So, we've been down this road before. We thought we had already found the stupidest people on the Internet. We were wrong. Here's a new batch of the most mind-numbing thoughts ever sent out into the world(wide web).
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The Search Is Over, These Are The Stupidest People On The Internet
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This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets
Another week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them yourself. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.
Follow @robfee on Twitter.
*catches son swearing through sign language* "We don't use that language in this house" *hands him hand sanitizer* "You know what to do"
- Br&on the Cow (@Brampersandon_) January 26, 2015
I want to stare at myself while you talk. Let's FaceTime.
- moody monday (@mdob11) January 26, 2015
[walks up to coworker's desk] I know I don't say this often enough, but thank you for not showing me pictures of your kids.
- Sarcasticsapien (@Sarcasticsapien) January 19, 2015
One of my worst fears is unknowingly falling in love with someone who walks up escalators
- Zachary Flynn (@zacharyflynn) January 23, 2015
"This stopwatch is bigger than this quarter. Murder solved." pic.twitter.com/vgcPGEI5Fj
- lil¯\_(ツ)_/¯grippy (@CountGripsnatch) August 19, 2014
check if your cocaine is good, mix in vinegar. If it makes a volcano, its baking soda. If not, your drugs is ruined. Drugs are always bad.
- Joses (@JosesLovesYou) January 24, 2015
[interview for CIA] Your résumé says you're a master in hand-to-hand wombat. Is that a typo or- *I've already thrown a wombat at his face*
- ibid (@ibid78) January 22, 2015
If I had a time machine I'd take 17 dollars to 1901 and buy several luxurious homes. Related: does anyone have a time machine and 17 dollars
- Ristolable (@Ristolable) January 25, 2015
[announcement over PA at work] "FREE TACOS IN THE BREAKROOM" *I walk there so fast the noise from my corduroys breaks everyone's eyeglasses*
- Prof Hinkley (@Prof_Hinkley) January 23, 2015
[DOG MAGICIAN] think of a color, any color...is it...gray? [OTHER DOG] oh my GOD
- Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) January 25, 2015
"and when I move my thumb it looks like he's talking" pic.twitter.com/RrpVMtYL2i
- dan mentos (@DanMentos) January 23, 2015
Boss: Are you high? [Me watching him evaporate] I hope so.
- GoaT FacE ThrillA (@EndhooS) January 23, 2015
doctor: do you smoke at all? me: no but i vape doctor: oh okay *doctor writes "fuckin loser" on clipboard*
- Wahlid Mohammad (@WahlidM) January 22, 2015
[in hell] Me: *sneeze* The devil: bless you Me, waving as I float to heaven: haha, fool the devil: DAMN YOU Me, floating back to hell: dang
- refriend beans (@pharmasean) January 22, 2015
DOCTOR: Here's some medicine, for your well-being. GUY WHO HAS SOMEONE CAPTIVE IN HIS WELL: *thinking* How does he know about the Well Being
- patrick (@tastefactory) January 23, 2015
How to fall down stairs Step 1 Step 6 Step 7,8,9,11
- Doober Pooberton (@daneZie) January 17, 2014
[Frantically plunging the toilet at a girl's house] "You ok in there?" Fine "Are you sure? What's that noise?" *climbing out the window* IDK
- Donnie (@Donnie_Fairburn) December 23, 2014
On a cool date. pic.twitter.com/w0Thev0HhP
- CANDACE CARRIZALES (@ItsCANDASS) January 25, 2015
- luke (@internetluke) January 23, 2015
I'm not sure what "eating ice cream too sensually" is supposed to mean, but i'll try to tone it down. I didn't know church had so many rules
- Funkmaster Flexeril (@RxitWounds) January 25, 2015
More hilarious tweets can be found right here.
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This Is The Greatest Used Car Craigslist Posting of All Time
If you're trying to sell your 2001 Honda Civic with close to 200,000 miles on it, chances are not too many people are going to be interested. A Craigslist user named Chris realized this and created quite possibly the best used car ad of all time. Although the ad seems like a joke, he says the car is very much for sale. If this description and these photos don't make you want to dish out $3,293.67 for a car, we don't know what will.
![hilarious used car posting, funny craigslist]()
We very politely took the extra 2.5 seconds to cut and paste the write up below all of the photos, if you'd prefer to read it there, but here's a screenshot of the awesomeness in all of it's glory.
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'
![hilarious used car posting, funny craigslist]()
"BACK UP
Are you ready to get to WORK? Then drive the car that says, "Shut the fuck up, I'm commuting!"
This boss 2001 Civic LX has 192k miles. This isn't your dad's Mercury Cougar that shit the bed after 97,000 miles. It's a Honda. It's just hitting puberty. It can be yours for $3,293.67.
Fast cars and big trucks all scream the same thing: "I'M OVERCOMPENSATING!" If you're secure about the size of your genitalia, drive something that tells the world you give zero shits because you average 35 MPfuckingG.
Complete with tinted windows up front. Why not the back windows? This ride doesn't care about some bitch-ass backseat driver (or child)! If you get tired of them complaining out of their pie-holes, you can nail them with ice-cold AC capable of freezing your dick/vagina right off.
