Being a lip reader seems like a handy skill, but with the good also comes the bad. You end up learning things that you definitely shouldn't have and probably didn't want to either. A Reddit thread asked lip readers to share the most memorable time they accidentally read the lips of someone they shouldn't have or "heard" something they weren't supposed to know. Here are some of the best ones.
1. Free Bird
I was at a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert years ago in the second row. The show was at a resort in California, so there was a hotel adjacent to the amphitheater. At the end of the show, I noticed the guitarist mouthing words to some girls in the front row. "Room 404! Room 404!!" I figured he was inviting them back to their room for a few after show drinks. On the way back to our room, we walked by 404 and sure enough the door was wide open with some band members inside. Eventually got to meet the whole band and hang out with the lead singer for a bit. It was a pretty good night!
![Lip Readers Reveal Weird Things They Accidentally Overheard]()
2. Misheard Conversation
A deaf friend of mine was a shameless eavesdropper. At a party once she trotted across the room and slapped the host for not telling her about his cancer. Somehow she'd mistaken a conversation about video games and children for one about impending death.
3. Um, what?
"There's a pickle stuck in my butt, want to see it?" It was a soft whisper and I tried to read her lips. I'm pretty sure it's what she actually said.
![Lip Readers Reveal Weird Things They Accidentally Overheard]()
4. The Girlfriend's Friend
My girlfriend's friends calling me unattractive and planning on hooking her up with someone else. I visited my then girlfriend at her college for a week. She had just finished being a part of a performance of the musical "Hair," and she took me along to her cast party. The guy they wanted her to be with was also at the party. It was not a good night.
5. The Bar Scene
At a bar I was staring at a table of four girls, two of whom were facing me. They were very clearly talking about blowjobs; not only could I read their lips, they had appropriate hand and mouth movements to go along with it.
Later that night, I and a friend approached them and asked if they would like to dance. When the one girl said 'We're really not into dancing', my friend (who had been told about their earlier conversation) said "Well, I guess a blowjob is out of the question, then." It was hilarious watching both of them blush so hard.
![Lip Readers Reveal Weird Things They Accidentally Overheard]()
6. Herpes
My lip-reading friend once stopped mid-meal in a restaurant and demanded everyone in the party swap seats. The couple four tables behind me was having a conversation about herpes, and it was putting her off her dinner. After another few minutes she stood up, grabbed a chair from another table and sat in the aisle facing the wall. In her new seat she could see right into the kitchen and she couldn't understand a word of the Spanish they were speaking.
7. Not a Good Time For a Conversation
I was in a class with a deaf woman when two girls nearby were having a very distasteful conversation about how weird deaf people talk. She then shows me her laptop, which had written out on her notes in bold, "They don't know I can read lips."
It probably should have occurred to those girls that the woman could read lips on one of the many occasions she would have verbal conversations with people without her helper typing it all out.
8. Former Boyfriends
Amazing what can be "heard" in Starbucks. I think of several examples of lesbians talking about their former boyfriends before they "turned" (to use their word).
![Lip Readers Accidentally Overhearing Strange Things]()
9. Sheep
I was overheard by a deaf woman while I was talking about how sheep are essentially the larval form of sweaters. I caught her when she started laughing while sitting alone at the table next to us.
10. Terrible Boss
Not really lip reading but pretty funny. My manager has somewhat of an undiagnosed hearing problem. He always talks much louder than necessary and what he considers a whisper can be heard several feet away. The day before our company picnic I overheard him telling one of my coworkers that she should wear those short shorts he likes, the ones that show off the bottom of her ass cheeks. They're both married (not to each other).
![Lip Readers Reveal Weird Things They Accidentally Overheard]()
11. Football Games
I love watching conversations on the sidelines of NFL games. Lots of swears: "What the hell was that?" "Oh, shit." They really go out of their way to cover their mouth while talking into the microphone due to lip readers.
12. Nice Try, Grandma
My SO's nearly deaf grandmother TRIES to lip read. But she really just mouths along to what other people are saying, I find it incredibly hilarious at an inappropriate level -- to the point where I break out laughing at dinner tables etc. I ain't even gonna apologize.
![Lip Readers Reveal Weird Things They Accidentally Overheard]()
13. Story Time!
I am deaf, and I don't sign -- I'm 100% speaking/lipreading. I have a lot of funny stories. First, here's a joke.
Three old deaf men are on a train. As the train approaches a stop, the first man looks out the window and says, "Ah, it's Weston." The second man says, "Wednesday? I thought it was Thursday." The third man says, "Thirsty? I am too."
Now, for my lip-reading stories:
1. Free Bird
I was at a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert years ago in the second row. The show was at a resort in California, so there was a hotel adjacent to the amphitheater. At the end of the show, I noticed the guitarist mouthing words to some girls in the front row. "Room 404! Room 404!!" I figured he was inviting them back to their room for a few after show drinks. On the way back to our room, we walked by 404 and sure enough the door was wide open with some band members inside. Eventually got to meet the whole band and hang out with the lead singer for a bit. It was a pretty good night!
