You're also too drunk to spell "colonel" correctly:Professor: "looks like mamas wrong again."Bobby: "No Kernel Sanders you're wrong."
- Landon Gray (@landongray97) March 6, 2013
And not obsessed enough with spelling:As the great kernel sanders once said. I'm to drunk to taste this chicken.
- Cameron Bond (@Bondie69) March 12, 2013
I hope Mr. Mueller isn't your English teacher:I'm more obsessed with breast and thighs than Kernel Sanders.
- Mark Diaz (@Bazaar_Man) March 12, 2013
I don't even get what this means:I swear mr mueller could look like kernel sanders from KFC if he dressed like him .
- Mitch Clemens (@mitchclemens1) March 11, 2013
If you were going to misspell a famous person's name, whose name would it be?:Kernel Sanders must live in my neighborhood cuz all they have down here is church's chicken but I smell KFC...I mean this is the south.
- Joseph Julian Soria (@JJSoria) January 12, 2013
Maybe spend less time playing "Draw Something" and more time playing "Spell Something":If you could meet a famous person, whom would you like to meet?... - Kernel sanders ask.fm/a/1p7ll299
- Tyree Harriott (@tyreeluvchicken) December 30, 2012
This is supposed to be kernel sanders.. If anyone wants to play with me haha sen_m twitter.com/sen_m/status/1...
- Ksenia (@sen_m) March 16, 2012
Today's funny photo gallery has the answers to all of life's deepest questions. Especially "do you know where I can find some funny photos?"
It's always nice to give your friend a beer hug.
Seems like a fair trade.
I love bathroom humor.
This looks way easier than it is in real life.
This is genius.
Every day in college.
I like this guy's style. (And his balls.)
That's a nice couch and chair ensemble.
The world needs more dogs standing next to their dog drawings.
Of course.
This is why William Shatner is awesome.
Thug life has nothing on Internet life.
Click her for more Perfectly Timed Photos.
This law will never be broken.
Obvious sloth is very obvious.
Danielle Fishel is an American actress best known for her role as Topanga Lawrence on "Boy Meets World." Click ahead for a gallery of this buxom TV star, and check her out in the April issue of Maxim.
Danielle Fishel was born in 1981 in Mesa, Arizona.
She started her professional acting career at the age of ten after being discovered in a community theatre.
From the age of 12 to 19, she worked on "Boy Meets World."
She said of her experience after the show, "If you're a girl just off a young kid show and you're 18, everyone wants you to be in their movie and take off your top."
From 2008-2012, she attended and graduated from Cal State Fullerton.
Danielle is set to reprise her role as Topanga (this time as a mother) in the "Boy Meets World" sequel entitled "Girl Meets World."
Fun fact: Lance Bass was her high school prom date.
Danielle's middle name is Christine.
Danielle Fishel lives in Los Angeles.
So many athletes, past and present are known by wacky nicknames, but where do they originate? Can you tell which nicknames are real and which ones we made up for your favorite superstars? Check out this test we put together to see if you can identify the real background stories from the fake and maybe learn a thing or two about your childhood hero or a new sensation. Scroll down to start. Good luck!
Toni "The Croatian Sensation" Kukoc
Originating from Croatia, Kukoc began as the backup forward for the Chicago Bulls behind superstar Scottie Pippen then went on to win multiple championships with the team. He got his nickname by being the most well-known and decorated player to ever come out of Croatia.
FACT
Thurman "The Train Conductor" Thomas
The Hall of Fame running back for the Buffalo Bills got his nickname from his true passion, being a train conductor. Thomas would sometimes miss practices and even games because he would insist on travelling to every team event via boxcar. The movie Unstoppable was based on a portion of his life.
FICTION
Danny "Tom Hanks From Big Disease" Ferry
Ferry spent the majority of his athletic career with the Cleveland Cavaliers where he averaged 13.3 points per game. This may not sound outstanding until you realize his nickname comes from the fact that he was actually a 12-year-old boy who made a wish to be an adult just like the Tom Hanks movie from the 80s. Although Ferry was a close, personal friend of Robert Loggia, the two never played a giant, impractical piano together. Ferry now appears to be 46 but is actually closer to 30.
