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16 Things Every College Student Needs To Survive On Campus In 2016

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It's hard out there for a college student nowadays. It's almost impossible to function at some of the world's most prestigious universities such as Yale, Dartmouth, Princeton and Mizzou. Forget for a minute that we live in the world's wealthiest nation with the highest standard of living and laws that allow you to spit invective, curse your elders and act like a general douchenozzle in public without any consequences. So we've compiled a handy list of things every college kid needs to make it through those four years of horror. Yes, oh pupils of higher learning, your suffering is at an end. Cry no more.

A personal safe space for when you feel triggered.
things every college student needs to survive, things every college student needs to survive in 2016

Something to soothe you when you "can't even."
things every college student needs to survive, things every college student needs to survive in 2016

A protective guard for when you shit yourself after someone hurls a microaggression at you.
things every college student needs to survive, things every college student needs to survive in 2016

Your own personal protest sign.
things every college student needs to survive, things every college student needs to survive in 2016

Fun party favors.
things every college student needs to survive, things every college student needs to survive in 2016

Psyche! That's culturally appropriating maraca culture, a-hole.
things every college student needs to survive, things every college student needs to survive in 2016

A special new outfit to stand out from the pack.
things every college student needs to survive, things every college student needs to survive in 2016

Earmuffs for when someone challenges your worldview.
things every college student needs to survive, things every college student needs to survive in 2016

For the shit that spills out of your mouth as you march through the quad.
things every college student needs to survive, things every college student needs to survive in 2016

A list of demands for Santa-er, the administration.
things every college student needs to survive, things every college student needs to survive in 2016

Get mom to set up those parental controls to protect you from cyberbullying.
things every college student needs to survive, things every college student needs to survive in 2016

A thermos for your warm milk when things gets heavy (perfect for the dorm).
things every college student needs to survive, things every college student needs to survive in 2016

A toy periscope to look around every corner for something to offend you.
things every college student needs to survive, things every college student needs to survive in 2016

A nap.
things every college student needs to survive, things every college student needs to survive in 2016

No More Tears.
things every college student needs to survive, things every college student needs to survive in 2016

A dandelion to wish your student debt away after earning a degree in Postmodern Sri Lankan Dance Theory.
things every college student needs to survive, things every college student needs to survive in 2016

 

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