10 Sexy El Hassell Photos are No Hassle to Look At
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Today's Funny Photos
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The Pre-Game: We Beat NFL Pro Bowler Shawne Merriman In Arm Wrestling
Welcome to the premier episode of The Pre-Game with your host Cy Amundson, our bi-weekly show that features everything you care about in the world of football, social media and comedy. Today's episode features former NFL Pro Bowler Shawne Merriman and comedian Dan St. Germain making fun of today's most popular athletes in their most embarrassing outfits, the Athlete or Kanye Tweet Quiz and Cy taking down Shawne in an epic wrestling match. (Sort of.)The Pre-Game Host and Producer Cy Amundson has quickly established himself as one of the nation's fastest rising stand-up comedians. He was a standout performer as a New Face at last summer's Montreal Just For Laughs Festival and recently made his television debut on Conan.
Named CMT's Next Big Comic for 2011, Cy has been on the Bob and Tom Show and has performed in the Aspen Comedy Festival, Seattle International Comedy Competition, and the Great American Comedy Festival.
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The Future Is Now According To These Awesome Tech Products
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10 Celebrities Who Had Ridiculous Deaths In Horror Movies Before They Were Famous
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Chelsea Handler Talks About Getting Peed On by Jason Biggs
Most people wouldn't start laughing if they were getting urinated on while attempting to make their way onto a boat. Then again, Chelsea Handler isn't most people.
A video made its way around Vine last month that showed one of the funniest women in America receiving a golden shower courtesy of actor Jason Biggs. More specifically, it shows her getting a faceful of his piss:
Seriously, that might be Biggs' best effort since the original "American Pie."
Handler appeared on "Conan" this week, and because he's Conan and she's a celebrity who got peed on by a lesser celebrity, they discussed the incident:
Her reason for laughing instead of swimming away from Jason's piss flow? You guessed it: "I thought it was so funny that someone would pee on somebody's face that I was laughing so hard that I couldn't swim away."
Call us old-fashioned, but if any of us came up from the water and got a faceful of piss from an "American Pie" cast member other than Tara Reid, odds are that boat wouldn't make it back to shore with them on it.
In other urination news: English University Actually Wants Students to Pee in the Shower
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The 10 Grossest Things People Found in Fast Food
You know what they say about fast food, right? They make it fast. And when you rush a job, chances are that things will go wrong. In the ten examples that follow, we'll tell you about fast food customers who got some very unwelcome special orders added to their meals.
Editor's Note: We may need to update this list after this news story recently broke - "Canadian Man Finds Dead Mouse in Cup of McDonald's Coffee"
Human Blood in Taco Bell
![grossest things found in fast food, blood in taco bell]()
Once you read this story, you'll make a run away from the border. Briana Ralston went to a Louisville combination KFC and Taco Bell to pick up an affordable meal for herself and her 1-year-old daughter. They got the food to go, but while they were eating at home Ralston noticed that there were odd red smears all over the taco wrappers and the bag they came in. She called the restaurant where a manager discovered that one of the employees had gashed their finger open and leaked blood all over Ralston's food. Needless to say, her next two calls were to the Health Department and a lawyer.
Chicken Head in McDonald's McNuggets
![grossest things found in fast food, mcnuggets chicken head]()
Fast food restaurants don't typically make anything from scratch-their meals are produced in massive factories that process ingredients as quickly as possible. While they use quality control methods to make sure those chicken nuggets are as uniform as possible, nobody's perfect. But the screw-up that slipped through all the way to a McDonald's in 2000 was one step beyond. Katherine Ortega bought a large order of nuggets from a Newport News McDonald's and took them home to feed her kids, only to shake a deep-fried chicken head out of the box and onto the plate. That's not white meat, obviously.
Bullets in Costco Hot Dogs
![grossest things found in fast food, bullets in costco hot dog]()
Warehouse store Costco isn't a fast food chain per se, but they do serve up large amounts of fast food at their snack bars, and this story is too warped to leave out. In 2004, a woman named Olivia Chanes was shopping at the Irvine, Calif., Costco when she started craving a snack. She settled on a hot dog and, after putting her condiments on the Hebrew National frank, started eating. A few bites in, she felt something hard in her teeth and pulled out a live 9mm bullet. She was freaked out, but things got worse when she began having abdominal pains and was taken to the hospital, where doctors discovered that she'd actually swallowed another live round from inside the hot dog!
