Many people believe that we are currently living in the second golden age of television. With a steady supply of critically acclaimed hit shows from the major networks along with AMC, HBO and now Netflix, it is hard to argue with that. However, that doesn't mean there isn't a bunch of shit TV out there to watch. There is plenty of it, and the ten shows below are especially shitty. The problem is, some people actually like these shows. You probably aren't one of them, but if you are, let me be the first to tell you: You are a total asshole.
The Big Bang Theory
![worst tv shows, if you like these tv shows you are an asshole]()
Why it sucks: This CBS shitfest is on the TV a lot at my gym, and I promise you I have tried watching it to understand how it is TV's highest rated comedy. It's not possible. And honestly, I don't know a soul who watches this show and is proud of it. You never hear anyone talking about "that awesome 'Big Bang Theory' episode." Ever. Vulture tried explaining it a few months ago, but when they described it as "an old-fashioned multi-camera comedy about four nerdy men and three women who tolerate them" and praised the acting of Johnny Galecki, it did nothing to alleviate my confusion. My theory is that this show--despite being about smart dorks--appeals to the lowest common denominator of people who love jokes in the basic setup/punchline format, go wild for catchphrases, and are horny for Kaley Cuoco and feel inspired that she is dating a schlub like Galecki. Are these people assholes? Bazinga!
Two and a Half Men
![worst tv shows, if you like these tv shows you are an asshole]()
Why it sucks: See above. Mix in the unfunny, shitty acting of Charlie Sheen and the unbearable pretentiousness of Chuck Lorre, and this is what you get. Half-man Angus T. Jones made the right decision to leave the show; he just should have done it ten years sooner.
The Walking Dead
![worst tv shows, if you like these tv shows you are an asshole]()
Why it sucks: People who tune in for this show regularly should know that the best part is not the actual episode you just watched, but what the Internet will do to make fun of it afterward. If you are one of these viewers, you're all right in my book. However, if you actually watch "The Walking Dead" week after pointless week and think it's quality television, you are a fucking moron. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that your IQ is equivalent to the show's namesake. What started out as a pretty cool idea based on a comic series has turned into an often boring, ridiculous apocalyptic zombie soap opera with no end in sight. The weekly gory Walker-killings have become a tired gimmick, and even if you are to suspend disbelief about certain aspects of the show and tolerate the repetitive storylines, you're still left feeling like you've just been dicked around for another hour. And at that point, there is only one thing left to say:
![worst tv shows, if you like these tv shows you are an asshole]()
Entourage
![worst tv shows, if you like these tv shows you are an asshole]()
Why it sucks: I have never been more embarrassed to watch a show all the way to its finale than I was to watch this trash. Looking back on it, I should have kicked my own ass for continuing past the first episode. This douchey Hollywood bromance series was sometimes referred to as "'Sex and the City' for men," but that's actually giving it too much credit. Vinny Chase was supposed to be the man, but I'm not sure if a lead character of a show has ever been more vapid and insecure. The rest of the entourage was equally pathetic and one-dimensional, to the point where they made Jeremy Piven look like Marlon Brando. I can't believe they are making a fucking movie of this shit.
Saved by the Bell
![worst tv shows, if you like these tv shows you are an asshole]()
Why it sucks: Let me be perfectly clear about this: '90s nostalgia does not make it acceptable to actually like "Saved by the Bell." I was in grade school when this lighthearted teen comedy came out, and even then I knew that it was complete dog shit. The cheesiness was insufferable, and that has not changed because more than 20 years have passed and Jimmy Fallon got most of the main actors back together for an "epic" reunion. It was a horrible show back then, and it always will be. If you disagree, I hope you run into Dustin Diamond at a bar sometime.
The Tonight Show
![worst tv shows, if you like these tv shows you are an asshole]()
Why it sucks: Speaking of Jimmy Fallon, the king of exploiting nostalgia may have the most punchable face in all of television. Since taking over "The Tonight Show," it has become a vehicle for him to perform skits and sing songs with all of his Hollywood BFFs. And that's pretty much it. I'm not saying that some of it doesn't hit, but every goddamn day I see a trending story about Fallon doing something wacky with a celebrity, and I just can't take it anymore. You're all assholes for making this happen. Oh, and if you liked "The Tonight Show" when Jay Leno was hosting, you are a really big asshole (Team Coco 4 lyfe).
