The Lovely Allira Cohrs Strikes Again

May 17, 2015, 9:50 pm

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Today's Funny Photos

May 18, 2015, 12:10 am

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Meet Travers Beynon - The Tobacco Tycoon Living The Dream on Instagram

May 18, 2015, 12:36 am

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Just when I thought that picture I posted of the time a cat sat on my chest made me the King of Instagram, I learn about this guy. From Tony Toutouni to Dan Bilzerian, there have been a number of Instagram accounts competing for our jealousy lately, but Travers Beynon's account is certainly trying to top them all. He's a former AFL player who also happens to be the heir to the Freechoice Tobacco fortune. He calls himself the Candyman, because the last thing you would want from one of these guys is for them to be humble. Please take a moment out of your boring 9-5 cubicle existence to see what is currently taking place in Australia. Enjoy crying yourself to sleep tonight.












(h/t BroBible)

 

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Summer 2015 TV Kicks Off With Loads of New Hits

May 18, 2015, 1:50 am

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Dust off your remotes, draw the shades and let down your pants as summer television kicks into gear just as the sun comes out to play. Who wants sun spots and a six pack when you can have endless amounts of new TV hits and...a six pack? Sit back, relax and watch life and the best days of the year pass you by as you dig in with some of the biggest stars dropping into the living room on a semi-weekly basis.

Aquarius (May 2, NBC)

The Californicator himself, David Duchovny, is back with a new show about a '50s style cop walking - badge in hand - into the revolutionary era of '60s Los Angeles. Duchovny's Sam Hodiak might be fucking fewer people than normal, but he has the quick wit of Hank Moody and the street cop smarts of Agent Mulder to fuck with the generation of love until it leads him to Charlie Manson's doorstep, one of the darkest doorsteps in American history.

Hannibal (June 4, NBC)

Running back to back with "Aquarius," young Dr. Lecter bleeds "Hannibal" back into the NBC summer schedule with his third season as the young, sophisticated sociopath in training on his way up the cannibal food chain. With enough instinct and empathy for every serial killer on the planet, we see his blossoming relationship with a young FBI agent grow as he comes closer to the sadistic serial murderer we all know and love while walking the blood red carpet of marriage. #BrideOfHannibal

Orange Is The New Black (June 12, Netflix)

Everybody's guilty prison pleasure is raising the (jail) bar in its third season streaming on Netflix. With a season mantra of "sorry, not sorry" we can surely expect more unabashed she-devils, sexual shanking, tenderly erotica fiction in the making, new faces, old beefs, chicks dancing and two days of our lives thrown out the window. Thirteen new lesbian-loving, comedic renditions of any "Sons of Anarchy" episode, and we've never been more thrilled.

True Detective (June 21, HBO)

A mini-series phenomenon starring Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey has unfolded into the most anticipated sophomore season in television, this time starring Colin Farrell as one true detective and Vince Vaughn on the opposite side of the law, along with the help of sweet Rachel McAdams and hothead Taylor Kitsch. Picture "Domestic Disturbance" meets "Pride and Glory" with the format and convenience of "Friday Night Lights."

Ballers (June 21, HBO)

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is making moves off the field as a former football stud, learning to manage as a way to make the big bucks. With Rob Corddry helping add the humor, John David Washington adding the action and Taylor Cole adding the sex appeal, HBO introduces its original new series all about getting laid, getting paid and having a damn good time doing it.

The Brink (June 21, HBO)

Jack Black and Tim Robbins are the faces of HBO's newest series, "The Brink." A comedy mixed with a bit of Showtime's "Homeland" where Black and Robbins are government officials trying to prevent World War III, a trite concept showered in original humor. Witness a typically funny actor trying to be serious, and a serious actor trying to be funny.

Scream: The TV Series (June 30, MTV)

What once was a pop horror phenomenon is now a modern day drawn-out television series. With Willa Fitzgerald as the new Neve Campbell, MTV has reignited the slasher series as a 10-episode story for its first season, equipped with better phones - cellular! - and more sex appeal than its 1996 origin. Let's just hope Neve shows up to teach these tweens a lesson.

