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Natalie Dormer is the Queen of Our Hearts

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Phil Jackson's Best One-Liners

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phil jacksonPhil Jackson joined Twitter recently. And while he isn't the Tweet Master just yet, The Zen Master is the undisputed king of the pot shot. Here's a look at the most glorious insults, quips and one-liners Phil Jackson dished out over his career.

Target: Jeff Van Gundy
Date: February 2000
Reason: As part of their war of words, Van Gundy had called Phil "Big Chief Triangle." (Phil's nickname for JVG? Jeff Van Gumby.)
Quote: "Coaches should not be on the court, but the little coaches they let run on the court because they don't see them."
Snark Level: 9 out of 10

Target: Sacramento, California
Date: November 2000
Reason: Phil had enough of the rowdy fans in that year's Western Conference playoffs.
Quote: "We're talking about semi-civilized in Sacramento. Those people are just redneck in some form or fashion. That's their team, their game, the one game in town. What else do they play? Picking fruits and vegetables?"
Snark Level: 8 out of 10

Target: Peak sneakers
Date: January 2010
Reason: Ron Artest came down with plantar fasciitis in both feet after wearing the Chinese kicks.
Quote: "I've called his shoes concrete blocks for about the last month. [They] look like they're made for the Hudson River. But he sticks with 'em."
Snark Level: 9 out of 10

Target: CSI
Date: November 2009
Reason: An injured Pau Gasol made a cameo on the hit show.
Quote: "I never watched it before. I can't believe people actually watch that stuff. I told Pau to keep his night job."
Snark Level: 7 out of 10

Target: Craig Sager
Date: Every time
Reason: Wouldn't you?
Quote: "I didn't recognize you right away. I thought you were the Good Humor ice cream man standing over there on the sideline."
Snark Level: 10 out of 10

kobe bryantTarget: Kobe Bryant
Date: October 2004
Reason: Phil was trying to sell his new book, The Last Season: A Team in Search of its Soul.
Excerpt: "I won't coach this team next year if he is still here. He won't listen to anyone. I've had it with this kid."
Bonus Kobe Retort: "I'd rather read Lord of the Rings in one day. You know what I'm saying? But I wish him all the best with his book."
Double Snark Level: 7 out of 10

Target: Kobe Bryant (yep, again)
Date: March 2011
Reason: Phil knows who the best player in history was.
Quote: "Stop comparing anyone to Michael Jordan. It's just not fair. Kobe has patterned himself after Michael and there are a lot of identical things there. But it's one thing to hope to be like him, it's another thing to be like him."
Snark Level: 6 out of 10

Target: 1994-95 Houston Rockets
Date: December 2010
Reason: Phil was asked if the Bulls would have won the Rockets' two rings if Michael Jordan had been playing.
Quote: "Definitely. Without a doubt. Clearly, if the Bulls were whole, we would have won. It's pretty much registered by now. When Michael played, we won championships."
Snark Level: 7 out of 10

Target: Memphis, Tennessee
Date: December 2005
Reason: He was just being honest, really.
Quote: "It's like Dresden after the war."
Snark Level: 10 out of 10

Target: Mormonism
Date: June 1997
Reason: Phil was defending Dennis Rodman, who had just earned the highest fine in NBA history for insulting the Jazz's Mormon fans.
Quote: "To Dennis, a Mormon may just be a nickname for people from Utah. He may not even know it's a religious cult or sect or whatever."
Snark Level: 6 out of 10

Target: Boston Celtics
Date: June 2010
Reason: Phil's speech during a team huddle was caught by ABC cameras.
Quote: "They know how to lose in the fourth and they are showing us that right now."
Snark Level: 9 out of 10

Target: The fans of Oklahoma City
Date: March 2009
Reason: Just cause
Quote: "They haven't really figured out the NBA game, the length of it. They get all fired up in the beginning, and it's a marathon. It's not like college where you can come out and get a 15-point lead and you can win the game."
Snark Level: 8 out of 10

lebron jamesTarget: Miami Heat
Date: March 2011
Reason: Some Heat players were caught crying in the locker room after a one-point loss.
Quote: "This is the NBA: No Boys Allowed. Big boys don't cry. But, if you're going to do it, do it in the toilet where no one can see."
Snark Level: 7 out of 10