Syringe in Burger King Breakfast Sandwich
![grossest things found in fast food, syringe in burger king breakfast sandwich]()
When you're in a hurry to get to work, sometimes a breakfast sandwich at a fast food place is the only option. But don't eat too fast, or else you might find an unpleasant surprise. In 2001, Angelina Cruz went into a Burger King in Queens for a quick sausage and egg breakfast sandwich. As she chewed, she felt something hard inside her cheek and spit the bite out. Lodged in the half-eaten wad of food was a needle tip from a syringe that had pricked her cheek. She wrapped the foreign object in a napkin, but the damage was done and Cruz told the press that she was terrified of the prospect of catching a disease from the medical waste.
Human Skin in Arby's Sandwich
![grossest things found in fast food, skin in arby's sandwich]()
Arby's is one of those fast food franchises that you rarely hear about people eating at, yet they seem to be everywhere. They're famous for their roast beef, but you might want to stay away from the chicken. In 2005, David Scheiding headed into an Arby's in Tipp City, Ohio, and got himself a chicken sandwich. After a few bites, he noticed the meat felt unusual, reached inside and pulled out a scrap of bloody human skin with a fingerprint on the end. He confronted the manager, who admitted that he'd cut himself shredding lettuce and didn't notice that a chunk of his right thumb was in with the mixed greens. Unsurprisingly, Scheiding got himself a lawyer and sued.
Fried Mice in Popeye's Chicken
![grossest things found in fast food, fried mice in popeyes chicken]()
The kitchen at a fast food restaurant is a paradise for vermin. With so much fatty, salty, starchy food being served (and dropped), scavengers can do very well for themselves if they stay out of sight. But danger also abounds. The Popeye's Chicken in Baltimore City had been closed down for health violations several times before 2003, but that didn't stop Tony Hill from going in for a three-piece meal in September. While he ate his chicken, Hill discovered a little something extra-a mouse who had fallen into the fryer and been sizzled to a crisp. Thankfully, he didn't bite down on the wayward rodent.
Painkillers in Burger King Sandwiches
![grossest things found in fast food, painkillers in burger king sandwiches]()
The case of a Burger King employee named Woody Duclos is one of the weirdest things we've ever heard. Duclos got busted in 2010 when a customer felt something strange in her chicken sandwich, spat it out and discovered it was a small blue pill. She took it to a fire station where they identified it as the powerful painkiller hydrocodone. Another man found a pill in a fish sandwich, and the drug-laced food was traced back to Duclos. He was sentenced to five years in prison, but prosecutors couldn't ever figure out exactly why he wanted to dope up his customers.
Nail in a McDonald's Burger
![grossest things found in fast food, nails in mcdonald's sandwich]()
Fast food franchising is a global enterprise, and you can get the familiar menu items at McDonalds restaurants all over the world. And that brings with it the same food safety issues, as Swedish man Yushuf Bercil discovered in 2010. Bercil went to a Golden Arches in Gothenburg for a burger, bit down and immediately felt a sharp pain in the roof of his mouth. Not realizing what was happening, he took a second bite and felt even more pain. Reaching into his mouth, Bercil pulled out a ¾-inch nail that had become lodged between his tooth and his gum. He threw up, told the manager and decided to boycott fast food from that point on.
Band-Aid on a Pizza Hut Slice
![grossest things found in fast food, band-aid on pizza]()
The idea of eating a used Band-Aid is one of the most repulsive things we can think of, so our hearts go out to Ken Wieczerza of Ballston Lake, New York. Ken ordered a large supreme pizza from the Clifton Park Pizza Hut but couldn't finish it, so he put the leftovers in the fridge for later. Feeling peckish the next day, he went in for a cold slice and bit down, only to notice a strange feeling on his teeth. Pulling the slice away, he discovered a bloody blue Band-Aid baked right into the crust. He stowed the disgusting piece of pizza in a plastic bag in the fridge and complained to the company.
