Breaking up isn't easy. It's perhaps the hardest thing in the world: emotions fly, curses abound and sometimes penises get lopped off amid intense quarreling. Here are eleven breakup stories that will make you thankful for your relationship.
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1. Egyptian Man Finds Wife in 11 Porno Films
It all happened at an Internet cafe. A man identified only as "Ramadan" went to a cyber cafe to catch a little Web time. He literally collapsed in shock when he discovered his wife of sixteen years boinking her old boyfriend.
He found 10 other stag films starring his better half.
Ramadan explained: "It was my first time I watched a porno film and I did it out of curiosity." We believe you, Ramadan. Anyway, he went home to confront his wife and she told him she never loved him. They had four children.
![11 break-up stories, man snaps picture]()
2. Man Snaps Picture of Girlfriend as Proof She Was Cheating
This is probably a bunch of photoshopped bullshit, but several media outlets report a man came home to his 21-year-old wife after a business trip. He knew she was cheating on him, and he snapped this picture for proof. Scan the photo with your eyes carefully. You'll know when you see it.
3. Woman Cuts Off Man's Penis, Penis Gets Eaten By Dog
In the 73 cases of penis removal available on Wikipedia, this one stuck out: Li Gengbao was asleep when he was awakened by a stinging pain in his crotch. His wife, Yao Fengfang, was holding the penis in her hand. She had cut it off. He begged her to take him to the hospital, but she simply flung the weeny out the window. A dog found it and ate it. Yao received a three-year sentence.
His penis couldn't be reattached (since it was eaten by a dog). Many of these women get less than five years in prison. But let's continue talking about the war on Women.
![11 break-up stories, man splits house in half]()
4. Amid Divorce, Man Splits House With Wife
Divorce is hell. In 2008 a rural Cambodian man took to (literally) splitting his assets with his wife, cutting his house in two. He moved his belongings to one side and had his buddies help him saw the humble bungalow in half. He threw the bits and pieces of what was left in a nearby field for his wife.
Fair is fair.
![11 break-up stories, married couple has online affair]()
5. Married Couple Has Affair With Each Other Online
In 2005, two cyberlovers were chatting online for months before they met each other. It was a true romance. They even began making wedding plans. When they met at a bus depot to finally unveil each other's identities, it turned out they were already married to each other.
"You are divorced, divorced, divorced," 32-year-old Adnan screamed.
"You are a liar," 27-year-old Sana replied.
They used the names "Sweetie" and "Prince of Joy." It ended as an ugly public divorce and they learned a little lesson about chatting online with strangers.
![11 break-up stories, parrot breaks up marriage]()
6. Parrot Breaks Up Marriage
Petra Ficker, 50, of Freiburg, Germany, suspected something was up when her beloved parrot, Hugo, learned a new word.
Hugo impersonated Petra's husband Frank all too well, and one day Hugo mimicked, "Uta, Uta." Petra rummaged through the house to find two plane tickets for Paris, one for Frank and the other for a mystery woman named Uta.
Said Petra: "I kicked him straight out. It's just me and my parrot now."
![11 break-up stories, letter no man wants to receive]()
7. A Letter No Man Wants to Receive
Politics should play no role in a budding relationship, unless you're a Nazi and she's a Naziette. I'm no liberal, but even I feel this man should be dumped for thinking Sarah Palin as qualified. Don't read the second-to-last paragraph if you're not packing heat in your trousers. Hurt feelings may ensue.
![11 break-up stories, billboard treatment]()
8. The Billboard Treatment
Once again, if you're sporting a droopy limp noodle between your legs, this one may cause an emotional stir.
9. Dan Trolls Connie HARD in Divorce Letter
After tossing his new teenage lover a "pint of throat yogurt," a spurned divorcee writes out an eloquent letter to his ex detailing his regrets and musings on their made-for-movie marriage. And once it's made clear his new girl is into the whole er-backdoor thing, Connie must have known there was no hope to rekindle the burnt-out flame.
![11 break-up stories, dan trolls]()
10. "She's F**king Fat. WTF?"
Women are wizards when it comes to knowing about the contents of your phone. If you have chick's naked selfie or even a nipple in your phone, she already knows. You're screwed.
