The Many Questionable Decisions of David Stern

Extending the first round of the playoffs

Why would NBA fans need little things like spontaneity or insanely entertaining best-of-five series? Before the 2002-03 season, Stern extended the first round of the playoffs to a best-of-seven format. The result: countless dull 3-0 and 3-1 matchups-but some additional ticket sales and TV revenue. And what did Stern think about the 2007 upset that saw the Warriors defy the odds and oust the No. 1 seed Mavericks? "They were never supposed to. The four out of seven was supposed to make sure that the better team won." Charming.

Power Drunkenness Level: Tipsy

The synthetic ball

PETA were the only ones pleased in 2006 when Stern decided to swap the good old-fashioned leather basketball for one made from a composite microfiber material without, you know, consulting the players. Stern promised it would give players a better grip, while notorious troublemaker Steve Nash complained that the new ball did little things like become slippery with sweat, take bizarre bounces and even cut players' hands. On January 1, 2007, Stern did the unthinkable: admit he was wrong and switch back.

Power Drunkenness Level: Like, five Miller Lites

The dress code

In October 2005, the dapper Stern did his best to turn a league of Iversons into a bunch Scalabrines, implementing a dress code meant to force some class on his hip-hop loving players and calm the nerves of lily white fans still startled after the Pacers-Pistons brawl a year earlier. Out were throwback jerseys, sneakers, jeans, hats and large jewelry. In were suits and sport coats.  Today, we have only press conferences with players dressed like Kanye West to show for it.

Power Drunkenness Level: Cannot recite alphabet backwards

The age limit

Unimpressed by the athletic feats of Robert Swift, Jonathan Bender and Darius Miles (and conveniently blind to the exploits of LeBron James, Kobe Bryant, Kevin Garnett and Dwight Howard), Stern ushered in a 2005 rule that said all draft-eligible players had to be at least 19 years old and one year removed from high school. His brave decision fostered an era of improved fundamentals at the NBA level and loyal college prospects who stayed with their university teams for all four years. Oh, wait.

Power Drunkenness Level: Blotto

Fines Spurs 250K

Miami fans want their Danny Green and they want him now! In his most recent shot heard 'round the sports world, the Commish fined the Spurs a cool quarter mill for sending Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili and Green home for a nationally televised game vs. the Heat. Never mind that it was the last of a six-game road trip and Duncan literally missed a game last season with a "DNP-OLD"-Stern was pissed. "I have concluded that the Spurs did a disservice to the league and our fans," he said after the Heat's five-point blowout. We're sure he'll be just as concerned when the Kings and Wizards are tanking games in April. 

Power Drunkenness Level: Vin Baker

The 1985 Draft Lottery

Before the days of ping-pong balls being shot out of a machine in 1,001 different combinations and team representatives awkwardly sitting at podiums in Secaucus, the NBA Draft Lottery was basically David Stern playing Bingo caller. No wonder the 1985 Draft Lottery has become a favorite of conspiracy theorists who believe that, by freezing the envelope holding the Knicks logo, Stern ensured the team would win the Patrick Ewing sweepstakes. Meanwhile, New York fans wonder where the hell Stern was when the team was drafting Frederic Weiss in 1999.

Power Drunkenness Level: Sloshed

Clay Bennett moves the Sonics

When Starbucks honcho Howard Schultz sold the Sonics to an investment group headed by Stern's old chum Clay Bennett, the league promised that keeping the team in Seattle was a priority. You know the rest: Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook now call Oklahoma home and leaked emails showed that the new owners were talking about breaking their lease and renaming the team (the Oklahoma City Sonic Boom?) immediately after the sale. As punishment, last year Stern appointed his buddy Bennett as the chairman of the NBA's relocation committee. (Good luck with that, Kings fans.)

Power Drunkenness Level: Someone call Dr. Drew

Vetoes Chris Paul trade

On December 8, 2011, Chris Paul was the cornerstone of a three-team deal that sent the point guard to the Lakers, Pau Gasol to the Rockets and a package highlighted by Kevin Martin, Goran Dragic and Luis Scola to the league-owned Hornets. After a bunch of other owners bitched and moaned, Stern nullified the trade just a few hours later. Fast forward a week and Paul was off to Lob City to throw alley-oops to Blake Griffin. Six months later, the Hornets, now owned by rich guy Tom Benson, got the No. 1 draft pick that would become Anthony Davis in what was absolutely positively a 100% coincidence.

Power Drunkenness Level: Tanked