Finger in Wendy's Chili
![grossest things found in fast food, wendy's chili finger]()
Most cases of gross objects in fast food can, as we've seen, be traced back to the kitchen. But sometimes it's the diners themselves, as this tale illustrates. In 2005, a Las Vegas woman named Anna Ayala ordered a cup of chili at Wendy's, which for some reason still serves chili. Sitting down to eat it, she freaked out the whole restaurant screaming when a spoonful came up with a severed human finger. Nobody in the kitchen was missing one, so it was quite the mystery for police and the health department. Six weeks later, they figured it out: it belonged to a man who lost it in an accident at work and gave the digit to Ayala's husband. The couple cooked up a scam to sue Wendy's for bank, but ended up charged with attempted grand larceny.
Editor's Note: We may need to update this list after this news story recently broke - "Canadian Man Finds Dead Mouse in Cup of McDonald's Coffee"
Human Blood in Taco Bell
Once you read this story, you'll make a run away from the border. Briana Ralston went to a Louisville combination KFC and Taco Bell to pick up an affordable meal for herself and her 1-year-old daughter. They got the food to go, but while they were eating at home Ralston noticed that there were odd red smears all over the taco wrappers and the bag they came in. She called the restaurant where a manager discovered that one of the employees had gashed their finger open and leaked blood all over Ralston's food. Needless to say, her next two calls were to the Health Department and a lawyer.
Chicken Head in McDonald's McNuggets
Fast food restaurants don't typically make anything from scratch-their meals are produced in massive factories that process ingredients as quickly as possible. While they use quality control methods to make sure those chicken nuggets are as uniform as possible, nobody's perfect. But the screw-up that slipped through all the way to a McDonald's in 2000 was one step beyond. Katherine Ortega bought a large order of nuggets from a Newport News McDonald's and took them home to feed her kids, only to shake a deep-fried chicken head out of the box and onto the plate. That's not white meat, obviously.
Bullets in Costco Hot Dogs
Warehouse store Costco isn't a fast food chain per se, but they do serve up large amounts of fast food at their snack bars, and this story is too warped to leave out. In 2004, a woman named Olivia Chanes was shopping at the Irvine, Calif., Costco when she started craving a snack. She settled on a hot dog and, after putting her condiments on the Hebrew National frank, started eating. A few bites in, she felt something hard in her teeth and pulled out a live 9mm bullet. She was freaked out, but things got worse when she began having abdominal pains and was taken to the hospital, where doctors discovered that she'd actually swallowed another live round from inside the hot dog!
Syringe in Burger King Breakfast Sandwich
When you're in a hurry to get to work, sometimes a breakfast sandwich at a fast food place is the only option. But don't eat too fast, or else you might find an unpleasant surprise. In 2001, Angelina Cruz went into a Burger King in Queens for a quick sausage and egg breakfast sandwich. As she chewed, she felt something hard inside her cheek and spit the bite out. Lodged in the half-eaten wad of food was a needle tip from a syringe that had pricked her cheek. She wrapped the foreign object in a napkin, but the damage was done and Cruz told the press that she was terrified of the prospect of catching a disease from the medical waste.
Human Skin in Arby's Sandwich
Arby's is one of those fast food franchises that you rarely hear about people eating at, yet they seem to be everywhere. They're famous for their roast beef, but you might want to stay away from the chicken. In 2005, David Scheiding headed into an Arby's in Tipp City, Ohio, and got himself a chicken sandwich. After a few bites, he noticed the meat felt unusual, reached inside and pulled out a scrap of bloody human skin with a fingerprint on the end. He confronted the manager, who admitted that he'd cut himself shredding lettuce and didn't notice that a chunk of his right thumb was in with the mixed greens. Unsurprisingly, Scheiding got himself a lawyer and sued.