FICTION
Stephon "Starbury" Marbury
Marbury actually gave himself the nickname of "Starbury" shortly after his time on the US Olympic team in 2004. He felt that he was quite a superstar and also apparently loved wordplay, thus the birth of his nickname "Starbury." It was also the name of his terrible sneakers that you could purchase for the same price as a footlong Subway Steak Melt at the retail giant Steve & Barry's.
FACT
John "The Child Murderer" Olerud
The legendary Blue Jays first baseman was known for his consistent play, his hard-shelled helmet that he constantly wore, and his tremendous career batting average of .295. However, most don't know that his teammates had another nickname for him, The Child Murderer.
The only thing John loved more than baseball was luring children from the stands and murdering them in the dugout. He murdered hundreds of kids throughout his career and shockingly never raised any suspicions. You would think from the nickname alone someone would ask a question but you'd be wrong. They never put the two things together. (Those two things being the obscene amount of child murders and John's nickname being The Child Murderer)
FICTION, obviously.
Guy "The Flower" LaFleur
LaFleur was a legend winning five Stanley Cups and three scoring titles. His nickname derived from his graceful style on the ice and that his last name literally translates to "The Flower." It was a no-brainer to give him a nickname that, although sounds quite dainty, suited his playing style quite well.
FACT
Horace "Turbo Tax" Grant
The Chicago Bulls star was known by many because of his tenacious rebounding and large goggles, but those around him knew him best by his love of tax preparations. Often during timeouts the Bulls would have such a large lead that, instead of drawing up plays, Coach Phil Jackson would let Grant write out tax deductions and proper ways to file a 1099 on the dry erase board. During the 1992 season Grant actually made more money working for H&R Block than he did playing in the NBA.
FICTION
Dustin "Monster Mash" Penner
The LA Kings left wing sensation was part of the Stanley Cup Championship team in 2012 but at the end of his career may be best remembered for his insatiable love of the Bobby "Boris" Pickett song The Monster Mash. Rumor has it Penner has every piece of Monster Mash memorabilia available on the market including Pickett's severed foot he lost to diabetes in 1977.
Although it's difficult to tell through his uniform, Penner also has the lyrics in their entirety tattooed on his body like the movie Memento. He tried to legally change his name to Mon Star Mash in 2006 but was denied by a judge. He is still fighting the ruling to this very day.
FICTION
Randy "Big Unit" Johnson
Standing at a towering 6-foot-10-inches, the future hall of fame pitcher either received his nickname from teammates after seeing him tower over the pitcher's mound during games where he launched some of the fastest pitches in professional baseball history. Although the nickname does sound sexually inappropriate, we're just going to assume it was because of his height and not locker room hijinks.
FACT
Otis "Tupac's Real Killer" Nixon
The former Atlanta Braves outfielder received this ominous nickname after he murdered rapper Tupac Shakur. Many believe that Suge Knight was the person responsible for Tupac's death but Nixon very proudly proclaimed that it was him. He petitioned to have his jersey reprinted and instead of having his name on the back, he wanted a picture of Tupac's face crossed out with the phrase "I killed this guy." written under it. Of course Major League Baseball declined.
FICTION
Barry "Three Kids in a Trenchcoat" Larkin
The Cincinnati Reds shortstop was elected into the Baseball Hall of Fame in January of 2012 which is an impressive feat on its own, but even more awe-inspiring when you realize he is actually three children sitting on each other's shoulders in a trenchcoat. "I can't believe no one ever noticed" said Larkin. "Sometimes one of us would literally tumble out of the trenchcoat onto the field and no one seemed to mind. Why was I allowed to even wear a trenchcoat?" he asked. What an inspiration to the young and those young at heart. An inspiring story indeed.
FICTION
Once upon a time, a polar bear and a wolf loved each other very much and created some sort of polar bear/wolf dog hybrid that then went on to have its own babies. That dog jumped on a chair and all of it's puppies followed eagerly. The owners did what all owners do when their animals do something cute and photographed it to post it to the world wide web...and just like that, the meme of the Storytelling Dog was born.
And there, standing in the doorway, she saw the vacuum.
