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- 08/05/16--04:58: _10 Memorable Busine...
- 08/05/16--05:23: _This Week's 20 Funn...
- 08/05/16--06:02: _Pausing 'The Simpso...
- 08/05/16--06:50: _13 Actors Who Compl...
- 08/05/16--07:20: _Important: Why The ...
- 08/05/16--07:24: _Dog Blindsided By S...
- 08/05/16--08:22: _Toronto Cops Respon...
- 08/05/16--09:18: _Credit Card Chips A...
- 08/05/16--09:27: _Dad With Pink Fluff...
- 08/05/16--09:50: _Georgia Man Busted ...
- 08/05/16--10:00: _'Sassy Trump' Video...
- 08/05/16--10:43: _Paige Spiranac Catc...
- 08/05/16--10:59: _This Canadian Olymp...
- 08/05/16--11:38: _This Muddy Dog Was ...
- 08/08/16--04:30: _The Definitive Rank...
- 08/08/16--04:42: _Today's Funny Photos
- 08/08/16--04:51: _The 12 Most Importa...
- 08/08/16--04:58: _10 Little Examples ...
- 08/08/16--05:10: _I Attempted To Shav...
- 08/08/16--05:36: _Insane 230 Movie Ma...
- 08/05/16--04:58: 10 Memorable Businesses That Went Bust
- 08/05/16--05:23: This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets
- 08/05/16--06:50: 13 Actors Who Completely Trashed Their Own Movie
- 08/05/16--07:20: Important: Why The Hell Are Bags Of Chips Always Half Empty?
- 08/05/16--07:24: Dog Blindsided By Slip 'N Slide Tube, Gets Launched Into Lake
- 08/05/16--09:18: Credit Card Chips Are Making Everyone Extremely Pissed Off
- 08/05/16--09:27: Dad With Pink Fluffy Phone Case Is Way Happier Than You'll Ever Be
- 08/05/16--09:50: Georgia Man Busted Having Sex With Goat
- 08/05/16--11:38: This Muddy Dog Was Ripe For The Photoshop Treatment
- 08/08/16--04:30: The Definitive Ranking Of Everything On Taco Bell's Menu
- 08/08/16--04:42: Today's Funny Photos
- 08/08/16--04:51: The 12 Most Important '80s Comedies
- 08/08/16--04:58: 10 Little Examples That Show James Cameron Has Mythical Powers
- 08/08/16--05:10: I Attempted To Shave My Ass Because GQ Wants Me To
The five-and-dime pioneer, founded in 1879 back when you could buy something useful for your household with only loose change, was one of the first American retailers to let the customer actually handle and select merchandise on their own without the assistance of a sales clerk. Beginning with an unsuccessful store in Utica, NY, Woolworth's grew into an empire. It eventually became one of the world's largest chain stores throughout practically the entire 20th century.
The company's course changed, however, in the '80s, when it faced fierce competition from other popular department stores and shopping malls. In response, the chain decided to invest in specialty shops including Kinney Shoes, Champs Sports and Foot Locker. This expansion led to the company's demise. As the '90s came to a close, all the Woolworth's locations had shut down, and the company solely became Foot Locker.
Pan American World Airways, or Pan Am, was a pioneer in international travel. With its inception in 1927, it first served as a mail carrier between Key West and Cuba and then began to deliver passengers as well. Expansion into other foreign markets came quickly and the airline became an emblem of worldwide flight. It never captured the domestic market here, and that would lead to problems later in its history.
The leader in luxury travel abroad, Pan Am was also an innovator, summoning in the jet age as the first airliner to add the 707 and the widebody 747 to its fleet. Profits then soured in the '70s at the dawn of that decade's oil crisis. As the price of fuel increased, air travel declined, and Pan Am was left with an army of underperforming gas guzzlers. Seeing this as a crisis, they desperately tried to break into the domestic market, but competing airlines -- including American, United, and the also now defunct Eastern -- elbowed them out.
The final nail in Pan Am's coffin came during the first Gulf War when oil prices spiked all over again. Though the airline itself is gone, its iconic "blue meatball" logo endures, often seen on luxury travel bags. A classy item no doubt, and one Mandatory editors might consider as gifts to their contributing writers around the December holidays.
Though its original feature films were of course black and white, RKO glittered as one of the Big Five studios during Hollywood's Golden Age. The release of "The Jazz Singer," the first talking feature, ushered in a new wave of interest in filmmaking and RKO emerged shortly thereafter in 1928. Though always operating in the shadows of powerhouses like Warner Bros. and MGM, RKO specialized in artistic features, first critically acclaimed musicals, then branching out into other successful genres.
The studio launched the career of Katharine Hepburn, gave us "Citizen Kane" and "King Kong," and Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers' most celebrated films. RKO even had a hand in some of Disney's most beloved early animated classics. But the studio system, a reckoning force in the first several decades of film's glory days, began its decline in the middle of the 20th century as television was gaining steam. When germaphobic maverick Howard Hughes took the studio's reins, its horse race was over less than a decade later. Though traces of the enterprise would go on to survive well into the '80s, the studio itself shut its doors at the end of the '50s, leaving behind a library and legacy that keeps its name and beeping globe-mounted radio tower logo alive today.
You may not have wanted to frame them, but the instantaneous output of a Polaroid camera was much more than a novelty, and the product itself was wildly popular and lucrative for its company. Its founder was a young innovator who left Harvard temporarily to start the Polaroid Corporation. His creations based on polarization and not simply photography, sunglasses, 3D movies and military equipment, were also in its portfolio.
The launch of Polavision in 1977, an instant home movie camera, signaled the beginning of Polaroid's unstoppable downward trajectory. The company was experimenting with digital film all the way back in the '60s, but its misjudgment that consumers would always want a hard copy of the photos they took prevented it from taking that market as seriously as it needed to in retrospect. Polaroid declared bankruptcy in 2001, and rewarded its executives handsomely. Its stockholders and current and retired employees, however, were left with nothing of value, much like most surviving Polaroid photographs themselves.
Founded in 1971, the original Borders business model was to sell inventory specifically tailored to the communities in which they operated. As the enterprise became successful over the decades, it was purchased by K-Mart -- along with Waldenbooks -- which had been looking to get into the book market. But the acquisition was problematic and Borders was eventually spun off into its own company, Borders Group, taking Waldenbooks with it.
Stores became ubiquitous, dotting the commercial landscape across the country and around the world. Those who believe the emergence of Amazon.com ultimately took Borders down probably don't know the half of it. Borders actually inked a deal with Amazon to run its website, opening the door for the online megasite to cannibalize their customer base. That, and the fact that Borders was way late to the e-reader game -- releasing its poorly-named Kobo years after the Kindle and Nook had already caught fire -- also helped write the last chapter of the brand's history.