Fried Mice in Popeye's Chicken
The kitchen at a fast food restaurant is a paradise for vermin. With so much fatty, salty, starchy food being served (and dropped), scavengers can do very well for themselves if they stay out of sight. But danger also abounds. The Popeye's Chicken in Baltimore City had been closed down for health violations several times before 2003, but that didn't stop Tony Hill from going in for a three-piece meal in September. While he ate his chicken, Hill discovered a little something extra-a mouse who had fallen into the fryer and been sizzled to a crisp. Thankfully, he didn't bite down on the wayward rodent.
Painkillers in Burger King Sandwiches
The case of a Burger King employee named Woody Duclos is one of the weirdest things we've ever heard. Duclos got busted in 2010 when a customer felt something strange in her chicken sandwich, spat it out and discovered it was a small blue pill. She took it to a fire station where they identified it as the powerful painkiller hydrocodone. Another man found a pill in a fish sandwich, and the drug-laced food was traced back to Duclos. He was sentenced to five years in prison, but prosecutors couldn't ever figure out exactly why he wanted to dope up his customers.
Nail in a McDonald's Burger
Fast food franchising is a global enterprise, and you can get the familiar menu items at McDonalds restaurants all over the world. And that brings with it the same food safety issues, as Swedish man Yushuf Bercil discovered in 2010. Bercil went to a Golden Arches in Gothenburg for a burger, bit down and immediately felt a sharp pain in the roof of his mouth. Not realizing what was happening, he took a second bite and felt even more pain. Reaching into his mouth, Bercil pulled out a ¾-inch nail that had become lodged between his tooth and his gum. He threw up, told the manager and decided to boycott fast food from that point on.
Band-Aid on a Pizza Hut Slice
The idea of eating a used Band-Aid is one of the most repulsive things we can think of, so our hearts go out to Ken Wieczerza of Ballston Lake, New York. Ken ordered a large supreme pizza from the Clifton Park Pizza Hut but couldn't finish it, so he put the leftovers in the fridge for later. Feeling peckish the next day, he went in for a cold slice and bit down, only to notice a strange feeling on his teeth. Pulling the slice away, he discovered a bloody blue Band-Aid baked right into the crust. He stowed the disgusting piece of pizza in a plastic bag in the fridge and complained to the company.
Finger in Wendy's Chili
Most cases of gross objects in fast food can, as we've seen, be traced back to the kitchen. But sometimes it's the diners themselves, as this tale illustrates. In 2005, a Las Vegas woman named Anna Ayala ordered a cup of chili at Wendy's, which for some reason still serves chili. Sitting down to eat it, she freaked out the whole restaurant screaming when a spoonful came up with a severed human finger. Nobody in the kitchen was missing one, so it was quite the mystery for police and the health department. Six weeks later, they figured it out: it belonged to a man who lost it in an accident at work and gave the digit to Ayala's husband. The couple cooked up a scam to sue Wendy's for bank, but ended up charged with attempted grand larceny.
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The Funniest GIFs of the Week
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New Mexico Man Arrested for DWI Tried to Bribe Police With Mountain Dew
Unfortunately for Luis Rodriguez-Neri, the cops didn't like crushing Dews nearly as much he did.
According to Huffington Post, Rodriguez-Neri crashed his car into a light pole Monday night, and it probably had something to do with the "six shots of Bacardi" he told a Bernalillo County deputy he downed before getting beh![guy tries bribing New Mexico police with Mountain Dew to get out of DWI]()
ind the wheel.
When the officer arrived on the scene, he found the Albuquerque man next to his busted vehicle. Rodriguez-Neri refused both a sobriety and breath alcohol test and was taken downtown for booking. It was there that he attempted to smooth things over by offering multiple deputies some Mountain Dew in exchange for letting him walk away.
The police held strong and refused his offer, probably because none of them were 15-year-old gamers, and Rodriguez-Neri was slapped with a bribery charge to go along with the aggravated DWI, damaging signs/equipment and leaving the scene of an accident charges that were already pending.
Too bad for Rodriguez-Neri that this guy wasn't on the force: Alleged Intruder Gives Himself Up in Exchange for Mountain Dew and Chocolate Milk
According to Huffington Post, Rodriguez-Neri crashed his car into a light pole Monday night, and it probably had something to do with the "six shots of Bacardi" he told a Bernalillo County deputy he downed before getting beh
ind the wheel.When the officer arrived on the scene, he found the Albuquerque man next to his busted vehicle. Rodriguez-Neri refused both a sobriety and breath alcohol test and was taken downtown for booking. It was there that he attempted to smooth things over by offering multiple deputies some Mountain Dew in exchange for letting him walk away.
