Fire Facials
There comes a time when even the most appearance-obsessed person needs to take a step back from the salon. "Huo liao," or "fire facials," should be that line in the sand that nobody crosses. The technique, which (as you might guess from the name) is catching on in China, involves soaking a thin towel or washcloth in alcohol and other chemicals, laying it across skin on the face or other part of the body, and then setting it aflame. Proponents believe that it helps invigorate and revitalize skin cells, as well as battling colds and flu, but open flame and human bodies typically aren't good neighbors. (Photo via YouTube)
Carbon Dioxide Injections
The days of beauticians working on just the outside of the skin are long gone. With the advent of Botox, collagen and other injectable treatments, lots of work is done at the point of a needle. One of the weirdest injection treatments we've ever heard of is "carboxytherapy," which involves filling a needle with carbon dioxide gas (you know, the same stuff you breathe out) and poking it under the skin. Allegedly, this stimulates blood flow, melts cellulite and kills fat cells, but the FDA has obviously never approved these claims. (Photo credit: Cosmetic Clinic)
Snake Massages
The health benefits of massages are well known, but human hands can only do so much work before they cramp. The alternative, though, is too disturbing to mention. Keepers at the Cebu City Zoo in the Philippines have found a way to make a little extra cash by offering massages from a team of four Burmese pythons. The snakes, which weigh in at a total of over 550 pounds, slither on top of the clothed bodies of brave souls for 10 to 15 minutes. They're fed before the sessions, so you don't have to worry about the pythons getting snacky, but keepers do warn not to make sudden moves, yell or even blow air on the snakes to not piss them off. (Photo via YouTube)
Breast Milk Facials
General medical consensus indicates that newborn babies should drink breast milk instead of formula whenever possible, but some mothers believe that the liquid from their boobs has other applications. A beauty spa in Chicago is now offering breast milk facials, where customers can have their faces slathered with a compound of white clay and milk purchased from a city milk bank. Proponents believe that it can heal acne and eczema due to the presence of lauric acid in the milk, but you can get that acid plenty of other places without milking a mommy. (Photo credit: Mud Facial Bar)
Bull Semen Hair Treatment
Revitalizing damaged hair is a big market, and hundreds of cure-all treatments have been sold to bring back the bounce and luster of your locks. Everybody knows that protein is a miracle ingredient for hair, and what better source of it than the jizz of a massive animal? A spa in Britain introduced the treatment in 2009, slathering scalps with a mixture of Aberdeen Angus bull semen and the roots of a Middle Eastern plant. The semen was kept on ice until use so customers didn't get an accidental "Something About Mary" look. (Photo credit: Kate Sumblre via Flickr CC)
Snail Slime Facials
Let's head over to Thailand for another facial treatment that is pretty nauseating. Spas are opening up around snail farms in the Chiang Mai province, where beauticians place live snails on faces and guide their slithering to leave trails of slime in problem areas. The animals produce the fluids -- known scientifically as glycoconjugates -- when they're under stress, and contain antioxidants and other nutrients. Whether your face can actually absorb any of that stuff from animals sliding around on it is still up for debate. (Photo credit: Jumbokedama via Flickr CC)
Cancer Blood Treatment
This one is exceptionally disgusting, so make sure you're sitting down. DI-CIK therapy is a form of cancer treatment in which blood is taken from cancer patients, put into a machine to extract dendritic cells that have powerful antigens and then injected back into the patient's body. It's still in clinical trials in America, but in China the procedure is more common -- and, disgustingly, being used for beauty treatments. In 2012, a Hong Kong woman (who did not have cancer) had the procedure at a clinic and contracted a blood infection that ended up killing her. (Photo via YouTube)
Hay Baths
The idea of laying in a bathtub full of freshly cut grass seems like it would make you itchy for the rest of your life. But in the South Tyrolean hills of Italy, hay baths are a beauty treatment with centuries of history. The grass is soaked in hot water and herbs and then packed around your body, causing you to sweat like a pig. The treatment is alleged to stimulate weight loss, ease muscle and joint pain and aid the immune system. Unfortunately, they say it takes between 8 and 10 treatments to feel the effects, and that's a lot of unpleasant itching. (Photo credit: Suedtirolerland)
Fish Pedicures
Here's another case of the natural habits of the animal kingdom being harnessed for human vanity. A breed of fish known as the Garra rufa or "doctor fish" has become popular in spas across Asia for their appetite for dead skin. Before they get their toenails painted, customers dip their feet into tanks full of the fish, which nibble flakes of skin off of them. If that's not disgusting enough, scientists have found that the animals carry a number of infection-causing bacteria. Fish pedicures are banned in numerous states for general sanitary reasons. (Photo credit: Sharon Lapkim via Flickr CC)
Micro-Needling
The skin is a delicate and temperamental organ, and beauticians have found dozens of ways to mess with it. One of the most disquieting treatments in recent years involves the use of a device called a "microneedle roller," which is a little spinning device affixed with thousands of tiny little acupuncture needles. Topical anesthetic is applied to the face and then this awful torture device is rolled over the skin, puncturing it over and over again. The sales pitch is that it spurs collagen production and makes skin look more youthful, but myriad cases of skin degradation and infection have been reported after the treatment in Asia. (Photo credit: Microneedling Review)