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This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets

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Another week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them yourself. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.


Follow @robfee on Twitter.

More funny tweets can be found right here.

 

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Celebrities Without Eyebrows Are Hilariously Weird Looking

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On the recent HBO documentary "The Jinx," probable murderer Robert Durst admitted that he would shave his eyebrows to disguise himself because it makes you look weird. Well, at least we can believe him about that. Taking a look at the 12 celebs below, you become very aware of the importance of eyebrows to the look of the whole face. Basically, without them we look like aliens. Check out the hilariously creepy photos of celebrities without eyebrows.

Drake
celebrities without eyebrows, celebs no eyebrows

Emma Watson
celebrities without eyebrows, celebs no eyebrows

Kanye West
celebrities without eyebrows, celebs no eyebrows

Rihanna
celebrities without eyebrows, celebs no eyebrows

Robert Downey Jr.
celebrities without eyebrows, celebs no eyebrows

Emilia Clarke
celebrities without eyebrows, celebs no eyebrows

Benedict Cumberbatch
celebrities without eyebrows, celebs no eyebrows

Kylie Jenner
celebrities without eyebrows, celebs no eyebrows

Theo James
celebrities without eyebrows, celebs no eyebrows

Cara Delevigne
celebrities without eyebrows, celebs no eyebrows

Amber Rose
celebrities without eyebrows, celebs no eyebrows

Justin Bieber
celebrities without eyebrows, celebs no eyebrows

celebrities without eyebrows, celebs no eyebrows
h/t Buzzfeed

 

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Pooping Around the World

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Pooping Around the World
Never forget: Everybody poops. We just do it a little bit differently around the world. From the U.S. to Tibet, this fun informational video shows you how defecation gets done in various spots around the globe. It all seems pretty nasty, but then you get to Japan, where going to the bathroom sounds like a wonderful spa day. (Insert smiling poop emoji here.) Happy dumping, everyone!

 

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Just When You Thought Tyrion Lannister Couldn't Be Any Hotter

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We thought it wasn't possible to like Tyrion Lannister more than we already do, but then this happened.

woman dresses up as tyrion lannister
According to Reddit, a very attractive young lady--well, at least from the neck down--recently donned a very revealing Hodor shirt at a fan convention. But it was her spot-on mask of Peter Dinklage's "Game of Thrones" character Tyrion Lannister that was all the rage.

hot girl wearing tyrion lannister mask
In the HBO series, Tyrion once told his father that he was the "God of tits and wine." And thanks to that "Pimp" wine glass and an impressive set of bosoms, that would also pretty much sum up what this young lady was at the convention.

sexy tyrion lannister
Almost as hysterical as the mask/hot chick combination? You guessed it: The comments on Reddit. Here are some of our favorites:

"Thank god I'm not the only one that looked down and said "what the f**k are you doing?!"

"...sigh unties sweatpants"

"Butterface to a whole new level."

"Ok lets say you can bang her but you have to leave the mask on...Would ya?"

"I would. I'd also ask her if she has a Tywin mask."

More: Check out this 'Game of Thrones' Mashup:
Saved by the Thrones_

 

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Man Dies After Having Sex With Scarecrow

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We're pretty sure the phrase, "At least he died doing what he loved," applies here, but it's still not going to turn this story into a cheery one.

According to Metro, Argentinian police believe a 58-year-old man recently died while having sex with a scarecrow that he had "fitted with a six-inch strap-on penis."

man dies after having sex with scarecrow
Police said Jose Alberto didn't stop there. He also painted a mouth on the scarecrow using lipstick and topped it off with a wig before taking it to pound town.

He must have done a hell of a job, too, because a spokesman for the prosecutor's office said police "initially thought there were two bodies" when they found his rotting corpse lying next to his mate, but they soon realized "one was a scarecrow wearing lipstick and a long-haired wig."

Alberto's neighbors described him as a "loner," which might explain why it took so long for people to notice he was missing.

Hey, if it makes him feel any better, he probably would have suffered the same fate with the Tin Man.

This guy has some serious issues, as well: Florida Man Had Sex With His Pit Bull in Front of His Neighbors

 

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Shanghai Window Washers Get Caught in Wind Storm on the 91st Floor

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shanghai window washers in wind storm
You might want to check your drawers, guys. Twice.

According to the Daily Mail, two window washers recently got the scare of a lifetime when a wind storm in Shanghai's Lujiazui Financial District sent their platform crashing into the building they were cleaning.



