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It's Thanksgiving weekend, so we've gathered the most hilarious and inappropriate tweets making the rounds about the holiday. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them yourself. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead ... like your turkey.
Follow @robfee on Twitter, and check out his bestselling comedy album, "Grape Stomp," on iTunes.
Watch out, families in sitcoms - your Thanksgiving dinner will NOT go as planned!
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Twitter2 of 20
Thanksgiving is an American holiday where the entire family comes together to shit in one guest toilet.
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Twitter3 of 20
Golden Corral Thanksgiving Day Buffet! Only costs 12.99 and any chance you have of ever being happy again
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Twitter4 of 20
Thanksgiving: continuing the age-old tradition of eating amongst people who will eventually murder each other
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Twitter5 of 20
Nobody ever wants to be included in your "Happy Thanksgiving!" mass text.
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Twitter6 of 20
An article on non traditional Thanksgiving ideas suggested throwing a cocktail party so I think I'm going to do that except just drink alone
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Twitter7 of 20
Get your pubes under control before you ruin Thanksgiving
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Twitter8 of 20
This is the last weekend you have to sew elastic panels into your Thanksgiving pants.
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Twitter9 of 20
There's a special place in hell for people that play Christmas music before Thanksgiving.
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Twitter10 of 20
you don't need Thanksgiving to hate your family
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Twitter11 of 20
SPOILER ALERT: I plan on playing The Walking Dead theme song on loop during Thanksgiving dinner.
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Twitter12 of 20
Can't wait to hide in the bathroom and avoid talking to everyone in my family on thanksgiving.
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Twitter13 of 20
Keep Thanksgiving guests from falling asleep on your couch by infusing the gravy with cocaine.
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Twitter14 of 20
Feels like I'm at the bottom of a well and people are trying to save me but I'm like "Go away. I wanna die here. It's cool. Happy Thanksgiving"
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Twitter15 of 20
Thanksgiving with my distant relatives is like Thanksgiving with the Lannisters except they're less attractive and say the n-word a lot.
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Twitter16 of 20
Get into the Thanksgiving spirit by jiggling under your girlfriend's unsuspecting upper arm and saying "gobble gobble gobble!"
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Twitter17 of 20
Sorry you have to sit at the kid's table this Thanksgiving, but we had to switch someone with Elmo.
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Twitter18 of 20
Now when something awkward happens, I'm going to rank it from "slightly awkward" to "Petraeus family Thanksgiving awkward."
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Twitter19 of 20
Add authenticity to your Thanksgiving festivities by decorating with gourds, and summarily executing Hopi tribal villagers with muskets.
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Twitter20 of 20Next: Last Week's Most Hilarious Tweets
Why does everyone wait until Thanksgiving to see how much shit they can stuff in a turkey's ass?