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11. Girlfriend Makes Fake Facebook Account and Hits on Boyfriend
All was well and good until Mr. Blabbermouth unleashed the bomb on his girlfriend's lack of hygiene. He states she "always smells like an old lady" and "never uses soap." Sorry, sir-your girlfriend will now dump you, and possibly neuter you with a spoon. You can see how it all went down below.
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1. Egyptian Man Finds Wife in 11 Porno Films
It all happened at an Internet cafe. A man identified only as "Ramadan" went to a cyber cafe to catch a little Web time. He literally collapsed in shock when he discovered his wife of sixteen years boinking her old boyfriend.
He found 10 other stag films starring his better half.
Ramadan explained: "It was my first time I watched a porno film and I did it out of curiosity." We believe you, Ramadan. Anyway, he went home to confront his wife and she told him she never loved him. They had four children.
2. Man Snaps Picture of Girlfriend as Proof She Was Cheating
This is probably a bunch of photoshopped bullshit, but several media outlets report a man came home to his 21-year-old wife after a business trip. He knew she was cheating on him, and he snapped this picture for proof. Scan the photo with your eyes carefully. You'll know when you see it.
3. Woman Cuts Off Man's Penis, Penis Gets Eaten By Dog
In the 73 cases of penis removal available on Wikipedia, this one stuck out: Li Gengbao was asleep when he was awakened by a stinging pain in his crotch. His wife, Yao Fengfang, was holding the penis in her hand. She had cut it off. He begged her to take him to the hospital, but she simply flung the weeny out the window. A dog found it and ate it. Yao received a three-year sentence.
His penis couldn't be reattached (since it was eaten by a dog). Many of these women get less than five years in prison. But let's continue talking about the war on Women.
4. Amid Divorce, Man Splits House With Wife
Divorce is hell. In 2008 a rural Cambodian man took to (literally) splitting his assets with his wife, cutting his house in two. He moved his belongings to one side and had his buddies help him saw the humble bungalow in half. He threw the bits and pieces of what was left in a nearby field for his wife.
Fair is fair.
5. Married Couple Has Affair With Each Other Online
In 2005, two cyberlovers were chatting online for months before they met each other. It was a true romance. They even began making wedding plans. When they met at a bus depot to finally unveil each other's identities, it turned out they were already married to each other.
"You are divorced, divorced, divorced," 32-year-old Adnan screamed.
"You are a liar," 27-year-old Sana replied.
They used the names "Sweetie" and "Prince of Joy." It ended as an ugly public divorce and they learned a little lesson about chatting online with strangers.
6. Parrot Breaks Up Marriage
Petra Ficker, 50, of Freiburg, Germany, suspected something was up when her beloved parrot, Hugo, learned a new word.
Hugo impersonated Petra's husband Frank all too well, and one day Hugo mimicked, "Uta, Uta." Petra rummaged through the house to find two plane tickets for Paris, one for Frank and the other for a mystery woman named Uta.
Said Petra: "I kicked him straight out. It's just me and my parrot now."
7. A Letter No Man Wants to Receive
Politics should play no role in a budding relationship, unless you're a Nazi and she's a Naziette. I'm no liberal, but even I feel this man should be dumped for thinking Sarah Palin as qualified. Don't read the second-to-last paragraph if you're not packing heat in your trousers. Hurt feelings may ensue.
8. The Billboard Treatment
Once again, if you're sporting a droopy limp noodle between your legs, this one may cause an emotional stir.
9. Dan Trolls Connie HARD in Divorce Letter
After tossing his new teenage lover a "pint of throat yogurt," a spurned divorcee writes out an eloquent letter to his ex detailing his regrets and musings on their made-for-movie marriage. And once it's made clear his new girl is into the whole er-backdoor thing, Connie must have known there was no hope to rekindle the burnt-out flame.
10. "She's F**king Fat. WTF?"
Women are wizards when it comes to knowing about the contents of your phone. If you have chick's naked selfie or even a nipple in your phone, she already knows. You're screwed.
11. Girlfriend Makes Fake Facebook Account and Hits on Boyfriend
All was well and good until Mr. Blabbermouth unleashed the bomb on his girlfriend's lack of hygiene. He states she "always smells like an old lady" and "never uses soap." Sorry, sir-your girlfriend will now dump you, and possibly neuter you with a spoon. You can see how it all went down below.