The airbag (SRS) light came on randomly a couple weeks ago. I didn't bother fixing it because I'm not a pussy, and if my car is going to have a hard landing after jumping over an exploding train and the airbag is going to blast me in the face, I want it to be a surprise, like a hooker jumping out of a birthday cake. BOING
Front tires are ready to rock. Rear tires are fine although not quite as rock-ready, but what do you care? You're an LA driver--as soon as there's a drop of rain you're going to piss yourself and drive like the sky is falling, anyway.
This car is all-Civic, ladies. It hasn't been trashed and racing-modded by some yabbo, because it's a fucking Civic. Get real people.
But wait, there's more:
- Registered until July, 2015
- Manual transmission
- Side airbags (good incase car rolls over after a river-jump)
- CD player
- Tape deck so you can use a tape adapter to play music from your phone, you cheap bastard
- Cruise control
- Tilt wheel
- 3 floor mats that it stole from an older Civic on the playground
- Air conditioning
- A mildly squeaky belt that announces your arrival
- Teeth marks on the parking brake handle and one of the interior door handles because a previous owner must have been a real piece of shit and locked their dog in the car for too long. If you might do that to your dog, don't buy this car. But do come over so you can get the cuntpunch you deserve
- Interior 9.5/10, aside from bite marks
- Body 8/10. Gotta get some scars to earn your stripes on the street, yo.
- This is the actual mileage, unlike a vast majority of the other cheap Civics you're finding in this cesspool of used cars
- Half tank of gas. You're welcome.
- Clean title, full Carfax report available for anyone brave enough to ask
* angry cats not included
My name is Chris. Email me to set up a test drive. You must provide your own explosions.
** Yes, this is a real ad and this car is really for sale"
We very politely took the extra 2.5 seconds to cut and paste the write up below all of the photos, if you'd prefer to read it there, but here's a screenshot of the awesomeness in all of it's glory.
'
"BACK UP
Are you ready to get to WORK? Then drive the car that says, "Shut the fuck up, I'm commuting!"
This boss 2001 Civic LX has 192k miles. This isn't your dad's Mercury Cougar that shit the bed after 97,000 miles. It's a Honda. It's just hitting puberty. It can be yours for $3,293.67.
Fast cars and big trucks all scream the same thing: "I'M OVERCOMPENSATING!" If you're secure about the size of your genitalia, drive something that tells the world you give zero shits because you average 35 MPfuckingG.
Complete with tinted windows up front. Why not the back windows? This ride doesn't care about some bitch-ass backseat driver (or child)! If you get tired of them complaining out of their pie-holes, you can nail them with ice-cold AC capable of freezing your dick/vagina right off.
The airbag (SRS) light came on randomly a couple weeks ago. I didn't bother fixing it because I'm not a pussy, and if my car is going to have a hard landing after jumping over an exploding train and the airbag is going to blast me in the face, I want it to be a surprise, like a hooker jumping out of a birthday cake. BOING
Front tires are ready to rock. Rear tires are fine although not quite as rock-ready, but what do you care? You're an LA driver--as soon as there's a drop of rain you're going to piss yourself and drive like the sky is falling, anyway.
This car is all-Civic, ladies. It hasn't been trashed and racing-modded by some yabbo, because it's a fucking Civic. Get real people.
But wait, there's more:
- Registered until July, 2015
- Manual transmission
- Side airbags (good incase car rolls over after a river-jump)
- CD player
- Tape deck so you can use a tape adapter to play music from your phone, you cheap bastard
- Cruise control
- Tilt wheel
- 3 floor mats that it stole from an older Civic on the playground
- Air conditioning
- A mildly squeaky belt that announces your arrival
- Teeth marks on the parking brake handle and one of the interior door handles because a previous owner must have been a real piece of shit and locked their dog in the car for too long. If you might do that to your dog, don't buy this car. But do come over so you can get the cuntpunch you deserve
- Interior 9.5/10, aside from bite marks
- Body 8/10. Gotta get some scars to earn your stripes on the street, yo.
- This is the actual mileage, unlike a vast majority of the other cheap Civics you're finding in this cesspool of used cars
- Half tank of gas. You're welcome.
- Clean title, full Carfax report available for anyone brave enough to ask
* angry cats not included
My name is Chris. Email me to set up a test drive. You must provide your own explosions.
** Yes, this is a real ad and this car is really for sale"
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The 10 Greatest Lightsaber Duels in the History of 'Star Wars'
With the first installment of the latest Star Wars trilogy right around the corner, one thing fans can expect is plenty of memorable and visually stunning lightsaber battles between some of the biggest names in the Star Wars universe. Before stepping back into the story, let's take a look back at the 10 greatest lightsaber duels we've witnessed so far.
10. Anakin Skywalker vs Count Dooku - Revenge of the Sith
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What made their battle so important wasn't the actual fight, but rather the mind games being played by Palpatine to manipulate both Dooku and Anakin. Dooku continually pushes Anakin to tap into the dark side to give himself a boost of power. Finally, Anakin gives in and decapitates Dooku using both lightsabers and becomes the new apprentice to Palpatine.