If you were a kid in the late '70s and early '80s, it is likely that instead of doing your homework, you were sitting on the floor in front of the television playing a video game on your Atari console. Its first hit, Pong, consisted of two opposing vertical dashes and a pixel that volleyed between them. As this game system's popularity grew, so did its titles in a variety of genres, all with pretty unimpressive graphics. But that went mostly unnoticed as the video arcade was marvelously transported into the household.
The high drama behind the scenes between Atari's creators, stewards and owners is the stuff of a Hollywood biopic -- probably starring Christian Bale -- but this is not what led to Atari's demise. The video game crash of 1983, when interest in the systems plummeted, coincided with the company's release of two poorly received, very expensive titles -- Pac-Man and E.T. -- and it was game over. Just a few years later, however, a Japanese brand called Nintendo rose from Atari's ashes -- helped mightily by two feisty, animated Italian brothers and their battles among batches of jumpy mushrooms.
Its underperformance on the road, shoddy craftsmanship, high consumer cost and stainless-steel body that left fingerprints and made painting problematic might otherwise be what history remembers of the DeLorean DMC-12. But it looks so cool with its innovative design culminating in its signature gull-winged doors. And when it accidentally took Marty McFly time traveling, leading to his quest to go "Back to the Future," the car became a worldwide legend.
Despite heavy investment in the brand, only around 9,000 were sold during the DeLorean Motor Company's short lifespan -- purchased mostly by hobbyists, not serious car owners. That consumer base proved unsustainable. As the brand was suffering financial turmoil, founder John DeLorean himself was caught on camera participating in drug trafficking, presumably to raise capital for his dying company, which in turn flatlined. However, the mystique of DeLorean -- boosted by a beloved Hollywood trilogy and an outspoken corps of loyalist car owners and fans -- still survives today. It's even prompting an early 2016 announcement that an effort to jump start the company and bring new DeLorean models back onto the road -- sadly without the flux capacitor option -- is underway.
Compaq, born in the '80s, was a major player in the PC computer business. And though it helped thrust home computing into a limitless future, the company itself did not survive much beyond the start of the 21st century. Their very first product, the Compaq Portable, looks like what a nomadic caveman might have tweeted on, but at the time was a revolutionary product and gave the company a seat at the personal computing table. Speed-busting desktop models followed and their market share rose higher and higher.
But Compaq also saw sharp competition nipping at its heels, and in 2001 lost the number one ranking as a PC manufacturer to the lower priced Dell computers. That era's dot.com bust also severely affected the company, which saw an accumulation of close to $2 billion in debt. A merger with HP, led by mean girl CEO and future failed political candidate Carly Fiorina, looked like salvation for Compaq, but instead the company's staff and branding saw itself whittled down to nothing within a decade. As of 2013, its name was discontinued from any future HP products.
Once upon a time, households across the world possessed a scrappy little device called the VCR. A VCR swallowed video cassettes or tapes one at a time and played a movie or some form of visual entertainment through its mechanisms. Therefore, a store called Blockbuster Video likely opened in your hometown providing endless options for video rentals with the monopolizing efficiency that ran your competing mom and pop video store straight out of business.
No one ever uttered the phrase "Blockbuster and chill" we reckon, but for a few decades, beginning in 1985, that's just what we did. Assisted by friendly khaki and blue clad clerks, Blockbuster Video was the Studio 54 of weekend home entertainment browsing. They transitioned finely enough into the DVD era, but that innovation brought a new form of competition, and with the one-two punch of upstarts Netfilx and Redbox, Blockbuster was knocked off its pedestal. It tried mightily to adapt to the new, brick- and mortar-less landscape, but it was too late. The name Blockbuster still appears atop a handful of Dish Network-owned franchises, but the company that streamlined the video rental industry has rewound itself into oblivion.
Its sock puppet mascot, a fast-talking dog reporter complete with microphone, brought Pets.com wide popularity during the dot.com boom. In the company's short lifespan -- 14 years in dog years -- he appeared on "Good Morning America," "Live with Regis and Kathie Lee," a Super Bowl ad and was even immortalized as a balloon in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Pets.com, however, did not share much permanence.
Adopting a business model devoid of any market research whatsoever, items were sold below cost and racked up high internal shipping charges, delivering heavy bags of food, litter and other essentials to customer's homes. This did not win the enterprise any "Best in Show" ribbons. Instead, it led to its $300 million in venture capital to disappear quicker than dishfuls of Alpo after the Iditarod. The leadership team who saw their company go from IPO to bankruptcy in just 298 days undoubtedly screwed the pooch.
Another week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets, compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.
Follow @robfee on Twitter.
[medusa's husband sighing and pulling a wad of snakes out of the shower drain]— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) July 16, 2016
"Sugar Pie Honey Bunch" first draft pic.twitter.com/gndWxagC1P— DC Pierson (@DCpierson) July 19, 2016
God *giggling*: They are gonna be so tiny.— spacegirl incognito (@iamspacegirl) July 17, 2016
Angel *writing*: ants... tiny... got it.
God *suddenly tearing up*: but omg so strong.
not always the biggest fan of sequels but... pic.twitter.com/tphhfzBMyh— ©hris™ (@ChrisTrauma) July 14, 2016
Fabric is named for its inventor, Fabulous Richard— Dan gagliardi (@asimplemachine) November 2, 2015
Back in my day when we found a Pokémon we had to beat it to death with a rotary phone— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) July 30, 2016
The worst thing about being an adult & not a kid is that no one stands behind you when you're being an asshole mouthing "she's just hungry."— (((maura quint))) (@behindyourback) January 16, 2016
I like how they both look equally confused about this activity pic.twitter.com/W5ivzsgeOT— glory (@ifeelglorious) July 26, 2016
i love driving becuase it combines my love of sitting with my love of being mad— jomny sun (@jonnysun) July 25, 2016
DATING TIP: If you fill up a backpack with hot bread and wear it to bed it feels like spooning— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) September 27, 2015
Saying "Prove it" to a drunk person will result in awesomeness.— Michael T Kennedy (@MichaelTKennedy) May 8, 2011
A fun thing to do when someone posts a photo of their pet is to offer to buy it, then insist, then become so hostile that they unfriend you— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) July 24, 2016
I have a name. pic.twitter.com/pPaQDJY7zy— Carey O'Donnell (@ecareyo) February 23, 2016
Little known fact: a penguin's head can rotate 390 degrees. Once.— Spazio (@Spaziotwat) January 5, 2016
girls call me Zubat cause it's impossible to tell how distant I am and I'm not really worth the effort anyway— the garbage shit boy (@davedittell) July 26, 2016
The guy in the bathroom with me is having trouble getting his pee started because he thinks I'm listening. He's right. I'm listening— GarySnarkmail (@MichaelSmartGuy) July 26, 2016
meghan trainor's musical genre is 'jc penney commercial'— Chelsea Fagan (@Chelsea_Fagan) July 14, 2016
But can it Hamburger Help me pay my student loans— Krista Doyle (@Krista_Doyle) March 1, 2015
(after eating the entire bread basket on a first date) no i wont be ordering anything, please bring us more bread though— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) July 25, 2016
"Yeah Ima listen to your soundcloud bro I got you." pic.twitter.com/xRthLZnJef— glory (@ifeelglorious) July 22, 2016
Want more? Check out last week's hilarious tweets.
