This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets

Another week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets, compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.

Follow @robfee on Twitter.

It's weird to think if OJ has murdered his wife during his career he could have faced as much as a four-game suspension.

— Mark Agee (@MarkAgee) March 4, 2016

Being 28-2016: I'm not ready for a relationship
28-1816: I have 13 kids
28-1000BC: I lived a good life, thrice I ate a berry and once a pear

— shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) March 6, 2016

yikes. don't google "cream pies", google "cream pie recipes"

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 5, 2016

If only nature would find a way to cover these oranges so we didn't need to waste so much plastic on them. pic.twitter.com/00YECaHB4D

— Nathalie Gordon (@awlilnatty) March 3, 2016

maybe you should have allowed pirates pic.twitter.com/QOjtWApTpk

— stefan (@boring_as_heck) March 2, 2016

Warning to Gawker, if it looks like you've got Hulk Hogan beat but then he starts violently shaking and wags his finger you will lose.

— Kevin Seccia (@kevinseccia) March 7, 2016

"Gary's coming over"

-Horny Gary or Gary the miner?

[Knocks from the door] "Hey let me in i want to show u my shaft"

"I have no idea"

— Damnit, Ty (@SuperTeeWhy) March 2, 2016

If I was the producer of @nbcsvu & an actor demanded too much money, I'd be like "That's cool, you're a child molester in the next episode."

— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) March 6, 2016

Great news: they made a sequel! pic.twitter.com/3HHxYjeXda

— Jerry Beans (@dogboner) March 3, 2016

NEWS: Everything is bad
GOVERNMENT: Everything is bad
MY BANK ACCOUNT: Everything is bad
PEOPLE (to me): Why are you so negative?

— Hippo (@InternetHippo) March 6, 2016

"Theyreeee iigggggggtttt" pic.twitter.com/w51Oya49St

— Brxandon (@Bee_Reel) March 8, 2016

Juice before soda to meet your drink quota
Soda before juice, that's beverage abuse

— viney (@vineyille) March 5, 2016

The best part of Batman vs Superman will be the twenty minutes of footage we haven't seen already.

— Sean Gabay (@ixSEANxi) March 5, 2016

"Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take one thing off." - Coco Chanel pic.twitter.com/Idw7Ydu0JC

— Daniel Ralston (@danielralston) March 4, 2016

i just want someone to believe in me the way andrew bogut believes in steph curry https://t.co/QTUwfwkH6c

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) March 8, 2016

Nobody loves Double Jeopardy more than me, except maybe O.J.

— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) March 4, 2016

JERY: no title?

KENDRICK: no title! its called Untitled

JERY:So theres a title

KENDRICK: No! im naming it Untitled

JERY: THATS THE TITLE

— Seinfeld Current Day (@Seinfeld2000) March 4, 2016

I went to a monster truck rally only to discover the real monster was man all along

— Captain Antagonist (@AnOrangeSNES) March 3, 2016

Interesting delegate count right now and whatnot. pic.twitter.com/izlVp7U4LV

— George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) March 16, 2016

It would suck if the Make-a-Wish guy was actually a powerful genie able to cure any disease, but kids keep asking to have lunch with Shaq.

— stefan (@boring_as_heck) March 16, 2016

Want more? Check out last week's hilarious tweets.

 

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