2. Misheard Conversation
A deaf friend of mine was a shameless eavesdropper. At a party once she trotted across the room and slapped the host for not telling her about his cancer. Somehow she'd mistaken a conversation about video games and children for one about impending death.
3. Um, what?
"There's a pickle stuck in my butt, want to see it?" It was a soft whisper and I tried to read her lips. I'm pretty sure it's what she actually said.
4. The Girlfriend's Friend
My girlfriend's friends calling me unattractive and planning on hooking her up with someone else. I visited my then girlfriend at her college for a week. She had just finished being a part of a performance of the musical "Hair," and she took me along to her cast party. The guy they wanted her to be with was also at the party. It was not a good night.
5. The Bar Scene
At a bar I was staring at a table of four girls, two of whom were facing me. They were very clearly talking about blowjobs; not only could I read their lips, they had appropriate hand and mouth movements to go along with it.
Later that night, I and a friend approached them and asked if they would like to dance. When the one girl said 'We're really not into dancing', my friend (who had been told about their earlier conversation) said "Well, I guess a blowjob is out of the question, then." It was hilarious watching both of them blush so hard.
6. Herpes
My lip-reading friend once stopped mid-meal in a restaurant and demanded everyone in the party swap seats. The couple four tables behind me was having a conversation about herpes, and it was putting her off her dinner. After another few minutes she stood up, grabbed a chair from another table and sat in the aisle facing the wall. In her new seat she could see right into the kitchen and she couldn't understand a word of the Spanish they were speaking.
7. Not a Good Time For a Conversation
I was in a class with a deaf woman when two girls nearby were having a very distasteful conversation about how weird deaf people talk. She then shows me her laptop, which had written out on her notes in bold, "They don't know I can read lips."
It probably should have occurred to those girls that the woman could read lips on one of the many occasions she would have verbal conversations with people without her helper typing it all out.
8. Former Boyfriends
Amazing what can be "heard" in Starbucks. I think of several examples of lesbians talking about their former boyfriends before they "turned" (to use their word).
9. Sheep
I was overheard by a deaf woman while I was talking about how sheep are essentially the larval form of sweaters. I caught her when she started laughing while sitting alone at the table next to us.
10. Terrible Boss
Not really lip reading but pretty funny. My manager has somewhat of an undiagnosed hearing problem. He always talks much louder than necessary and what he considers a whisper can be heard several feet away. The day before our company picnic I overheard him telling one of my coworkers that she should wear those short shorts he likes, the ones that show off the bottom of her ass cheeks. They're both married (not to each other).
11. Football Games
I love watching conversations on the sidelines of NFL games. Lots of swears: "What the hell was that?" "Oh, shit." They really go out of their way to cover their mouth while talking into the microphone due to lip readers.
12. Nice Try, Grandma
My SO's nearly deaf grandmother TRIES to lip read. But she really just mouths along to what other people are saying, I find it incredibly hilarious at an inappropriate level -- to the point where I break out laughing at dinner tables etc. I ain't even gonna apologize.
13. Story Time!
I am deaf, and I don't sign -- I'm 100% speaking/lipreading. I have a lot of funny stories. First, here's a joke.
Three old deaf men are on a train. As the train approaches a stop, the first man looks out the window and says, "Ah, it's Weston." The second man says, "Wednesday? I thought it was Thursday." The third man says, "Thirsty? I am too."
Now, for my lip-reading stories:
- While watching President Reagan's televised funeral in 2004, at the very end when Nancy Reagan laid her head on his coffin and said goodbye, I think the media turned off the microphones to give her privacy because there were no closed captions for this part, but I clearly saw her say, "Goodbye, Ronnie. I love you." I was not a fan of Reagan, but it was a poignant moment.
- At one of my previous jobs, the VP of my division was often late for and/or missed meetings, much to my manager's chagrin. On one instance, my manager decided to stop waiting for him and start the meeting without him. My manager: "OK, so David is at a sweat lodge." I mis-lipread that as "David sweats a lot." My manager: "Have you guys ever done that?" Me: "Umm, no, I wear deodorant." -- silence around the conference room. Finally a coworker figured out what happened and said, "Oh no, she said 'sweat lodge,' not 'sweats a lot!'"
- This isn't so much a mis-lip-reading, but more of a context error: friends went traveling in Africa for a few months, and when they got back, a group of us went out to eat while they regaled us with stories of their trip. I turned away from them for a few minutes to make a comment to the person sitting next to me, and turned back in time to see them say, "... and while we were in Mombasa, we had really bad crabs." Without missing a beat, I said, "Damn, I've heard those things itch like a motherfucker. How did you get rid of them?" There was an uncomfortable silence around the table for a few minutes while people tried to process what I said, until someone figured out I'd misunderstood the type of crabs they meant. "No, not pubic crabs; the kind of crabs you eat!" Ooops.
- There was the time back in college when I said to my roommate, "I'm going to the store. Do we need anything?" She responded, "Dryer sheets." I thought she said trucker cheese and I was very confused for a few seconds.
- Of course, there have been a few times when people were making fun of the way I talk, not realizing that I can read their lips, and I went over and gave them a piece of my mind.