The police held strong and refused his offer, probably because none of them were 15-year-old gamers, and Rodriguez-Neri was slapped with a bribery charge to go along with the aggravated DWI, damaging signs/equipment and leaving the scene of an accident charges that were already pending.
Too bad for Rodriguez-Neri that this guy wasn't on the force: Alleged Intruder Gives Himself Up in Exchange for Mountain Dew and Chocolate Milk
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Canadian Man Finds Dead Mouse in Cup of McDonald's Coffee
Now that's a cup of joe that will put some hair on your ass.
According to Gawker, a New Brunswick man says a cup of coffee he recently purchased and consumed had a dead mouse lying at the bottom of it.
![Canadian man finds a dead mouse in his McDonald's coffee]()
"I always take the lid off to get my last sip," Ron Morais told a local news station. "And when I took the lid off, there was a little bit of a surprise in my coffee cup."
Not only did Morais find the dead rodent in what was left of his coffee and backwash mix, but he also noticed "a few little, shall we say, presents, that the mouse had dropped."
If Morais is looking to score some coin from Mousegate, he's in luck, as several of his coworkers witnessed the moment he popped the lid.
"'Oh my God, there's a mouse in my coffee,' is what he says," said Jennifer LaHaye. "I turn around and look at him. The first time I looked, I actually looked and it's really, he's not joking."
No word on how many times Morais barfed after realizing he downed a coffee tainted with dead mouse shit or if he's given the mouse corpse a pet name, but "Early Retirement" sounds about right, eh?
Finding a mouse in your sandwich sounds so much worse: Dead Rodent Found In Sandwich At NYC Salad Shop
According to Gawker, a New Brunswick man says a cup of coffee he recently purchased and consumed had a dead mouse lying at the bottom of it.
"I always take the lid off to get my last sip," Ron Morais told a local news station. "And when I took the lid off, there was a little bit of a surprise in my coffee cup."
Not only did Morais find the dead rodent in what was left of his coffee and backwash mix, but he also noticed "a few little, shall we say, presents, that the mouse had dropped."
If Morais is looking to score some coin from Mousegate, he's in luck, as several of his coworkers witnessed the moment he popped the lid.
"'Oh my God, there's a mouse in my coffee,' is what he says," said Jennifer LaHaye. "I turn around and look at him. The first time I looked, I actually looked and it's really, he's not joking."
No word on how many times Morais barfed after realizing he downed a coffee tainted with dead mouse shit or if he's given the mouse corpse a pet name, but "Early Retirement" sounds about right, eh?
Finding a mouse in your sandwich sounds so much worse: Dead Rodent Found In Sandwich At NYC Salad Shop
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The Alphabet of the Greatest Rock Songs of All Time
People love to argue, especially when it comes to music. My fellow editor Max Miller and I are well aware of this fact, so we decided to hunker down in a dimly lit room until we had created the perfect playlist: Mandatory's Alphabet of the Greatest Rock Songs of All Time. Now, you may think this sounds like fun, but there was no shortage of arguments between us either (especially over the letter P). But after establishing the rules -- like no band may be used more than once -- and listening to thousands of awesome rock songs, we believe in our alphabetical masterpiece. We hope you do too.
![rock songs alphabet, alphabet of the greatest rock songs, best rock songs ABCs]()
To enjoy our playlist (with the exception of "Back in Black" and "Vicarious"), check it out on Spotify:
To enjoy our playlist (with the exception of "Back in Black" and "Vicarious"), check it out on Spotify:
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Mandatory Viewing: The Endless Selfie
Welcome to Mandatory Viewing, our weekly show where men talk sports, politics, current events and really weird Internet videos they hope their children will never see. This week: a depressing look at selfies, a jolly NHL fan belly-dancing joyously, and more.