So it's come to this: a "The Simpsons" wacky screencaps sequel. But we simply found the first batch so funny, we had to do it again. So sit back and enjoy another round of awkward still frames on us. These might even be crazier than the previous collection.
I think Troy McClure said it best:
Speaking of hilarious alternate versions of "The Simpsons": Homer Simpson's Mom Has A Bedtime Song To Keep You Raging All Night
Check out 13 actors that took it upon themselves to completely shit on their own movie.
1. Mark Wahlberg - "The Happening"
Seems like the "Marky Mark" decision isn't the only thing that Mark Wahlberg regrets, as starring in M. Night Shyamalan's "The Happening" happens to be another thing Wahlberg wishes he could take back. Just take a look at what he said:
"The Happening. Fuck it. It is what it is. Fucking trees, man. The plants. Fuck it. You can't blame me for not wanting to try to play a science teacher. At least I wasn't playing a cop or a crook."
Blame the fucking plants, Mark. Wahlberg did go on to star in a "Transformer" movie, so look for another statement of regret soon.
2. Will Smith - "Wild Wild West"
Smith is probably still bummed out that he turned down the role of Neo in "The Matrix," but something tells me he's even more bummed out that he found himself in the shitfest that was "Wild Wild West."
"Smoke and mirrors in marketing and sales is over. People are going to know really quickly and globally whether a product keeps its promises. I consider myself a marketer. My career has been strictly being able to sell my products globally, and it's now in the hand of fans. I have to be in tune with their needs and not trick them into going to see Wild Wild West,"Smith said.
Smith tricked enough people because WWW made over $200 million worldwide, but it still remains one of the worst movies of the '90s.
3. Halle Berry - "Catwoman"
Halle Berry had the honor of starring in arguably the worst superhero movie ever. "Catwoman" picked up a bunch of Razzies, including for worst picture and worst actress -- an award that Berry was there to accept. And this was what Berry said in her acceptance speech:
"I want to thank Warner Bros. for casting me in this piece-of-sh--, god-awful movie."
Yep. That pretty much says it all.
4. Brad Pitt - "The Devils Own"
Even one of the most popular actors on the planet can make a shit film, and Brad Pitt accepts the fact he did. And boy, he let everyone know how terrible it was:
"To have to make something up as you go along -- Jesus, what pressure! It was ridiculous. It was the most irresponsible bit of filmmaking -- if you can even call it that -- that I've ever seen. I couldn't believe it. I don't know why anyone would want to continue making that movie. We had nothing. The movie was the complete victim of this drowning studio head [Mark Canton] who said, 'I don't care. We're making it. I don't care what you have. Shoot something.'"
Don't worry about Pitt. He went on to do pretty well for himself after this 1997 miscue.
5. Sylvester Stallone - "Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot!"
One of the biggest action stars ever, and the mind behind "Rocky," definitely had his share of missteps in his career, but Sylvester Stallone has one misstep that tops them all. Check out what Sly said about a certain 1992 movie he made:
"People didn't expect me in comedies or musicals. I made some truly awful movies. 'Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot' was the worst. If you ever want someone to confess to murder, just make him or her sit through that film. They will confess to anything after 15 minutes!"
All is now well since Stallone made quite the comeback.
6. Katherine Heigl - "Knocked Up"
Katherine Heigl sure is a fan of putting her own foot in her mouth, and she's done it enough times that it has pretty much ruined her career. Although Heigl wasn't a fan of "Knocked Up," the movie that pushed her into stardom:
"It was a little sexist. It paints the women as shrews, as humorless and uptight, and it paints the men as lovable, goofy, fun-loving guys. It exaggerated the characters, and I had a hard time with it, on some days. I'm playing such a bitch; why is she being such a killjoy? Why is this how you're portraying women? Ninety-eight percent of the time it was an amazing experience, but it was hard for me to love the movie."
Heigl can now be seen marketing cat litter.
7. James Franco - "Annapolis"
Franco is clearly someone who continues to take risks out in the film world, but agreeing to star in 2006's "Annapolis" is one career movie Franco admits was the wrong one:
"I was at that point trying to run my career as a 'careerist. That's one of the reasons I did 'Annapolis': not because I liked it at all, but because I thought it was an honorable leading man or something like that. I ended up not liking the experience and not liking the movie."
I'm pretty shocked that a movie involving Tyrese Gibson and Donnie Wahlberg wasn't any good.
8. Charlize Theron - "Reindeer Games"
Oscar winner Charlize Theron didn't waste any time (or use many words) to say what she thinks about 2000's "Reindeer Games":
"'Reindeer Games' was not a good movie."
Theron could have a second career as a movie critic.
9. Ben Affleck - "DareDevil"
Affleck has already achieved a Hollywood comeback, but that seemed impossible after starring in "Daredevil." And if you hated that movie, you aren't alone because so did Daredevil himself:
"I understand I'm at a disadvantage with the internet. If I thought the result [of 'Batman v Superman'] would be another 'Daredevil,' I'd be out there picketing myself. Why would I make the movie if I didn't think it was going to be good and that I could be good in it? The only movie I actually regret is 'Daredevil.' It just kills me. I love that story, that character, and the fact that it got fucked up the way it did stays with me. Maybe that's part of the motivation to do 'Batman.'"
And while BvS wasn't quite a gem, it is "Gone with the Wind" when compared to "Daredevil."
10. Shia LaBeouf - "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull"
Shia is an interesting dude, and at his peak he found himself in one of the most anticipated sequels ever. And what happened? Well, he just ended up swinging on treetops with monkeys. Although, Shia does take some of the blame:
"You can blame it on the writer and you can blame it on Steven [Spielberg]. But the actor's job is to make it come alive and make it work, and I couldn't do itI....He's [Spielberg] done so much great work that there's no need for him to feel vulnerable about one film. But when you drop the ball you drop the ball."