Sons of Anarchy
![worst tv shows, if you like these tv shows you are an asshole]()
Why it sucks: For approximately 2.5 seasons, this was a good show. Then, it slowly started to lose its way, and because it was being controlled by a depraved, egotistical maniac who was writing it on the fly (creator Kurt Sutter), it was never able to recover. By the end of its run--which was an ungodly seven seasons loaded with unnecessarily extended episodes--I wanted every character to die a terrible death. Hate-watching this show every week was about as healthy for me as it was for Abel Teller to grow up with a murderous monster of a father in a racist/sexist biker gang. The only thing more offensive than SOA's gratuitous graphic violence and overuse of the terms "Jesus Christ" and "brother" was the acting of Charlie Hunnam, who hid his English accent about as well as Sutter hid his infatuation with rock stars (who frequently made embarrassing cameos).
American Horror Story
![worst tv shows, if you like these tv shows you are an asshole]()
Why it sucks: Aside from the fact that this show started the somewhat annoying trend of TV shows being labeled as a miniseries (e.g., "True Detective," "Fargo"), is the fact that it has gone way downhill since Season 1. The second season "Asylum" tried to up the ante of "horror" by including overly bizarre storylines that went nowhere and sprinkling in some Ryan Murphy musical bullshit from "Glee." Also, the shtick of using the same actors to play different characters each new season doesn't work if you have them speak in accents they can't pull off. Just because Jessica Lange is a great actress doesn't mean she can do three different accents, idiots! And Michael Chiklis is a joke unless he is playing Vic Mackey on "The Shield."
House
![worst tv shows, if you like these tv shows you are an asshole]()
Why it sucks: Was this fucking show called "House" or "House M.D.?" Was the main character named House, too? It's all very stupid because it takes place mostly in a hospital, not a house, and was probably the least accurate medical show in television history. I watched an episode once where one of the dumbass doctors (the younger white guy, I think) thought he might have contracted HIV because he saw a sore on his lip. Anyway, this show premiered a couple years after "American Idol" and on the same network, and I imagine the creators were like, "You know who's hot right now? That Simon Cowell. And medical shows are hot, too. What if we combine them in a show about a smug, condescending, genius doctor? Gold!" What followed was a formulaic, completely predictable show that I forgot was still on the air for its final five seasons (thank Christ).
M*A*S*H
![worst tv shows, if you like these tv shows you are an asshole]()
Why it sucks: When I was growing up and only had a few channels to watch, "M*A*S*H" reruns came on way too often. Whenever they did, I would feel an uneasy sadness come over me due to that awful opening theme song. This would make more sense later in life when I found out the official name of that song is "Suicide is Painless." Anyway, if I made it past the opening theme without having to take a depression nap, I would spend a few minutes watching the episode trying to figure out if what I was watching was supposed to be funny or not. I never did. Even as an 8-year-old kid I found myself thinking, "What the fuck is this shit?" It still baffles me that this was such a beloved television series. My fellow editor Paul Ulane tried to convince me that I am just too young to understand, but anytime you hear something like that, you know you are talking to the truest of assholes.
More assholery: If You Like Any of These Movies, You Are a Total Asshole
The Big Bang Theory
Why it sucks: This CBS shitfest is on the TV a lot at my gym, and I promise you I have tried watching it to understand how it is TV's highest rated comedy. It's not possible. And honestly, I don't know a soul who watches this show and is proud of it. You never hear anyone talking about "that awesome 'Big Bang Theory' episode." Ever. Vulture tried explaining it a few months ago, but when they described it as "an old-fashioned multi-camera comedy about four nerdy men and three women who tolerate them" and praised the acting of Johnny Galecki, it did nothing to alleviate my confusion. My theory is that this show--despite being about smart dorks--appeals to the lowest common denominator of people who love jokes in the basic setup/punchline format, go wild for catchphrases, and are horny for Kaley Cuoco and feel inspired that she is dating a schlub like Galecki. Are these people assholes? Bazinga!
Two and a Half Men
Why it sucks: See above. Mix in the unfunny, shitty acting of Charlie Sheen and the unbearable pretentiousness of Chuck Lorre, and this is what you get. Half-man Angus T. Jones made the right decision to leave the show; he just should have done it ten years sooner.
The Walking Dead
Why it sucks: People who tune in for this show regularly should know that the best part is not the actual episode you just watched, but what the Internet will do to make fun of it afterward. If you are one of these viewers, you're all right in my book. However, if you actually watch "The Walking Dead" week after pointless week and think it's quality television, you are a fucking moron. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that your IQ is equivalent to the show's namesake. What started out as a pretty cool idea based on a comic series has turned into an often boring, ridiculous apocalyptic zombie soap opera with no end in sight. The weekly gory Walker-killings have become a tired gimmick, and even if you are to suspend disbelief about certain aspects of the show and tolerate the repetitive storylines, you're still left feeling like you've just been dicked around for another hour. And at that point, there is only one thing left to say:
Entourage
Why it sucks: I have never been more embarrassed to watch a show all the way to its finale than I was to watch this trash. Looking back on it, I should have kicked my own ass for continuing past the first episode. This douchey Hollywood bromance series was sometimes referred to as "'Sex and the City' for men," but that's actually giving it too much credit. Vinny Chase was supposed to be the man, but I'm not sure if a lead character of a show has ever been more vapid and insecure. The rest of the entourage was equally pathetic and one-dimensional, to the point where they made Jeremy Piven look like Marlon Brando. I can't believe they are making a fucking movie of this shit.