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Searching for a Jackhammer on Sears.com Was Yielding a Surprising Result Today (NSFW)
Someone at Sears is probably in a lot of trouble right now. Either that, or a hacker is currently laughing his ass off.
If you go to Sears.com, and let's say you are interested in what they have to offer in the jackhammer department, this is what you'll see:
![sears jackhammer fail, sears jackhammer no results]()
Hmm, that's interesting. You would think that a department store that specializes in tools would have at least something matching a search for "jackhammer." Well, it turns out it did earlier. It had several matches, in fact, but it's the first one that probably led to a few emergency emails being sent internally at Sears to shut it down.
Earlier today, a friend of Mandatory tipped us off that if you went to Sears.com and searched for a jackhammer, you would see something a little surprising. Here's what we saw (Caution: hilarious, but NSFW photo ahead):
![sears jackhammer, sears jackhammer sex toy, sears jackhammer fail]()
Yes, those are some great prices, but I'm not sure a construction worker looking to replace his jackhammer would be interested in gay porn star Junior Stellano's CyberSkin sex toy. But then again, what do I know?
Needless to say, this surprising search result was not up for long, but here is your proof that it happened.
H/t Wally Pitts
More fun with online shopping: Surge is Back But These Hilarious Amazon Customer Reviews are the Real Treat
If you go to Sears.com, and let's say you are interested in what they have to offer in the jackhammer department, this is what you'll see:
Hmm, that's interesting. You would think that a department store that specializes in tools would have at least something matching a search for "jackhammer." Well, it turns out it did earlier. It had several matches, in fact, but it's the first one that probably led to a few emergency emails being sent internally at Sears to shut it down.
Earlier today, a friend of Mandatory tipped us off that if you went to Sears.com and searched for a jackhammer, you would see something a little surprising. Here's what we saw (Caution: hilarious, but NSFW photo ahead):
Yes, those are some great prices, but I'm not sure a construction worker looking to replace his jackhammer would be interested in gay porn star Junior Stellano's CyberSkin sex toy. But then again, what do I know?
Needless to say, this surprising search result was not up for long, but here is your proof that it happened.
H/t Wally Pitts
More fun with online shopping: Surge is Back But These Hilarious Amazon Customer Reviews are the Real Treat
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Here's What Happens When a 1,200-Pound Pumpkin Falls Onto a Delivery Truck
If there is a hell for delivery trucks once they're no longer in service, you have to think that it can't be much different from what takes place in Conneaut Lake, Pa., every October.
According to UPI, a retired delivery truck getting smashed by a 1,200-pound pumpkin was the highlight of last weekend's Conneaut Lake Park Pumpkin Fest. The three-day affair also featured fireworks, parades and live music, but all paled in comparison to the pumpkin drop.
Organizers used a crane to hold the 1,200-pound pumpkin 125 feet in the air before dropping it onto the truck below, drawing cheers and applause from thousands of onlookers.
Although more than 30,000 people attended the festival, the majority of them came to see the main event. In the past, massive pumpkins have crushed other vehicles like tractor trailers, vans and school buses.
If organizers are looking to break their one-day attendance record at next year's festival, they should make every effort to secure Nickelback's tour bus for the drop.
These pumpkins are scary, as in scary good: The Most Insane Pumpkin Carvings You Will Ever See
According to UPI, a retired delivery truck getting smashed by a 1,200-pound pumpkin was the highlight of last weekend's Conneaut Lake Park Pumpkin Fest. The three-day affair also featured fireworks, parades and live music, but all paled in comparison to the pumpkin drop.
Organizers used a crane to hold the 1,200-pound pumpkin 125 feet in the air before dropping it onto the truck below, drawing cheers and applause from thousands of onlookers.
Although more than 30,000 people attended the festival, the majority of them came to see the main event. In the past, massive pumpkins have crushed other vehicles like tractor trailers, vans and school buses.
If organizers are looking to break their one-day attendance record at next year's festival, they should make every effort to secure Nickelback's tour bus for the drop.
These pumpkins are scary, as in scary good: The Most Insane Pumpkin Carvings You Will Ever See
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High School Soccer Coach Accidentally Sends Video of Himself Masturbating to His Players
That's probably going to be a red card.
