Quantcast
Channel: Mandatory
Viewing all 11431 articles
Browse latest View live

Today's Funny Photos


10 Kinds Of Breakups You Might Experience In Your Life

$
0
0
In a sea of breakups, there are a few kinds you might experience in your life. Between unwanted back hair, evil homewreckers and closet douches, there are any number of reasons a relationship could take a dive, but we find the following examples to be the most interesting. Let's hope you don't suffer through any of them.

The Honeymoon Hangover
breakups you might experience, 10 kinds of breakups
We've all fallen victim to the end of the honeymoon period, those blissful couple first months where no wrong word can be uttered, no sweeter gesture made and no surer feeling of complete and total happiness lofted. Then one morning, she's tying her shoes in front of you, and you realize you can't stand the way she chases the bunny backwards around the tree, and you've had enough. At the same time, she notices you blink twice at a time and breathe heavily when she picks the Netflix. Before you know it, your lovey-dovey feelings are suddenly a lot like those moments before gladiators enter the ring: muttering swear words and amping yourself up in the hallway before every time you en. If you can't make it past the honeymoon, we're afraid it was too soon to combine your kitchen appliances.

The Trade-Up
breakups you might experience, 10 kinds of breakups
It's also considered "The Devil's Threesome," but you only get to watch. Anyone living in any major city knows this trick all too well. Everything is rainbows and orange sherbet until one of you finds another with the same qualities, only slightly better. Then it's time to jump ship out of the clear blue. The new person will likely have similar features - facial hair, height and general interests - without the constant need to pee or incessant habit of correcting the other's grammar. You'll notice the trade-up when your now insignificant other's attention span shortens, the number of sleepovers dwindle and some guy named Dirk starts spooning in between the two of you. He likely has a little more money, a better haircut and a nice pair of khaki pants always ironed and ready to politely whisk your woman away. People love what they have until they find something better.

The On-Again, Off-Again
breakups you might experience, 10 kinds of breakups
Also known as "the punisher" (even though I made that up just now) the on-again, off-again is one of the most common breakups in history because every relationship can potentially maintain dozens of them. It's the breakup style of gluttons for punishment who never learn from history, thinking they can right their wrongs only to realize more wrongs along the way. Anybody who falls victim to this is usually insecure, desperate and teetering on that age where their eggs or swimmers are slowly running out their expiration date. Hey, maybe this time will be different. Or maybe not.

The High School Cheat-Hearts
breakups you might experience, 10 kinds of breakups
The couple who never left their teenage bubble to discover other worlds, other lands or other private parts may fall victim to this breakup. You'd think a relationship so comfortable would be glorious, but in the land of high school sweethearts, couples don't grow together or apart. They simply don't grow at all because there has been relatively less to challenge them in their ignorance. When the breakup comes, you'll recognize these people as the ones mesmerized by bars, adult sex shops and gentlemen's clubs because they're seeing them for the first time at the not-so-ripe age of 38.

The Mutually Inconclusive
breakups you might experience, 10 kinds of breakups
The general consensus is a double "I don't know." When neither person really knows what they want, they're bound to stare indecisively at one another hoping they come up with something. Eventually, the well runs dry, the bill comes or the year ends and time has run out. The two will disband and start new relationships where they continue to represent at least half of a dysfunctional relationship incapable of making choices - as simple as where to eat dinner - whatsoever, even with a proverbial gun to their head. Maybe even a real one.

The "It's Not You, It's Me"
breakups you might experience, 10 kinds of breakups
The oldest line in the book still works. It's hard to get mad at someone who dumps you when they take full blame for it. They get out of it without making you feel like a total chump as they quietly celebrate their victory in the car. Meanwhile, you continue to think there's nothing wrong with you. Don't get us wrong, there is something wrong with you, but this will not be the time when you find out what it is. The "it's not you, it's me" breakup puts the couple on decent terms, reduced to semi-platonic non-friends living in the same city who will not see each other until one random day in the grocery store - the most awkward conversation in the history of run-ins when your basket is full of ice cream and sad movies that belong in your VHS collection.

The Rebound Breakup
breakups you might experience, 10 kinds of breakups
One of you knew it wasn't going to work out the moment you walked into it, but hey, regular sex is hard to come by. Before jumping back into the single life, there's nothing like a half-decent, semi-attractive person to help you pick up the broken pieces of your life. You'll know you're in a rebound relationship when you get in fights over issues from the previously unresolved relationship. It's only a matter of time before one of you breaks a vase over the other's head, calling them by your ex's name with fiery rage in your eyes. Then again, you might get off easy and she'll just screw all your friends quietly behind your back.

