In movies like "Ocean's Eleven," criminals are pretty smart people, able to create complex plans to heist valuables and get away scot-free. In reality, though, crooks are usually not all that bright. In this article, we'll spotlight a specially selected set of lawbreakers who are even dumber than their peers.
Burglar Thinks He Can't Be Arrested During the Day
![dumb criminals, james blankenship]()
Let's start this off with a guy who has a fundamental misunderstanding of the nature of law enforcement. In July 2013, Cleveland-area man James Blankenship attempted to break into his mother's house against her will to steal from her. She chased him off and called the police, who found him hiding in a nearby crawlspace. When they took him into custody and charged him with burglary, Blankenship protested. He told officers that he couldn't be arrested for burglary because, in his own words, "It wasn't nighttime." Needless to say, this didn't hold water and he was charged and convicted. (Photo credit: Willoughby Police Department)
Drunk Tries To Buy Beer From Bartender He Stole Credit Card From
![dumb criminals, david weber]()
When you want a beer, you want a beer. But if you're going to break the law to get it, be smart. Florida man David Weber certainly wasn't. In 2012, he broke into a car outside of a bar in Miami Beach and stole a credit card he found inside. With his newfound plastic, he walked into the establishment and tried to use it to get something to drink. Only one problem: the bartender he ordered from was the owner of the car he'd broken into, and he was naturally a little perplexed to have his own credit card handed to him. Police were called and Weber went to jail thirsty. (Photo credit: Miami Beach Police Department)
Drug Dealer Cold Calls Cops
![dumb criminals, shaquille mckinney]()
When you're starting a new business, you need to build a customer base. So in 2007, when then-14-year-old Shaquille McKinney of Gulfport, Florida decided to get into weed dealing, he simply decided to call people at random and ask them if they wanted to buy any cheeba. Unfortunately for the clueless teenager, the first person he called was Gulfport police detective Matt Parks at home. Parks, naturally, played along and met McKinney in a parking lot to arrest him. (Photo credit: Gulfport Police Department)
Man Shoplifts in a Store With 50 Cops
![dumb criminals, timothy clark]()
The annual "Shop With A Cop" event is designed to raise awareness of what the police do in the community, and at a Maryland Wal-Mart over 50 officers showed up to walk the aisles with local kids. We don't know whether it was idiocy or hubris, but local scumbag Timothy Clark decided to pick the very same day to try and shoplift 26 video games from the store. Security cameras picked him up shoving the games into his shirt and the small army of cops on the scene was quickly mobilized to take him into custody. (Photo credit: Charles Country Sheriff's Office)
Drunk Trespasser Says He's Superman, Jumps Out of Window
![dumb criminals, tang lei]()
We've all had those drunk nights where making it home seems impossible. But for Chinese man Tang Lei, an evening out turned into a very stupid crime. Lei broke into a 5th floor apartment in the city of Suqian because he thought it was empty and he'd be able to sleep it off inside. Unfortunately for him, a 10-year-old girl was asleep in the room he blundered into. To calm her down, Lei told the girl that he was Superman and he'd soon be "flying off to his secret headquarters." She told him to prove it, so he stripped down to his underpants and jumped out of the window, hoping to land safely on a nearby roof. He landed, but not safely, and police took the battered boozehound into custody. (Photo credit: YouTube)
Man Cuts Hole in Wall to Dine and Dash
![dumb criminals, robert engles]()
The old myth that you could pay for a restaurant meal by washing dishes for a few hours isn't true, but Colorado man Robert Engles should have considered trying that rather than attempting to dine and dash from Centro Latin Kitchen. Instead of paying his $33 bill, Engles pulled a knife from his pocket and cut a hole in the restaurant's plastic patio wall, crawling through it to escape. Unfortunately, a chain-link fence directly behind the patio wall stymied his plan, and restaurant workers detained him until the cops got there. (Photo credit: Boulder Police Department)
Robber Uses Clear Plastic Bag as Disguise
![dumb criminals, jamie neil]()