9. Obi Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker vs Count Dooku - Attack of the Clones
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It's amazing to see how much Anakin's power had grown from Attack of the Clones to Revenge of the Sith. In this battle Dooku makes quick work of Obi Wan and even when Anakin goes after Dooku with two lightsabers he still is no match and ends up losing his arm in the process.
8. Obi Wan Kenobi vs General Grievous - Revenge of the Sith
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Grievous didn't seem like much of a match until he revealed the four lightsabers he had taken from Jedi that he had killed. That's when you knew this wasn't just an ordinary opponent. Being the supreme fighter that he was, Obi Wan quickly disarms two of the lightsabers. Grievous tries to flee, which leads to a Obi Wan chasing down the cyborg and destroying him for good.
7. Luke Skywalker vs Darth Vader - Return of the Jedi
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The final battle between Luke and his father was more than just a duel; it was the ultimate showdown of light vs dark and a test to see if good was truly more powerful than evil. Luke goes nuts as he dabbles into the power of the dark side to show Palpatine he didn't have control over him. Finally Luke returns the favor and cuts off Vader's hand and eventually turns him back to the light. Vader kills Palpatine and finally redeems himself.
6. Obi Wan Kenobi vs Darth Vader - A New Hope
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This was the first onscreen lightsaber battle we ever got to see, so it wasn't a visual masterpiece, but it was one of the most important. At this point Obi Wan has been surpassed by his former padawan in strength and skills and we get to see how powerful Darth Vader has become. This is also the moment Obi Wan finally becomes one with the force; a huge moment in the Star Wars universe.
5. Mace Windu vs Darth Sidious - Revenge of the Sith
![mace windu dart sidious]()
We finally got to see how powerful Mace Windu was with a lightsaber as he took on Darth Sidious, who we knew was evil, but had no idea how strong of a fighter he was. Sidious quickly displays his skills as he wipes out multiple Jedi without blinking and comes face to face with Mace Windu, who quickly proves he's one of the greatest fighters the Jedi have. Sadly, the fight doesn't last long. Mace Windu is poised to destroy Sidious, when Anakin jumps in and costs Windu his life.
4. Anakin Skywalker vs Obi-Wan Kenobi - Revenge of the Sith
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This was the battle all three prequels had been leading up to and, unlike the prequels themselves, it did not disappoint. Obi Wan finally comes to the realization that Anakin has reached the point of no return and can't be brought back from the dark side. The two battle until Obi Wan leaves Anakin in pieces in a lava pit where death appears to be inevitable. Of course we know what happens to Anakin from there, but seeing the battle actually take place was satisfying for any fan of the franchise.
3. Yoda vs Count Dooku - Attack of the Clones
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A 900-year-old Yoda may not sound like the ultimate opponent for a Sith Lord so powerful that he could breeze through Obi Wan and Anakin, but we had been waiting on this moment for decades. Yoda did not disappoint as he deflected every attack Dooku threw at him and then turned into a tiny green whirlwind of fury. Despite being significantly smaller than Dooku he proved that he was second to none and only allowed him to escape after Dooku put Obi Wan and Anakin in danger.
2. Luke Skywalker vs Darth Vader - The Empire Strikes Back
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This is, without a doubt, the most popular and well-known battle that Star Wars has ever seen. All of Luke's training has led up to this duel, as his first fight will be his greatest. Vader goes nuts with the force and soon it feels like Luke is battling the entire room. Of course we all know the iconic ending with Luke losing his hand and then finding out the identity of his father.
1. Obi-Wan Kenobi & Qui Gon Jinn vs Darth Maul - The Phantom Menace
![obi wan qui gon darth maul phantom menace]()
By no means was this the duel with the biggest stakes or the most important outcome, but it was the most visually stunning and epic battle we witness in the first six movies. Granted, The Phantom Menace was completely awful; this amazing battle makes up for a lot of it. The score is absolutely amazing as the trio battle through the entire power core of Naboo with Darth Maul battling two of the most powerful Jedis with his dual lightsaber. Again, in the grand scheme of Star Wars, it didn't leave much of a lasting ripple, but boy was it intense and fun to watch.
10. Anakin Skywalker vs Count Dooku - Revenge of the Sith
What made their battle so important wasn't the actual fight, but rather the mind games being played by Palpatine to manipulate both Dooku and Anakin. Dooku continually pushes Anakin to tap into the dark side to give himself a boost of power. Finally, Anakin gives in and decapitates Dooku using both lightsabers and becomes the new apprentice to Palpatine.
9. Obi Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker vs Count Dooku - Attack of the Clones
It's amazing to see how much Anakin's power had grown from Attack of the Clones to Revenge of the Sith. In this battle Dooku makes quick work of Obi Wan and even when Anakin goes after Dooku with two lightsabers he still is no match and ends up losing his arm in the process.
8. Obi Wan Kenobi vs General Grievous - Revenge of the Sith
Grievous didn't seem like much of a match until he revealed the four lightsabers he had taken from Jedi that he had killed. That's when you knew this wasn't just an ordinary opponent. Being the supreme fighter that he was, Obi Wan quickly disarms two of the lightsabers. Grievous tries to flee, which leads to a Obi Wan chasing down the cyborg and destroying him for good.
