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Clik here to view.Twitter1 of 20Another week, another batch of inappropriately hilarious tweets compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them yourself. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.
Follow @robfee on Twitter.
What kind of emotional tailspin causes people to "like" Lysol on Facebook?
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Clik here to view.Twitter2 of 20Fun Fact: 100% of people don't know what to do with a dirty dish at someone else's house.
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Clik here to view.Twitter3 of 20I just ate a whole can of spinach in 2 seconds and violently threw up. Cartoons are full of shit.
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Clik here to view.Twitter4 of 20The sidewalk is a little road for people who are so poor they have to drive their legs.
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Clik here to view.Twitter5 of 20If she says "I'm fine" that means she's fine and you can keep playing Xbox.
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Clik here to view.Twitter6 of 20"Girl, your rhinestone encrusted flip phone tricked me into thinking you were a princess!" - No one ever
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Clik here to view.Twitter7 of 20Me: Got any more of those debbled eggs?
Friend: Did you just say DEBBLED eggs?
Me: No, I said the right thing...
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Clik here to view.Twitter8 of 20Rest areas are weird. The guy in the stall next to me has four feet.
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Clik here to view.Twitter9 of 20My wife is one of those people who can read five books at the same time but I can barely finish the one I'm coloring.
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Clik here to view.Twitter10 of 20I want to wear glasses just so I can take them off and rub my eyes with my palms in exasperation when someone says something stupid.
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Clik here to view.Twitter11 of 20My other calendar is a packet of birth control pills.
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Clik here to view.Twitter12 of 20I liked dubstep when it was called starting your dial-up modem.
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Clik here to view.Twitter13 of 20"What have I done?!! Everybody run!!" - Creator of the boomerang
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Clik here to view.Twitter14 of 20Oh what a tangled a tangled web we weave when we ingest a bunch of opiates and try to operate a loom.
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Clik here to view.Twitter15 of 20No one eats chocolate in tiny orgasmic bites like the women in the commercials. You shove it in your face hole as fast as you can, then cry.
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Clik here to view.Twitter16 of 20"Alrightalrightalrightalrightalrightalright..." Andre 3000 on the phone with his mom.
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Clik here to view.Twitter17 of 20After I tweet, I usually recline in my chair with my hands behind my head & say "let the retweets begin!" Sometimes I bleed from my ears.
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Clik here to view.Twitter18 of 20The best thing about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that lonely bed of yours. Left, right, middle, whatever.
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Clik here to view.Twitter19 of 20Why does the person right in front of me at Subway always treat building a sandwich like they're buying a fucking car?
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Clik here to view.Twitter20 of 20Next: Last Week's Most Hilarious TweetsSeeyuhadaloda crooks tryasteeyohawt neverrellyhala coolenevuhfigyaow howdaluv. Howdaluuuv. (rough translation of that Lil Wayne song)
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