Ray Donovan (July 12, Showtime)

South Boston's gift to Hollywood returns to Showtime as Ray continues to clean up everyone's mess while he makes one of his own. With one brother in prison, a wife off the leash and a father that takes them all deeper down the rabbit's butthole, watch Ray try to control all of Hollywood's board pieces while his family shakes the table. Katie Holmes joins the cast to add a little unexpected twist and a splash of seduction in the next round of a South Boston boxing family's demise in sunny Los Angeles. "Masters of Sex" to air its new season concurrently.

Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll (July 16, FX)

Denis Leary returns to FX as a swear word-slinging, drug-loving rock star dad in his new show about finding the balance between rock star and dad before falling off the (station) wagon. Leary both created and stars in the new FX comedy as a dinosaur lead singer of rock band, The Heathens, with a lead singer daughter on the rise in her own band. Expect F-bombs, large traces of booger sugar and a barely legal hot rocker daughter Elizabeth Gillies for us to Instagram stalk.

Wet Hot American Summer (July 17, Netflix)

Step back into 1981 for the first day of camp as the 2001 classic cult comedy reclaims the heated days of oddball summer love and counselor hijinks, refashioned for the small screen in high definition by Netflix. The whole gang is back - Paul Rudd, Amy Poehler, Bradley Cooper, Michael Showalter, Janeane Garofalo, Elizabeth Banks and more - for the 8-episode reunion of all wet, hot summer reunions.

Mr. Robinson (August 5, NBC)

Craig Robinson juggles the occasional 7-to-3 life of a substitute teacher trying to keep the dream alive as a quasi-rock star of his band, The Nasty Delicious, who doesn't want to give in to growing up. Essentially, he'll be playing a barely inflated version of himself in the new NBC sitcom, a blend of "School of Rock" meets "The Cleveland Show" airing on Wednesday nights.

The Leftovers (TBD)

After a stunning debut season, HBO's "The Leftovers" is back for more with its second helping, but how much "leftovers" will there this time around? Do you see what we did there? That wasn't very good, was it? The new season will be fraught with new twists but in a new setting with a new set of supporting roles to accompany lead Justin Theroux. Liv Tyler is expected to return, hopefully in her "Empire Records" outfit.

 

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Friends Glue Their Pubic Hair To Man's Face On His Bachelor Party

May 18, 2015, 2:25 am

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If the thought of it being Monday doesn't get you sick enough, perhaps this story will. A bunch of lads out there in England decided it would be a good idea to shave their pubes and glue it on their friend's face on his bachelor party.



Mark Longley allowed his friends to glue their pubic hair on his face to celebrate his final night as an unmarried man. Because that's the type of thing they do in England now. Photos of Longley with his new facial hair were uploaded by his best man, Steve West who explains that the "pube beard" wouldn't have been made possible without donations by Mark's friends.

Aside from the very thoughtful gift that was the "pube beard," Longley was also taped to a wheelchair, made to wear clown shoes, and was drawn on with permanent marker. Give a drunk guy a permanent marker and it's pretty easy to imagine the things they drew on their friend.



I'm sure Longley's wife has seen the pictures of him with man fur on him, so one has to wonder if she regrets marrying this man. Whatever happened to bachelor parties that involved just getting drunk and reminiscing about singlehood? Whatever happened to friends that don't glue their pubic hair on your face?

Via Buzzfeed

 

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15 Harsh Ways People Got Dumped Via Text

May 18, 2015, 2:30 am

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Getting dumped isn't a great feeling. Just ask Taylor Swift, Sam Smith or the pillow that you've decided to sob into. But having a relationship end via text message isn't the best case scenario as there are no winners. Well, unless emojis are used creatively, then there is a clear winner. Check out the many ways these people had their relationship end before their eyes.





























Via HerBeat

 

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Even More of the Worst Parents Ever

May 18, 2015, 3:50 am

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Next time you feel annoyed that your folks are calling you too much, appreciate the fact that they weren't like any of these parents. The parents below prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that not anyone should be allowed to have children.