7. Luke Skywalker vs Darth Vader - Return of the Jedi
The final battle between Luke and his father was more than just a duel; it was the ultimate showdown of light vs dark and a test to see if good was truly more powerful than evil. Luke goes nuts as he dabbles into the power of the dark side to show Palpatine he didn't have control over him. Finally Luke returns the favor and cuts off Vader's hand and eventually turns him back to the light. Vader kills Palpatine and finally redeems himself.
6. Obi Wan Kenobi vs Darth Vader - A New Hope
This was the first onscreen lightsaber battle we ever got to see, so it wasn't a visual masterpiece, but it was one of the most important. At this point Obi Wan has been surpassed by his former padawan in strength and skills and we get to see how powerful Darth Vader has become. This is also the moment Obi Wan finally becomes one with the force; a huge moment in the Star Wars universe.
5. Mace Windu vs Darth Sidious - Revenge of the Sith
We finally got to see how powerful Mace Windu was with a lightsaber as he took on Darth Sidious, who we knew was evil, but had no idea how strong of a fighter he was. Sidious quickly displays his skills as he wipes out multiple Jedi without blinking and comes face to face with Mace Windu, who quickly proves he's one of the greatest fighters the Jedi have. Sadly, the fight doesn't last long. Mace Windu is poised to destroy Sidious, when Anakin jumps in and costs Windu his life.
4. Anakin Skywalker vs Obi-Wan Kenobi - Revenge of the Sith
This was the battle all three prequels had been leading up to and, unlike the prequels themselves, it did not disappoint. Obi Wan finally comes to the realization that Anakin has reached the point of no return and can't be brought back from the dark side. The two battle until Obi Wan leaves Anakin in pieces in a lava pit where death appears to be inevitable. Of course we know what happens to Anakin from there, but seeing the battle actually take place was satisfying for any fan of the franchise.
3. Yoda vs Count Dooku - Attack of the Clones
A 900-year-old Yoda may not sound like the ultimate opponent for a Sith Lord so powerful that he could breeze through Obi Wan and Anakin, but we had been waiting on this moment for decades. Yoda did not disappoint as he deflected every attack Dooku threw at him and then turned into a tiny green whirlwind of fury. Despite being significantly smaller than Dooku he proved that he was second to none and only allowed him to escape after Dooku put Obi Wan and Anakin in danger.
2. Luke Skywalker vs Darth Vader - The Empire Strikes Back
This is, without a doubt, the most popular and well-known battle that Star Wars has ever seen. All of Luke's training has led up to this duel, as his first fight will be his greatest. Vader goes nuts with the force and soon it feels like Luke is battling the entire room. Of course we all know the iconic ending with Luke losing his hand and then finding out the identity of his father.
1. Obi-Wan Kenobi & Qui Gon Jinn vs Darth Maul - The Phantom Menace
By no means was this the duel with the biggest stakes or the most important outcome, but it was the most visually stunning and epic battle we witness in the first six movies. Granted, The Phantom Menace was completely awful; this amazing battle makes up for a lot of it. The score is absolutely amazing as the trio battle through the entire power core of Naboo with Darth Maul battling two of the most powerful Jedis with his dual lightsaber. Again, in the grand scheme of Star Wars, it didn't leave much of a lasting ripple, but boy was it intense and fun to watch.
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Comcast Changes Name of Customer Who Wants to Cancel to 'Asshole'
As if we needed another reason to detest cable companies.
According to consumer advocate Christopher Elliott, a Comcast customer named Lisa Brown and her husband Ricardo had decided to cancel their cable service due to financial difficulties. So Lisa phoned Comcast, and instead of handling her situation promptly and being compliant, they put her through the ringer trying to persuade her to keep the service and sign a new two-year contract. Brown politely declined.
What happened next is truly remarkable and despicable. When Lisa received their next bill from Comcast, she noticed they had changed her husband's name -- from Ricardo to Asshole.
![comcast bill asshole, comcast changes customer name to asshole]()
Lisa says she was never rude to anyone at Comcast, but that apparently didn't stop them from being rude back to them.
A spokesman from Comcast has since apologized for the ordeal and claims the employee responsible has been fired. Furthermore, they have agreed to waive the Brown's $60 cancellation fee for the cable, and will be refunding them for their past two years of cable service.
In related news, the Browns should probably just get their cable somewhere else, but as this "South Park"-inspired meme reminds us:
![south park cable guy meme]()
According to consumer advocate Christopher Elliott, a Comcast customer named Lisa Brown and her husband Ricardo had decided to cancel their cable service due to financial difficulties. So Lisa phoned Comcast, and instead of handling her situation promptly and being compliant, they put her through the ringer trying to persuade her to keep the service and sign a new two-year contract. Brown politely declined.
What happened next is truly remarkable and despicable. When Lisa received their next bill from Comcast, she noticed they had changed her husband's name -- from Ricardo to Asshole.
Lisa says she was never rude to anyone at Comcast, but that apparently didn't stop them from being rude back to them.
A spokesman from Comcast has since apologized for the ordeal and claims the employee responsible has been fired. Furthermore, they have agreed to waive the Brown's $60 cancellation fee for the cable, and will be refunding them for their past two years of cable service.