Back in the 90s, All the dogs were let out and nobody knows who did it.
Some say they know who the good boy is.
They will try to tell you it's real bacon. I'm here to tell you, boys and girls. Do not believe them.
And when he turned around...His tail was still there.
And that, kids is the story of the boy who cried woof.
I once owned every tree and fire hydrant in the city.
Some say humans' voices aren't always that silly.
Yes, it does exist little ones. It's a land full of treats, toys, and friends of dogs alike. The masters call it the "Petco."
One day I woke up and lord Jesus my balls were not there.
Arf
If he says "Speak", just bark. If you actually speak that'll really freak him out.
I don't know why, but everything is funnier in gif form. So, once again here is this week's batch of the funniest, weirdest and all-around awesomest gifs the Internet had to offer.
He's going to give Batman such a hard time in 15 years.
I always had a hunch corgis could do this.
Taco mouth-to-mouth is a life-saving skill to have.
No one seems too happy about this situation.
I see you.
Do it again.
This is why I prefer regular old airplanes.
Everyone usually needs two attempts to walk through doors.
This is mesmerizing.
If you don't want to watch Amy Poehler dance in space, then you need to look inside yourself.
This is so goddamn accurate.
Instead of babies, I wish we made baby monkeys.
Almost.
*cue Dionne Warwick*
'Cause that's what friends are for.
We know how you feel, Dave.
There's Parkour. And there's Park-OH SHIT.
(This is the second one.)
Slide fail.
Whenever I try to do anything.
This corgi has excellent timing.
Whoops.
Perfect aim.
This looks like a very good time.
I love these explosion gifs.
Surfing down your roof is always a good idea.
Where we're going, we don't need doors.
You never really see adults trying these sorts of stunts.
This is what every Mandatory edit meeting looks like.
Where can I buy a toilet paper blower?
When chairs dream.
The only thing this gif is missing is the Benny Hill theme song.
Good ol' Russia.
When it comes to television, nothing good can last forever, unless you're "General Hospital" or "The Simpsons." Even then, you're pushing it after more than two decades of work. With "30 Rock" and "Fringe" already in the can after short-lived final seasons, it's time to focus on the rest of the notable departures from TV we will have to endure in 2013. Let's hope they go out with a bang.
The Office (May 16)
A pioneer in successful laugh-track free mockumentaries to air in America will soon be off the air. NBC's golden goose ever since shows like "Seinfeld" and "Friends" went off the air and the network's highest rated series for nine seasons will say goodbye on May 16, 2013, which also happens to be its 200th episode.
This begs many questions. Will Michael Scott return? Will he be pregnant if he does return? What about Ryan (B.J. Novak) and the Indian girl who somehow got her own show? Will Jim and Pam realize their relationship is fictional, and pretty much worthless to the show now? Will Andy lock it down with Erin? Will Erin lock it down with the young Jim Halpert type? Is the young Dwight-like intern the future of television? If so, should we just throw our TVs away? Will Meredith finally give us a full frontal?
So many questions to be answered, but luckily the finale will be an hour long in order to figure it all out.
Breaking Bad (Season 5 returns July 14, finale in early September)
It's becoming clear, (blue) crystal clear, that this finale will go down in the record books as possibly the biggest TV drama finale in history. Aaron Paul and Bryan Cranston return for the final eight episodes of Vince Gilligan's maniacal meth series "Breaking Bad."
The final season was split into two short seasons after the creators had a skirmish with AMC about continuing the show. If any story needed a clear ending, this would be the deserving one, but Gilligan left off the fourth season in a way that could have satisfied fans if the show hadn't been picked up.
The first half of the final season ended with D.E.A. agent/brother-in-law of the drug lord himself, Hank, finding out about Walt's dirty little chemistry experiment. The mid-season premiere will likely start with Walt on the run, changing his name and buying big guns, hopefully for killing Skylar (she's the worst!).
The only question is just how it will end for Walter White. Some say that Jesse (Aaron Paul) should be the one to kill him. Others think it'd be good if everybody died but Walt, leaving him alone with nothing but regret. Whatever happens, we trust Gilligan has it just right, per usual.