Want more? Check out The Worst Parents Ever, Vol. 2












Via FB-Troublemakers

 

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The 10 Most Redneck Things That Ever Happened

May 18, 2015, 5:50 am

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Rednecks are an underrated segment of our society. When they're not fixing your sink or welding something, they're providing the world with a lifetime of entertainment. The following stories represent the best and worse of redneck culture. Judge if you will, but please remember that they're curing your boredom, one retarded antic at a time.

1. Two Truckers Help Woman Give Birth in Denny's

When Kaycee Triana's water broke inside a Texarkana Denny's, two oily truckers jumped to the rescue. They helped her delivery the baby, possibly yelling "Get 'r' done!" in the process, until she pushed out a future Republican. Upping the redneck factor was the fact that it was Thanksgiving...and they were at Denny's.

2. Florida Man Butt-Dials 911 and Speaks of Cooking and Selling Meth

In October of 2014, the local cops of Deltona received a 911 call. No one talked. The operator listened for a half an hour to a mother and a son talking about their plans to cook and sell meth. The operator also heard the sound of bubbling in the background. Cops arrived and raided the home, finding the complete accoutrement of meth-making materials. Donna Knope and her son Jason, along with some other random guy, were arrested for manufacturing narcotics.

3. Brother and Sister Arrested for Stealing Meth Ingredients and Kiss Between Jail Cell Bars

In a mind-blogging sequence of hillbilly events, two siblings were charged with shoplifting at a Texas Walmart. They were placed in adjoining jail cells where officers ... ahem ... witnessed them kissing between the bars.

Let me just say, in my life, I've never heard such a story so eloquently reaffirm every bad stereotype of rednecks.

4. Man Gets Arrested for Having Sex with His Donkey and Claims It's His Constitutional Right To Do So

Carlos Romero was caught with his pants down (literally) behind his miniature donkey, Doodle. He quickly backed away. But it was too late; officers arrived to the scene and arrested him.

"But that ain't American," he asserted. Romero took it to trial and challenged Florida's anti-bestiality law, arguing that it "deprives him of his personal liberty and autonomy when it comes to private intimate activities."

It's one thing to have sex with farm animals, but it's another to go totally freedom on everybody's ass and claim it's unpatriotic to frown upon it. And that's what America's all about. God bless you, Carlos.

5. Man Tries to Use $1 Million Bill to Pay for $476 Total at Walmart

When he walked to the counter to pay for his items, he whipped out his $1 million bill. Michael Anthony Fuller insisted the bill was legitimate, but everyone called bull. Police arrested him on charges to "obtain property by false pretense and uttering a forged instrument."

6. Man Arrested for Eating Raccoons and Squirrels in New Jersey

Authorities arrested a 30-year-old man in 2014 for trapping and eating squirrels and raccoons. Neighbors said they found carcasses on the premises. Aleksandr Borykan was arrested for illegal use of a leg hold trap and hunting without a license. Russians can be rednecks too, apparently.

7. Vermont Farmer Flattens Seven Cop Cars with Tractor

In 2012, Roger Pion was a bit angry. So he took his father's tractor and went to the local police station and ran over seven police cars.

Cops estimated the damage to be more than $250,000. When they went outside to investigate, Pion was already long gone down the highway. And they had nothing to pursue him with. Last year the trial concluded and they declared Pion absolutely, unequivocally batshit insane and dropped the charges.

8. Twins Marry Unknowingly

In 2008, the world learned of two twins marrying each other. They were separated at birth and adopted by different families, so they had no idea. When they learned of the truth, the British high court granted them an annulment and they dissolved their union. Hey, Brits can be rednecks, too.

9. Redneck Engineering

Behold the wonderful world of redneck engineering. They're crafty bastards, those rednecks, and some of these genius creations make you wonder why they're so consistently stereotyped as dumb. Remember, if you ever need an ultra-efficient lawnmower or a makeshift spa, call a redneck.