In related news, the Browns should probably just get their cable somewhere else, but as this "South Park"-inspired meme reminds us:
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Vanessa Hanson Likes to Get Down & Dirty In The UFC Ring
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Chelsea Handler Is Finally Allowed To Post A Topless Photo To Instagram
Above is the censored version. Keep scrolling for the real thing(s).
As we've come to learn numerous times before, all Chelsea Handler wants in this world is to show us all her boobs. But that damn Instagram just won't let her no matter how hard she tries.
Well, it seems after much trial and error, Miss Handler has learned how to er...handle the Instagram boob situation. She can still show us her boobs, as long as she does something like this:
She's finally figured it out. If she covers up those nipples, her boobs can still hang out freely for the world to see.
Why is she sitting on a camel, you say? Why does she have what seems to be Israeli flag pasties covering her nipples? Why do you care?! I mean...boobies!
If for some reason you're still reading this and not looking at the photo, here's the text she inculded to accompany it:
A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And, You don't even have to be topless. L'chaim
Chelsea Handler. Saving the world one topless photo at time.
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Snapchat Puns Are Our New Favorite Kind Of Puns
We really enjoy puns over here at Mandatory. For example, we love these terribly awesome puns. And who can't appreciate business puns that are so bad, they're good. And we can never have enough animal puns. Those puns are there for us forever and always. But where do you go when you're in the mood for a pun that only last a limited time before disappearing for good? Snapchat, of course. Here are the best Snapchat puns to quickly be screenshot-ed before they vanished.
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![funny snapchat, snapchat puns]()
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(h/t Distractify)
(h/t Distractify)
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Today's Funny Photos
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The Best Improvised Lines In The History Of 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?'
'Whose Line Is It Anyway?' is one of the funniest shows on TV, which is amazing considering everything on the show is completely made up on the spot. Between hosts Drew Carrey and Aisha Tyler (none of these images inlude the original host Clive Anderson) and recurring comedians like Ryan Stiles, Colin Mochrie, Wayne Brady and more, the show consistently produced laughs. Here's a tribute to the best improvised lines in the show's history.
![whose line is it anyway]()
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I Have Never Seen A Mom Express Love For Her Child Like This Before
The fact that this mom is drunk texting her kid in the first place is pretty cool. But the fact that she's willing to make a joke about never letting her child into this world in the first place is way cooler. You go mom. I'll see you at the Olive Garden next week.
![mom loves kid]()
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Greatest Hotel Concierge Ever Provides Nicolas Cage Photos Per Guest's Request
Many hotels try to go above and beyond to make sure their guests are happy, but the Hotel Indigo San Antonio-Riverwalk deserves some kind of award for what they did here. A guest staying there received a text from what they assumed was an automated service, so they decided to have a little fun by making an odd request. It turns out, the text was not automated and things got increasingly hilarious from there. Here's how it went down.
(via Imgur)
![Funny Nicolas Cage Hotel Concierge]()
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WHAAA---? No photo? Well, there goes the perfect Yelp review.
But wait!...
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Just so you have a tally. Here are the two photos the guest has collected at this point.
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But that clearly wasn't enough...
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And finally, a special little note before checkout.
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(via Imgur)
WHAAA---? No photo? Well, there goes the perfect Yelp review.
But wait!...
Just so you have a tally. Here are the two photos the guest has collected at this point.
But that clearly wasn't enough...
And finally, a special little note before checkout.
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Peta Jensen is a Rising Sex Star
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Kayleigh Morris and Melissa Reeves Are a Couple Crazy Sex Kittens
Kayleigh Morris and Melissa Reeves are giving us double the pleasure in their booty-loving "Ex on the Beach 2" shoot with Zoo Today. Say hello to some fresh faces as these two ladies get cozy together in a black on black panty party. In an interview about how she qualified for season two of "Ex on the Beach," the dark-skinned beauty Kayleigh Morris told us she "wrecked her boyfriend's flat and told him she killed his cat" while her blonde cohort, former WAG and Britain beauty queen Melissa Reeves tells us that her makeup usually lasts longer than her relationships. Meow, ladies.
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Suspicious Package at NYC Bus Station Turns Out to Be Bag of 1,000 Condoms
Hey, that sounds pretty safe to us.
According to UPI, traffic had to be diverted from the George Washington Bridge Bus Station Friday night because of a suspicious silver bag that was found behind a barrier. The bag's contents? You guessed it: 1,000 prophylactics.
![bag of 1,000 condoms found at NYC bus station]()
Explosive experts and canine officers were called to the scene after the station's patrolmen spotted the unattended bag. Once the team determined that no explosives were present, they opened it up to find "about 1,000 individually packaged condoms of various brands and styles" inside.
Nobody has come forward yet to claim the bag, but it sounds to us like it might have belonged to somebody affiliated with the Wilt Chamberlain estate. It also couldn't be confirmed if any of the condoms were broken, but if any of them were, then calling the bomb squad would have been the right call, as it really doesn't get any more explosive than a broken jimmy hat.
