It's hard out there for a college student nowadays. It's almost impossible to function at some of the world's most prestigious universities such as Yale, Dartmouth, Princeton and Mizzou. Forget for a minute that we live in the world's wealthiest nation with the highest standard of living and laws that allow you to spit invective, curse your elders and act like a general douchenozzle in public without any consequences. So we've compiled a handy list of things every college kid needs to make it through those four years of horror. Yes, oh pupils of higher learning, your suffering is at an end. Cry no more.
A personal safe space for when you feel triggered.
![things every college student needs to survive, things every college student needs to survive in 2016]()
Something to soothe you when you "can't even."
![things every college student needs to survive, things every college student needs to survive in 2016]()
A protective guard for when you shit yourself after someone hurls a microaggression at you.
![things every college student needs to survive, things every college student needs to survive in 2016]()
Your own personal protest sign.
![things every college student needs to survive, things every college student needs to survive in 2016]()
Fun party favors.
![things every college student needs to survive, things every college student needs to survive in 2016]()
Psyche! That's culturally appropriating maraca culture, a-hole.
![things every college student needs to survive, things every college student needs to survive in 2016]()
A special new outfit to stand out from the pack.
![things every college student needs to survive, things every college student needs to survive in 2016]()
Earmuffs for when someone challenges your worldview.
![things every college student needs to survive, things every college student needs to survive in 2016]()
For the shit that spills out of your mouth as you march through the quad.
![things every college student needs to survive, things every college student needs to survive in 2016]()
A list of demands for Santa-er, the administration.
![things every college student needs to survive, things every college student needs to survive in 2016]()
Get mom to set up those parental controls to protect you from cyberbullying.
![things every college student needs to survive, things every college student needs to survive in 2016]()
A thermos for your warm milk when things gets heavy (perfect for the dorm).
![things every college student needs to survive, things every college student needs to survive in 2016]()
A toy periscope to look around every corner for something to offend you.
![things every college student needs to survive, things every college student needs to survive in 2016]()
A nap.
![things every college student needs to survive, things every college student needs to survive in 2016]()
No More Tears.
![things every college student needs to survive, things every college student needs to survive in 2016]()
A dandelion to wish your student debt away after earning a degree in Postmodern Sri Lankan Dance Theory.
![things every college student needs to survive, things every college student needs to survive in 2016]()
A personal safe space for when you feel triggered.
Something to soothe you when you "can't even."
A protective guard for when you shit yourself after someone hurls a microaggression at you.
Your own personal protest sign.
Fun party favors.
Psyche! That's culturally appropriating maraca culture, a-hole.
A special new outfit to stand out from the pack.
Earmuffs for when someone challenges your worldview.
For the shit that spills out of your mouth as you march through the quad.
A list of demands for Santa-er, the administration.
Get mom to set up those parental controls to protect you from cyberbullying.
A thermos for your warm milk when things gets heavy (perfect for the dorm).
A toy periscope to look around every corner for something to offend you.
A nap.
No More Tears.
A dandelion to wish your student debt away after earning a degree in Postmodern Sri Lankan Dance Theory.