10. Woman Sews Baby to Wedding Dress, Walks Down Aisle

This story from 2014 proved that white people aren't the only ones who can be rednecks. In the photo you see a mother tugging her newborn along the back of her dress during her wedding. Kudos, Mom. That's redneck engineering at its finest.

 

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Man Receives Oral Sex For All To See At Subway Station

May 18, 2015, 5:59 am

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The NYC subway system is rough enough, and yes you might get stared down by someone who may or may not have bodies under their floorboards, but the Boston subway system has decided to one-up NYC by being the setting where a man got a blowjob.


This past Friday, a man and his lady decided that the commute back home was way too long to wait to answer to their desires, so oral sex on the subway platform would have to do. A straphanger took a photo of the act, and sent it to the MBTA with this note:

"Dear MBTA, I understand you are having financial problems and it is difficult to maintain a broken system, however my tax dollars should be going to pay your police force because I shouldn't have to stand next to a man receiving oral sex."

If the couple is caught, they face up to three years in prison and would have to register as sex offenders, so perhaps waiting until they got home would have been a tad better for them.

However, the biggest travesty here may be the jean shorts.

Via Gawker

 

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Starbucks Employee Flips Out On Customer Over Special Straw

May 18, 2015, 6:24 am

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People are going crazy over those new Starbucks cookie straws -- literally.

Last week in Queens, New York, a Starbucks shift supervisor named Melissa was caught on video freaking out on a customer and yelling "you're not going to be served here." The shouting escalated so much that other customers in the coffee shop got involved telling Melissa that she should be fired. According to HuffPost, they got their wish.

The customer/victim in the video is a girl named Ruby Chen, who claims that the argument started when she ordered a Frappuccino with a "special straw" and tried to pay using her Starbucks app. Reportedly, Melissa grew impatient with Chen, started yelling at her, then accused her of trying to steal the straw.

Obviously, a Starbucks spokesperson has reported that Melissa is no longer with the company. Also, Chen has been offered a $100 gift card for her troubles, so there is a happy ending (sort of).

More: Young Tourist Flips Off Monkey, Gets Dropkicked By Monkey

 

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Amanda Seyfried Makes Us Jealous of Her Relationship With Her Dog

May 18, 2015, 9:19 am

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Amanda Seyfried is adorable; nobody's arguing it. But what you weren't expecting is her to have a better relationship with her dog, Finn, than you've ever had with a woman. In this amusing Vogue clip, we get a good laugh from the adorable Amanda as she gives us a day in the life with her ultimate friend. We all have a big, hairy Finn in our lives. Let's hope yours is better house trained than ours.

 

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The Apple Watch is a Bit of a Ticking Time Bomb So Far

May 18, 2015, 11:50 pm

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Not since the underwear patch that makes your farts smell like mint have things been so good, but now Apple Watch is starting to reel in some bugs, and - to no surprise - there are quite a few. Apple has only shipped a fraction of its pre-orders, and already the damn Apple Watch is stockpiling a list of people's glitches and expectant battery woes. For the first stab in the dark at wearable technology of this caliber, Apple surprised folks with what it's capable of, but with that comes the terrifying tales of adverse reactions, unexpected issues and possibly unsolvable quandaries.

Charging Issues

One of the most recurring issues is the watch's failure to continually charge properly. Users have been threading like tech junky addicts on Apple's support page, claiming their watch says it's charging (via its MagSafe wireless charger) but when they go to use their new wearable watch piece, its power is nowhere to be found. The remedy offered to fix the bug is to restore the watch back to its original, stock settings (General > Reset > Erase All Content), which causes the user to lose everything they had set up or saved. It's like the first iPod all over again!

Tattooed, You're Screwed
Who would have thought that being trendy could cause a riff with Apple? If your forearm is heavily saturated with black ink, it may be difficult for the Apple Watch's sensor to read and react properly, especially for the health related apps. Black tatted folks are having trouble getting their watch to unlock, as well as not receiving the soft touch notifications everyone else is getting. To remedy the failed heart rate recording, Apple is suggesting people get a Bluetooth chest strap. That sounds like fun...and more money. Might be easier to get your tattoo removed.

iPhone Battery Issues
The Apple Watch comes with an 18-hour battery life, which is holding strong for people who can get theirs charged, but some folks are finding it difficult to keep the juice up on their iPhones now too. Apple Watch is only effective when it's connected via Wi-Fi and Bluetooth to a user's iPhone, and despite rumors that the watch is taking some of the heat of constant notifications off their iPhone (thus having more battery at the end of the day), others are claiming that the heavy use of Apple Watch drains all the life out of their iPhone too.