Why make an embarrassing trip to Target to purchase a dozen rubbers when you can have somebody else deliver them to your place? Company Delivers Condoms to Your Doorstep
According to UPI, traffic had to be diverted from the George Washington Bridge Bus Station Friday night because of a suspicious silver bag that was found behind a barrier. The bag's contents? You guessed it: 1,000 prophylactics.
Explosive experts and canine officers were called to the scene after the station's patrolmen spotted the unattended bag. Once the team determined that no explosives were present, they opened it up to find "about 1,000 individually packaged condoms of various brands and styles" inside.
Nobody has come forward yet to claim the bag, but it sounds to us like it might have belonged to somebody affiliated with the Wilt Chamberlain estate. It also couldn't be confirmed if any of the condoms were broken, but if any of them were, then calling the bomb squad would have been the right call, as it really doesn't get any more explosive than a broken jimmy hat.
Why make an embarrassing trip to Target to purchase a dozen rubbers when you can have somebody else deliver them to your place? Company Delivers Condoms to Your Doorstep
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Dead Guy Reappointed To Pennsylvania County Board
It seems as though people have been very pleased about Larry Markword's lack of decision-making over the last 29 months, so much so that they reappointed him to the Fayette County Industrial Authority Board despite the fact that he died more than two years ago.
![dead guy reappointed to county board]()
To be fair, the board hasn't met since 2010, but one would think the people in charge of reappointing its members would reach out to them to see if they still have a pulse before putting them on the board for another five years.
Apparently, that's not the case, and Chairman Vincent Zapotosky told the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review the board would be "smarter next time."
County resident Terry Kriss is just as perplexed as everybody else and told the Tribune-Review he's pretty pissed about it.
"If the gentleman passed away two years ago, why didn't any of the board members pick up a phone or email you or let you know one of the board members is deceased and you need to rep point or fill that position?" Kriss said.
In a related story, being on the Fayette County Industrial Authority Board is the easiest job of all time.
The government thinks this guy is dead: Texas Marine Listed as Deceased Even Though He's Very Much Alive
To be fair, the board hasn't met since 2010, but one would think the people in charge of reappointing its members would reach out to them to see if they still have a pulse before putting them on the board for another five years.
Apparently, that's not the case, and Chairman Vincent Zapotosky told the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review the board would be "smarter next time."
County resident Terry Kriss is just as perplexed as everybody else and told the Tribune-Review he's pretty pissed about it.
"If the gentleman passed away two years ago, why didn't any of the board members pick up a phone or email you or let you know one of the board members is deceased and you need to rep point or fill that position?" Kriss said.
In a related story, being on the Fayette County Industrial Authority Board is the easiest job of all time.
The government thinks this guy is dead: Texas Marine Listed as Deceased Even Though He's Very Much Alive
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Cops Pull Over a Guy on Skis Getting Pulled By an SUV on Live TV
Apparently, driving an SUV on streets caked with snow while pulling a guy on skis behind you is illegal, even in Detroit.
Many parts of the Midwest were douched with snow on Sunday, putting a serious damper on Super Bowl party travel plans, but apparently not on having fun. A camera crew from ABC 7 in Detroit was driving around the city capturing video of the shotty road conditions when they were passed by an SUV pulling a skier behind them a la Marty McFly on his skateboard in "Back to the Future."
At the same time, the mayor of the city of Warren Jim Fouts was on the phone with the news team. When told about the SUV skiing sesh, Fouts said that the driver of the SUV would "certainly get a ticket if there was a police officer in that area."
Yeah, he wasn't lying.
Let's be honest: That looks like it's almost as much fun as doing this: Vulgar Videobomber Strikes Local News Report Once Again (NSFW Language)
Many parts of the Midwest were douched with snow on Sunday, putting a serious damper on Super Bowl party travel plans, but apparently not on having fun. A camera crew from ABC 7 in Detroit was driving around the city capturing video of the shotty road conditions when they were passed by an SUV pulling a skier behind them a la Marty McFly on his skateboard in "Back to the Future."
At the same time, the mayor of the city of Warren Jim Fouts was on the phone with the news team. When told about the SUV skiing sesh, Fouts said that the driver of the SUV would "certainly get a ticket if there was a police officer in that area."
Yeah, he wasn't lying.
Let's be honest: That looks like it's almost as much fun as doing this: Vulgar Videobomber Strikes Local News Report Once Again (NSFW Language)
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Franceska Jaimes Busts Out Big Time
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Today's Funny Photos
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The 10 Most Awesome Slackers Ever
In this modern world, you have to work hard to get anywhere, right? Maybe not. The ten people in this article are showing off the value of slacking off. Whether at home, at school or at the office, they take laziness to the next level and look awesome doing it.
