We've all had those moments where we're complete fatties. We eat way too much of things we shouldn't have been eating in the first place. To make you feel better about your recent visit to the buffet, a Reddit thread asked users to share the fattest thing they've ever done. You'll feel so much skinnier after reading some of these best ones. (Photo credit: YouTube)
1. Repulsive
I got extremely hungry one night and all I had at home was a jar of mayonnaise and a can of corn. I mixed it and ate it all with a big fucking spoon.
2. Chocolate Scotch Eggs
Ever heard of a Scotch egg? I make a dessert version using spice cake wrapped around a Cadbury egg and deep fried. Served with buttercream frosting as "gravy." It's absolutely delicious, but everyone within a 10-meter radius gets diabetes.
3. McNuggets
I once ordered a 20 piece McNugget from McDonald's, and realized there were actually only 19 nuggets. I was in a pissy mood already, so I went back and made a big deal out of it, and they gave me a whole new 20 piece, leaving me with 39 total nuggets, all of which I ate in one sitting.
4. The Gym
I told my wife I was going to the gym, but somehow I ended up going to McDonald's instead.
I ate my cheeseburgers in a parking lot, and waited a little while until it seemed long enough for a workout. When I got home, I poured water on my head and shirt to look like I had been sweating.
That is the absolute saddest and fattest thing I have ever done.
5. Meat Sweats
Anniversary time. Wife and I walk four blocks down the hill to the House of Prime Rib. We gorge on meat meat meat meat meat meat meat. Oh yeah, there's a salad and we eat that too. Groaning with pleasure, we waddle out of the restaurant. Look up the hill. We can see our apartment. I look at her. She looks at me. We hail a cab.
6. Breakfast Burritos
I ate 10 breakfast burritos from McDonald's over the course of an hour on a fishing trip. I felt like a soft serve machine that was accidentally left on the next time I shat.
7. Nutella
I once ate half a tub of ice cream with a tablespoon of Nutella spread accompanying every mouthful because I ran out of chocolate syrup. I later learnt of the nutritional content of Nutella, and realised that I must have ingested a week's allowance of saturated fats in one sitting.
8. Pregnancy
It might not count because I was massively pregnant but I woke up in the middle of the night, poured an entire box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch into a big glass bowl, threw in a bag of marshmallows, drizzled it with melted butter and then put it in the microwave to melt the marshmallows. I then watched Dexter for 2 hours and ate the whole thing while crying.
9. Solo Movie Trip
I was meeting friends at the theatre. They were late, so I bought extra-large popcorn and two large drinks, for all of us. Nobody came. I walked out of that movie with half a drink and depression.
10. The Carnival
At a carnival a few years back, I had deep fried butter. I kid you not, it was a stick of butter put in batter then deep fried with cinnamon and sugar. I wallowed in my artery clogging misery afterwards.
11. Just Say No
One night, after smoking a few bowls, I ordered Domino's. I ate 16 Parmesan Bread Bites, 2 Medium BBQ Chicken Pizzas, and drank a 2 liter of Diet Coke.
12. Just One More Slice
I ate half of a cake once when I should have only one piece. I was horrified and didn't want anyone to know, so I finished the cake, baked a whole new one, forced myself to eat the one allowed piece.
Then I barfed in the middle of dinner.
13. Ham
I ate a ham. A whole freaking ham.
14. BBQ Marathon
I went to a Korean BBQ and ate for 4 hours. In my defense, it was K-BBQ.
15. Chili's
I ate a $20 dinner for 2 at Chili's all by myself. My waitress said she was "impressed and disgusted."
16. Overtime
I was working at a McDonald's while in high school. My schedule was 6 a.m. to 6 p.m. and one of my co-worker's schedule was 6 p.m. to 6 a.m. (we were supposed to rotate, so it worked well). Anyway he comes in one day and says there is a family emergency and he needs to leave for a few days. I worked from Monday morning at 6 a.m. to Wednesday night at 6 p.m. so I worked 60 hours relatively non stop. I get done with my last shift and get told as a thank you for my work I can make anything I can think of. I made a sandwich that contained:
- 6 Slices of Bacon
- 4 Quarter Pounder Patties
- 5 Slices of Swiss Cheese
- All topped off with Big Mac sauce
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