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Twitter1 of 20
Another week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them yourself. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.
Follow @robfee on Twitter.
In the 1800s women were sometimes forced to wear an "A" on their clothing, signifying that they were Alvin from the Chipmunks.
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Twitter2 of 20
"only 5 left in stock - order soon" um no amazon you order more soon you're the store
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Twitter3 of 20
I have walrus-like reflexes! Basically I roll around my apartment and slap my belly when I want fish.
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Twitter4 of 20
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Twitter5 of 20
Burger King's full name was Burger Luther King Jr.
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Twitter6 of 20
Dance like you aren't depressed. Sing like you didn't kill that homeless guy. Love like you don't have herpes.
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Twitter7 of 20
"Not Waldo, Not Waldo, Not Waldo, Not Waldo, Not Waldo, Not Waldo, Not Waldo, Not Waldo, Waldo, Not Waldo" --Where's Waldo audiobook
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Twitter8 of 20
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Twitter9 of 20
Prom Tip: DON'T HAVE A BABY
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Twitter10 of 20
"Smells fresh. Like a tropical island."
"Ok. Now take off the blindfold! Your family's been dead in this car for a week! We Febrezed it!"
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Twitter11 of 20
Do people who say, "Exercise helps me relax" know about not exercising?
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Twitter12 of 20
Whenever I see a girl with a hot boob, neat buttocks, cut hair, and a face with ALL THE MOVES I always wish I knew how to describe women.
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Twitter13 of 20
Sorry I'm late, I'm not coming.
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Twitter14 of 20
My new hero is the girl on the bus who, when told to smile by a creeper dude, propped up the corners of her mouth with both middle fingers.
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Twitter15 of 20
There should be an "I'd rather die than attend this" option on Facebook invites
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Twitter16 of 20
Depression: where nothing matters and everything is a big deal.
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Twitter17 of 20
My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard & earned an online college degree.
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Twitter18 of 20
This coffee is so strong it just raised 5 children on a nurse's salary.
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Twitter19 of 20
I imagine the dog version of Kama Sutra is pretty short.
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Twitter20 of 20Next: Even More Hilarious Tweets
"I pretty da pool". - Mr. T, cleaning his pool
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