Parks and Recreation (unknown)
Out of thin air, NBC ordered up 22 more episodes of "Parks and Recreation" this year, but tacked on a footnote that this would be the show's fifth and final season. Kid sister to "The Office," this show has seemingly become more of the fan favorite with its endless list of ace characters and Jerry moments.
Unfortunately, NBC is losing grip with its current shows, most of which are on the way out. "Parks and Rec" was considered for a shortened season like "Community" and "30 Rock," but proved worthy of a full season to match "The Office."
All we know to expect after the blessed union of Amy Poehler and Adam Scott's characters is that the Pawnee craziness will continue for at least a few more episodes. The real tragedy will come when we are no longer treated to a consistent viewing of Ron Swanson. Breakfast foods will never taste the same again.
Arrested Development (May 4 on Netflix)
Back just long enough to go away on the same day, this binge viewing of one of the best canceled shows in the history of television has made a roaring comeback. Since the show's success lied heavily on DVD sales in the aftermath of its demise, it will try a new venue for our viewing pleasure, Netflix, for its release.
Coming back with 14 episodes (originally planned for 10), the show has a lot of ground to cover with each Bluth character, building up to its finale and then rolling into at least one film.
Expect failed magic tricks, a possible grown-up relationship for Michael Cera and double fisting martinis in this new season. It's safe to say this will be the comedy event of the year, beginning on May 4 and probably ending on May 4, for most fans.
Community
The NBC stepchild comedy has just returned for a shortened, final season. To this, we inquire as to what the point is. Ratings were already down before the show returned out of the blue and now with Chevy Chase being written off, it's clearly the end for the peacock's secondhand show.
The "Glee" meets "The Office" type comedy will be lucky to get through the entire season with any viewers left, since it has struggled since conception to find its target audience. Maybe it was just picked up by the wrong network or perhaps the lack of a Steve Carell-caliber lead character hurt it. It's hard to say, but this will definitely be the last run for "Community" on NBC.
666 Park Avenue (Summer)
The short-lived ABC horror series costarring "Lost" star Terry O'Quinn and a group of extraordinarily B-list actors will be closing up shop by summer 2013. The show, based loosely on the Gabriella Pierce novel followed a new couple into the Drake Hotel of Upper East Side Manhattan.
The show was picked up for a shortened 13-episode season, the first nine of which aired but quickly dropped off after the premiere. The show will return with its final episodes and definitive ending for the summer, which will please its three fans.
Life's Too Short (Summer)
The understated Ricky Gervais HBO series with so much downplayed humor that it was almost awkward to sit through has come and gone. The show was actually rather funny, if you get humor and have a sense of it, with uneasy conversations between Gervais's right-hand midget friend, Warwick Davis, and the likes of Johnny Depp and Liam Neeson.
The show, canceled after only seven episodes, was considered for a special later this year, which HBO granted despite the show's lacking in ratings. This is probably due to the strong affinity people have for Ricky Gervais and his ability to make people feel strange things. If only Steve Carell had done an Americanized remake of this, then they'd really have something.
Expect the special hopefully in the summer, jam-packed with British accents and dry humor.
Ben and Kate (finale date still unknown)
This show needs little introduction, because if you've seen the Fox flop, you'd understand why the final three unaired episodes will probably never see the light of day. The show was ordered up for 18 episodes, but with six left in production, the network pulled it due to its staggering ability to suck.
But get this: Fox is bringing the sitcom back. The second life will begin on April 27th as part of their late Saturday night lineup. However, only "Ben and Kate" reruns will air, and it is unclear if the three originals yet to be broadcast ever will be. If you care that much, stay tuned, but we know you know better.
Boss
The boss may be out of the office for a while, but he'll be back in soon enough to ruin your weekend. The Kelsey Grammer-led Starz program about a Chicago mayor that loses his job and his mind ended in late 2012. But the "Cheers" actor and sole successful spin-off star of television is now being considered for a run in the movie box office.
The show, known for its slow but steady ratings and solid cast, were not welcomed back for a third season, but executives feel the show had enough promise to return in 2013 for a two-hour movie conclusion. How the ending will be presented is undetermined, but we can hope for Grammer to return as Beast from "X-Men" to make it a character crossover classic.