That shook up Shia a bit, as he ended up starring in two more horrible "Transformers" sequels afterwards.
11. Arnold Schwarzenegger - "Red Sonja"
While his buddy Sly regrets some of his film choices, Arnold does as well. But if you were thinking "Jingle All The Way" was the film he regrets, you would be way off. Just take a look at what he had to say about the 1985 film "Red Sonja"
"It's the worst film I have ever made. Now, when my kids get out of line, they're sent to their room and forced to watch 'Red Sonja' 10 times. I never have too much trouble with them."
That's a harsh punishment, Arnie.
12. Jamie Lee Curtis - "Virus"
Before she was telling people that Activia yogurt helps you shit, Jamie Lee Curtis was part of a shit film: "Virus." And she had no issue voicing that:
"That's a piece of s**t movie. It's an unbelievably bad movie; just bad from the bottom."
Well Jamie, when the movie you're in also stars William Baldwin, you're pretty much screwed from the start.
13. George Clooney - "Batman & Robin"
How can you make this list and not talk about the numerous times George Clooney has commented and apologized for the garbage pile that "Batman & Robin" is? Just take a look at some of the things he has said about that infamous film:
"I always apologize for 'Batman & Robin.' Let me just say that I'd actually thought I'd actually destroyed the franchise until somebody else brought it back years later and changed it."
"I thought at the time that this was going to be a very good career move. Um, it wasn't."
"I just met Adam West there [referring to behind the NYCC main stage] and I apologized to him. Sorry about the nipples on the suit. Freeze, freeze, I apologize for that."
Sorry George, we can't forgive you.
There are tons of problems in this country, but I think it is about time a very serious issue creeps higher up on the priority list and gets a solution as soon as possible. The issue? Bags of chips always being half empty. And this isn't one of those "let's be optimistic and say it's half full," no, my bags of chips barely have any chips in them, and that is a problem when I'm trying to participate in my favorite activity: being disgusting and overeating.
It's not even the fact that I'm a gross, greedy human that wants more and more of everything, it's that I'm paying a certain amount of money for chips, but what I'm really paying for is a bag of air. Air is free, I shouldn't pay for it. I can walk out right now and inhale all the contaminated air I want. There's no price on that. Sure, my insides are paying for it, but I'm not being ripped off. The only people ripping me off are the devil worshipers that work at all those chip companies, who put a few chips in every bag, all while laughing maniacally and swimming in a pool of coins.
So why do they ruin our day and add more air inside our chip bags than chips? Well, according to Mental Floss, this is known as "slack fill." The monsters behind this add more air than chips to each bag in order to "protect their delicate products from the damage of rough handling during the shipping process." During shipping, chips go through a lot, so all that air acts as a cushion so that the chips don't turn into crumbs. Oh, so the chip-making folks have my best interest in mind when I'm overcharged for a bag of chips that looks like it's has already fed a family of four? Got it.
As I continued to rage-research, I also learned that all that air in your greasy bag of chips is actually nitrogen. Since regular old oxygen can cause your chips to spoil and the oil to go rancid, bags are instead filled with nitrogen gas to help the three chips inside stay fresh. And there was actually a food science study conducted in 1994 in order to confirm that. Science!
So I'm supposed to feel better that the handful of chips inside my bag are fresh and not gross at all? I get it now. Now when I'm shame eating in my tub I can remember that fact and thank the evil horned creatures at the chip factory who did their part to deliver me a tiny amount of fresh chips. In reality, it's hard not to get emotional when you open up a new bag of chips, look inside and are confronted by an empty void -- a cold and lonely black hole of nothingness. And I'm not the only one who feels this way, as there are tons of men and women on YouTube voicing their opinions on this injustice, too.
The horror doesn't stop at bags of chips either, as our cereal boxes are being destroyed as well. So I assume those cereal makers didn't want my Rice Krispies to turn into dust so they added gallons of nitrogen?
This needs to stop, folks. A change needs to be made. We should be allow to inhale the proper amount of chips into our facehole.
Everyone is trying to enjoy the summer, and when we say everyone we mean dogs, too. Which is why I can understand what this dog was thinking when he decided to join the humans for some fun. The only problem is he didn't exactly think of getting launched into the water.
Take a look at the video below of an eager dog taking an unexpected trip into the lake. And don't worry, dog lovers, he's all right:
I feel like I'm the dog and that tube is life.
And here are more dopey dogs: 13 Clumsy Canine Gifs That Prove Some Dogs Just Can't Ball
Since there have been so many horrific and senseless shootings recently, people are definitely on edge -- so much so that a woman called cops to report a man with a gun on the streets. The only problem is that this guy was made out of cardboard. And oh yeah, he's the Terminator.
The Toronto Police tweeted that they saw a man on the street with a gun, only to tweet a bit later that it was just the Terminator. Take a look at the tweet below:
UPDATE - PERSON W A GUN— Toronto Police OPS (@TPSOperations) August 4, 2016
Grange Ave and Augusta Ave police on scene have located a Terminator cutout holding a gun. #IllBeBack #1366882 ^cb
And now take a look at the cutout that made a woman lose her mind with fear:
Here's a closer look at "Arnie," a cutout owned by a business named Queen Video:
All is well, folks. No guy with a gun. Just a dude from the future trying to get at Sarah Conner's baby.
h/t National Post
And this is what Arnie is up to: Arnold Schwarzenegger Will Never Post A Better Snapchat Than This
Man, I miss the days where I could just swipe my credit card and be on my way without a nuisance. But these days things are a lot different, especially since those dreaded credit card chips have now been forced upon us. And if you feel like you're the only one unhappy about this, just know that you aren't alone.
Just take a look at some reactions from the internet as proof that there are others in the rage club:
And this is the guy behind the credit card chip rubbing salt in your wounds:
Now check these out: 10 Money Myths Debunked
I've had the same phone case for a hell of a long time, but that's only because I don't get a massive amount of joy from them like the dad below who hit the pinnacle of euphoria after he came across his daughter's new phone case.
Taylor ordered a new phone case for her phone, but deemed it useless when she realized that the case was actually intended for a 6 Plus, and not for the phone she had. Instead of tossing it, Taylor's dad became the new owner of it. Take a look at how happy he is thanks to Taylor's Twitter:
Probably the best day of his life.
Just a dad being a dad: Dad Freaks Out In Texts To His Wife After Their Song Barfs In His Car
Damn, girl. Those are some nice...hooves?
