@GreenishDuck

Fun Fact: 100% of people don't know what to do with a dirty dish at someone else's house.

@ToneLoaf

I just ate a whole can of spinach in 2 seconds and violently threw up. Cartoons are full of shit.

@Juskewitch

The sidewalk is a little road for people who are so poor they have to drive their legs.

@briangaar

If she says "I'm fine" that means she's fine and you can keep playing Xbox.

@CoreyNotKori

"Girl, your rhinestone encrusted flip phone tricked me into thinking you were a princess!" - No one ever

@ColorMeScradd

Me: Got any more of those debbled eggs?

Friend: Did you just say DEBBLED eggs?

Me: No, I said the right thing...

@matttuff

Rest areas are weird. The guy in the stall next to me has four feet.

@CoatCzech

My wife is one of those people who can read five books at the same time but I can barely finish the one I'm coloring.

@sweet_toof

I want to wear glasses just so I can take them off and rub my eyes with my palms in exasperation when someone says something stupid.

@OhNoSheTwitnt

My other calendar is a packet of birth control pills.

@PaulyPeligroso

I liked dubstep when it was called starting your dial-up modem.

@GarrettCake

"What have I done?!! Everybody run!!" - Creator of the boomerang

@Squirreljustice

Oh what a tangled a tangled web we weave when we ingest a bunch of opiates and try to operate a loom.

@letsgetgizzy

No one eats chocolate in tiny orgasmic bites like the women in the commercials. You shove it in your face hole as fast as you can, then cry.

@NickSchug

"Alrightalrightalrightalrightalrightalright..." Andre 3000 on the phone with his mom.

@IAmMaggieMull

After I tweet, I usually recline in my chair with my hands behind my head & say "let the retweets begin!" Sometimes I bleed from my ears.

@Paxochka

The best thing about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that lonely bed of yours. Left, right, middle, whatever.

@bulls_horns

Why does the person right in front of me at Subway always treat building a sandwich like they're buying a fucking car?

The differences are subtle.

This graph on running is 100% accurate.

This is the second best reason I've ever heard to not die a virgin.

I feel like I may have written this book.

In fairness, that's a pretty difficult question.

Who wore it better?

Alabama is essentially the black belt of redneck ninja.

31,103 teens are very, very stupid.

This is a helpful reminder.

I need to drink more milk.

Why wasn't this movie nominated for any Oscars?

Boys and girls have very different sex education classes.

Ain't no party like a sombrero pope party.

How the Christian Right sees Harry Potter.

Always predictable.

This facemorph is called Zooey DaveChappelle.

Oh deer.

Click here to see more That Escalated Quickly photos.

You should probably be careful even around wax Michael Jackson 

It's really hard to keep up with this watch.

That's a shitty job.

Troll teacher FTW.

When Matt Damon does motion capture work, he really commits.

"Jonathan Livingston Seagull" by Richard Bach

This is one of the first novellas every person should read who can comprehend the concept that their life is about to take off, and whichever direction it goes is up to them. You could be 10, or you could be 24 before the real meaning of this book finally grabs you. No joking there.

It's simply a short story about a young seagull who learns to take flight and follow his own ambitions, even if it's against all odds and the rest of the flock. Many of us choose to follow what looks good to us based on what we see in other people, ignoring what lies inside ourselves.

This book is a great practice in learning about our capabilities, limitations and what it truly means to take flight.

"The Great Gatsby" by F. Scott Fitzgerald

Arguably one of the greatest novels of all time, the story about love, lies and deception all amongst a great party in a golden era has been celebrated unlike any other novel. This is the story of a young man living in the 1920s who strikes a friendship with the greatest host and human fabrication of all, the great Jay Gatsby. The story unfolds from a peaceful summer setting into a wild, ridiculous ride into the truth of Gatsby's world.

If male companionship, east coast summers on the lake and unrequited love are any of your Facebook interests, this novel will steal you away from your floundering, boring life. Beware that Tobey Maguire is the young narrator in the upcoming Baz Luhrmann adaptation of this novel; just block that part out of your mind and wait for another great role for Leo DeCaprio.