The "Go Eff Yourself"
breakups you might experience, 10 kinds of breakups
This breakup is defined by its clear disdain for the idea of renewing a relationship for another season. Filled with hate sex and often ending with "I hate you, goodbye'" sex, the "go fuck yourself" fallout is as thrilling as it is saddening. Once the cheating, lying or other miscellaneous dysfunctions have come to light, the terror will quickly ensue with swearing, screaming, slapping and semi-empty threats that at most leave key marks on your car. Fear for the safety of your pets.

This breakup also goes by the name of its late stage attempts at reconciling, despite obvious truths of its impossibility: The Drunk & Disorderly. It may be accompanied by a song outside your window, belligerently begging for forgiveness while the neighbors or, our personal favorite, a hostage situation involving your asshole cat.

The Crier
breakups you might experience, 10 kinds of breakups
You simply can't get a word in without it ending in tears. It's the most awkward breakup of all time, mainly because you haven't said any of the real, honest, hurtful stuff yet and already a box of tissues has been sacrificed. This breakup has to be quick and to the point. "It's not working. I'm sorry, but it's over." You knew this was going to be the case when he started crying during the end of "The Matrix" when Keanu Reeves finally believed he was "the one." Come on, man. You have to know when it's OK to cry.

The "I'm Too Old For This Shit"
breakups you might experience, 10 kinds of breakups
You're a grown-ass man who needs a real woman that will scratch your back after a hard day. She's a grown-ass woman who needs a real man with a job and benefits. It happens to countless couples every single day: the constant battle for balance between a selfish woman and crybaby man-child. The animosity will build until the bubble pops. You'll know it when one of you says the classic Danny Glover line, "I'm getting too old for this shit." The line is usually followed by the slamming of doors or unapologetic pelvic thrusts.

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

Terrified Cats At The Vet

$
0
0
Cats are usually a quiet bunch; they prefer staring aimlessly out of windows for hours, totally ignoring you and recoiling anytime you pat their heads. Furthermore, if you take your cat to the vet, they will have no problem showing you just how fearful they are and how much they hate you for taking them there. Here are the various reactions of cats that just realized they were at the vet.

Funny, Funny Cats, Cats At The Vet

Funny, Funny Cats, Cats At The Vet

Funny, Funny Cats, Cats At The Vet

Funny, Funny Cats, Cats At The Vet

Funny, Funny Cats, Cats At The Vet

Funny, Funny Cats, Cats At The Vet

Funny, Funny Cats, Cats At The Vet

Funny, Funny Cats, Cats At The Vet

Funny, Funny Cats, Cats At The Vet

Funny, Funny Cats, Cats At The Vet

Via Tumblr

Not a fan of reading either, I guess: Cats Against Reading

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

The 10 Dumbest Things About 'Star Wars'

$
0
0
When Disney announced that the Star Wars Expanded Universe was no longer canon, it was as if a million bloggers cried out in anger, and were then really pointedly not silenced. But while we'll all miss great characters like Mara Jade and Quinlan Vos, it's hard to look through all the enormous amounts of Star Wars EU characters, stories and trivia, and not conclude that some of it is sorta... well, dumb. Check out some of the stuff from the Expanded Universe that we're probably better off without, plus a few things from the newer series we'd like to see thrown in the Great Pit of Carkoon as well.

SO MANY CAT ALIENS
Movies, Star Wars, Dumbest Things About Star Wars
If you sit down to write a book full of fantastical alien worlds and unbelievable futuristic societies and the most interesting thing you can come up with is "what if there are people who look like cats" maybe you should consider another line of work. Wookieepedia (yes, that's what it's called) currently lists 23 pages in the category "Feline sentient species." One of these species is named "Felinian," which would be the most groan-inducingly on-the-nose for a race of cat aliens possible if it weren't for the fact that this list also contains the species "Catuman."

PLANET GAY
Movies, Star Wars, Dumbest Things About Star Wars
Developer Bioware is well-known for including gay characters in their games and even allowing players to form gay relationships, so it was a surprise to many when Star Wars: The Old Republic had only boring straight sex, albeit straight sex with space aliens. Responding to public outcry, Bioware addressed the issue with an expansion featuring the planet Makeb, the only place in the entire galaxy where you could be gay. It didn't really help matters, particularly since players who wanted to be gay needed to both spend extra money and gain new levels in order to do so.