According to Uproxx, a 57-year-old high school soccer coach in Connecticut is in serious trouble after he "accidentally" sent a video of him punching his clown to several of his players.
![high school soccer coach sends video of him masturbating to his players]()
Jeffery Sirois told authorities he uploaded the racy video to Snapchat and meant to send it to his girlfriend.
Yeah, that didn't happen.
Several players who were chowing on pies at Husky Pizza in Mansfield caught a glimpse of their coach taking himself to pound town when the video link was sent to one of them instead. Naturally, she called over her teammates to check it out.
"Once I realized what I was watching I threw my phone down on the table and said, 'guys, you have to look at this,'" she said.
Sirois maintained that he immediately realized his mistake and deleted the video within 15 seconds. He said that the video was intended for his girlfriend, as sending masturbation videos back and forth is something that they "occasionally do."
State police still arrested the former coach of the E.O. Smith girls soccer team, and he now faces charges of obscenity, breach of peace and risk of injury to a minor, all because he thought a 57-year-old man being friends with high school girls on Snapchat was a great idea.
Hey, at least Sirois did it at home: Substitute Teacher Caught Masturbating on the Job
According to Uproxx, a 57-year-old high school soccer coach in Connecticut is in serious trouble after he "accidentally" sent a video of him punching his clown to several of his players.
Jeffery Sirois told authorities he uploaded the racy video to Snapchat and meant to send it to his girlfriend.
Yeah, that didn't happen.
Several players who were chowing on pies at Husky Pizza in Mansfield caught a glimpse of their coach taking himself to pound town when the video link was sent to one of them instead. Naturally, she called over her teammates to check it out.
"Once I realized what I was watching I threw my phone down on the table and said, 'guys, you have to look at this,'" she said.
Sirois maintained that he immediately realized his mistake and deleted the video within 15 seconds. He said that the video was intended for his girlfriend, as sending masturbation videos back and forth is something that they "occasionally do."
State police still arrested the former coach of the E.O. Smith girls soccer team, and he now faces charges of obscenity, breach of peace and risk of injury to a minor, all because he thought a 57-year-old man being friends with high school girls on Snapchat was a great idea.
Hey, at least Sirois did it at home: Substitute Teacher Caught Masturbating on the Job
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Today's Funny Photos
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The 10 Most Original People on Instagram
If you're under the impression that Instagram is all selfies, pet photos and shots of brunch, you're following the wrong people. Take your feed to a whole new level and follow these ten Instagram masterminds for serious inspiration.
![Instagram]()
Here's a guy who takes "timing is everything" to heart. Junato Herdiawan travels the world taking photos of himself jumping into a vertical position, so it look like he's flying. No one's saying he's Batman ... but no one's ever seen both Junato and Batman in the same room.
![Instagram]()
Vadim Makhorov likes to get as high as possible-on top of rooftops, that is. His shoes have been seen dangling off the tops of buildings everywhere from Berlin to Hong Kong.![Instagram]()
Photographer Darryll Jones never stopped playing with toys. Instead, he chose to incorporate them into his daily life whenever possible-from posing them on cheese plates to leading them on a leisurely hike through the forest.![Instagram]()
To most people, puddles scream soaked shoes and inconvenience. Morten Nordstrøm isn't most people. He photographs his hometown of Copenhagen through the reflections made in pools of rainwater, and with stellar results.![Instagram]()
Andrew Knapp takes the fun of "Where's Waldo" and combines it with his elusive pooch, Momo, asking followers to find where she's hiding in his posts.![Instagram]()
The next time she tries to drag you along shopping, pull up this account. It will help quantify the pain felt outside fitting rooms the world over.
![Instagram]()
Some of the grossest, most unappetizing food ever Instagrammed by GFs as they attempt to make meals for "bae"-presumably after watching one and a half episodes of "Chopped."![Instagram]()
Every basic photo that's ever been Instagrammed, written out in note form ... and then Instagrammed.![Instagram]()
Kapstand likes to see the world from his own perspective-upside down, doing a one-handed handstand.![Instagram]()
What do you get when you combine a Photoshop master with a love of A-list celebs? Peejet's brilliantly funny Instagram account.