Target: Vladimir Radmanovic
Date: December 2006
Reason: Vlad wasn't living up to a new five-year, $30.2 million contract.
Quote: "He's a space cadet. He could be on Mars. He's one of those guys that you go like, 'Do you understand really what we're trying to get accomplished here?'"
Snark Level: 9 out of 10

Target: Kevin Durant
Date: April 2010
Reason: To psyche out Kevin Durant.
Quote: "He gets to the line early and often. As far as the calls that he gets on the floor, I think a lot of the referees are treating him like a superstar."
Snark Level: 5 out of 10

Target: New York Knicks
Date: June 2012
Reason: Phil was asked by HBO's Real Sports if he would want to coach the franchise.
Quote: "There's just too much work that needs to be done with that team. It's a little bit of a clumsy team...Carmelo has to be a better passer. The ball can't stop every time it hits his hands."
Snarkiness Level: 4 out of 10

Target: Orlando, Florida
Date: February 2000
Reason: To piss off Magic fans.
Quote: "If you want a plastic city like Orlando that has warm weather and golf courses, that's fine. But if you want a city that has meat and grist to it and has a culture, Chicago has it."
Snark Level: 7 out of 10

Target: The NBA owning the New Orleans Hornets
Date: December 2010
Reason: Phil can see into the future.
Quote: "Who's going to trade who to whom? Who's going to pull the button when Chris [Paul] says he has to be traded? How's that going to go? I don't know. Somebody's going to have to make a very nonjudgmental decision on that part that's not going to irritate anybody else in this league. I don't know how they're going to do that."
Snark Level: 5 out of 10
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The Biggest Surprises in NCAA Tournament History

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Easter: Over The Years

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What we think about Easter changes drastically as we grow older. Not only do we find out that our parents are liars regarding the Easter bunny (spoiler alert, kids), but even our taste in candy changes. Take a trip down memory lane as we explore typical Easter thoughts along the path to adulthood.

easter chart, easter by age, easter over the years, funny easter pic, funny easter photo

 

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The Miami Heat Winning Streak Lasted Longer Than These 15 Things

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By Brett Smiley

Before last night's stunning upset at the hands of the still-D-Rose-less Chicago Bulls, the Miami Heat hadn't lost since before the Baltimore Ravens won the Super Bowl. In fact, it was on Super Bowl Sunday, February 3, that the Heat began ripping the league with their now concluded 27-game winning streakmiami heat winning streak, lebron james, mario chalmers. Miami's streak fell six shy of the 1971-1972 Lakers' record run of 33 games, which lasted 65 days. The Heat's streak reached 53 days and lasted long enough that ESPN found a way to compare them to Michael Jordan's Bulls, although that still doesn't tell us that much. So let's put this thing in perspective with a whole bunch of random, ridiculous things that failed to endure as long as Miami's string of W's.
david blaine, vertigo
1 day, 12 hours - Duration of David Blaine's Vertigo stunt, when the magician stood atop a 100-foot tall and 22-inch wide pillar in Bryant Park, New York City.

3 days -- Length of time last December that Russian drivers became stuck in a 125-mile long traffic jam on a highway between St. Petersburg and Moscow.

6 days -- The Charlotte Bobcats longest winning streak this season, which spanned November 10 to November 16 (three wins).

9 days -- NBA ledennis rodman wedding dressgend and bizarre North Korean diplomat Dennis Rodman shared just over one week of wedded bliss with Carmen Electra before he filed for annulment. Maybe the discord had something to do with his wearing a wedding dress two years earlier to promote his book "Bad As I Wanna Be."

12 days, 18 hours -- Flight time for NASA's final space shuttle mission, a four-person crew aboard the Atlantis that landed at Kennedy Space Center in late July 2011.

13 days -- Speaking of Kennedy, the Cuban Missile Crisis confrontation between the U.S. and U.S.S.R./Cuba endured nearly two full weeks in October 1962.