TRUMAN CAPOTE THE HUTT
Movies, Star Wars, Dumbest Things About Star Wars
The Clone Wars CGI cartoon introduced us to all sorts of new characters for us to buy action figures of, but none captured the imagination of kids and fans like giant purple space slug Ziro the Hutt: uncle to Jabba, ruthless crime lord, who sounded just like Truman Capote. Why is that? Director Dave Filion: "Ziro, Jabba's uncle, originally spoke in Hutt-ese, like Jabba and then he had a different sluggish voice just like Jabba, and then George [Lucas] one day was watching it and said 'I want him to sound like Truman Capote.' He actually said that and we were like 'Wow!'" "Wow!" is certainly one reaction to that decision, yes. Aren't you glad Lucas isn't able to make decisions like that any more?

FEAR OF A BLACK GALAXY
Movies, Star Wars, Dumbest Things About Star Wars
For such a vast and fantastical universe, it's sort of weird that so far Star Wars has maybe like ten black people in it. Sure Windu and Calrissian are high-profile and cool as hell, and the comics recently introduced Sana Solo (Han's understandably pissed-off estranged wife.) But the next most prominent character is Quarsh Panaka from Phantom Menace, and then we're down to people like the one black commando on Endor and the one black X-Wing pilot above Endor who shoots out a Star Destroyer shield generator, presciently shouting "SHE'S GONNA BLOW!" and immediately got lit the hell up. Surely we're forgetting somebody...

THE MOST IMPORTANT ICE CREAM MAKER IN THE GALAXY
Movies, Star Wars, Dumbest Things About Star Wars
Hell yeah, it's legendary hero Willrow Hood! You remember Willrow-he's the black guy with a rad pompadour who's running down a hallway carrying an ice cream maker as Lando evacuates Cloud City. Willrow Hood appears on screen for just barely a second but his backstory has been spun out into the stuff of grand adventure: a humble gas miner for a Rebel-affiliated company, Willrow braves intrigue, combat and torture to protect the secrets hidden within his ice cream maker, which is in fact a sophisticated computer core that just happens to look exactly like an ice cream maker. The alternative backstory of Willrow Hood is that he is an ice cream salesman who's just made the logical decision to sell ice cream way the hell away from active war zones.

A WRETCHED HIVE OF SCUM AND BACKSTORY
Movies, Star Wars, Dumbest Things About Star Wars
Willrow Hood is just a symptom of another goofy thing about the original trilogy-there's no background character too obscure not to have been given an elaborate fictional history that nobody in their right mind would ever care about. Take the Mos Eisley Cantina ("Chalmun's Spaceport Cantina" to those in the know): literally nobody in there is just stopping by to have a drink. Everyone in there is involved in bizarre interstellar intrigues, from the weird hammerhead-looking guy (Momaw Nadon, exiled high priest of Ithor) to the little squeaky bat-person (Kabe, a homesick Chadra-Fan thief coveting the treasures of the Hutts). In Mos Eisley, if you're a blue-collar repulsorlift mechanic just looking for a tallbeing of Tarkin High Life, you're a rare exception to the crowd of bounty hunters, assassins, and walrus-faced assholes boasting the death sentence on twelve systems.

PLANET ASIA
Movies, Star Wars, Dumbest Things About Star Wars
There's exactly one Asian in the original trilogy-Y-wing pilot Ekelarc Yong, who suffers the fate of pretty much all Y-wing pilots after hollering I'M HIIIIIIT-so somebody decided to compensate by making them their own "near-human" race: the Epicanthix. Yes, they are indeed named after epicanthic folds (the skin fold covering the inner corner of the eye in most Asian people) and yes you're not alone in thinking that's sort of weird. Anything else sort of weirdly racist about the Epicanthix? How about the fact that they're a race of renowned warriors with mysterious mental disciplines? Yeesh.

