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While I am a very big fan of baseball's chess-like games, many casual viewers find the sport a bit slow and, at times, uninteresting. It's unfortunate that we live in a time with such short attention spans, but the facts are there. That's why baseball needs to change. Here are ten ways baseball could become much more interesting.
1. Replace One Guy's Bat with a Live Snake
Can you imagine that? Not only do you not have to worry about an opposing slugger belting out any homeruns, now he has to worry about avoiding the venom of a giant serpent. After the game they could throw the snakes into the crowd for terrifying souvenirs.
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2. Players Can Get Slimed
Remember on Nickelodeon how exciting it was as you waited for your favorite celebrity to get slimed? This suggestion would give random fans in the crowd a button under their seat that they can press at any given time during the game and slime their particular player.
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3. Pit Bull 4th Inning
Pretty self explanatory, but at the start of the fourth inning, wild pit bulls would be released onto the infield making the batting and fielding abilities of each player extremely affected. Plus, after the game you have the option to adopt the dogs. It's a win for the community as well!
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4. Everyone Gets to Throw a Baseball at Pitbull
If no one wants to get animals involved, we could always have one special night per season where everyone gets to throw a ball at Pitbull as hard as they can. I support this 100% and will become a season ticket holder if it goes into effect.
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5. Everyone Has the Bullpen Phone Number
You know how the manager walks over to that phone to call the bullpen and bring in a new pitcher? How fun would it be if everyone in the stadium had that phone number? You could call Tony Larussa and talk to him about dreams and aspirations or dial up Dusty Baker and ask him why his name sounds like an old pastry chef. It's great for everyone.
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6. A Live Ghost Hunt During the Game
Paranormal investigation is extremely popular right now, so Major League Baseball could bring in a team of ghost hunters to search for supernatural activity during the game. Can you imagine spotting a full body apparition in right field during a Cubs game? The ratings would be through the roof.
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7. Replace Second Base with a Piranha Plant from Super Mario
You would second guess stealing second if you knew that the slightest incorrect calculation on your timing would result in a man-eating piranha plant swallowing you whole. Plus, if you hit a double, you can go down the pipe and collect a bunch of gold coins!
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8. Make Everyone Wear a Mascot Mask
It's so fun watching mascots bumble around the field with their giant masks and helmets on, why not make everyone wear one of them? If a line drive knocks a player's giant baseball head off, and it flies into the crowd, you get to keep it! That'll look great on your mantle.
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9. Everyone Has a Baby Strapped to Them
While it may not make sense, it does increase the danger and risk level during each game. People love extreme sports and there's nothing more extreme than running while having a fragile child strapped to your chest.
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10. Kate Upton
That's it. That's the winning idea.