According to The Smoking Gun, a 65-year-old Douglasville man owns "a lot of goats." And he apparently likes to have sex with them.
Police said Freddie Wadsworth really took a liking to a "white in color female goat" this time around, and he decided to plow it in "broad daylight." There are obviously many problems with that, one of which is that people tend to see you when the sun is up, and sure as shit, that was indeed the case this time around.
Upon witnessing Wadsworth take the goat to pound town, two horrified neighbors living across the street called 911. The responding police officers were forced to initially label the incident as an indecent exposure episode because there apparently isn't a list of laws in the "man bangs goat" category.
Wadsworth was eventually booked on a felony bestiality charge and could wind up spending somewhere between one to five years behind bars if he's convicted.
This "man's best friend" would probably say otherwise: Florida Man Had Sex With His Pit Bull In Front Of His Neighbors
Potential U.S. President Donald J. Trump is a man who demands respect. He couldn't be more clear about that when talking about our relationship with Russia and Vladimir Putin. Just listen to him explain the situation as "Sassy Trump" in the latest video from Peter Serafinowicz, which are in no way altered...OK, the transcripts are in no way altered.
Come on, Donald, we know you're sassier than you're letting on. Give it to us with both barrels:
Oh yeah, that's the stuff.
Related: The Most Memorable Donald Trump Movie And TV Appearances
I mean, what else can you say about Paige Spiranac? She's the sexiest golfer alive. She's a comic book nerd. She loves impersonating Happy Gilmore on the tee box. And she enjoys posting quality photos on her Instagram page.
Oh, and she's probably the most talented person on the planet. Our proof? You guessed it: Here's a clip of her juggling a golf ball on her club, popping it up into her cleavage, popping it back out and then smoking it like 4,000 yards down the middle of the fairway:
And I'm in love.
h/t Barstool Sports
That turned out a tad better than this guy's shot: Golfer Kills Seagull With His Crappy Tee Shot
Before today, you probably best recognized Santo Condorelli from the phrase, "Who in the hell is Santo Condorelli?"
Well, according to BroBible, you'll now know him as the 21-year-old Canadian Olympic swimmer who gives his dad the middle finger before every race.
Why? You guessed it: It's good luck.
Surprisingly, it was actually Condorelli's father Joseph who came up with the pre-race ritual when his son was just eight years old, and Santo has been flipping the bird toward him ever since.
"You've got to build your confidence yourself and say eff everybody else that you're racing," Condorelli said his father told him as a child. "He said 'Every time you're behind the blocks, give me the finger and I'll give it back to you.'"
And that's exactly what happened before the Men's 100m Freestyle Final at the 2012 Speedo Junior National Championship:
"Athletes always have that one thing that gets them going that they need to do," Condorelli said. "That happens to be mine and still is. Seeing everybody's reaction to it has been interesting. I'm not trying to piss people off. I just put it in the middle of my forehead now. My dad is definitely giving it to me and I can see him from a mile away."
No word if Santo's old man also breaks off that finger and jams it up his ass if he loses the race, but let's hope not. It would be a sad end to an otherwise cute story.
America! Olympic Rower To Rio Critics: 'I Will Row Through Shit For You, America'
The PSBattle Reddit page is always good for a laugh, especially when the original image is as entertaining as this dirty dog.
What kind of trouble will he find himself in next? That was a question that more than a handful of willing and able Photoshoppers were happy to answer. Check out some of the funniest entries below for a doggone good time.
Did we mention that woman love dogs? (Caution: slightly NSFW)
There's more than one way to get a little dirty: Cold As All Hell Girl At Tough Mudder Gets The Photoshop Treatment
40. Black Bean Burrito
If you like black beans, that's fine, but there is definitely a superior vegetarian option in the form of a burrito.
39. XXL Grilled Stuft Burrito
If you just want one big item, this might be the way to go. But we prefer spreading the meal out with several different smaller options.
38. Cheesy Potato Burrito
You have to have an option like this on the menu. We get it. It's just not at the top of the list with so many other solid choices.
37. Nachos Supreme
Again, nothing wrong with Nachos Supreme, but if you're going to go with nachos, the ultimate choice is a little higher on the list.
36. Smothered Burrito
There's only one smothered burrito on the menu, so it feels a bit out of place. Then again, if the other menu items don't work for you, this may be your best bet.
35. Crunchy Taco Supreme
I'm going to be honest, if I have to choose between a crunchy shell and a soft shell, I'm going with the soft shell option every single time.
34. Cheesy Gordita Crunch
This is the best option if you like a little crunch with your gordita. But for a gordita purist, you're going to want just the one shell.
33. Shredded Chicken Burrito
With so many burrito variations, you're probably going to lean towards something a little more sexy than just shredded chicken.
32. Grilled Breakfast Burrito Fiesta Potato
This is the first of many of the new breakfast menu items on the list. It may be the lowest ranked one, but their entire breakfast menu is top notch.
31. Mini Skillet Bowl
It's perfect if you just want a small snack or a side item, but you'll probably need more than just this to have a full breakfast.
30. Cool Ranch Doritos Taco Supreme
The Doritos shell completely changed the game, so the bar was set ridiculously high by the original. If you want a Dorito taco, Cool Ranch should be the third option on your list.
29. Power Bowl
The Cantina bowls definitely don't get the type of credit they deserve. If you haven't tried them yet, you certainly won't be disappointed. Plus it's in a bowl, so you're eating a salad! Hooray, healthy!
28. Cheesy Roll-up
It's unbelievable how satisfying cheese can be when it's rolled up in a soft taco. It's the simplest thing on the menu, but it's the perfect companion to any meal.
27. Chicken Soft Taco
If you don't want some big, elaborate burrito, the simple taco options are always a safe bet. It's not flashy, but you'll never regret getting one.
26. Grilled Steak Soft Taco
Why just stop at chicken when there's grilled steak right there on the menu? You're worth it.
25. Triple Double Crunchwrap
This is a newer item and there's a lot to take in, but in time, it might become one of the most go-to items on the menu.
24. Bean Burrito
The Bean Burrito is one of the all time greats. Sure, more elaborate options have come along, but elaborate doesn't necessarily mean better.
23. Fiery Doritos Locos Taco Supreme
If spicy isn't your thing, this one certainly isn't for you. There's definitely a noticeable kick to it. However, for those that like that sting, it will be much higher on the list.
22. Breakfast Taco
Seriously, if you haven't gotten up to experience their breakfast menu yet, you're missing out. The breakfast taco is a must for your first visit.
The Meximelt is probably the safest choice on the menu. It's not flashy, but if you need to get someone a snack and don't know what they like, this should be your go-to choice.