LUKE'S DOUCHEBAG GREAT-GRANDSON
Movies, Star Wars, Dumbest Things About Star Wars
Jon Ostrander is responsible for some of the best Star Wars comics and characters out there so it's straight-up baffling how he came up with an unlikable turd like Cade Skywalker. Combining the whininess that is the Skywalker heritage with try-hard tattoos and a large amount of guyliner, Cade sulks and grumbles his way through the frequently incomprehensible universe of the Star Wars: Legacy comic, battling his dark nature, his addiction to stupidly-named drugs (why would you ever smoke something that's literally called a deathstick?), and more Darths than you could shake a lightsaber at. The series eventually petered out around the time Marvel took over comic writing responsibilities.

HELL'S OWN WAFFLE CONE
Movies, Star Wars, Dumbest Things About Star Wars
Lots of creators in the Expanded Universe find themselves writing even bigger and badder Imperial megaweapons for the Rebels to bullseye womp-rat-style, but Kevin Anderson turned the ridiculousness up to 11 and broke off the dial with the Sun Crusher. A teeny-tiny spaceship that looks like a flying P-Nutty cone, the Sun Crusher can blow up entire star systems, travel anywhere in the galaxy with a super-hyperdrive, withstand direct hits from the main laser of a Death Star, and generally seems like the kind of thing a six-year-old would invent in order to fight Superman. Thankfully for suns everywhere, the Sun Crusher was flown into a black hole where everyone could forget about it.

JIZZ MUSIC
Movies, Star Wars, Dumbest Things About Star Wars
What joke can be told about jizz music that hasn't been made by giggling teenagers everywhere? From Wookiepedia: "Jizz was an upbeat, swinging genre of music, most notably performed by Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes and the Max Rebo Band." Is that... are you sure that's what that means? The official jizz musician action figures (because of course there are action figures) quietly changed it to "jazz," but every true Star Wars fan demands some good old-fashioned Mos Eisley jizz in their ear.

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

These Parents Ruined Their Kid's Future With These Awful Names

$
0
0
I don't know why some parents decide to fail their children from the get-go by giving them an awful name. I understand that the kid is probably going to ruin your life and ensure you never sleep or have a stress-free day again, but they don't deserve to be named Cheese or Uteraz. You're pretty much just begging for them to live in a hole somewhere while obsessing over women's hair.

It's best to stick with normal names so they can just grow up and be normal adults who disappoint you every day. Take a look at these parents who gave their kids awful names, and for the love of everything please don't name your kid McRib.

Funny, Horrible Names For Children, Parents That Gave Their Children Awful Names

Funny, Horrible Names For Children, Parents That Gave Their Children Awful Names

Funny, Horrible Names For Children, Parents That Gave Their Children Awful Names

Funny, Horrible Names For Children, Parents That Gave Their Children Awful Names

Funny, Horrible Names For Children, Parents That Gave Their Children Awful Names

Funny, Horrible Names For Children, Parents That Gave Their Children Awful Names

Funny, Horrible Names For Children, Parents That Gave Their Children Awful Names

Funny, Horrible Names For Children, Parents That Gave Their Children Awful Names

Funny, Horrible Names For Children, Parents That Gave Their Children Awful Names

Funny, Horrible Names For Children, Parents That Gave Their Children Awful Names

Funny, Horrible Names For Children, Parents That Gave Their Children Awful Names

Funny, Horrible Names For Children, Parents That Gave Their Children Awful Names

Funny, Horrible Names For Children, Parents That Gave Their Children Awful Names

Funny, Horrible Names For Children, Parents That Gave Their Children Awful Names

Funny, Horrible Names For Children, Parents That Gave Their Children Awful Names

Funny, Horrible Names For Children, Parents That Gave Their Children Awful Names

Funny, Horrible Names For Children, Parents That Gave Their Children Awful Names

Via The Chive

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

Bully That Got Knocked Out For Punching Blind Kid Has Been Arrested

$
0
0
By now you may have seen the video of a bully punching a blind kid in the face for some reason, and then that same bully getting knocked out by one punch by another student who was defending the blind kid (if not, the video is below). And as if getting knocked out wasn't embarrassing enough, the bully has now been arrested, as well.


Austin, who is partially blind, was getting pummeled by bully Noah. It is being reported that the two students have never gotten along and that the assault was pretty much the result of their back-and-forth bickering. Austin's friend Cody then stepped in to do what the majority of us would have done if we saw someone beating up a blind kid: he knocked him out. Serves Noah right for not only hitting a blind kid, but for wearing a beanie.

Here's the original video below (warning: graphic language and violence):


Now that the video has gone viral, Noah has been arrested for misdemeanor battery and released to his parents so they can hopefully teach him something very simple: don't hit someone who can't see.