Anyone who has owned an iPhone knows Apple has had problems with quickly draining iPhone batteries in the past. You can check your iPhone's battery usage in your settings to find out what uses the most battery. If your Apple Watch is taking up more than a third of your iPhone battery, you might be riding into the iPhone danger zone.

Skin Irritation and Rashes

If you're not getting rashes from your lover, that doesn't necessarily clear you from being too close with your Apple Watch in what is now being referred to as Wrist-Gate. Complaints of allergic reactions and red splotches have come in from Apple Watchers who have both the Sport and Edition models. Odds are that people working out with the Sport might be wearing theirs too tightly, and the sweat and tightness of the Apple Watch together might be causing some skin rashes. There have also been small traces of nickel found in the metal of the watch, so even the expensive models like Edition are giving people adverse reactions. That, or they have "the herp" and they're using Apple as a scapegoat. Let those wrists breathe!

Discoloration & Scratch Marks
Like the iPhone 5 model, people are claiming that the Apple Watch and its bands easily scratch during daily use, and some have even claimed the watch was delivered to them scratched. Apple refuses to refund or exchange scratched bands, referring to it as "expected behavior." Some watch owners are claiming theirs shatters when dropped. Well, that kind of makes sense. You have to take care of your shit, you abusive techies. But of course, somebody has already shattered theirs, like the idiot who dropped the first iPhone 6.

Other users are claiming that, in addition to skin irritation, their watch bands are discolored already, in what is now being called DiscolorGate. Come on, guys, we've got to come up with some better names for these catastrophes.

Queasy Psychological Horror

This is by far the best complaint so far: "The Apple Watch screensaver looks like 'an irregular pattern of holes,' sort of resembling a beehive. Focusing on it makes them feel queasy or fearful. This is known as trypophobia, and it may have to do with a part of your brain misidentifying the hole clusters as a 'poisonous animal,' according to the Association for Psychological Science." So it seems like crazy people are buying the Apple Watch too.

Complicated Setup
A general complaint from some people, most likely older folks who just learned how to use the Internet, is that the Apple Watch has a complicated setup. To those people, we simply suggest they go back to the rotary phone and forget this ever happened, unless you like waiting for phone support or standing in an Apple store for hours on end, watching what's left of your life slowly wither away.

Gold Rush
Apple's new timepiece comes in a (high-end edition) that runs upwards of $20k with its 18-carat gold body, which could result in Apple using up 756 metric tonnes of gold each year for its Apple Watches. Is that a lot? We think yes.

According to Bloomberg View, Apple will take up a hefty percentage of the world's gold (up to a third) with each year that it sells the high profile Apple Watch, assuming people actually want it and continue to buy it. What might this mean for the price of the Apple Watch on down the road? Who knows, but it's doubtful to be good.

Delayed Phase Two

Another round of the Apple Watch release is set for June with a staggered, delayed delivery of the first round still in progress. Between now and then, Apple is hopeful to fix some of the initial errors, of which there are apparently more than anticipated. Despite the somewhat harrowing spectrum of problems, the Apple Watch is hard to find as it's out of stock anywhere you look, selling more than a million timepieces on its first day of pre-orders alone.

The watch is exclusively available online for now, but amid all the reports of bugs, Apple is working hard to increase their supply, as Apple Watches are back-ordered a minimum of 3 to 5 weeks for the cheaper models, some longer. Apple reportedly added a pick-up option for American buyers who can go to the store to grab their online orders, but there's probably a 3 to 5 week line of unhappy customers trying to get their fucking watch fixed now too. Good time to be a loyal Apple lover!