The two men were working outside the 91st floor of the Shanghai World Financial Center, which is the city's second-tallest building. But despite their platform swinging violently through the air and crashing back into the glass several times, both men walked away with only minor injuries.

At least two planes of glass were cracked during the incident, and that sent shards of glass onto the streets below.

No word if new underwear is considered a tax write-off in Shanghai, but it looks like it sure as hell should be.

If you thought that video was terrifying, wait until you see these pictures: 30 of the Most Terrifying Pictures the Internet Has Ever Seen

 

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This Might Be the Creepiest 'Jeopardy!' Answer of All Time

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Geez, hopefully this guy isn't a Scoutmaster.

According to the Daily Mail, a contestant's answer on Friday night's episode of "Jeopardy!" was so wrong on so many levels that it was briefly trending on Twitter.

Granted, considering that the correct question for this gem of a setup was, "What is puberty?" things were bound to get a little awkward. But thanks to Tom's guess, it will probably go down as the creepiest moment in the game show's history.


Wow, where does this guy go to hit on chicks, Hot Topic?

Tom's answer was so disturbing that he was trending on Twitter for a short while Friday night, and nobody summed it up better than this girl.
We don't know if Tom was able to bounce back from his embarrassing answer to win the game, but even if he did, odds are he won't be asked to give a speech at his hometown's middle school or chaperone the local high school prom anytime soon.

This answer was below the belt. Literally: 'Family Feud' Contestant's Answer For What She Would Change on Her Husband Embarrasses Everyone

 

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Get Seduced by Destiny Sierra


Yeti Is The New App Where College Kids Are Posting All Their Crazy Party Pics

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Man, I'm old. First of all, I had know idea what 'Yeti - Campus Stories' was (It's pretty much the X-rated version of Snapchat and with images of ""Infrequent/Mild Realistic Violence" and "Frequent/Intense Mature/Suggestive Themes," for those of you who are with me) And secondly, all of these photos that college kids have posted on the app just make me want to take a nap. Seriously though, if you're looking for the sex and the drugs, minus the Rock N' Roll, this seems like the place to go.

Yeti pics, college pics, college partying, hot college girls













 

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Today's Funny Photos

This Airport Bathroom Disaster Story Has A Twist Ending

25 People Who Think They Are Posing with Celebrities

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Most of us have had a run-in with a movie star, musician or professional athlete at some point in our lives. Or so we thought. It turns out that a small percentage of people will get so starstruck over a potential encounter with a celebrity that they won't even bother to take a closer look at someone they believe to be famous before snapping a pic with them to post to the world. While a few of the following photos could be construed as legitimate mistakes (i.e. the person was drunk), most are so blatantly obvious that you'll start to wonder about the average person's eye for detail, and why the "celebrity" involved played along with it. (h/t NotReallyFamous)

Taylor Swift
people posing with false celebrities, taylor swift

Dean Norris
people posing with false celebrities, dean norris

Hugh Laurie
people posing with false celebrities, hugh laurie
We'll cut this guy a break. Come on, that imposter even looks like he's carrying a cane for crying out loud!

Danica Patrick
people posing with false celebrities, danica patrick

Tobey Maguire
people posing with false celebrities, tobey maguire
At least he took the time to spell his name wrong.

Matthew McConaughey
people posing with false celebrities, matthew mcconaughey

Dr. Dre
people posing with false celebrities, dr dre
Dre is such a good sport.

Snoop Lion
people posing with false celebrities, snoop lion snoop dogg

Leonardo DiCaprio
people posing with false celebrities, leonardo dicaprio

Shia LaBeouf
people posing with false celebrities, shia labeouf
"Dude, look me in the eyes and swear it was ACTUALLY Shia LaBeouf."

people posing with false celebrities
"I swear, man."

Usher
people posing with false celebrities, usher

Matt LeBlanc
people posing with false celebrities, matt leblanc
Hey, he's at least dressed like he came straight out of a '90s sitcom.

Sir Ian McKellen
people posing with false celebrities, sir ian mckellen

Hugh Hefner
people posing with false celebrities, hugh hefner
We're actually more worried for the poor girls this creep is getting to sit on his lap.

Marilyn Manson
people posing with false celebrities, marilyn manson

George R. R. Martin
people posing with false celebrities, george r r martin
To be fair, if you're an old, white, bearded man with glasses and a hat, you're George R. R. Martin.

Bruno Mars
people posing with false celebrities, bruno mars

Rod Stewart
people posing with false celebrities, rod stewart
Still, we look to find a reason to believe...anyone would actually fall for this.