20. Soft Taco
It might not be flashy, either, but it's like a base hit in baseball. It gets the job done and never disappoints. Everyone loves a soft taco.
19. Gordita Supreme
The gordita and chalupa showed up around the same time and, while the chalupa might be a little superior, don't sell the Gordita Supreme short. It's like a thicker version of a soft shell taco in the best possible way.
18. Burrito Supreme
All other burritos are the descendants of the Burrito Supreme. You can't love the others if you don't love the one that started it all. Thank you, basic burrito.
17. Grande Scrambler
Take all the best breakfast foods and put them into one soft taco shell. That's it. Eat it and enjoy your life!
16. 7-Layer Burrito
It might not make sense to put the 7-Layer Burrito lower on the list than the Beefy 5-Layer Burrito, but maybe less is more. Why use more layers than you have to in order to get the same job done? I love you, 7-layer, but I love your little brother even more.
15. Fiesta Taco Salad
If you're getting a taco salad, get this one. Seriously, it's in an entire different league than the others. It's the only time the word "fiesta" should be associated with a salad.
14. The Griller
These little guys are fairly new, but the flavors are very big and give you a chance to try a little of everything without spending much money at all.
13. Double Decker Taco
You've probably been getting Double Decker Tacos your whole life. It's the go-to menu item when you're not sure what to get, but you want to make sure you're not disappointed. You just can't go wrong with it.
Did you know the Quesarito is called that because it's a combination of a quesadilla and a burrito? If that's the result, then let's just start combining every item on the Taco Bell menu and see what happens.
11. Sausage Flatbread Quesadilla
Did you ever think you'd be eating a breakfast flatbread at Taco Bell? It's a delicious time to be alive, isn't it? Seriously, go try their breakfast.
10. Doritos Cheesy Gordita Crunch
The combination of the Doritos taco AND a gordita is the best pairing since Tegan and Sara. It's a little less talented musically, but much more accessible.
9. Breakfast Crunchwrap
One of the only things better than the Breakfast Crunchwrap is the lunch and dinner version of the crunchwrap. Basically, what I'm saying is that you can make pretty much anything better by crunchwrapping it.
8. Mexican Pizza
This is another item that doesn't really fit into a category, but deserves all the recognition. Plus, how can you go wrong combining tacos and pizza? They're literally the two best words in the human language!
7. Beefy 5-Layer Burrito
It's almost crazy that you get so much for so little. You can grab a drink with a Beefy 5-Layer Burrito and almost always be full for just a few dollars.
6. Crunchwrap Supreme
You get pretty much everything Taco Bell has to offer in one delicious handheld wrap. Plus, since it's all wrapped up, there's less chance of a mess, so you can eat it on the go very easily.
5. Doritos Locos Taco Supreme
This one revolutionized the taco. Instead of just having flavor inside, the shell became the most important part of it. It's safe to assume that it's going to lead to very delicious things in the future.
No one has ever regretted getting a quesadilla. You know they're wonderful. I'm not going to tell you anything you don't already know about the joy a quesadilla will bring to your life.
3. Chalupa Supreme
The chalupa is, without a doubt, the best handheld lunch item Taco Bell has to offer. It has a crunch to it without being a thin, crispy shell. If only they would bring back the nacho cheese version and make the world whole again.
2. Grilled Breakfast Burrito
It may be controversial to some to put a breakfast item this high on the list, but that's only the case if you've never tried one. It's not the best breakfast item at Taco Bell; it's one of the best breakfast items you can get at any fast food restaurant.
1. Nachos BellGrande
This is it. The Nachos BellGrande is the cornerstone of the Taco Bell menu. It's perfect for just you, or a group. Let the BellGrande be your guide in times of need. It will make you a better person.
(photos via TacoBell.com)
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To aid me in this difficult task, first I axed the comedies that are really more dramedies (e.g., "Tootsie"), fantasyedies (e.g., "Princess Bride," "Beetlejuice"), adventuredies (e.g., "Back to the Future," "The Goonies"), Christmasedies (e.g., "A Christmas Story," "Home Alone") or rom-comsedies (e.g., "When Harry Met Sally," "Say Anything"). With those gone, I focused on the comedies that go for laughs first and foremost, above all else. But in doing so, they deliver more than laughs; these important '80s comedies offer up a collective lesson: F--k political correctness, that killer of comedy that reared its ugly head by the end of the decade. Because if we're able to laugh at everything, then nothing's serious enough to get too upset about.
When you honestly can't look within yourself and come up with an answer about something, it's usually a duality-of-life, both-sides-must-be right kind of thing. Which is basically the existential crisis that develops when you try to decipher who's funnier in Harold Ramis' directorial debut -- Bill Murray or Chevy Chase. Although if you asked Murray, he might have said that Chase was only "medium talent," like he did whilst fighting departed SNL cast member Chevy backstage, who had returned during season 2 to host. Obviously, they made up enough to share a cannonball or two. Perhaps Rodney Dangerfield facilitated things.
You have to include at least one film with Harold Ramis represented on-screen. Even though he undoubtedly held his own with big Bill in 1981's "Stripes," and that film could slide its way onto any respectable list -- especially with Ramis' fellow SCTV alum Jon Candy as that lovable, lean, mean fighting machine, Ox -- "Ghostbusters" also reps Canada's finest television show with the inimitable Rick Moranis, Keymaster of Gozer. It also brings two more hugely important voices of '80s comedy into the fray: Dan Aykroyd and director Ivan Reitman. Basically, this movie is as huge as a 600-pound Twinkie.
"Coming to America"
"48 Hrs." was Eddie Murphy's first big-screen foray after turning himself into the featured player on "Saturday Night Live." And it was unlike anything we'd seen. He wasn't just hilarious, but heroic as well. What a concept. "Trading Places" and "Beverly Hills Cop" are both some of the best comedies of all time, and set high bars for subversive slaying. But are any of those Eddie Murphy's best? No, even though they contain gratuitous nudity. Murphy's best has to be "Coming to America" because of one very important reason: the barber shop, where he played a funnier old Jew than a real old Jew. And that may not even be Eddie's funniest role in those scenes.
"Planes, Trains & Automobiles"
Come on, you really thought John Candy wouldn't find his way on this list? The man was huge...ly important. And we had to get Steve Martin into the fray, too. This is the two of them at arguably their finest. A lot of that comes from John Hughes, who was pretty good at bringing the best out of people, even those who weren't in high school. Of course, this movie also gets better with age. After determining that "those aren't pillows," the joke about the Bears going all the way to the Super Bowl is far funnier today.
