Life is cluttered with a random mix of people, but generally, there are only a select few who can win us over, ones we actually want to surround ourselves with. When it comes to the women in your life, it can be difficult to differentiate between a girl who's a friend and a girl who should be a girlfriend, especially when she's someone with whom you enjoy spending time with and is easy on the eyes, perhaps a freak between the sheets - at least tha![guy and girl flirting, girl and guy cheers]()
t's what you've gathered from years of friendly stories about rolls in the hay. Once you realize she's more than just a girl who is a friend, there is a sudden need to make it more without labeling it as such. But that never comes easily, at least not without a price.
Friends Make Great Girlfriends
You can date all the top-shelf talent you like, but there's a good chance none of them can hold a candle to the personality of the lady with whom you're closest friends. Dating a girl long enough to let the honeymoon pass, wild attraction simmer and the quiet evenings together quickly lose their luster - essentially their purpose - will likely leave you wishing you were in the company of someone whose company is invaluable to you, like a friend, who just so happens to be a girl.
Having that rapport with someone is miles higher than having just a physical attraction and a few wild, drunken nights with a quasi-stranger. No matter how hard you try, you won't be able to match the love of a good woman who knows you, the real you, the guy who can't eat tacos before bed, the guy who goes out and drinks whiskey like a hard ass but comes home and secretly lives for cookies and a glass of milk while crying to a sad movie. You can never be comfortable sharing that much with a stranger, at least not without spending a long time together trying to build a friendship, only to eventually scare her off after riding her like a mechanical bull for so long it's gone stale and your neck hurts chronically. You've already got that in a friend; now you just need to overstep your boundaries and make it happen.
The Realization
So how do you get that kind of girlfriend who appreciates the real you? It starts with taking a deep gulp and realizing the only girl you can trust is the one who's already your friend, sitting right next to you, expecting nothing, no strings attached. Clearly the two of you appreciate the important things about one another - the sense of humor, the conversations and the trust - and all that's missing is that physical attraction. But what if it's already there and just hiding in plain sight?
Many men won't admit it, but they prefer to be in the company of beautiful women at all times - big shocker - so it's not a stretch to think that the girls, friend or otherwise, they spend their time with are girls they are at least attracted to in some sense of the word. Give a guy enough rope to try sleeping with each of his lady friends and, dollars to donuts, he'll take it every time.
Making the transition from friend to girlfriend is a hard-fought battle, one fraught with fear and risk, but to stick that flag on top of that mountain, so to speak, is possibly one of the better tasting victories in life. Or you could just be honest, just like most friends are with one another. Life is too short to spend it with the wrong people, faking emotions and caring when you don't. Why not dip a toe in the adult pool and see if you like the way it feels, telling someone you care about that you care about them a whole other way than they knew, brushing away all the insecurity and no longer sidestepping the truth, just because, ya know, you dig her. Rip off the bandage, color her in your honesty and then breathe a deep breath, knowing the hard part is over (hopefully).
Making the Transition
There's no easy way to say it other than to come right out and say it, but just because you're in the right mindset and think she'll be on the same page, don't forget you may not be reading the same book as her. Consider where she's at with her life - timing is everything - when it come![iStockphoto]()
s to matters of the heart. Though you might be in the right place, she might not, and springing these intimate ideas, however reciprocated they may be, might throw her for a loop.
The most important thing is to keep the friendship at the forefront, meaning: Don't become someone else entirely because it's how you act around other women. It's not going to work if you're not yourself, the same guy she knows and trusts. She'll see right through that. You don't want to go in there unnecessarily headstrong and embarrass yourself. Just realign your goals with her, be yourself and kindly, but very slowly, steer the ship in that direction. If it feels wrong, don't push it. This is your friend, not some fly-by-night booze-breath sitting next to you at the bar that could pay her tab and leave in an instant.
Be smart, be thoughtful, and don't make any sudden movements, or you'll never live it down. She'll see to that. "Remember the time you tried to bang me like every other girl?" is not something you want to hear in the future. She's not just any other girl, she's someone you have to face on a regular basis, whose texts are unavoidable and whose company remains imperative to your way of life. In other words, don't fuck it up.
Little Risk Involved
Someone best said it once - doubtful you've heard this - but without a little risk, there is little reward. Another philosophical genius, Teddy Roosevelt, pointed out that nothing in the world is worth having unless it involves effort, pain and difficulty. So it goes with the ladies. It's easy to meet some random floozy, strike up a conversation and eventually get around to making her hate your very being. But it's another, nobler gesture to take what you already love and use all of its potential to the best of your ability, and avoid taking the easy way out because it'll leave you less satisfied. Challenge yourself a little more and, should it work out, it'll all be worth the unnerving and unraveling of your ego and self-esteem.
At the end of the day, we are left alone with little else than our decisions. So making an honest attempt at genuine happiness rather than clever posturing is going to make all the difference, because despite how much praise you may receive for having a girlfriend with cans that look like they could cure cancer, you alone will know the lie.