Bradley Cooper
people posing with false celebrities, bradley cooper

Bill Murray
people posing with false celebrities, bill murray
Nice try, Chris Berman, but you can't fool us.

Hugh Jackman
people posing with false celebrities, hugh jackman

Danny McBride
people posing with false celebrities, danny mcbride

And then, there are the truly helpless people out there...

Tyler, The Creator
people posing with false celebrities, tyler the creator will smith

Criss Angel
people posing with false celebrities, criss angel dave navarro

Matt Damon
people posing with false celebrities, matt damon mark wahlberg

 

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California Woman Takes Year Off From Marriage to Have Sex With 12 Other People

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And now she's no longer married. Shocker.

According to the New York Post, a writer in San Francisco recently published a book detailing the year she took off from her sexually routine marriage so she could go fornicate with strangers (12 total, including two women).

woman took year off marriage to have sex with 12 other guys
In "The Wild Oats Project," Robin Rinaldi said her husband agreed (after he "relented" at first) to the idea in which both of them could sleep with people as long as "it wasn't with friends, was with condoms and never got serious." The arrangement took place in 2008 and 2009 after Rinaldi and her husband had been together for 18 years.

She placed an ad titled, "Good girl seeks experience," on a glorified hookup website that said she was looking for guys between 35-50 years old to help her explore her sexuality, adding, "Our time together will be limited to three dates as I cannot become seriously involved."

Not surprisingly, Rinaldi said she had already received 23 offers within the first 24 hours.

We're not sure exactly how successful Rinaldi's ex-husband was during his yearlong hall pass, but you have to think any ad he placed left out the part about his wife referring to his performance in the bedroom as "routine."

These people were probably as happy as Rinaldi's husband after these pics were taken:
Top 16 Photos Taken 1 Second Before Disaster_

 

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The 15 Weirdest Collections in the World

Somebody Stuffed an Easter Bunny With $30,000 of Meth

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Don't eat that candy, kids.

According to Huffington Post, Oklahoma police arrested a Tahlequah woman last week after they intercepted a package addressed to her. That package? A stuffed Easter Bunny filled with $30,000 worth of meth.

easter bunny stuffed full of meth
The package containing the meth bunny was sniffed out by a drug dog after police received a tip about the delivery. When they sliced open the toy, they found two pounds of meth jammed into two condoms inside.

easter bunny with meth inside
"The Easter Bunny I thought was a strange touch," Tahlequah Police Chief Nate King said. "There were two condoms and meth stuffed inside the rabbit. It's not the prize egg that we want in Tahlequah."

The package was intended for Carolyn Ross, and when an officer dressed as a delivery man arrived at her doorstep with an anticipatory warrant, she confessed to "knowing the drugs were in the mail," and said her job was to redistribute them to somebody else.

No word on why police chose the rabbit's anus as their point of entry.

Meth is one hell of a drug: "The Best of the 'Meth, Not Even Once' Meme

Also check out:
Top 16 Photos Taken 1 Second Before Disaster_

 

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The 10 Best Sports Urban Legends of All Time

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Sports are the best, man. On the field, a no-name athlete can become a legend in a matter of seconds thanks to a clutch home run or touchdown catch or some other impressive feat that makes them seem damn near inhuman. Off the field, their accomplishments can often be even more impressive.

In both situations, stories become attached to these exploits over time, and in some instances, those stories have become bigger than both the athlete and the game they played. And as those stories are handed down from one person to the next, they are often tweaked to the point where it seems as though there is no way they could possibly be true. We'll let you be the judge.

Dikembe Mutombo used to pick up women by walking into clubs and saying, "Who wants to sex Mutombo?"
sports urban legends, dikembe mutombo
The 7' 2" center was beyond legendary on the court during his three years at Georgetown. In the 1990-91 campaign, he averaged more than 15 points and 12 rebounds as well as damn near five blocks every game. And every time he swatted away an opponent's futile attempt, he gave him the "not in here" finger wave that can still be seen in Geico commercials today.

But one phrase has been attached to Mutombo since his college days thanks to triumphs off the hardwood. The story goes that the big guy allegedly would walk into clubs and parties on a regular basis and yell out, "Who wants to sex Mutombo?" One witness said that he saw him leave a block party in 1991 with a girl under each arm after saying it.

When Mutombo appeared on ESPN's "Highly Questionable" last year, he said that he didn't know how that rumor got started, and it crushed the souls of sports enthusiasts everywhere. Thankfully, Alonzo Mourning appeared on the same show recently and brought it back to life.