"The Catcher in the Rye" by J.D. Salinger

Another held high piece of literature surrounding teen angst and adventures of misspent youth, "Catcher in the Rye" follows a young Holden Caulfield amid his expulsion from prep school who finds himself traveling through some of life's biggest road blocks and poignant moments, with anything from booze to bullies to call-girls to losing his virginity, or not losing it, along the long ride home.

This novel is another appropriately placed signpost on the road of life, which young readers can use as a model for liberation or as a lesson learned on the importance of staying in school. The book, noted as one of the greats of the 20th century, dials in the teenage dialect precisely, making the dialogue seem like you're right there in the conversation with him, even when he's paying some girl for her time.

If you're interested in other works, check out "Nine Stories."

"The Rum Diary" by Hunter S. Thompson

It'd be easier to just say read all of Hunter's novels, but this being his first seems most appropriate if you've never read any of his work. A snapshot of Hunter's early life as a novelist, he visits Puerto Rico as an unsuccessful writer who picks up a job at the local crumbling newspaper, falls deep into it with a beautiful girl who belongs to another man and drinks enough rum to drown a flock of bald eagles.

The diary is a practice in the art of storytelling that pulls you into the landscape of a paradise long before the art of bulldozing without the need for a strong ending, simply a snapshot of a good man's life, a man who lived somewhat recklessly but worthy enough to put it into pages. Don't rely on Hollywood's colorful display of Johnny Depp to give you the real experience, for it doesn't supersede the novel with its tricks and rewrites. Old Hunter would roll in his grave and start firing his shotgun from six feet below if someone screened that for him.

If you're interested in other works, check out "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas."

"Tropic of Cancer" by Henry Miller

Henry Miller was always a writer who rode on his emotions and observations rather than being consumed in the story, a unique approach to writing that seems somewhat lost in today's literature. The novel holds true to Miller's life as he depicts his struggling time in Paris as a writer living a somewhat wretched life but fully immersed in an honest living. Responsible for many good things to follow it in literature, Miller bears it all, emotions and experiences in this highly confessional piece of art, so much so that the novel was banned for its obscenity and sexual candor. Bravo, Henry.

There are cues within the novel, which was carefully written for nearly a decade in the 1930s, that we can still take from this book today about living a strong, emotional life full of openness to oneself and the people surrounding us. Plus, these novels can probably teach you a little something about getting the girls riled up.

If you're interested in other works, check out "Stand Still Like the Hummingbird."

"The Sun Also Rises" by Ernest Hemingway

If the nightlife of a midnight in Paris isn't appealing to you, then you might be dead inside. Hemingway, easily one of the greatest novelists in history, wrote very clearly about the evenings of the 1920s in France, surprisingly so considering the amount of drinks involved. Any fan of classy gals, drinks and dancing, carriage rides, fishing trips and bullfights will appreciate Hemingway's clear vision of a wounded warrior (himself) wandering through one of the finest cities during one its most exciting times, and the women, escapades, decadence and late nights that came with it.

If you're interested in other works, check out "The Old Man and the Sea."

"On the Road" by Jack Kerouac

For all the barriers we put on ourselves to escape adventure and stay close to home, this novel will rip off those chains and liberate your feet until you're strapped into a car, which you may have to steal, ready to visit the road ahead. Kerouac found his notoriety in documenting his life on the road, aimless and hellbent, but open-minded and full of life. Although your mother may not agree with his unpredictability and unapparent approach to a responsible life, these are adventures that can either be inspiring or vicarious, depending on how strict your mother is.

"On the Road" follows Kerouac through a 1940s road trip across America in a vehicle for driving, drug use and nonconformity. In a search for the meaning of life, as well as a need to disconnect, Kerouac goes a little off road in both literal and metaphorical form, following his whims, looking for love and living poetically in the kind of way that would make Hunter S. Thompson your biggest fan.

If you're interested in other works, check out "Dharma Bums."