It's better to live honestly, take a little risk for the sake of being happy, and allow your lady friend to make an honest man out of you, should the shoe fit. And if all your friends are dudes, hook up with their sisters. They'll like that.
t's what you've gathered from years of friendly stories about rolls in the hay. Once you realize she's more than just a girl who is a friend, there is a sudden need to make it more without labeling it as such. But that never comes easily, at least not without a price.Friends Make Great Girlfriends
You can date all the top-shelf talent you like, but there's a good chance none of them can hold a candle to the personality of the lady with whom you're closest friends. Dating a girl long enough to let the honeymoon pass, wild attraction simmer and the quiet evenings together quickly lose their luster - essentially their purpose - will likely leave you wishing you were in the company of someone whose company is invaluable to you, like a friend, who just so happens to be a girl.
Having that rapport with someone is miles higher than having just a physical attraction and a few wild, drunken nights with a quasi-stranger. No matter how hard you try, you won't be able to match the love of a good woman who knows you, the real you, the guy who can't eat tacos before bed, the guy who goes out and drinks whiskey like a hard ass but comes home and secretly lives for cookies and a glass of milk while crying to a sad movie. You can never be comfortable sharing that much with a stranger, at least not without spending a long time together trying to build a friendship, only to eventually scare her off after riding her like a mechanical bull for so long it's gone stale and your neck hurts chronically. You've already got that in a friend; now you just need to overstep your boundaries and make it happen.
The Realization
So how do you get that kind of girlfriend who appreciates the real you? It starts with taking a deep gulp and realizing the only girl you can trust is the one who's already your friend, sitting right next to you, expecting nothing, no strings attached. Clearly the two of you appreciate the important things about one another - the sense of humor, the conversations and the trust - and all that's missing is that physical attraction. But what if it's already there and just hiding in plain sight?
Many men won't admit it, but they prefer to be in the company of beautiful women at all times - big shocker - so it's not a stretch to think that the girls, friend or otherwise, they spend their time with are girls they are at least attracted to in some sense of the word. Give a guy enough rope to try sleeping with each of his lady friends and, dollars to donuts, he'll take it every time.
Making the transition from friend to girlfriend is a hard-fought battle, one fraught with fear and risk, but to stick that flag on top of that mountain, so to speak, is possibly one of the better tasting victories in life. Or you could just be honest, just like most friends are with one another. Life is too short to spend it with the wrong people, faking emotions and caring when you don't. Why not dip a toe in the adult pool and see if you like the way it feels, telling someone you care about that you care about them a whole other way than they knew, brushing away all the insecurity and no longer sidestepping the truth, just because, ya know, you dig her. Rip off the bandage, color her in your honesty and then breathe a deep breath, knowing the hard part is over (hopefully).
Making the Transition
There's no easy way to say it other than to come right out and say it, but just because you're in the right mindset and think she'll be on the same page, don't forget you may not be reading the same book as her. Consider where she's at with her life - timing is everything - when it come
s to matters of the heart. Though you might be in the right place, she might not, and springing these intimate ideas, however reciprocated they may be, might throw her for a loop.The most important thing is to keep the friendship at the forefront, meaning: Don't become someone else entirely because it's how you act around other women. It's not going to work if you're not yourself, the same guy she knows and trusts. She'll see right through that. You don't want to go in there unnecessarily headstrong and embarrass yourself. Just realign your goals with her, be yourself and kindly, but very slowly, steer the ship in that direction. If it feels wrong, don't push it. This is your friend, not some fly-by-night booze-breath sitting next to you at the bar that could pay her tab and leave in an instant.
Be smart, be thoughtful, and don't make any sudden movements, or you'll never live it down. She'll see to that. "Remember the time you tried to bang me like every other girl?" is not something you want to hear in the future. She's not just any other girl, she's someone you have to face on a regular basis, whose texts are unavoidable and whose company remains imperative to your way of life. In other words, don't fuck it up.
Little Risk Involved
Someone best said it once - doubtful you've heard this - but without a little risk, there is little reward. Another philosophical genius, Teddy Roosevelt, pointed out that nothing in the world is worth having unless it involves effort, pain and difficulty. So it goes with the ladies. It's easy to meet some random floozy, strike up a conversation and eventually get around to making her hate your very being. But it's another, nobler gesture to take what you already love and use all of its potential to the best of your ability, and avoid taking the easy way out because it'll leave you less satisfied. Challenge yourself a little more and, should it work out, it'll all be worth the unnerving and unraveling of your ego and self-esteem.
At the end of the day, we are left alone with little else than our decisions. So making an honest attempt at genuine happiness rather than clever posturing is going to make all the difference, because despite how much praise you may receive for having a girlfriend with cans that look like they could cure cancer, you alone will know the lie.
It's better to live honestly, take a little risk for the sake of being happy, and allow your lady friend to make an honest man out of you, should the shoe fit. And if all your friends are dudes, hook up with their sisters. They'll like that.