15 days -- Amount of time required for construction of a 30-story, 183,000-square-foot hotel in Hunan Province, China. The hotel isn't a giant, flimsy log cabin, either, but a steel powerhouse capable of surviving 9.0 magnitude earthquake.
william henry harrison
21 days -- Approximate length of time Jack Kerouac needed to write Beat Generation classic novel "On the Road" in 1951.

29 days -- Span over which Dodgers great Orel Hershiser pitched 59 consecutive innings without allowing a single run, from August 30, 1988 to September 28, 1988.

30 days -- The abbreviated term served by ninth U.S. President William Henry Harrison, who died of complications from pneumonia in April of 1841.

35 days -- Or five weeks, the length of time Baauer's "Harlem Shake" has reigned atop the 100 US Singles chart. Coincidentally, the Miami Heat edition of these videos is one of the most popular.



39 days -- Duration of the Great Emu War in Australia in 1932, when soldiers armed with machine guns faced down the native flightless birds that ran amok, eating and ruining crops. The Emu Command fell approximately 986 birds with 9,860 rounds of ammunition; the emus returned no fire.napoleon dynamite cartoon

49 days -- Or six episodes over seven weeks, the amount of time Fox gave the "Napoleon Dynamite" cartoon series a shot in 2012.

49 days -- In 1953, Sir Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay became the first people to climb to Mount Everest's summit at 29,028 feet after a brutal seven-week trek that culminated with a final 800 feet of "extreme height."

53 days -- Length of the miserable 26-game losing streak suffered by LeBron's former team, the Cleveland Cavaliers. The futility streak lasted from December 20, 2010 to February 11, 2011 in the first season after King James took his talents to South Beach.
cleveland cavaliers losing streak, ramon sessions

 

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The Worst Scary Movie Titles You Will Ever See

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The Funniest GIFs of the Week - March 28, 2013

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Today's Funniest Photos 3-28-13

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Lena Headey Always Pays Her Debts (With Sexy Photos)

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Kid Has A Very Hard Time Saying "Dump Truck"

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This kid is very excited that he knows the name of the object he is holding. Unfortunately for him, he hasn't learned how to properly pronounce the "TR" sound just yet. Fortunately for us, the letter he replaces it with makes this video absolutely hilarious.

 

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Actresses Without Teeth Will Make You Smile A Big Toothy Grin

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There is a Tumblr out there called Actresses Without Teeth and it really does a fantastic job of utilizing the Internet's favorite two things: famous people and Photoshop. All you will see on this Tumblr is picture after picture of the most glamourous female celebs -- with totally toothless and very gummy smiles. It's disturbing and awesome all at the same time and we can't recommend it enough.

actresses without teeth, sofia vergara
actresses without teeth, emma watson
actresses without teeth, anne hathaway, amanda seyfried
actresses without teeth, taylor swiftactresses without teeth, sex in the city

There are plenty more of these on Actresses Without Teeth.

 

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Sophie Reade is Blonde and Busty

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Sophie Howard is the Obvious Choice

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The Hottest MLB WAGs of 2013

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The Best Phil Jackson Press Conferences and Interviews

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Holly Peers Will Pierce Your Heart

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Military Projects That Were (Understandably) Cancelled

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Should You Take A Shower Or A Bath?: A Flowchart

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If you're not disgusting (or poor), you're faced with a decision of whether to shower or bathe almost every day. To help you make the right decision, we've put together this flowchart that will guide you through the steps to ultimate cleanliness.

shower or bath flowchart, funny pic, funny photo, funny shower, funny bath

 

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Holiday Cocktails (Easter Edition): Good Morning Milan

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Created by Michael Klein, PDT in NYC

Whether or not you celebrate the Easter holiday, you can always celebrate life with a delicious cocktail recipe. The Good Morning Milan, a drink that includes egg and mascarpone milk, is like a grown up version of a Cadbury Creme Egg. Happy Easter!
easter cocktail, good morning milan
Ingredients:

2 oz. Black Grouse
.75 oz. Lemon Juice
.75 oz. Sage Honey Syrup
.5 oz. Mascarpone Milk (1:1)
2 Dashes of Lavender Tincture
Egg White

Preparation:

Dry shake, then shake with ice and strain into a chilled Collins glass. Top with Soda, garnish with lavender.

 

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Phil Jackson Throughout the Years

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