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1 of 25Masturbating is only natural, but it's still awkward or comical when one roommate spots signs of another roommate's self-flagellation, or worse, catches him in the act. This gallery is dedicated to those signs and uncomfortable moments. Hey, chances are a housemate is/was aware of your kielbasa cuddling, too. One of the greatest pieces of evidence is the ol' box of tissues at his desk. He doesn't have allergies. He's not sick. Yet there's a pile of tissues in or around his tadpole wastebasket.
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2 of 25Nice move, closing out the Spanktravision window(s), but those pesky pop ups tell the story. A story about a date with Fisty Palmer.
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3 of 25The door is locked. It's never locked.
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4 of 25Have a generally angry housemate who's unusually pleasant for an hour after he emerges from his room? Yeah.
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5 of 25Lotion. He usually keeps lotion in the bathroom or on a shelf, but you happen to notice it near his desk. Worse, have you observed that *your* bottle has mysteriously evaporated? That cheap bastard is lubricating his love monkey on your dime.
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6 of 25He takes an eternity in the bathroom or shower. Rubbing himself, over and over and over.
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7 of 25He's not bashful, and tells you he was just pulling his pud. Now you know. No shame in that.
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8 of 25You happen to use his computer, or he used yours, and you notice the browser has been wiped of its entire history. Fact: He was watching porn - possibly some bizarre fetish business. (Note: He should have just used Chrome's incognito mode.)
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9 of 25He emerges from his room to wash his hands and do nothing else.
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10 of 25While he thinks you're sleeping, you hear and then see his blanket rapidly bouncing up and down. Not cool. Tell him to stop, pretend you're asleep or internalize the horrid memory forever. Your call.
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11 of 25The belt to his pants is unbuckled and he appears a bit disheveled, and he's in a good mood. It wasn't a power nap.
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12 of 25You call his name when he's in his room and he doesn't answer, or he responds after a delay. Busted, friend.
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13 of 25You find a grapefruit (or another piece of produce) with a penis-sized crater in it. So much for that fruit salad.
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14 of 25He burns scented candles after a period in his room. That's actually a nice gesture, to rid the room of self-sex smell.
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15 of 25You find a sock or rag that appears to be stiff or crusty. Or, bless you - it feels that way.
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16 of 25You notice from outside that his curtains are closed on a perfectly nice day, and he's not napping. It's business time.
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17 of 25He hears you coming home or into the room and you find him feverishly pulling his pants up.
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18 of 25To quote Lynyrd Skynyrd: "Oooooh that smell. Can't you smell that smell?" You can - and it's nasty!
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19 of 25This is where it gets dicey. You inadvertently walk in on him in the act. He's got his penis in his hand and he freezes like a deer in headlights. Just walk away. Walk away.
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20 of 25You hear moaning or grunting from behind his closed door. He says he was watching women's tennis. False.
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21 of 25You find a white jellyfish on the floor of the shower. That's foul. Enough said.
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22 of 25You know he's in his bedroom and you give him a buzz. He doesn't answer. He's *busy*.
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23 of 25He walks pantsless to the fridge for some pineapple juice or cold pizza, i.e., a post-game refreshment.
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24 of 25There's a stain on his desk chair. A perfectly nice desk chair - tainted forever.
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25 of 25Next: Cuddly Animals Operating Motor VehiclesYou call him out after picking up one of the signs but he denies, denies, denies. It's all good, but if he's ashamed, point and laugh.
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