"There was some truth to that," Mourning said. "That was his pick-up line. And it worked."

Wade Boggs once downed 64 beers on a cross-country flight when he played for the Red Sox.
sports urban legends, wade boggs beers
Boggs finished with 3,010 hits in his 18-year MLB career, but that number pales in comparison to the amount of brewskis he could throw back.

Former pitcher Brian Rose said that he witnessed Wade's drinking ability firsthand when Boggs was the hitting coach in Tampa and said he once saw the flight attendant bring him a case of beer for a one-hour flight.

"I said to him, 'I'm impressed with the way you hit, but I'm more impressed right now.' He goes, 'Yeah, beer doesn't affect me. I don't get drunk unless I've had at least a case and a half.' I don't think he even went to the bathroom."

Boggs's feat of 64 beers on one trip was so legendary that the gang from "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" made it the focus of a recent episode. Boggs himself appeared on the show but told Charlie Day that it was more like 107 cold ones, not 64.



Toni Braxton broke up the Dallas Mavericks.
sports urban legends, toni braxton dallas mavericks
Toni Braxton was a smoking hottie in the 1990s, and her pipes were so amazing that she took home five Grammy awards in that decade alone.

The combination of sexy and talented made Braxton a hot commodity at the time, and she allegedly arrived at an Atlanta hotel one night to pick up her date: Mavericks point guard Jason Kidd. She left the hotel shortly thereafter, but it was with Kidd's teammate Jim Jackson instead.

Kidd wasn't very happy about that, and he told the Mavericks the only thing that would unbreak his heart was a trade, so they shipped him to Phoenix.

And that, kids, is why he spent more than four years playing hoops in the desert.

The blood on Curt Schilling's sock from his epic 2004 postseason performance was actually red paint.
sports urban legends, curt schilling bloody sock
Prior to Game 6 of the 2004 ALDS against the rival Yankees, Schilling had surgery to reattach a tendon to his ankle. The Red Sox were trying to become the first team in MLB history to erase a 3-0 postseason deficit, and the fact that Schilling was even able to take the mound was considered nothing short of a miracle.

Schilling was magnificent that night, throwing seven innings of one-run ball. But it was his bloody sock a la "The Natural" that was captured so well by the FOX cameras that night that made his performance the stuff of legend.

Or was it red paint?

In April 2007, Orioles broadcaster Gary Thorne said he had spoken with Red Sox backup catcher Doug Mirabelli a year or two earlier, and he came to the understanding that the bloody sock was fake. In July 2010, Rhode Island gubernatorial candidate Lincoln Chafee said he remembered Kevin Millar saying Schilling used red paint to make it look like he was bleeding.

Real or fake, somebody who must really like feet dished out more than $92,000 for Schilling's rank used sock last year.

Cal Ripken once beat the snot out of Kevin Costner for having sex with his wife.
sports urban legends, cal ripken kevin costner beating
On August 14, 1997, Ripken was letting Costner crash at his place following the wrap of a god-awful movie called "The Postman." Ripken left one afternoon for a game, but he realized somewhere along the way that he forgot something and returned to his house.

That's where he found Costner plowing his wife.

The story goes that Ripken became so enraged that he beat the piss out of Costner, so bad that the "actor" couldn't make public appearances for weeks. Then, because he was either too distraught, beat up himself or being held at the local cop shop for assault, he called the Orioles and said he wasn't going to make the game that night.

In an effort to preserve Ripken's consecutive games streak, the owner decided to postpone that night's game, sighting "electrical failure" as the culprit.

Ripken and Costner both denied the story. Ripken claimed he was at the game in question, a game that actually was postponed due to faulty lighting. He even said he was on the field and encouraging the umpires to play the game that night. Costner said he had never spent more than 10 minutes with Ripken's wife, although there are allegedly reports that he has spent entire games in the stands sitting next to her.

Wilt Chamberlain slept with 20,000 women.
sports urban legends, wilt chamberlain slept with 20,000 women
This urban legend is rare in that Chamberlain started this one himself. In his 1991 autobiography "A View From Above," the Hall of Famer made the claim that he had slept with 20,000 women.

"Yes, that's correct, twenty thousand different ladies," Chamberlain wrote. "At my age, that equals out to having sex with 1.2 women a day, every day since I was fifteen years old."

Actually, we did the math, and it's closer to something like 1.4. But hey, at that point, it's not the number after the decimal point that matters.