" ...When you punch a blind kid, that's what made me so mad," Cody explains."I kinda regretted it but I kinda didn't because if I didn't Austin would've been more hurt."

Cody also says he "doesn't want to ruin" Noah's life.

Unfortunately, it is also being reported that Cody has been suspended from the high school football team for his actions, but a petition has been started to get him back on it.

Via NY Daily News

Another one bites the dust: Bat-Wielding Idiot Gets Knocked Out With One Punch After Threatening Security Guard

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

15 Signs You're Overcompensating For A Small Penis

$
0
0
There are rules of thumb such as "the bigger the car, the smaller the penis" that give us a good idea of who exactly may be trying to overcompensate for something less than adequate. But they don't cover the gamut. Here are a few other signs that someone might be sporting a mere Tic Tac under their jeans and are trying very hard to draw attention away from it.

1. You compulsively lie to yourself.
overcompensating for your penis, signs you're overcompensating for a small penis

2. Crushing handshakes.
overcompensating for your penis, signs you're overcompensating for a small penis

3. You've told people you "love to scrap."
overcompensating for your penis, signs you're overcompensating for a small penis

4. You talk about boning people's moms.
overcompensating for your penis, signs you're overcompensating for a small penis

5. The classic.
overcompensating for your penis, signs you're overcompensating for a small penis

6. Men's rights activism.
overcompensating for your penis, signs you're overcompensating for a small penis

7. You always gotta be the loudest dude at the bar.
overcompensating for your penis, signs you're overcompensating for a small penis

8. Truck nuts.
overcompensating for your penis, signs you're overcompensating for a small penis

9. Your hobbies align with this guy's.
overcompensating for your penis, signs you're overcompensating for a small penis

10. You measure from the gooch.
overcompensating for your penis, signs you're overcompensating for a small penis

11. Too much bling.
overcompensating for your penis, signs you're overcompensating for a small penis

12. Workout selfies.
overcompensating for your penis, signs you're overcompensating for a small penis

13. You say you're an alpha male and pity those lowly betas.
overcompensating for your penis, signs you're overcompensating for a small penis

14. You refuse to watch Michael Fassbender movies.
overcompensating for your penis, signs you're overcompensating for a small penis

15. You bring your penis extension with you everywhere you go.
overcompensating for your penis, signs you're overcompensating for a small penis

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets

$
0
0
Another week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.

Follow @robfee on Twitter.


Want more? Check out last week's hilarious tweets.

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments


Fox News Anchor Shepard Smith Thinks Leonardo DiCaprio Painted The Mona Lisa

$
0
0
Remember way back in 2002 when Shepard Smith apologized for mistakingly saying "blow job" in a story about Jennifer Lopez and assured us he would never make a colossal screwup like that ever again?

Well, he did it again, although to be fair, it took him just shy of 13 years to do it.

According to Vanity Fair, the Fox News anchor was doing a story yesterday on scientists who are trying their damnedest to find the model for Leonardo Da Vinci's masterpiece "Mona Lisa." The report got off to a tough start, as Smith stumbled and stuttered his way through whatever was typed on the the teleprompter.

Then, boom went the dynamite:


Geez. Just when you thought there was no way DiCaprio could get any more ass, something like this happens. Now an entire generation of idiots watching Fox News are going to think he was also responsible for the greatest painting of all time.

I mean, it's not like any of us really had a shot with his ladies before Smith's blunder, but now that door is officially closed.

Here's another one of Fox News' finest: Fox News Anchor Hits Army Drummer With Poorly Thrown Axe

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

Tiny Tick Found In The UK Can Kill With One Bite

$
0
0
May want to watch out for this, lads.

If you happen to find yourself in a wooded area in the UK for some reason, you should probably get the hell out of there as fast as you can. That's because there's a spider-like creature out there that can kill you with just one bite, as their saliva can trigger a deadly allergic reaction.

News, Tick Kills With One Bite, Tick In UK Kills With One Bite
There is currently no cure for bites from these tiny little assholes, and reactions from them range from an itch to anaphylactic shock. They are also known to pass Lyme disease to people, as well.

These tiny bloodsucking ticks are quite stealth, too. Proteins in their spit evolved to manipulate immune cells so that they can suck blood and transmit pathogens in peace. It has been discovered that global warming and habitat loss is to blame for the increased contact between these ticks and humans. Needy-ass ticks.