"Ferris Bueller's Day Off"
Considering John Hughes' films could easily occupy half this elite list, you'll have to excuse the lack of "Sixteen Candles" and "Weird Science." "The Breakfast Club" is another one of those dramedies really, yet all the drama pours out cohesively in Hughes' endearingly absurd voice, so it all sounds funny. But while "Ferris" indeed tackles many of the same high school know-thyself themes, it does so with more of a nod at itself as an unapologetic comedy; how else could Ferris break the fourth wall so successfully? Knowing as much, the film makes you laugh and think the entire time, in perfect balance. It importantly influenced a generation of humans to realize that life's really quite funny if you take a moment to look around and think about it.
Holy crap, if we're playing by my rules of whittling down film by film per important comedy player, then I have to choose between Chevy's two leading-man masterpieces: "Fletch" and "Vacation." And though it pains me more than exercise, I'd have to axe "Vacation" -- which, for the record, is based on a John Hughes short story that he wrote for National Lampoon. Though "Vacation" may have reached a bigger audience, since we're ultimately talking about how important things are to me, well, I'm not so sure my brother and I could actually communicate without quoting "Fletch." And it's important that we still talk. You know: family.
F*--k the rules! You can' have a self-respecting list of the most important '80s comedies without this film. Speaking of rules, I read somewhere that there are laws on the books about making it illegal not to watch "Vacation" before embarking on road trips of 1,000 miles or more.
"Better Off Dead"
The great Savage Steve Holland -- inventor of The Whammy -- probably deserves two spots on this list. But the world ain't fair, and I'm going to hold it against him for selling out, even though I fully understand the lucrative draw of the children's programming market. But while I do think "Better Off Dead" has been more universally absorbed, both it and "One Crazy Summer" almost single-handedly launched John Cusack into the rarified air of '80s comedy. Cusack was the guy we all wanted to be in the '80s. (For the record, I really just wanted to be anyone that was taller.) Holland's kookiness jibed perfectly with Cusack's jaded everyman, and together they created two men we should all be more like: Lane Myer and Hoops McCann. But since Lane skied and Hoops only balled, I gotta give the nod to Lane here.
"Revenge of the Nerds"
This one defies the norm of whittling down from other films by huge comedic troupes or stars. But perhaps Curtis Armstrong -- aka Charles De Mar, aka Ack Ack Raymond, aka Booger -- is the tie that binds. Thanks to Booger, and the tremendously inappropriate tone he set, "Nerds" is not just hilarious, but educational as well. Because I, and many other impressionable and horny lads like me, know a whole lot more about boobs thanks to these nerds. Sure, they illegally rigged amoral secret cameras to display those boobs -- and bush, don't forget bush -- but hey, it was the '80s. Because of such memorable boobs, the world was made safe for Bill Gates and his like, and now we have the capital "I" Internet. Now that's an important comedy.
"The Naked Gun"
Here's another of those "which of your kids do I hate more?" impossible decisions: "Airplane!" or "The Naked Gun!" Oy, how do you whittle it down? It's like asking who's the better athlete: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar or O.J. Simpson? Here's my reason for going with Frank Drebin and the "Police Squad": Leslie Nielsen is the best part of "Airplane!" even though he only plays a supporting role. And he's also the best part of "The Naked Gun," which he carries -- like Atlas carries our green earth.
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Cameron Crowe's screenplay is just the beginning of Amy Heckerling's first era-defining masterpiece (her second being "Look Who's Talking," of course). As the only female represented so far, Heckerling understood, perhaps better than any man, the era's reliance on a good soundtrack synced up perfectly to gratuitous nudity. But while obviously important, boobs really aren't all that funny; but boy, Jeff Spicoli, Mike Damone and Mr. Vargas sure are.
"9 to 5"
Okay, after noting the ladies lack of representation, I think if we're talking about the most important '80s comedies, it makes good sense to include "9 to 5." Granted, it's not nearly as funny as the rest of the films listed here, but this is the end of a very long list, after all.
His lucid dreams turn into film franchises.
In the early 80's, James Cameron was in Rome filming his directorial debut "Piranha Part Two: The Spawning." He ate some bad Italian fish and fell sick with a fever of 102 degrees. While sleeping, at the time dead broke and alone, Cameron had a vision. He saw a chrome torso emerge from an explosion, dragging itself with kitchen knives.
In an interview on the Blu-Ray version of "The Terminator," Cameron said, "I was sick at the time. I had a high fever. I was just lying on the bed thinking and came up with all this bizarre imagery. I think also the idea that because I was in a foreign city by myself and I felt very dissociated from humanity in general, it was very easy to project myself into these two characters from the future who were out of sync, out of time, out of place."
He is the only person on earth to solo dive to the deepest point in the ocean.
On March 26, 2012, James Cameron decided what the hell, I'm going to commandeer the Deepsea Challenger and go to the bottom of Mariana Trench. And he did it. He is one of only three people in the world to accomplish this feat, and is the only one to do it alone.
He chilled there for three hours, noting the moon-like surroundings and discovering new species that had never been seen before, even by seasoned scientists. "On that dive, we discovered a number of new species, they were very small, including a new sea cucumber," he said. "I referred to one of them as a 'little sea pig' because they look like little pink piglets." In addition to breaking new ground with cinematic technology and bringing audiences into brave new worlds, the guy has literally discovered new animals.
He wrote "The Terminator" living in his car.
In his twenties, trucking was his trade, but he was temporarily out of business. Cameron subsisted on Burger King coupons sent to him by his mother and at one point he was stealing bread rolls from hotel room service trays. Recently when asked what his favorite movie was, Cameron gave a Cameron-esque answer: "I guess 'Titanic' because it made the most money. No, I'm kidding. I don't really have a favorite. Maybe 'The Terminator' because that was the film that was the first one back when I was essentially a truck driver."
Literally starving apparently motivated him to create some of the highest-grossing movies of all time. About as risky as Sylvester Stallone was at the beginning of his career, Cameron sold "The Terminator" script for a measly dollar so that he could direct it. It catapulted him into hot new director status and eventually he developed his $8 million director's fee.
He wrote, directed, produced and coedited the two highest-grossing movies of all time.
He calls "Titanic" his $190 million chick flick. This chick flick grossed $2.2 billion worldwide, raking in nearly $2 billion in revenue. In 2009, he did "Avatar," which six years later is still at No. 1. With a budget of $237 million, he was able to pull in more than $3 billion. As of today, he has an estimated $700 million net worth, but that is about to change because...
By 2023, he will have more money than Donald Trump.
James Cameron doesn't make movies for financial gain. He even turned down directing "Terminator 3" because it was purely for packing pockets. In 2010, Forbes named him one of America's billionaires in the making.