Dexter (late 2013)
You'll have to wait a few extra months, but by the end of 2013, your favorite serial killer will be dead, too. Michael C. Hall's "Dexter" character has given himself just enough rope to hang himself by the end of season eight, coming this September.
Although the show continues to do well, almost carrying Showtime in the fall months, Hall has said he's done after the eighth season, and since he kind of is this show, that should be a wrap for the Miami forensics specialist turned killer turned dad.
*Spoiler alert* Last season ended with Debra killing off her lieutenant in lieu of Dexter, leaving the characters in the weirdest place they've been to date, and that includes when Deb told her brother she was in love with him.
If they're going for a poetic ending, it would be his son now old enough to understand who Dexter really is and be the one to kill Dexter, leaving the story open for a legacy of serial killing. But in all honesty, he might just slip on a banana peel and fall on an open dishwasher, or finally sleep with his sister and contract a fatal sexually transmitted disease. That'll really teach people a lesson. Time will tell.
by Matt Shirley
We've all heard it before, the war cry of a group of guys stuck at a mediocre bar: "It will get better!" But it never does, and here's why.
What do you want? Funny photos. And when you want them? Every day at around the same time in the morning.
They're easily confused.
Darwin was right.
As far as face swaps go, this is one of the best.
Click here for more very odd face swaps.
And immediately the face swap ante has been upped.
Well, maybe one regert...er, regret.
Click here for the worst tattoos in the world.
This photo comparison makes me very happy.
Click here for more "You Had One Job" fails.
Well, I guess he's in charge.
Not even once.
This should probably become a meme.
I bet that overall, that cat has a pretty awesome life, except for moments like these.
Bacon, lettuce, tomato looks way more fun than rock, paper, scissors.
I don't see anything wrong with this photo.
Whoa, Grandma.
Don't worry, pretty soon she'll eat her fears.
This is an awesome letter a guy got from his Japanese neighbor. I really want to hang out with him. H/T to Reddit.
If you do this, you are an asshole, not a genius.
You must have done a great job.
It's not always what you think it is.
I bet those crackers are tasty. Like, really tasty.
St. Patrick's Day is a great excuse to drink all day and not have to worry about anyone giving you a hard time for it. But that doesn't mean you have to knock back crappy green beers and plastic bottled liquor like you're back in the fraternity. It's the perfect time to try some different, more sophisticated flavors than what you're use to.
We at Mandatory have the opportunity to sample a variety of different spirits and this collection - Irish or not - contains some of our recent favorites. You've got a few days to prepare for St. Patrick's Day, you should consider trying some (or all) of the delicious suggestions in this guide.
Since Jameson Irish Whiskey is the second most popular export out of Ireland (next to Guinness) (Third is hangovers) we're pretty sure you're already familiar with this delicious dram. You've seen their awesome John Jameson series of commercials and have probably already tried this quite a few times, so here's one thing to keep in mind when you're thinking about Irish whiskey: If bourbon is on the sweeter side and scotch is on the smokier side, Irish whiskies (generally) fall somewhere in the middle. Their elevated versatility makes them easier to drink and are one of the few spirits that you can shoot with your friends or sip by a nice fire. Slainte!
With spirit distilled and still maturing since 1868, The Dalmore has some of the oldest and most rare stocks of any malt distillery. Over 150 years of tirelessly searching for perfection has culminated in an unparalleled collection of rich, intense and truly brilliant single malt whiskies.
It's hard to choose a favorite out of the bunch since I enjoyed them all incredibly, but you really can't go wrong with The 18. The Double Gold Medal Winner (2011 S.F. World Spirits Competition) offers a provocative and intense taste experience with an enduring aftertaste of cinnamon and nutmeg that is meant to be enjoyed slowly.
