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Twitter1 of 20Another week, another batch of inappropriately hilarious tweets compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them yourself. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.
Follow @robfee on Twitter, and check out his bestselling comedy album, "Grape Stomp," on iTunes.
I found $80 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy Nerf guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, Nerf guns and candy".
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Twitter2 of 20Ladies, I know you want to make it special tonight but be careful, glitter is really hard to get out of your vagina.
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Twitter3 of 20ADHD is just ADD in High Definition.
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Twitter4 of 20You don't hear many death metal bands singing about slipping in the shower. 55 deaths a day guys, get on it.
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Twitter5 of 20Behind every chick who says she has a "stalker" is actually just a normal dude who is responding to her slutty texts.
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Clik here to view.Twitter6 of 20I ran over a raccoon yesterday. But Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah" was playing, so it was kinda beautiful.
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Clik here to view.Twitter7 of 20I still feel bad about stealing Ricky's baseball cards in '94. His mom died a week later. I told him they were probably in her car. LOL!
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Clik here to view.Twitter8 of 20WHOA HOLD UP GUYS HEAR THAT SIREN MUST MEAN A REMIX IS COMIN ON GET READY oh wait that's an ambulance oh shit some died guys stop dancing
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Clik here to view.Twitter9 of 20There's sad and then there's Rite-Aid-Manager sad.
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Clik here to view.Twitter10 of 20I'm highly skilled at refreshing the same 3 web pages all day with hopes of finding that'll change my life even marginally.
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Clik here to view.Twitter11 of 20I had a near death experience, and I saw heaven. People were screaming and there was fire everywhere. It was glorious.
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Clik here to view.Twitter12 of 20To me, the most impressive thing about Batman is he never once turns to Alfred and says "Seriously, would you tell me if I looked stupid?"
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Clik here to view.Twitter13 of 20Gotta hand it to babies, because their stupid little arms can't reach anything.
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Clik here to view.Twitter14 of 20I downloaded the Friday The 13th ch ch ch ah ah ah to my iPod to listen to while I did my trail run tonight. I beat my best time. By a lot.
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Clik here to view.Twitter15 of 20Today's a good day to leave a note on a random car that says, "I KNOW WHAT YOU DID."
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Clik here to view.Twitter16 of 20What if Lee Harvey Oswald just hated parades?
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Clik here to view.Twitter17 of 20A lady on Facebook sent a message telling me to fuck off bc I didn't accept her friend request. SORRY LADY I'LL ACCEPT IT NOW YOU SEEM GREAT.
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Clik here to view.Twitter18 of 20waiting for the cable guy. i hope when he arrives he doesn't try to have anal sex with me like i saw happen in that web documentary.
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Clik here to view.Twitter19 of 20Question to the owner of the car with the "We can do better than abortion" bumper sticker: Are you proposing we invent a...super abortion?
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Clik here to view.Twitter20 of 20Next: Last Week's Inappropriately Hilarious Tweetsgroupon are you crazy if I had laser hair I would never get it removed