News, Tick Kills With One Bite, Tick In UK Kills With One Bite
Scientists are hopeful that a vaccine can be created from the ticks' spit allergen once it is identified, but until then, all you English folks need to stay the hell out of wooded areas.

Via Mirror

Stay away from these guys, too: The 10 Most Venomous Bugs In The World

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

This Is Why It's Important To Let Go In Life

Badass Little Girl Reels In Monster Bass

$
0
0

There's nothing like catching your first fish, but it's seldom captured on video. The sheer joy this little girl experiences from reeling in a giant bass while her dad records the whole thing is worth the price of admission alone. Bonus points go to whoever produces Barbie fishing poles for not cheaping out on quality. That's certainly no tadpole hanging from her line at the end.

Related: Watch This Hillbilly Catch A Fish With His Drone

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

Porn Stars Casually Reveal The Kinkiest Stuff They've Ever Done

$
0
0
We've all occasionally fallen into the black hole of porn and found ourselves watching a clip of something we weren't even sure was allowed. That's when you realize that everything you've thought of has probably been done in porn.

Further proof of that is shown in the video below that includes various porn stars discussing the kinkiest shit they've ever done. Some of these things include being waterboarded, farting glitter, and chilling in buckets of milk because calcium is important.


Believe it or not, there's an uncensored version that you can watch on Wood Rocket.

Might as well learn what they're watching: What Kind Of Porn Are Porn Stars Watching?

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

British Woman's Face Begins To Rot After Snorting Cocaine Cut With Horse-Worming Pills

$
0
0
Geez. It sounds like doing blow in England is almost as dangerous as driving with Billy Joel.

According to The Sun, a 42-year-old woman recently found out the hard way that the Latin American cartels responsible for 80 percent of the UK's cocaine supply are cutting it with the horse-worming pill levamisole, a drug that obviously works best when horses have worms and not when the British are bored.

cocaine rots woman's face, cocaine cut with horse-worming pills
The pill is apparently a cheap substitute for Latin American cutters because farming is their main source of income, but it's also turning cocaine dreams into nightmares for many users in England.

I mean, sure, levamisole is one hell of a stimulant, but it also results in the rotting of flesh, turning ears to black and inflammation of blood vessels when ingested by humans. Many users have even experienced a significant drop in their white blood cell count.

That means from here on out, British cokeheads have a choice: Either introduce your body to a few cans of Red Bull everyday and enjoy having a face, or keep snorting blow that's laced with pills meant for livestock and wind up looking like the lady above. Oh, and did we mention the lesions?

cocaine rots woman's face, cocaine cut with horse-worming pills
Gross. (Photos via The British Medical Journal)

Might want to find a substitute for those Big Macs, too: This Is What Happens To Your Body One Hour After Devouring A Big Mac

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

Harlem Pimp Arrested For Setting Up Naked Hooker Boxing Match To Settle $80 Dispute

$
0
0
Now that sounds like a women's sporting event that I would actually pay to get into.

According to the New York Post, a video exists of three buck naked Harlem prostitutes boxing each other to settle a dispute over 80 bucks, but you'll have to be a member of their pimp's associate's defense team to view it.

sexy boxing girl
It was approximately one year ago that two hookers named Yaya and Indie thought a coworker named Africa had taken $80 from them, so they challenged her to strip naked to prove she didn't have it. The "ladies" then challenged Africa to a boxing match, to which she agreed but only on the condition that they also got butt-ass naked before stepping into the ring. Yaya and Indie obliged.

So far, so good.

"This is how I want to fight," Africa said.

The stage was set, complete with a referee and a cameraman, and Yaya and Indie eventually delivered a "beatdown" of Africa and got their money back. But Africa would get one last shot in, as she ran to a church next door and said she had been kidnapped by her pimp Lorenzo Sykes "for the purposes of sex trafficking."

Police arrested Sykes, Kenneth Brown and the referee in October of last year, and their case is finally being heard by a New York judge. Prosecutors initially refused to let Brown's defense attorneys see the tape of naked boxing match, but the judge ruled they could watch it at the DA's office.

"I want to see it because I want to prove that Africa was injured not by my client but by the other two girls during the fight," Brown's attorney said.

But let's be honest: That's not the only reason why he wants to see it.