Affectionately known as "Shackleton's whisky", this spirit is a replica of the century old whisky found under Ernest Shackleton's hut on the Antarctic. We could describe how amazing the flavor is, but we wouldn't even come close to doing it the kind of justice that Richard Paterson, Master Blender did:
"Delicate aromas of crushed apple, pear and pineapple aroused my senses before enticing notes of vanilla, creamy caramel, oak and nutmeg completed this ecstasy of delight. This symphony of sensuality continued on the palate with whispers of bonfire smoke, salty sea spray slowly giving way to spicy rich toffee, moist fig cake and pecan pie. A complex finale of crème brulee, orange rind, fresh baked bread and marzipan truly rewarded the palate. It was a gift from heaven"
This glorious whiskey/flask combo is not for the casual party drinker. Created by the world's most advanced structural technologies by the Advanced Product Design Team at Oakley, the armored, nearly indestructible body protects the investment that is the accompanying custom crafted, 22-year-old single malt All-American scotch whisky. A mere 550 limited edition flasks are available at $1,500.00, making this an iconic and bold collectible for any important man.
Kilbeggan comes from the oldest distillery in the world. Over 250 years, the people in County Westmeath have mastered the process of blending the finest grain and malt whiskeys for a smooth, sweet taste and lovely malty finish.
This is the manliest cream liqueur you'll find on the market, combining Irish whiskey and Irish dairy cream with a delicious in-house chocolate recipe. The special process Bailey's uses to mix the whiskey with the cream removes any need for artificial preservatives. Use it to make some Irish Car Bombs and you'll be feeling good and punchy in no time.
The great thing about Bushmills is that they offer a wide range of expressions. The 10-year-old is much, much different than the 16-year-old (which is one of my personal favorites.) But you know what's the best idea? Trying them all.
If you're not familiar with Highland Park scotch, you probably should be. And once you've acquainted yourself with their standard expressions, you'll most likely be down to spring for their new 15-year-old Loki expression inspired by a Norse god of the same name. This is more of a collector's whiskey (note the rather awesome wood carving stand it comes with), but what better time to start your scotch collection than right now. (Or right after your next drink.)
Redbreast
If you like Irish whiskey, then you should make sure you try Redbreast. It's slightly lesser known than Jameson and Bushmills, but that's just because it keeps it real when it comes to advertising (i.e. they don't advertise.) In 2010, famed Irish Whiskey writer Jim Murray called Redbreast the Irish Whiskey of the Year. What else do you need to know?
If a strong liquor isn't really your thing, that doesn't mean you can't join in on the St. Patrick's Day fun. Believe it or not, cider consumption in Ireland has roots that are centuries old. Angry Orchard Hard Cider is the #1 U.S. selling brand of hard cider with quite a few flavors to choose from (Traditional Dry, Crisp Apple, and Apple Ginger). Enjoy them as is or feel free to make them even more St. Patty's Day friendly by adding a little Irish whiskey to create a refreshing "Patrick's Apple Orchard" as seen in the image.
If you've ever wondered what your favorite adult film stars (you do have a favorite, right?) look like in real life, well, then this photo gallery is for you.
These photos originally appeared on adult film makeup professional Melissa Makeup's Instagram feed. Then it got picked up by Reddit and now you're seeing it.
This is adult film star Alana Croft before and after makeup.
What's amazing is that these girls look like totally different people in their before and after shots. Keep clicking to see 39 more makeup-less adult film stars.
Allie Haze
Peru
Tori Black
Amor Hilton
Layla Sin
Anikke Albright
Aria Amor
Nina Dove
Jennifer White
Ash Hollywood
Brenda Moreno
Also Check Out: Victoria's Secret Models Without Makeup
Cassandra Nix
Chanel Preston
Tatiyana Foxx
Also Check Out: Victoria's Secret Models Without Makeup
Tori Lux
Dani Daniels
Also Check Out: Teachers Who Were Also Adult Stars
Darryl Hanah
Zarena Summers
Draven Star
Also Check Out: Victoria's Secret Models Without Makeup
Eidyia
Elle Alexandra
Jessica Mor
Jessica Nyx
Also Check Out: Victoria's Secret Models Without Makeup
Kat Dior
Krysta Kaos
Melissa Hill (she's 43)
Nikki Lee Young
Also Check Out: Victoria's Secret Models Without Makeup
Nikki Benz
Odette Delacroix
Veruca James
Penny Pax
Proxy Paige
Puma Swede
Rilee Marks
Riley Reid
Samantha Saint
Sierra Cure
Sophie Dee
Yasmine Deleon