 

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Today's Funny Photos

May 19, 2015, 12:23 am

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The 10 Craziest Combat Sports

May 19, 2015, 12:55 am

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In the aftermath of the Mayweather/Pacquiao "fight," we've been thinking a lot about what kind of person is OK with stepping into a ring and trying to knock another person out. Combat sports are big business, but for every UFC event that makes millions there are dozens of smaller promotions trying to get themselves noticed. In this piece, we'll spotlight ten that tried to push the envelope in some pretty weird ways.

M-1 Medieval

If you prefer the clang of steel on steel to the thud of fists on flesh, M-1 Medieval might be for you. A spinoff of Russian cage fighting group M-1 Global, this new promotion kits fighters out in full suits of armor, puts swords in their hands and sets them at each other. M-1 first tried it out as filler between matches in 2014, and it got such a fan response that they set up a whole division for it. The first ranked fight took place on April 10, with Evgeiny Bedenko winning a 3-0 decision over Ivan Vasiliev. It's likely that most matches will end in decision rather than knockout, but that's probably for the best.

Combat Juggling

Not all combat sports involve pummeling your opponent into a bloody pulp. Take Combat Juggling, which manages to transform one of the world's geekiest hobbies into something that's almost badass. The rules are simple: each fighter has three objects, and they have to keep at least one in the air constantly using regular juggling throws. But they're also allowed to use their bodies - and clubs - to interfere with other players. Teams of multiple jugglers face off, and matches can be chaotic and intense.

Shockfights

What could make mixed martial arts even more terrifying to old ladies and politicians? How about if the fighters were armed with tasers? That's the idea behind Shockfights, which pits two men against each other in a no holds barred battle with tasers sewn into each glove. The organizers claim the shock devices can put out a painful 3,000,000 volts, which is plenty to cause intense pain in the struck area. Videos of the fights are terrifying, with the crackle of electricity punctuating the vicious blows being thrown.

Shin Kicking Championship

If you've ever been kicked in the shin, you know it hurts like hell. Lots of nerves, lots of bone, lots of pain. So why build a sporting event all around shin kicks? Ask the organizers of the Cotswold Olimpick, who count shin-kicking as one of their featured sports. Fighters grip each other by the collars of their shirts and throw wicked kicks at their lower legs trying to throw each other off balance. Participants are allowed to stuff their pants with straw to lessen the impact, but matches can still get pretty brutal. Each fight is a best of three, with rounds ending when one competitor hits the turf.

Fingerhakeln

Most of these combat sports require fighters to train their whole bodies, but the Bavarian sport of Fingerhakeln boils it all down to just one finger. This insane arm-wrestling variant pits two men against each other with their fingers threaded into a strap. They can choose any finger, and many competitors pursue insane training regiments to whip their digit of choice into shape. Once they're strapped, the goal is to pull the other man over the top of the table using just one finger. Needless to say, grisly injuries are common as knuckles get grotesquely pulled out of joint.

Chessboxing

There's certainly a cerebral element to boxing, but it doesn't require the long-term strategy and patience of, say, chess. So why not put the two together? Chessboxing was invented in the pages of a French comic book and brought to the real world in 2003 by a Dutch performance artist. Each fight is eleven three-minute rounds - six of chess, five of boxing, alternating. The transition between the two is where the challenge lies - thinking clearly after taking punches for three minutes isn't something just anybody can do.

Dog Brothers

When you bring weapons into the mix, the danger level goes through the roof. Dog Brothers is a school of stick-based martial arts that sees two men (thankfully wearing helmets) go at each other with the ferocity of their namesake. First practiced in California in the 1980s, the group actually reached out to the nascent UFC and asked if they'd be interesting in hosting Dog Brothers matches. The UFC declined, saying that it was too violent for them. Matches feature no judges, referees or true winners. Oh, and they don't just use sticks - matches have featured nunchucks, shock knives and even lengths of steel chain.