"1984" by George Orwell

A gloomy but powerful novel, highly regarded and strong with its words, George Orwell's "1984" casts a futuristic look into how he saw the years to come as he was nearing his own death in real life in the late 1940s. His tragically imaginative take on the future of our world is probably where we get our hocus pocus ideas for our future now, where aliens appear and always want to bring our demise, and shiny buildings and spaceships exist where normal life used to.

In Orwell's story, he tries to keep things pretty grounded, showing a strict way of living under total authority. Although it may not be the reality of the actual 1984 we experienced, his take is much more compelling and thought-provoking.

If you're interested in other works, check out "Animal Farm."

Marc Summers

It seems impossible that somebody who dealt with cascading green slime and other gak every day on the set of "Double Dare" would have an obsessive fear of germs, but Marc Summers somehow managed to survive it. The Nickelodeon mainstay's OCD led him to shower immediately after each show, and then again at home the same day. His home was arranged along strict rules and he became upset when anything was out of place. Combinations of behavioral therapy and medication have helped him get it under control.

Cameron Diaz

One of the most public stars in Hollywood when it comes to obsessive-compulsive disorder, Cameron Diaz's condition manifests itself as an overwhelming fear of germs, especially on doorknobs. In her home, the polish is worn off of every knob because she insists on opening them with her elbows. She also cleans her house daily and washes her hands multiple times every day. Diaz has generally had success controlling her OCD symptoms and it doesn't affect her work on the set.

Justin Timberlake

It's interesting that Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz dated for so long, considering they both have struggled with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Timberlake is self-diagnosed as having a mixture of OCD and attention-deficit disorder, which seems like a very difficult thing to deal with on a daily basis. Some of the behaviors that he has admitted publicly include making sure things are lined up at perfect right angles and ensuring that certain food items are always present in his fridge.

Howie Mandel

The host of "Deal or No Deal" is one of the most public OCD sufferers in the entertainment industry. His makeup artists are required to use fresh sponges every day, he never touches handrails, and he won't put money in his hands until after it's been washed. Howie's crippling fear of germs kicks off endless, circular loops of panic around the possibility of getting a disease from any surface. If you meet him, you'll notice that he refuses to shake hands, preferring a slightly more hygienic fistbump.

David Beckham

OCD affects people in the world of sport as well, and one of the most high-profile athletes to suffer from it is soccer star David Beckham. Beckham becomes agitated if objects aren't arranged precisely, and odd numbers also upset off his obsessive-compulsive mind. He's even been known to rearrange hotel furniture if it doesn't line up neatly enough for him. Beckham admits that living with OCD can be quite tiring, but he claims that not giving into his compulsions is even more exhausting because he can't stop thinking about it.

Related: Athletes With Weird Phobias

Leonardo DiCaprio

Actor Leonardo DiCaprio's obsessive-compulsive tendencies first became apparent when he was a child, as he was constantly forcing himself to step on every gum stain he saw on the sidewalk while avoiding cracks. With time, he managed to overcome that compulsion for the most part, but he admits that it sometimes comes back to plague him. DiCaprio actually used his OCD tendencies when he played Howard Hughes in "The Aviator," as Hughes had some pretty serious germaphobia and would only make physical contact with specially selected Mormon aides.

Howard Stern

It's kind of funny that a man who has made a very good living plumbing the depths of human depravity could have OCD, but Howard Stern's battle with the condition was no laughing matter. When he was first getting his start in broadcasting just out of college, Stern's anxiety manifested itself as a series of obsessive rituals that he had to perform, including tapping his car radio dial a certain number of times with his right hand before turning it on.

Billy Bob Thornton

The iconoclastic actor has dealt with a lot of issues in his life including dyslexia, but obsessive-compulsive disorder is one of his biggest worries. His abusive childhood instilled a number of mental safety valves. Thornton's OCD manifests itself in repetition - he's talked about having to take his mail out of his mailbox and put it back in three times, and he also assigns numbers to individual people and mentally refers to them by those numbers. On one of his band's albums, there's a song called "Always Countin'" about the condition.

NBC

NBC has been represented by a peacock ever since early NBC star Milton Berle bit the head off of one on a live broadcast-oh sorry, that was actually a pheasant. NBC's real peacock connection began in 1956 with a brightly-plumaged eleven-feather bird created to show off NBC's color programming (and advertise owner RCA's new color televisions).

