! 60 percent of the time flights are delayed every time.
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11 of 20
Sleeping in terminals
You can't lay across seats because of those damn dividers, so your next best option is the floor, next to the guy with smelly feet.
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12 of 20
Expensive terminal food
Maybe you breezed through security and have time to kill, or have a lengthy layover. You're hungry. How about a $12 turkey sandwich? No? Enjoy some $4 peanuts. Food is priced like a baseball game but the only entertainment is watching people trip at the end of moving walkways.
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13 of 20
Back pain
The fat man in suspenders appears comfortable but he and the red-toed sucker behind him will ache later with back stiffness, as will dozens others, owing to hours spent in a sedentary position in crappy chairs. Pack some Advil.
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14 of 20
Turbulence
Hey, it's the nature of air travel, but still terribly alarming when the large tube aluminum starts shaking back, forth, up and down. It's only less of a concern if your pill-popping friend donated an Ambien to knock out.
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15 of 20
Lack of space
Remember the portly fellow who leaned back? Well here's a more technical depiction of that scenario. Notice in the first frame that the tall man has to perform a yoga move just to sit down; in the second frame, Professor Plum ruins the other man's day when he abruptly reclines, spilling coffee. In the third frame (not pictured), an attractive woman laughs at the wet spot on the tall man's crotch.
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16 of 20
Charges for entertainment
Credit airlines for devising a better diversion than a mediocre in-flight movies, but those swill merchants will require you to pay upwards of $8.00 for to use the mini screens.
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17 of 20
Charges for pillows and blankets
You know, the ones infested with germs. Yeah, that'll cost you, too, on American Airlines, Virgin and others. Thanks, Richard Branson.
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18 of 20
Lost luggage
That $50 checked bag fee sometimes comes with a complementary lost or damaged luggage. Sweet. Do you see your bag in this massive pile of lost bags? Of course not, because your suitcase was re-routed to Cambodia.
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19 of 20
Someone else filled out the crossword puzzle in the magazine
Oh the humanity! Punishment for refusing to pay for the TV.
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20 of 20Next: The Funniest Photos You Will See Today
The noisy neighbor
Conclusion: drive or walk everywhere, or earn enough money to sit first class.
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