The 1985 NBA Lottery was fixed.
sports urban legends, 1985 nba draft fixed
And that's probably not the only one. Ahem, Derrick Rose. Ahem, 2008.

The story goes that NBA commissioner David Stern wanted Patrick Ewing in a Knicks jersey to revive basketball in New York so bad that he was willing to go to any length to make that happen, even fixing the NBA Lottery in front of the cameras.

One rumor was that the Knicks' envelope was frozen, so Stern would have no problem reaching into the drum and figuring out which one that was. But a closer look at the video below shows a man inserting the envelopes into the drum in a casual manner until he gets to the fourth one. He kind of hits that one against the glass to, I don't know, bend a corner, maybe?

Be sure to pay close attention to the corner of what would turn out to be the Knicks' envelope at the 47-second mark.



Delonte West had sex with LeBron's mom, and that's why he left Cleveland.
sports urban legends, lebron's mom and delonte west
Juicy.

Following the 2010 season, LeBron James created a media frenzy when he announced he was taking his talents to South Beach. But while many experts viewed the move as a way for "The King" to add some crowns to his resume, others felt the move was just a tad more personal, like a "one of my teammates is banging my mom" kind of personal.

That teammate was Delonte West, who is now out of the league after brief stints with Boston and Dallas. West addressed the rumor in 2012 and said it never happened, but he was singing a different tune during a 2014 interview with Vice Sports as he talked about why he didn't name his son Delonte.

"I don't want my son going to school and people making fun of him for something his daddy did. He goin' to school and 'didn't your daddy have sex with LeBron's mamma?' I don't want him to deal with all that man."

Babe Ruth once called his shot.
sports urban legends, babe ruth called shot
If only television cameras would have existed in the 1930s. (Instead, all we have is this grainy photo.)

In the top of the fifth inning of Game 3 of the 1932 World Series against the (gasp) Cubs, the Great Bambino allegedly stood at home plate and pointed his bat toward the Wrigley Field center field bleachers in a manner that suggested he was going to pulverize the next pitch to that exact location.

And I'll be damned, on the next pitch, that's exactly what happened.

Hey, it's not as juicy as Delonte West tagging LeBron's mom, but every kid in America heard that story growing up, and it's arguably the biggest urban legend in sports history.

Michael Jordan didn't retire the first time around; he was secretly suspended for his gambling addiction, and that same addiction was also responsible for his father's death.
sports urban legends, michael jordan gambling
Well, it doesn't get any juicier than that.

The story goes that David Stern was ready to levy a one-year suspension on Jordan because of his gambling problem. And that gambling problem wasn't one of those, "I went to Vegas and lost $1,200 on hookers and craps," kind of problems.

In 1991, Jordan allegedly lost more than $1.2 million in a series of high-stakes golf matches to Robert Esquinas. He was then subpoenaed to testify against a cocaine dealer later that year because police found a $57,000 check with Jordan's name on it in the dealer's possession. In 1992, a bail bondsman was killed during a robbery. The thieves made off with $20,000 in cash but left behind checks totaling $108,000 from Jordan that were allegedly for gambling debts.

Many people speculate there were other instances of high-stakes gambling with Jordan, some of which he never payed off. And that led to speculation that his father's murder was a result of those unpaid gambling debts. At that point, David Stern had no choice but to suspend the league's biggest star. But "in an effort to save face," he came up with the retirement and baseball idea as a cover until Jordan had served his suspension in full.

Despite all that, I still want to be like Mike.

Related: 10 Pop Culture Urban Legends People Actually Believed

 

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Aubrey Plaza Is Feeling Hormonal And We're Into It

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Aubrey Plaza is our favorite funny girl, and her recent conversation with Conan O'Brien enhances this favoritism. The "Parks and Recreation" gal visited the set of "Conan" and talked hilariously about her recent spiritual awakening while rubbing her body (particularly her unexplained bite marks). It was no secret that April Ludgate was a monotone weirdo with an interest in all things murderous, and judging by this conversation about her latest spike in hormones with our favorite pasty pumpkin head, the actress that played her is no different in real life. Aubrey Plaza is great.

 

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Sexy Rainey Qualley May Drive You Mad

Today's Funny Photos

Some Teachers Are Just Plain Awesome

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All I can say is that if I ever had any of the teachers included in this round up when I was growing up, school would've been a hell of a lot less boring. I never ever want to go back to school, but if I was somehow forced to Billy Madison-style, I hope at least some of these teachers are there to ease the pain.

funny teachers, awesome teachers











 

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