In 2023, the fifth installment of "Avatar" will come out. It will be the finale of a franchise. In the same vein that George Lucas created "Star Wars" and owned the creative process, cashing in as he put it by "selling action figures," Cameron will do the same with "Avatar." Lucas now has a net worth of $5.5 billion. Seeing as "Avatar" even grossed more money than "Star Wars," with inflation taken into account, Cameron has a good shot at eclipsing Lucas in the cash department.
His artwork belongs in the Smithsonian.
Remember when Kate Winslet sprawled across the couch naked and asked Leo to draw her like one of his French hookers? Cameron actually drew her. That's even his hand in the movie. He has the unique ability to visualize monsters and landscapes and villains in his brain and transcribe them to paper, with artistic precision that would make Dali jealous. His talent for concept art translates to his talent for visionary directing.
He's an inventor.
Well, his brother Mike is. James is Steve Jobs in the equation, the project manager. As well as manufacturing film technology to create cheaper, more dynamic 3D motion pictures, Cameron has a patent for an underwater dolly that makes filming in water easier. This apparatus propels the person into their chosen depths and helps them maintain their desired buoyancy. The idea came to him during "The Abyss," because as he said once, it was the most physically taxing because he had to scuba 10 hours a day for months.
He's a real life superhero.
He once saved a rat on the set of "The Abyss" by giving it mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, but that pales in comparison to saving a human, which he did. A famous Hollywood director's dad owes Cameron his life.
In 1993, Guillermo del Toro -- the man behind "Pan's Labyrinth" and "Pacific Rim" -- received an ominous message that his father, Federico, had been kidnapped in Mexico. They wanted a $1 million ransom. All of del Toro's cash was tied up in "Cronos," and he couldn't have it on demand, so he called his friend. James Cameron dropped everything and drove del Toro to the bank, where he withdrew $1 million cash and gave it to him. He even recommended a good negotiator.
After 72 days, Federico del Toro was delivered back without a scratch. Cameron never got to see his money again, but seven of the kidnappers were eventually apprehended.
He advised the smartest people on earth.
(photo via Space.com)
For three years, Cameron sat on the NASA Advisory Council, which advises NASA's top administrators. During this time, he advocated for missions to Mars. He left the agency, however, likely because it's a bureaucratic mess where nothing of substance gets done, and Cameron is a doer. Today, he holds two honorary doctorates and is a member of the Mars Society and the Planetary Society.
"Hope is not a strategy. Luck is not a factor. Fear is not an option."
Cameron scribbles this down before every project. It's a great philosophy, whatever your profession. From the mouth of the man himself: "People call me a perfectionist, but I'm not. I'm a 'rightist.' I do something until it's right, and then I move onto the next thing."
My fiancee says I have a nice butt. I mean, her ass puts mine to shame but I appreciate the compliment nonetheless. You see, I'm fortunate that I don't have a very hairy ass. Most of the hair just resides in the crack. And it's very little at that.
As a result of this lack of butt hair, I've never considered shaving my ass. That is until I came across this article in GQ saying men should shave their asses. They don't address why, exactly, but I figure it's to level the sexual playing field between men and women. If she must manicure her most sensuous areas, so do we. Fair is fair.
Why does a man's ass constitute as a sensuous area? Well, tons of guys are into butt stuff, according to sex toy manufacturer LELO. In a study, they found that 71 percent of straight men have tried -- or admitted they'd like to try -- experimenting with prostate massage. This, in addition to a 200 percent increase in prostate massager sales in 2015 as well as a prediction that doubles this number in 2016, and that works out to a healthy share of guys who are into butt stuff.
Taking GQ's word for it, I deduced that later that day I'd be shaving my ass. So, all set up in the bathroom with a clipper, a razor and a cup of coffee, I opened GQ's article to serve as guidance.
Only thing was, the piece offered very little in terms of technique and mostly recommended product (expensive product at that) for the procedure, advised you go see a "specialist" to remove butt hair and, for some indiscernible reason, started describing what a bidet is. Needless to say, I went to another article -- this article -- to help guide me instead.
This particular article recommended I use a hand mirror; but I'm a dude and therefore don't have one so I went without. As such, my technique was less than advisable. I had placed my foot on the sink (which is about waist height on me) bent over a tad, and reluctantly went to work on my ass crack.
Based on this experience, the trimming of the crack itself isn't so bad, but the visual definitely is. No man should ever have to look INSIDE himself from that angle. It's demoralizing. And gross. Regardless, I had set out to do this, so I had to see it through. As I found (and many of you will find, if you choose to do this for some reason), your anus doesn't like being exposed. So to rectify this, your butt uses its cheeks to serve as bouncers who keep your precious anus guarded, making it nearly impossible to get a clipper even remotely close.
Regardless, I did my best and figured I'd clear up any leftover hair with the razor. Again, I was wrong. Shaving with the razor is even more difficult than the clipper. Basically, your crack is FULL of shaving cream and you're just hoping -- praying -- you don't cut yourself. But you will. Nothing serious, but a nick here and there.
I won't lie, guys, I gave up at this point out of frustration. I deemed that the clippers had done enough and shaving it completely clean was not only impossible, but stupid.
What I ultimately discovered was that there is no right way to shave your ass. It's going to be a mess regardless which editorial guide you choose to use. The only way I could possibly see a man shave his ass effectively is if he crouches above a full length mirror so much that his cheeks spread right the f*ck open and he's staring right into his brown eye.
The result was what I expected. My butt was baby smooth. It was pretty, presentable even. But was there any payoff? Not at all. My fiance never sees my butt crack anyway so when I told her what I had done her she was less than impressed.
I also found that by eliminating ass hair and stepping out into the warm climate, you develop soup ass in the worst way. Who knows, maybe GQ was right, this kind of thing is best left to the professionals.
Just in case it isn't abundantly clear: No, I would not recommend you shave your ass. It's incredibly difficult to do, demoralizing and there is absolutely NO payoff. If your butt resembles a Persian man's forearm, maybe it is a good idea to shave the cheeks, but the crack is way too much work and the hair will grow back almost immediately. Even though I know you, like me, had no intention of shaving your ass, let this be an argument against the idea from someone who's been there. Don't do it. Even if GQ wants you to.
Now how about them pubes? The Great Shave Debate: Should You Shave, Trim Or Go Full Bush?
Behold, the most ridiculous movie mashup possible, brought to you by the very talented (and, I'm assuming, very bored) YouTube user The Unusual Suspect. What you are about to watch includes 230 different movies thrown together strategically to belt out the classic The Offspring track "Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)." In other words, this is what the internet was created to achieve.