When you're holding up a store, it's important to keep your face hidden from security cameras. Popular choices include ski masks and hooded sweatshirts, but moronic stickup man Jamie Neil thought outside the box and instead put a clear plastic bag over his head before he robbed an English gas station in 2013. Never mind the asphyxiation hazard, the transparent bag gave the clerk and the cameras full view of his face. To add insult to injury, his partner forgot to bring a gun and tried to use his cell phone instead. When the screen lit up, the cashier pressed the alarm button and the two beat a hasty retreat. (Photo credit: Youtube)
Child Molester Calls Cops On People Who Called Her a Child Molester
![dumb criminals, arlayne curiel]()
If you're a grown woman having sex with a 13-year-old boy, you'd better expect that people aren't going to be cool with it. But Albany, Oregon woman Arlayne Curiel didn't really appreciate her neighbors telling her that picking up teens on the street, getting them wasted and having sex with them wasn't a good idea. So what did she do? Called the cops on her nosy neighbors, of course. When police showed up, they were less concerned with the neighbors and more worried about Curiel boozing up middle schoolers and took her into custody. (Photo credit: Albany Police Department)
Forger Tries To Cash $360,000,000,000 Check
![dumb criminals, charles ray fuller]()
Go big or go home, we always say, but for inept Fort Worth man Charles Ray Fuller it proved his downfall. In 2008, Fuller walked into a Wells Fargo with a personal check from his girlfriend's mother that he claimed was for seed money to open a record store. But when tellers examined the check and found it was made out in the amount of 360 billion dollars, they were naturally a little suspicious. They contacted the woman, who denied giving Fuller the check, and police were called. The goofball was busted for forgery, unlawfully carrying a weapon and possession of marijuana. Maybe it was that last one that gave him the billion-dollar idea. (Photo credit: Fort Worth Police Department)
Florida Trespassers Get Trapped in Unlocked Closet
![dumb criminals, john arwood, amber campbell]()
John Arwood and Amber Campbell were a couple of meth-heads looking for a spot to get high when they stumbled into Daytona State College's Marine and Environmental Science Center. The duo wound up inside a janitor's closet and got locked inside -- or so they thought. After two whole days of smoking meth and pooping in a corner, Arwood called 911 to be rescued. When cops arrived on the scene, they found that the door wasn't actually locked and, in fact, didn't even have a lock on it. The two clueless perps were taken into custody for trespassing, and discovered that jail cells do actually lock. (Photo credit: Daytona Beach Police Department)
Burglar Thinks He Can't Be Arrested During the Day
Let's start this off with a guy who has a fundamental misunderstanding of the nature of law enforcement. In July 2013, Cleveland-area man James Blankenship attempted to break into his mother's house against her will to steal from her. She chased him off and called the police, who found him hiding in a nearby crawlspace. When they took him into custody and charged him with burglary, Blankenship protested. He told officers that he couldn't be arrested for burglary because, in his own words, "It wasn't nighttime." Needless to say, this didn't hold water and he was charged and convicted. (Photo credit: Willoughby Police Department)
Drunk Tries To Buy Beer From Bartender He Stole Credit Card From
When you want a beer, you want a beer. But if you're going to break the law to get it, be smart. Florida man David Weber certainly wasn't. In 2012, he broke into a car outside of a bar in Miami Beach and stole a credit card he found inside. With his newfound plastic, he walked into the establishment and tried to use it to get something to drink. Only one problem: the bartender he ordered from was the owner of the car he'd broken into, and he was naturally a little perplexed to have his own credit card handed to him. Police were called and Weber went to jail thirsty. (Photo credit: Miami Beach Police Department)
Drug Dealer Cold Calls Cops
When you're starting a new business, you need to build a customer base. So in 2007, when then-14-year-old Shaquille McKinney of Gulfport, Florida decided to get into weed dealing, he simply decided to call people at random and ask them if they wanted to buy any cheeba. Unfortunately for the clueless teenager, the first person he called was Gulfport police detective Matt Parks at home. Parks, naturally, played along and met McKinney in a parking lot to arrest him. (Photo credit: Gulfport Police Department)
Man Shoplifts in a Store With 50 Cops