Apparently, babies box too: This Footage Of Toddlers Boxing In 1942 Is More Entertaining Than It Should Be

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments


Absolute Moron Scared Of Spiders Tries To Kill One With Lighter And Sets Gas Station On Fire

$
0
0
Hindsight is 20/20, but you have to think some eight-year-old girl would have swiped that spider away with her "Hello Kitty" purse in exchange for pack of Bubblicious or something.

According to Huffington Post, a goddamn idiot in Detroit set a gas station on fire over the weekend when he tried to a kill a spider with his lighter.

No, seriously. That actually happened:



The man told authorities that he was extremely afraid of spiders, so when he opened up his gas tank and saw one crawling around, he felt his only defense was to pull out a 99-cent Bic special and burn that thing to shit.

Technically, he accomplished that, but he also lit the entire pumping station on fire as well. Thankfully, he did have at least one ounce of common sense in his dome, and he found a fire extinguisher to quickly, well, extinguish the flames.

The most surprising part of the story? You guessed it: The state of Michigan said that guy was competent enough to get a driver's license.

​Here's a woman who burned her house to the ground because of a spider: Kansas Woman Sets House On Fire While Trying To Kill Spider

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

Dude, Your Man Bun Is Probably Making You Bald

$
0
0
Sorry, guys. If you want to keep your hair on the top of your head yet continue to look like a super douche, it looks like you're going to have to find a new way to style it.

According to Huffington Post, a dermatologist says "tight man buns" - as in the super popular hairstyle and not fit ass cheeks - are causing many men to go bald.

man buns are causing baldness
"I see it probably once or twice a week," dermatologist Sabra Sullivan said. "They're putting traction on the hair follicles that the hair is not really meant to take."

Sullivan said that she used to see "acute baldness around the hairline and temples" in women, but the recent trend of dudes considering that hairstyle to be chic has changed things up a bit. The hair loss occurs when someone wears their hair pulled back tightly over a long period of time, and it's known in the medical world as traction alopecia.

Of course, this can totally be avoided if you wake up one day and decide you don't want to look like a total sack of Eurotrash.

Here's what NFL quarterbacks would look like after man buns took their toll on their domes: All 32 Of Today's NFL Starting Quarterbacks If They Were Bald

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

New York Man Has Called A Deaf Service More Than 4,000 Times To Masturbate In Front Of Its Employees

$
0
0
Geez. Imagine if this guy put that amount of effort into finding some form of full-time employment.

According to Gawker, some loser in Brooklyn who has the ability to hear is being sued by a video-calling service for the deaf because he has called them more than 4,600 times just to jerk off in front of the company's employees.

man has called deaf service 4,000 times to masturbate
The lawsuit alleges David Marcano called ZVRS, which is a service that allows deaf people to see sign-language interpreters via video chat sessions, 4,646 times solely for the purpose of masturbating in front of its employees.

"In every call made through ZVRS's software platform, Marcano appears on the video call for the purpose of exposing his genitals or masturbating to ZVRS's female staff," the lawsuit states.

The 51-year-old pervert's determination and persistence have been nothing short of astonishing, really, as Marcano has called from at least eight different phone numbers after ZVRS began shutting down his accounts.

ZVRS seems just a tad less impressed with it and hopes the court finds Marcano guilty of "costing the company productivity and business" as well as "causing emotional distress."

They've apparently done some pretty exciting things to the Whopper these days: Florida Man Arrested For Masturbating Inside A Burger King

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

Today's Funny Photos

Here Are Some Very Disappointing Truths About The Porn Industry

$
0
0
For many dudes, masturbating to porn is the next best thing to having sex with a woman. In fact, some men would argue that masturbating to pornography is even better than penetrative sex, as porn costs little money, it won't argue with you, and it's into all kinds of kinky things that put most forms of erotic fiction to shame. But that doesn't mean porn doesn't comes with its share of disappointments. I spoke with Dr. Chauntelle Tibbals, a leading sociologist and author of "Exposure: A Sociologist Explores Sex, Society, And Adult Entertainment," to discuss some disappointing truths about the adult film industry that she discovered when researching for her book.



Porn stars don't earn great salaries.
Back in the late '90s and early '00s, porn actors, producers and directors made bank, earning six-figure incomes and beyond thanks in great part to the Internet, which at the time was booming, void of piracy, and therefore, void of free porn being thieved from paid websites. Due to its success, those in adult film would earn higher incomes as actors and were a prized commodity (like Jenna Jameson), Tibbals says. Nowadays, however, more people are vying for fewer jobs and the average porn star earns a middle-class income. "I know of a very prominent adult actor who works at their production company as an assistant to supplement their income," Tibbals adds. "I really don't think people understand how competitive and difficult the industry is."