Hip Show: Arena Combat

What happens when you meld the hard-hitting action of mixed martial arts with the unsteady terrain of American Ninja Warrior? You get another Russian entry into the bizarre world of combat sports called Hip Show: Arena Combat. This intense event takes two pairs of fighters and has them battle each other on an obstacle course of platforms, ropes and pyramids. Points are scored by submission, knockout or holding onto certain parts of the terrain "Capture The Flag" style. It sounds ridiculous, but it's actually pretty fun to watch.

X-Arm

Arm wrestling counts as a combat sport, in its own way - it just has a very restrictive set of rules. X-Arm, which bills itself as "The Roughest 3 Minutes In Sports," tosses some of those rules out the window. Yes, you're still gripping your opponent's hand tight in yours, with the goal of pinning it down to the table. But your other arm and your legs are free to do whatever they want - punch, kick and even choke your enemy. Combatants are harnessed to the table to keep things from getting too wild, but they get wild anyways.

Battle Heritage

We started this list off with two knights in armor fighting inside a cage, and we're going to end it with the same concept, just on a much bigger scale. Battle Heritage bills itself as the UK's premiere "Full Contact Medieval" club - it's kind of like those live-action role playing geeks grew some balls and strapped on some steel. Fights take place in a number of different divisions, from simple one-on-ones to mass battles that pit five-man teams against each other in an orgy of swordplay. Yes, the edges are blunted, but they still hurt like hell. Matches are won when all of your opponents have at least three limbs touching the ground at once.

 

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The 20 Ugliest Celebrity Cry Faces

May 19, 2015, 1:50 am

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You can't exactly ask someone to "sob with some dignity," but for the love of God, something needs to be done about the cry faces of these popular celebrities. Whether their sorrow is genuine or good old-fashioned acting, the following photos and GIFs are sure to make you cringe. While we never enjoy adding insult to injury, at least a majority of the tears shown here are totally fake. That's right, we're referring to you, reality stars. Seriously, what the hell are you ALWAYS crying about?

Tobey Maguire

I prefer my superheroes not blubbering like little babies in every movie.

Snooki (Nicole Polizzi)



Sarah Michelle Gellar


LeBron James


Norman Reedus

This is everyone's favorite badass, by the way. Let that sink in.

Britney Spears

Those are tears of happiness? Good lord.

Chris Crocker

Yeah yeah, Chris, we know.

Shailene Woodley


Kim Richards

She may not be able to show emotion on her face anymore due to all the plastic surgery, but it looks like those forehead veins are still in full swing.

Kim Kardashian


Leonardo DiCaprio

Maybe that's just a spot-on Adam Devine impression.

Lea Michele


Chris Colfer


Paris Hilton

To be fair, she was on her way to prison. Her cry face probably wasn't her number one concern.

Lindsay Lohan


Stewie Griffin


Laura Dern

Pro tip: Cry with the eyes, not the teeth (OK, perhaps Laura Dern is a bad example).

Heidi Montag


James Van Der Beek

Our list wouldn't be complete without him.

Claire Danes

And her. Yikes.

 

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The Ultimate List of 'Survivor' Fun Facts

May 19, 2015, 3:50 am

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It's hard to think of a television show that has been as influential as "Survivor." Since it premiered in 2000, we've seen reality TV rise and fall, with dozens of imitators stepping up to the plate and getting knocked down. As it's just about to wrap up its 30th season (the "Worlds Apart" finale airs May 20th on CBS), we thought it would be a good time to look back on the show and squeeze out some data. If you've ever wondered how much cash each competitor gets, or who holds the record for most times eliminated in a season, this ultimate "Survivor" infographic will give you everything you need to know. Drop your buffs!

 

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New Study Reveals Men Should Watch Porn With Their Girlfriend

May 19, 2015, 5:04 am

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Men everywhere can now proudly show off and reveal the true contents of their computer folder titled "Tax Stuff," as a new study has revealed that not only do men who watch porn have better sex lives, but watching it with someone else is good, too.


A new study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine reveals that out of 280 participants, men who watched porn found it easier to get aroused than men who didn't. And while that might not be a groundbreaking discovery, at least you now have some medical journal facts to show your girlfriend when you get caught after they arrive home early from work.