The annual "Shop With A Cop" event is designed to raise awareness of what the police do in the community, and at a Maryland Wal-Mart over 50 officers showed up to walk the aisles with local kids. We don't know whether it was idiocy or hubris, but local scumbag Timothy Clark decided to pick the very same day to try and shoplift 26 video games from the store. Security cameras picked him up shoving the games into his shirt and the small army of cops on the scene was quickly mobilized to take him into custody. (Photo credit: Charles Country Sheriff's Office)
Drunk Trespasser Says He's Superman, Jumps Out of Window
We've all had those drunk nights where making it home seems impossible. But for Chinese man Tang Lei, an evening out turned into a very stupid crime. Lei broke into a 5th floor apartment in the city of Suqian because he thought it was empty and he'd be able to sleep it off inside. Unfortunately for him, a 10-year-old girl was asleep in the room he blundered into. To calm her down, Lei told the girl that he was Superman and he'd soon be "flying off to his secret headquarters." She told him to prove it, so he stripped down to his underpants and jumped out of the window, hoping to land safely on a nearby roof. He landed, but not safely, and police took the battered boozehound into custody. (Photo credit: YouTube)
Man Cuts Hole in Wall to Dine and Dash
The old myth that you could pay for a restaurant meal by washing dishes for a few hours isn't true, but Colorado man Robert Engles should have considered trying that rather than attempting to dine and dash from Centro Latin Kitchen. Instead of paying his $33 bill, Engles pulled a knife from his pocket and cut a hole in the restaurant's plastic patio wall, crawling through it to escape. Unfortunately, a chain-link fence directly behind the patio wall stymied his plan, and restaurant workers detained him until the cops got there. (Photo credit: Boulder Police Department)
Robber Uses Clear Plastic Bag as Disguise
When you're holding up a store, it's important to keep your face hidden from security cameras. Popular choices include ski masks and hooded sweatshirts, but moronic stickup man Jamie Neil thought outside the box and instead put a clear plastic bag over his head before he robbed an English gas station in 2013. Never mind the asphyxiation hazard, the transparent bag gave the clerk and the cameras full view of his face. To add insult to injury, his partner forgot to bring a gun and tried to use his cell phone instead. When the screen lit up, the cashier pressed the alarm button and the two beat a hasty retreat. (Photo credit: Youtube)
Child Molester Calls Cops On People Who Called Her a Child Molester
If you're a grown woman having sex with a 13-year-old boy, you'd better expect that people aren't going to be cool with it. But Albany, Oregon woman Arlayne Curiel didn't really appreciate her neighbors telling her that picking up teens on the street, getting them wasted and having sex with them wasn't a good idea. So what did she do? Called the cops on her nosy neighbors, of course. When police showed up, they were less concerned with the neighbors and more worried about Curiel boozing up middle schoolers and took her into custody. (Photo credit: Albany Police Department)
Forger Tries To Cash $360,000,000,000 Check
Go big or go home, we always say, but for inept Fort Worth man Charles Ray Fuller it proved his downfall. In 2008, Fuller walked into a Wells Fargo with a personal check from his girlfriend's mother that he claimed was for seed money to open a record store. But when tellers examined the check and found it was made out in the amount of 360 billion dollars, they were naturally a little suspicious. They contacted the woman, who denied giving Fuller the check, and police were called. The goofball was busted for forgery, unlawfully carrying a weapon and possession of marijuana. Maybe it was that last one that gave him the billion-dollar idea. (Photo credit: Fort Worth Police Department)
Florida Trespassers Get Trapped in Unlocked Closet
John Arwood and Amber Campbell were a couple of meth-heads looking for a spot to get high when they stumbled into Daytona State College's Marine and Environmental Science Center. The duo wound up inside a janitor's closet and got locked inside -- or so they thought. After two whole days of smoking meth and pooping in a corner, Arwood called 911 to be rescued. When cops arrived on the scene, they found that the door wasn't actually locked and, in fact, didn't even have a lock on it. The two clueless perps were taken into custody for trespassing, and discovered that jail cells do actually lock. (Photo credit: Daytona Beach Police Department)