Some actors don't like each other at all.
Having sex for a living, you'd figure the films' stars would all just get along, right? Wrong. According to Tibbals, many actors actually compile a "no" list; which is exactly as it sounds: a list of porn stars they refuse to work with.

Sex, Facts About The Porn Industry, Truth About Porn

The orgasms are only sometimes real.
Despite sounding like they're being gutted by a rusted machete (in a good way, if that's possible?) the actresses are doing just that: acting. According to Tibbals, the likelihood of actors truly having an orgasm all depends on a cohesive marriage between the performer, the crew and the environment. And who can blame them? They're getting pounded in very compromising positions not conducive to orgasm, and the person they're having sex with is usually somebody they met 20 minutes prior to filming.

porn star shhh, porn facts, secret porn

Squirting is probably fake.
Squirting is a long-discussed myth within the porn community, one that I've personally been told is fake - at least when it comes to spouting like a sprinkler. Tibbals, however, doesn't give me a direct answer, but instead says "Some people dispute whether a woman who works three or four days a week in the adult film industry is physically able to squirt in every scene," which, to me at least, suggests it's more of a gimmick. While I'm sure that female actresses are wet on set, the act of squirting is highly suspect, and is even rumored to be urine. Therefore, the act should be renamed the "golden bidet."

Sex, Facts About The Porn Industry, Truth About Porn

Tube sites are killing the industry.
Tube sites are undoubtedly the mightiest adversary of the porn industry. Because of consumer entitlement ("all of this stuff should be free!"), tube sites and their subsequent popularity have hurt the industry's longevity. In case you're unaware, tube sites are populated by people who steal content from paid websites and upload "crappy and grainy" (Tibbals adjectives) versions of them to tube sites for consumers to view for free, all while earning profit through views. While it may seem as though they're doing Robin Hood's work for the consumer, they're actually making it hard for porn films to make money. And by not making money, more films can't be made.

Tubes sites also hurt your favorite star's career
In the same way we're killing the industry by watching free porn from tube sites, we're hurting our favorite porn stars by not letting the studio see their return on investment by featuring that actress."By paying for her clip, you demonstrate to a producer that you want to see more of her, just as you do when paying for a movie ticket," Tibbals says. By watching these actresses for free, producers will only see how many clicks she receives, which, from a business perspective, doesn't mean squat. "You're taking the future away from the performer."

Porn is less profitable than it was a decade ago.
In addition to the actors making less, the industry as a whole is much less profitable than it used to be, Tibbals informs. Less people are working because fewer jobs are available, and many major porn production companies have closed their doors due to the decreasing profits.

Sex, Facts About The Porn Industry, Truth About Porn

Few people can make careers in porn.
"The industry has never seen so many people interested in working in it," Tibbals says. This could be because much of the stigma surrounding adult film has been banished, and that porn has become more of an entrepreneurship than anything else. From the outside looking in, doing something like webcam modeling on live sex website is a profitable cause. But the truth of the matter is, the porn "star" is much less a star now, and is much more of a porn "flavor of the week." A woman's career in the industry doesn't last long on average.

Sets aren't elaborate or sexy.
"Some studios will do big productions, but the majority of porn that's shot are very small productions in a room with tons of lighting," Tibbals says. Add on top of that the fact that, generally (unless they're filming some grand-scale orgy) there are more people not having sex on set than there are people actually doing it. Which could be awkward.

Sex, Facts About The Porn Industry, Truth About Porn

The crew is - unlike the actors' wieners - incredibly small.
"The majority of porn that's shot is a very small production with a skeleton crew" Tibbals - who's visited her fair share of porn sets during her 10-years studying the industry - says. "You'll have a director, a producer, the actors, and maybe a personal assistant. Like, maybe four people." Tibbals adds that with this small staff (which is likely the result of budget cuts) comes charm. "Because it's a small community, there is a lot of joking," she admits. While people are having sex, they joke. When they stop to pose for photos, they joke. "It's a lot more funny and goofy than you'd expect, it's not really passionate at all. Just a bunch of dorks hanging out.

More: 25 Random Facts About The Porn Industry

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

Viewing all 11431 articles
Browse latest View live




Latest Images