Here's a guy who takes "timing is everything" to heart. Junato Herdiawan travels the world taking photos of himself jumping into a vertical position, so it look like he's flying. No one's saying he's Batman ... but no one's ever seen both Junato and Batman in the same room.
Vadim Makhorov likes to get as high as possible-on top of rooftops, that is. His shoes have been seen dangling off the tops of buildings everywhere from Berlin to Hong Kong.
Photographer Darryll Jones never stopped playing with toys. Instead, he chose to incorporate them into his daily life whenever possible-from posing them on cheese plates to leading them on a leisurely hike through the forest.
To most people, puddles scream soaked shoes and inconvenience. Morten Nordstrøm isn't most people. He photographs his hometown of Copenhagen through the reflections made in pools of rainwater, and with stellar results.
Andrew Knapp takes the fun of "Where's Waldo" and combines it with his elusive pooch, Momo, asking followers to find where she's hiding in his posts.
The next time she tries to drag you along shopping, pull up this account. It will help quantify the pain felt outside fitting rooms the world over.
Some of the grossest, most unappetizing food ever Instagrammed by GFs as they attempt to make meals for "bae"-presumably after watching one and a half episodes of "Chopped."
Every basic photo that's ever been Instagrammed, written out in note form ... and then Instagrammed.
Kapstand likes to see the world from his own perspective-upside down, doing a one-handed handstand.
What do you get when you combine a Photoshop master with a love of A-list celebs? Peejet's brilliantly funny Instagram account.
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Delaware Man Says Somebody Put Pink Panties on Him During Surgery
Some people would laugh out loud if they awoke from surgery and found themselves dressed in pink panties.
Not this guy.
According to UPI, the lawyer for 32-year-old Andrew Walls says his client underwent a colonoscopy procedure at the Delaware Surgery Center in Dover in 2012 and suffered "severe emotional stress" when he awoke from anesthesia![Guy woke up from surgery in pink panties]()
wearing a pair of pink panties.
Walls worked at the facility where he underwent the procedure at the time, but now his lawyer says he is "seeking compensation for mental anguish, lost wages and loss of earning capacity."
The lawsuit actually reads more like a night of hazing at a frat house rather than a malpractice suit. Well, except for the colonoscopy part:
"When the plaintiff initially presented for his colonoscopy he had not been wearing pink women's underwear and at no time did the plaintiff voluntarily, knowingly or intentionally place the pink women's underwear upon himself."
No word on who actually placed the panties on Walls while he was passed out, but he or she sounds like a real hoot. We're just disappointed they didn't finish the joke off with a matching set of nipple tassels.
Worst luck ever: Paraplegic Sues Hospital After Surgery Shortens His Penis
Not this guy.
According to UPI, the lawyer for 32-year-old Andrew Walls says his client underwent a colonoscopy procedure at the Delaware Surgery Center in Dover in 2012 and suffered "severe emotional stress" when he awoke from anesthesia
wearing a pair of pink panties.Walls worked at the facility where he underwent the procedure at the time, but now his lawyer says he is "seeking compensation for mental anguish, lost wages and loss of earning capacity."
The lawsuit actually reads more like a night of hazing at a frat house rather than a malpractice suit. Well, except for the colonoscopy part:
"When the plaintiff initially presented for his colonoscopy he had not been wearing pink women's underwear and at no time did the plaintiff voluntarily, knowingly or intentionally place the pink women's underwear upon himself."
No word on who actually placed the panties on Walls while he was passed out, but he or she sounds like a real hoot. We're just disappointed they didn't finish the joke off with a matching set of nipple tassels.
Worst luck ever: Paraplegic Sues Hospital After Surgery Shortens His Penis
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This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets
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These Funny Police Reports Make Newspapers Actually Worth Reading
None of us have picked up a newspaper in a very long time. There's really no reason to these days. Well apparently, we don't know what we're missing because your local newspaper probably contains some ridiculously hilarious police reports. Here are some of the funniest ones we could round up.
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