The romantic rendezvous isn't a painless occasion for any man, considering our tendencies to say the wrong things, offend women incessantly, slam doors in their faces and leave without tipping. Most girls expect their evening to be like a Baz Luhrmann film - bright and pretty with good music - but guys will admit it's not worth it by the time they've bothered to both shower and brush their teeth in the same day. However, once in a blue moon, a man runs into that particular gal he wouldn't mind keeping around, and it gets to![first date, couple laughing]()
be a challenge landing subsequent two-person play-dates without a little First Date 101. Let's get started.
Chivalry's Alive and Well
When it comes to women of the world, we like to think the door is always open, somehow forgetting those doors are the same ones we're supposed to hold for them to walk through. Dating is a precursor to the big picture, a little game of what-if; a test drive, if you will. If you're not performing well, women can get a quick glimpse of the shit future in store for her if she decides to keep you in just a few hours' time. Then, you'll be returned to the dealership from whence you came.
That said, any date, especially the first, is an opportunity to show you're not a self-satisfied prick, instead someone capable of thinking of somebody other than himself. So if you're smart and your mother taught you well, you'll hold every door - coming in, going out, picking up and dropping off - or you'll at least attempt. Anything less makes her feel like you're equals, but in fact, you should be so lucky she's willing to sit across from you in public with your mismatching belt and thick coat of body spray.
Flattery Gets You Somewhere
If you're under the impression women love wearing ergonomically incorrect shoes and look like they're walking on glass shards, you'd be about as quick-witted as a rodeo clown on heavy painkillers. Women wear shoes to make that sweet ass stick out, match the outfit they've changed seven times and boost their height to make the night somehow less awkward. The least you can do is pay her a compliment.
Do her flamingo pink, feathery road-kill heels look like something a stripper might wear? Well, maybe she is a stripper so you best not say anything to offend her. Seriously though, if the shoes make you want to send your dinner back, find something else nice to say, perhaps about her gorgeous head of hair or the earrings that look like they could be hood ornaments on a Buick.
Decisive But Welcoming
Dance, bitch! The key to a good night out is keeping more of an open mind than usual, meaning getting drunk and passing out in a pool of drool - although authentic - is not the best course for action. Unless you've got yourself a real go-getter, the only thing she'll be sure of is how indecisive she truly is, which means you have to provide the entertainment, clown. And make reservations to avoid embarrassment. You don't have to go ballroom dancing or galactic roller-skating, but it never hurts to widen your plane of view. If she wants to go dancing, and you can't dance and prefer not to watch her grind up on a bunch of hard strangers, rent "Dirty Dancing" after dinner and drool over Patrick Swayze together.
Stop Talking So Much
It's not entirely necessary to tell her about your abusive childhood, hatred of organized religion and anger management issues in the realm of political discourse, along with the overbearing racism you encounter on your father's side of the family. Save that for future dates. Use your words sparingly and keep it lightheart![first date, couple at cafe]()
ed. It's a first date, not a fight to the death or a race to learn everything about one person in a single night. Slow it down, choose your topics wisely and hold in your farts while she does the talking.
Don't try to fill all the empty space with noise about yourself that's uninteresting and, quite frankly, a little questionable. The silent space is where the good stuff can spontaneously come in. You can let her know this isn't something you do often, which might help relieve some pressure, and that feeling will reciprocate itself back to you and your farts. Just keep the laughs rolling in and tone it down on the swear words and slurs, however funny you think you might be.
Get It Paid
You're starting to think this is getting to be too much - cleaning yourself, making plans, calling for reservations, opening doors and giving compliments - but it's not over until the bills are paid and she's home in one piece.
When the check comes, that's not an invitation for you to use the restroom so she can be awkwardly stuck with the bill while the overly-attentive waitress keeps pressing her with a smug, you're-my-last-table manner. If you're going to do that, leave your card with the lady, assuming she doesn't have gambling debts to be paid. And don't accept her card for an even split; that's just shooting yourself in the pee hole. Don't throw the card back at her either like an emasculated psycho either; just smile, slide it back and thank her for the consideration. "You can get the next one" is always a keeper response, you slick willy.
Coming Full Circle
As the night winds down, it's better to find a good stopping point that allows you to both end on a high note and get home in time to text your friends like a little girl than it is to burn the oil until it abruptly runs out. It's always best if you find the stopping point before forcing her to blow the whistle. Let her know you were paying attention and remind her of the good times simultaneously by reinserting funny things from earlier in the evening. This keeps you in good standing with her as she disappears for the night like a vampire during a new moon. Okay, that was our attempt to relate to youth pop culture. The point is to be brief, honest, appreciative and not overbearing. You're new to each other so treat it as such.
Save the Smooches
If all goes better than planned, every last detail a mini triumph to the very end, you can still wreck every second by moving in too quickly for the exchange of saliva. By showing restraint, you're exhibiting interest in further adventures together as well as a rare case of self-control, one which women truly value. And any girl willing to ride you like the night after one date probably isn't looking for repeat business. That, or she lacks confidence in a big way.