Also, you should invite others to your viewing party, because according to a doctor of human sexuality (that's a new career path for anyone bored with their current job), watching porn together "expands your sexual repertoire, which is the key to a long-lasting, enjoyable sex life." Hooray for togetherness.

If numbers and facts backed up by nerds don't have you convinced, maybe three attractive English women telling you how to watch porn with your girlfriend will have you more convinced.


British Men's magazine FHM invited Summer, Jo, and Lana to ask them their thoughts on porn. On how to ask a woman to watch porn with you, Lana says "I've always been the one to initiate it actually. I just came out with it. It went down pretty well. So be confident that she'll be up for it. I am!" Good ole Lana.

If you're wondering what type of porn you should suggest to your lady, perhaps keep it on her team. "I personally watch lesbian porn. That's a good place to start," Jo suggests.

And don't have a panic attack trying to figure out when to shut it off and proceed with the real thing: "Why would you press pause? Keep it rolling in the background!" Summer says with an English accent which makes everything sound better.

So people with lab coats and attractive women are confirming that watching porn with your partner is okay. If that's not science, I don't know what is.

 

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16 Different Things That Look Alike

May 19, 2015, 5:50 am

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Throughout childhood, after school specials and pamphlets at doctor's offices inform us to be different, but no matter how hard we try, there will always be someone or something that look a lot like us. Unfortunately, things I've heard I look like range everywhere from animals to everyday objects, so no comparisons to any models yet. Check out these other things that look alike.

































Via The Chive

 

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Teacher Allows Middle School Students To Have Sex In Classroom Closet

May 19, 2015, 6:10 am

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Well this is definitely a different type of sex ed. A Georgia teacher was recently fired after allegedly allowing two students have sex in a classroom closet.



The teacher, Quentin Wright, was fired from his math teaching job when a 14-year-old's mother discovered that her son was learning more than just numbers. The 14-year-old's mother found texts that her son was exchanging with Wright.

"He told my son you can have it from 7:30 to like 8:30," the mother said. "'Did you tell the girl what's going to happen? That she cannot tell anybody?' Basically don't tell anyone I'm allowing you to use my room."

The mother also says that the math teacher sent her son a calender with the schedule of all the teachers, as well as a text saying he did not have condoms. The man offered storage space for sex but no condoms. Not very good sex education if you ask me.

There is currently a warrant out for Wright's arrest.

Via Complex

 

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Teenager Kept Awake For A Week To Prevent Parasite From Eating Eye

May 19, 2015, 7:51 am

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Last night I slept six hours and woke up wanting to kill everyone in sight, but six hours of sleep is a tad better than not sleeping for a week. This is what happened to a teenager in England who was kept awake for a week after a parasite was found in her eye.



Jessica Greaney, above looking normal, thought she had an eye infection when she noticed she had a swollen eye, but after a visit to the eye doctor Greaney discovered she had an Acanthamoeba Keratitis parasite, a parasite that can cause blindness. Below is a picture of the parasite running havoc on Greaney's eye.



Greaney got the parasite after letting tap water get on her contacts, so let's give it up for glasses. I'm pretty sure I begin to sob when I get an eyelash in my eye, so I can't say what I would do with something trying to eat my eyeball. Greaney's eye swelled up to the size of a golf ball as made evident by the picture below.



According to Greaney, she had to put eye drops every ten minutes, thus killing any chance for a proper sleep:

"I wasn't allowed to sleep properly for nearly a week. A method not dissimilar from Chinese water torture; being awake for so many hours led to me watching a shit load of films with my one good eye, including 50 shades of Grey.

I had to close the laptop every time the nurse came in an attempt to prevent her from thinking I was watching some kind of weird porn from my hospital bed."

Sweet Jessica was more concerned with what the nurse would think of her choice of movie than of her zombie eye.



After a week of medication and no sleep, Greaney's eye started getting back to normal. The picture above shows Greaney after recovering. Greaney is still currently taking eye drops to keep the parasite away. So clingy, I swear.

Via Gawker

 

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