Oddly, it wasn't until thirty years later that the peacock became the official NBC logo, at which point the tail was trimmed down to six feathers to represent the then six divisions of the company. The beak was also moved to the right side, so that the bird would be "facing the future" or possibly just scanning the horizon for a hungry Milton Berle.

Amazon.com

When you think about it, a river (or possibly a savage female warrior) doesn't have a lot to do with selling books or MP3s or Segways or whatever, so Jeff Bezos' decision to name his online startup "Amazon" would be a little hard to explain if you didn't know that his principal goal in finding a name was to get one that would appear early in alphabetic order.

In that frame of mind, it's easy to see the joke that appears in the logo-an arrow extending from "a" to "z" that conveys the idea of movement and shipping as well as Amazon's claim that they have everything from a to z.

FedEx

Ubiquitous today, the "abbreviated" FedEx logo and name was designed in 1994 by multinational branding consultants Landor and Associates, replacing a rather blah slanted treatment of the name that had been in use since the company's birth.

The new logo was meant to celebrate the company's expansion from airfreight to all types of courier services, and to do so it incorporated a clever use of negative space-the void between the E and the X is in fact an arrow pointing to the right, a visual trick that is almost impossible to stop noticing once you first see it. Later on the color of the Ex would be changed to show which part of the company the truck, office or airplane was associated with, with green for ground, gray for corporate, and orange for the planes.

The Big Ten (1990-2011)

First of all, for those of you who don't know much about football but thought they were pretty good at counting, the Big Ten Conference consists of twelve members. Before this, the Big Ten comprised eleven teams in the time between the invitation of Penn State (1990) and the invitation of the University of Nebraska (2011).

Penn State's addition caused a minor crisis, as although the conference had briefly been known (correctly) as the Big Nine during a period early in the century when Michigan was on the outs, it had been called and marketed as the Big Ten for over seventy years and nobody could get themselves used to "Big Eleven." The solution: another deft use of negative space to carve the number 11 out of the G and the T.

It was replaced upon Nebraska's addition with B1G, the G sort of looking like a clumsy zero and therefore reinforcing the false idea that the Big Ten Conference is a conference of ten members. For even more fun, wait until 2014, when Rutgers and University of Maryland are set to join the conference which will almost certainly still be referred to as the Big Ten, at which point all logic and reason will be banished from the universe forever.

Northwest Airlines (old logo)

Once the airline with attitude and now the airline with debt, NWA "updated" their logo in 2003 (possibly hoping to hide from creditors) by making it much lamer. Their logo from 1989 until then was a creation of Landor and Associates and was considered quite striking even without considering the nifty hidden elements of the design-the triangle to the upper left not only forms a W, but its position within the circle alludes to a compass pointing northwest.

The current design half-heartedly echoes the compass configuration, choosing instead to make us believe that the airline is in some way associated with Dr. Dre (a ridiculous assertion as Dre is on the board of directors for Air France).

Toblerone

Because triangular things just taste better, Toblerones are popularly considered an upscale candy for the elite to nibble as they view the Hershey's-chomping hordes with thinly veiled disgust. But what if I was to tell you each Toblerone bar concealed a huge deadly animal, poised to leap out and cause lethal havoc?

Subtly hidden in the details of the mountain is a prancing bear, a popular symbol of the candy's home town of Bern, Switzerland, which we can only imagine is a terrifying dystopia ruled by murderous bears, enslaving the Swiss by the thousands to manufacture their lucrative chocolatey treats. Probably should just stick to the Hershey bar in that case.

Cisco

A minimalist collection of lines and letters above the blinking red light on your modem that means you need to call Comcast and pay your cable bill, the Cisco name and logo are a quiet tribute to its original headquarters in San Francisco.

The lines represent the supporting cables of the Golden Gate Bridge, and while today the company is run from San Jose, it's said that in the early days of Cisco the engineers were so committed to their hometown that they refused to capitalize the company's name in memos.