So save the smooches, maybe go for a hug (no handshakes, moron) and bid her a pleasant farewell. Make an effort to dim the headlights before leaving, don't peel out like your Paul fucking Walker and casually cruise away with Marvin Gaye or some other soothing tunes with a smile on that face, knowing you're night was a success, and you are now free to let all your farts fly.
be a challenge landing subsequent two-person play-dates without a little First Date 101. Let's get started.Chivalry's Alive and Well
When it comes to women of the world, we like to think the door is always open, somehow forgetting those doors are the same ones we're supposed to hold for them to walk through. Dating is a precursor to the big picture, a little game of what-if; a test drive, if you will. If you're not performing well, women can get a quick glimpse of the shit future in store for her if she decides to keep you in just a few hours' time. Then, you'll be returned to the dealership from whence you came.
That said, any date, especially the first, is an opportunity to show you're not a self-satisfied prick, instead someone capable of thinking of somebody other than himself. So if you're smart and your mother taught you well, you'll hold every door - coming in, going out, picking up and dropping off - or you'll at least attempt. Anything less makes her feel like you're equals, but in fact, you should be so lucky she's willing to sit across from you in public with your mismatching belt and thick coat of body spray.
Flattery Gets You Somewhere
If you're under the impression women love wearing ergonomically incorrect shoes and look like they're walking on glass shards, you'd be about as quick-witted as a rodeo clown on heavy painkillers. Women wear shoes to make that sweet ass stick out, match the outfit they've changed seven times and boost their height to make the night somehow less awkward. The least you can do is pay her a compliment.
Do her flamingo pink, feathery road-kill heels look like something a stripper might wear? Well, maybe she is a stripper so you best not say anything to offend her. Seriously though, if the shoes make you want to send your dinner back, find something else nice to say, perhaps about her gorgeous head of hair or the earrings that look like they could be hood ornaments on a Buick.
Decisive But Welcoming
Dance, bitch! The key to a good night out is keeping more of an open mind than usual, meaning getting drunk and passing out in a pool of drool - although authentic - is not the best course for action. Unless you've got yourself a real go-getter, the only thing she'll be sure of is how indecisive she truly is, which means you have to provide the entertainment, clown. And make reservations to avoid embarrassment. You don't have to go ballroom dancing or galactic roller-skating, but it never hurts to widen your plane of view. If she wants to go dancing, and you can't dance and prefer not to watch her grind up on a bunch of hard strangers, rent "Dirty Dancing" after dinner and drool over Patrick Swayze together.
Stop Talking So Much
It's not entirely necessary to tell her about your abusive childhood, hatred of organized religion and anger management issues in the realm of political discourse, along with the overbearing racism you encounter on your father's side of the family. Save that for future dates. Use your words sparingly and keep it lightheart
ed. It's a first date, not a fight to the death or a race to learn everything about one person in a single night. Slow it down, choose your topics wisely and hold in your farts while she does the talking.Don't try to fill all the empty space with noise about yourself that's uninteresting and, quite frankly, a little questionable. The silent space is where the good stuff can spontaneously come in. You can let her know this isn't something you do often, which might help relieve some pressure, and that feeling will reciprocate itself back to you and your farts. Just keep the laughs rolling in and tone it down on the swear words and slurs, however funny you think you might be.
Get It Paid
You're starting to think this is getting to be too much - cleaning yourself, making plans, calling for reservations, opening doors and giving compliments - but it's not over until the bills are paid and she's home in one piece.
When the check comes, that's not an invitation for you to use the restroom so she can be awkwardly stuck with the bill while the overly-attentive waitress keeps pressing her with a smug, you're-my-last-table manner. If you're going to do that, leave your card with the lady, assuming she doesn't have gambling debts to be paid. And don't accept her card for an even split; that's just shooting yourself in the pee hole. Don't throw the card back at her either like an emasculated psycho either; just smile, slide it back and thank her for the consideration. "You can get the next one" is always a keeper response, you slick willy.
Coming Full Circle
As the night winds down, it's better to find a good stopping point that allows you to both end on a high note and get home in time to text your friends like a little girl than it is to burn the oil until it abruptly runs out. It's always best if you find the stopping point before forcing her to blow the whistle. Let her know you were paying attention and remind her of the good times simultaneously by reinserting funny things from earlier in the evening. This keeps you in good standing with her as she disappears for the night like a vampire during a new moon. Okay, that was our attempt to relate to youth pop culture. The point is to be brief, honest, appreciative and not overbearing. You're new to each other so treat it as such.
Save the Smooches
If all goes better than planned, every last detail a mini triumph to the very end, you can still wreck every second by moving in too quickly for the exchange of saliva. By showing restraint, you're exhibiting interest in further adventures together as well as a rare case of self-control, one which women truly value. And any girl willing to ride you like the night after one date probably isn't looking for repeat business. That, or she lacks confidence in a big way.
So save the smooches, maybe go for a hug (no handshakes, moron) and bid her a pleasant farewell. Make an effort to dim the headlights before leaving, don't peel out like your Paul fucking Walker and casually cruise away with Marvin Gaye or some other soothing tunes with a smile on that face, knowing you're night was a success, and you are now free to let all your farts fly.