Saved by the Bell
Why it sucks: Let me be perfectly clear about this: '90s nostalgia does not make it acceptable to actually like "Saved by the Bell." I was in grade school when this lighthearted teen comedy came out, and even then I knew that it was complete dog shit. The cheesiness was insufferable, and that has not changed because more than 20 years have passed and Jimmy Fallon got most of the main actors back together for an "epic" reunion. It was a horrible show back then, and it always will be. If you disagree, I hope you run into Dustin Diamond at a bar sometime.
The Tonight Show
Why it sucks: Speaking of Jimmy Fallon, the king of exploiting nostalgia may have the most punchable face in all of television. Since taking over "The Tonight Show," it has become a vehicle for him to perform skits and sing songs with all of his Hollywood BFFs. And that's pretty much it. I'm not saying that some of it doesn't hit, but every goddamn day I see a trending story about Fallon doing something wacky with a celebrity, and I just can't take it anymore. You're all assholes for making this happen. Oh, and if you liked "The Tonight Show" when Jay Leno was hosting, you are a really big asshole (Team Coco 4 lyfe).
Sons of Anarchy
Why it sucks: For approximately 2.5 seasons, this was a good show. Then, it slowly started to lose its way, and because it was being controlled by a depraved, egotistical maniac who was writing it on the fly (creator Kurt Sutter), it was never able to recover. By the end of its run--which was an ungodly seven seasons loaded with unnecessarily extended episodes--I wanted every character to die a terrible death. Hate-watching this show every week was about as healthy for me as it was for Abel Teller to grow up with a murderous monster of a father in a racist/sexist biker gang. The only thing more offensive than SOA's gratuitous graphic violence and overuse of the terms "Jesus Christ" and "brother" was the acting of Charlie Hunnam, who hid his English accent about as well as Sutter hid his infatuation with rock stars (who frequently made embarrassing cameos).
American Horror Story
Why it sucks: Aside from the fact that this show started the somewhat annoying trend of TV shows being labeled as a miniseries (e.g., "True Detective," "Fargo"), is the fact that it has gone way downhill since Season 1. The second season "Asylum" tried to up the ante of "horror" by including overly bizarre storylines that went nowhere and sprinkling in some Ryan Murphy musical bullshit from "Glee." Also, the shtick of using the same actors to play different characters each new season doesn't work if you have them speak in accents they can't pull off. Just because Jessica Lange is a great actress doesn't mean she can do three different accents, idiots! And Michael Chiklis is a joke unless he is playing Vic Mackey on "The Shield."
House
Why it sucks: Was this fucking show called "House" or "House M.D.?" Was the main character named House, too? It's all very stupid because it takes place mostly in a hospital, not a house, and was probably the least accurate medical show in television history. I watched an episode once where one of the dumbass doctors (the younger white guy, I think) thought he might have contracted HIV because he saw a sore on his lip. Anyway, this show premiered a couple years after "American Idol" and on the same network, and I imagine the creators were like, "You know who's hot right now? That Simon Cowell. And medical shows are hot, too. What if we combine them in a show about a smug, condescending, genius doctor? Gold!" What followed was a formulaic, completely predictable show that I forgot was still on the air for its final five seasons (thank Christ).
M*A*S*H
Why it sucks: When I was growing up and only had a few channels to watch, "M*A*S*H" reruns came on way too often. Whenever they did, I would feel an uneasy sadness come over me due to that awful opening theme song. This would make more sense later in life when I found out the official name of that song is "Suicide is Painless." Anyway, if I made it past the opening theme without having to take a depression nap, I would spend a few minutes watching the episode trying to figure out if what I was watching was supposed to be funny or not. I never did. Even as an 8-year-old kid I found myself thinking, "What the fuck is this shit?" It still baffles me that this was such a beloved television series. My fellow editor Paul Ulane tried to convince me that I am just too young to understand, but anytime you hear something like that, you know you are talking to the truest of assholes.
More assholery: If You Like Any of These Movies, You Are a Total Asshole