John Beale
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Slackers tend to flock to government jobs, as the grinding wheels of bureaucracy tend to mask the sound of sleeping at your desk. Case in point, the amazing career of John Beale. The Princeton-educated lawyer began working for the Environmental Protection Agency in 1987 an, by all accounts, excelled there, helping write portions of the Clean Air Act. However, starting in 2000, he started taking Wednesdays off. When his superior inquired why, Beale told him that he was working for the CIA on those days. He obviously wasn't, but this charade continued for years. In 2008, he took a whole six months off from the EPA with pay, and even after he retired in 2011, he continued to draw his whole salary until an investigation revealed the $1.3 million of his fraud. (Photo courtesy of: CSPAN)
AK Verma
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How many days do you think you could get away with not going to work? Three? Four? Gaze upon the visage of AK Verma, an executive engineer at the Central Public Works Department in New Delhi, who managed to skip going to the office for a staggering 24 years without getting fired. Verma went on leave in 1990 and, when an extension was denied, just decided to stop showing up. In 1992, he was convicted of "willful absence of duty," but it took the government until January of 2015 to actually fire him. I'm sure it'll look great on his resume, though. (Photo courtesy of: Ibnlive)
Howard Dean
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Here's another taxpayer-funded employee who had absolutely no compunctions about slacking off to an insane degree. Howard Dean was a food services director for New York's Department of Correctional Services who really liked three-day weekends. He liked them so much, in fact, that from 1992 to 2008 he didn't work a single Friday. Of course, Dean marked his timesheet to get paid for those very casual Fridays off, and investigators say that cost the state in excess of $230,000. Once found out, Dean was sentenced to six months in prison and fines of $100,000. (Photo courtesy of: New York Department of Corrections)
Kuang Zhengxuan
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One key ingredient to a successful slacker lifestyle is having parents who will put up with your laziness. Chinese bachelor Kuang Zhengxuan sponged off of Mommy and Daddy successfully until the age of 29, at which point they booted him out of the house. His response? Take them to court. In Kuang's opinion, he just doesn't have the necessary skills to support himself in the big bad world, but his parents do. Right now he's working part-time sitting for portraits at a local art school, but even a job that consists of nothing but sitting is too hard for him. (Photo courtesy of: via CCTV News)
OPhil Fendick
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Love is a many-splendored thing, but it can also make people act pretty ridiculous. When British man Phil Fendick was dumped by his girlfriend Marie Harden for texting with another bird, that should have been the end of their relationship. But the impossibly lazy Phil moved next door to spend all day in bed playing video games and, staggeringly, convinced Harden to continue to cook all of his meals! The layabout says he intends to find a job but hasn't come across one that meets his high standards. (Photo courtesy of: Joi Ito via Flickr CC)
William Morse
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One government job that has earned a reputation for laziness is the humble mailman. It seems that there are dozens of stories about mail carriers just dumping letters everywhere but the proper mailbox, but William Morse pushes things to the limit. The Kentucky postman would often cut his route early to pick his kids up from school, and he stowed the undelivered mail in his dead mother's basement. When postal investigators followed up on customer complaints, they discovered a staggering 45,000 letters in crates along with a storage unit he'd rented to hold even more. (Photo courtesy of: Kentucky Department of Corrections)
Susan Moore
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Ladies aren't immune to the lure of laziness, as Susan Moore can show. Dubbed by the Sun the "laziest woman in Britain," Moore collected government unemployment benefits for a staggering 16 years straight. These benefits are contingent on the recipient looking for a job, but Moore never bothered. She was actually offered a gig at a supermarket, but didn't take it because it was 5 miles away. When the government put her in a job training course and even paid for a taxi to take her, it looked like things were picking up, but one day the taxi didn't show up, so she quit the class. That's next-level slacking.
(Photo courtesy of: The Sun)
Emperor Wan Li
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Let's dive back into the mists of history for an example of epic laziness. Wan Li took the throne of China at the tender age of nine, and was spoiled by his mother and a court of suck-ups. This is the perfect recipe for a slacker, and Wan Li didn't disappoint. At the age of thirty-seven, disgusted by the work of ruling, the Emperor completely gave up on even the pretense of governance. For twenty years, he skipped every meeting, refused to appoint new ministers, and his inaction led to the downfall of the Ming dynasty. (Photo courtesy of: Wikimedia Commons)
Kevin Pyle
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Owning a pet is a serious responsibility, but slackers aren't cool with responsibility. So when British man Kevin Pyle was told he needed to regularly walk his bull mastiff, his innate laziness caused him to come up with a plan. With his son Karl behind the wheel, Kevin leashes up the dog and hangs his arm out the passenger window, taking the animal for a walk without ever taking a step himself. Don't think that this laziness is just confined to the pet - according to Karl, Kevin spends all of his free time in bed and makes his family change the channel on the TV for him. (Photo courtesy of: Lamerie via Flickr CC)
Louis Marciano and Gary Pivoda
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Here's a twofer, with a pair of slackers going to some pretty extreme ends to kill time at work. In 2004, a pair of employees at New York's Office of General Services, Lou Marciano and Gary Pivoda, were assigned to a garage in Albany to provide on-site maintenance. With little actual maintenance to be done, the duo took the time to construct a "man cave" in a hidden maintenance room, which they used to smoke weed and play board games. The pair kept up their slacking for five straight years before the government caught on. (Photo courtesy of: ABC)
John Beale
Slackers tend to flock to government jobs, as the grinding wheels of bureaucracy tend to mask the sound of sleeping at your desk. Case in point, the amazing career of John Beale. The Princeton-educated lawyer began working for the Environmental Protection Agency in 1987 an, by all accounts, excelled there, helping write portions of the Clean Air Act. However, starting in 2000, he started taking Wednesdays off. When his superior inquired why, Beale told him that he was working for the CIA on those days. He obviously wasn't, but this charade continued for years. In 2008, he took a whole six months off from the EPA with pay, and even after he retired in 2011, he continued to draw his whole salary until an investigation revealed the $1.3 million of his fraud. (Photo courtesy of: CSPAN)
AK Verma
How many days do you think you could get away with not going to work? Three? Four? Gaze upon the visage of AK Verma, an executive engineer at the Central Public Works Department in New Delhi, who managed to skip going to the office for a staggering 24 years without getting fired. Verma went on leave in 1990 and, when an extension was denied, just decided to stop showing up. In 1992, he was convicted of "willful absence of duty," but it took the government until January of 2015 to actually fire him. I'm sure it'll look great on his resume, though. (Photo courtesy of: Ibnlive)
Howard Dean
Here's another taxpayer-funded employee who had absolutely no compunctions about slacking off to an insane degree. Howard Dean was a food services director for New York's Department of Correctional Services who really liked three-day weekends. He liked them so much, in fact, that from 1992 to 2008 he didn't work a single Friday. Of course, Dean marked his timesheet to get paid for those very casual Fridays off, and investigators say that cost the state in excess of $230,000. Once found out, Dean was sentenced to six months in prison and fines of $100,000. (Photo courtesy of: New York Department of Corrections)
Kuang Zhengxuan
One key ingredient to a successful slacker lifestyle is having parents who will put up with your laziness. Chinese bachelor Kuang Zhengxuan sponged off of Mommy and Daddy successfully until the age of 29, at which point they booted him out of the house. His response? Take them to court. In Kuang's opinion, he just doesn't have the necessary skills to support himself in the big bad world, but his parents do. Right now he's working part-time sitting for portraits at a local art school, but even a job that consists of nothing but sitting is too hard for him. (Photo courtesy of: via CCTV News)
OPhil Fendick
Love is a many-splendored thing, but it can also make people act pretty ridiculous. When British man Phil Fendick was dumped by his girlfriend Marie Harden for texting with another bird, that should have been the end of their relationship. But the impossibly lazy Phil moved next door to spend all day in bed playing video games and, staggeringly, convinced Harden to continue to cook all of his meals! The layabout says he intends to find a job but hasn't come across one that meets his high standards. (Photo courtesy of: Joi Ito via Flickr CC)
William Morse
One government job that has earned a reputation for laziness is the humble mailman. It seems that there are dozens of stories about mail carriers just dumping letters everywhere but the proper mailbox, but William Morse pushes things to the limit. The Kentucky postman would often cut his route early to pick his kids up from school, and he stowed the undelivered mail in his dead mother's basement. When postal investigators followed up on customer complaints, they discovered a staggering 45,000 letters in crates along with a storage unit he'd rented to hold even more. (Photo courtesy of: Kentucky Department of Corrections)
Susan Moore
Ladies aren't immune to the lure of laziness, as Susan Moore can show. Dubbed by the Sun the "laziest woman in Britain," Moore collected government unemployment benefits for a staggering 16 years straight. These benefits are contingent on the recipient looking for a job, but Moore never bothered. She was actually offered a gig at a supermarket, but didn't take it because it was 5 miles away. When the government put her in a job training course and even paid for a taxi to take her, it looked like things were picking up, but one day the taxi didn't show up, so she quit the class. That's next-level slacking.
(Photo courtesy of: The Sun)
Emperor Wan Li
Let's dive back into the mists of history for an example of epic laziness. Wan Li took the throne of China at the tender age of nine, and was spoiled by his mother and a court of suck-ups. This is the perfect recipe for a slacker, and Wan Li didn't disappoint. At the age of thirty-seven, disgusted by the work of ruling, the Emperor completely gave up on even the pretense of governance. For twenty years, he skipped every meeting, refused to appoint new ministers, and his inaction led to the downfall of the Ming dynasty. (Photo courtesy of: Wikimedia Commons)
Kevin Pyle
Owning a pet is a serious responsibility, but slackers aren't cool with responsibility. So when British man Kevin Pyle was told he needed to regularly walk his bull mastiff, his innate laziness caused him to come up with a plan. With his son Karl behind the wheel, Kevin leashes up the dog and hangs his arm out the passenger window, taking the animal for a walk without ever taking a step himself. Don't think that this laziness is just confined to the pet - according to Karl, Kevin spends all of his free time in bed and makes his family change the channel on the TV for him. (Photo courtesy of: Lamerie via Flickr CC)
Louis Marciano and Gary Pivoda
Here's a twofer, with a pair of slackers going to some pretty extreme ends to kill time at work. In 2004, a pair of employees at New York's Office of General Services, Lou Marciano and Gary Pivoda, were assigned to a garage in Albany to provide on-site maintenance. With little actual maintenance to be done, the duo took the time to construct a "man cave" in a hidden maintenance room, which they used to smoke weed and play board games. The pair kept up their slacking for five straight years before the government caught on. (Photo courtesy of: ABC)
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