These "entrepreneurs" have gigantic balls. It takes a sack of monumental proportions to convince the masses your product is genius, when in fact, it's shit. But it's pretty easy for people to lose themselves in the lucrativeness of painting a pretty picture of an ugly brainchild. These are the biggest scams ever perpetrated by man.
1. Bling H2O
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Price: $38.98
Industry: Water
Review: Nothing signifies "culture of excess" like a bottle of water called "Bling" with "crystals" on the glass retailing for $40. Hyped by the MTV Video Music Awards and The Emmy's, its target consumer appears to be one who would spend hunger-solving money on frivolities such as dubs and iced-out grills.
I sincerely hope the person behind Bling H2O had to sell his Armadale stock and chrome gauntlets to keep this dishonest dung afloat. And yes, I'm a hater. Hate me.
2. Harmony Chip
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Price: $197
Industry: Crystal Healing
Review: My dog died the other day and I've been chronically ill with a fever. Thankfully I bought the Harmony Chip and my dog came back to life and my fever went away.
Yep, the Harmony Chip is a bonafide cure-all. According to their website, it alleviates aches and pains, cures high blood pressure, and can even fix your car. Is your cell phone experiencing "electro-smog"? Just apply the Harmony Chip to it and electro-smog-be-gone!
Hiding behind the vague and frankly magical concept of quantum mechanics, the Harmony Chip harnesses powers unbeknownst to man. As it states on the packaging, "Never remove the plastic foil," or life may cease to exist, lowering the drapes of a simulated reality a la "The Matrix." Or it could just be some plastic.
Pay $197 to be immortal.
3. HeadOn
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Price: $5.24
Industry: Placebo
Review: 'Twas a product claiming to cure the common headache, backed by a commercial that ran for consecutive months between 2006 and 2007. But alas, it was just wax in a tube.
Serving as a fine example of the marketing technique of repeating a lie big enough many times without shame or cessation, HeadOn ended up nothing more than a homeopathic (read: bullshit) product for the gullible masses. "Apply directly to the forehead!"
4. Power Balance Bracelets
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Price: $22.66
Industry: Juju
Review: Seizing the power of holographic technology to make you jump higher, swim faster, and evade the authorities better than ever before, the Power Balance bracelet was exposed and consequently admitted as a scam, personally by its Australian director in 2010:
"In our advertising we stated that Power Balance wristbands improved your strength, balance and flexibility. We admit that there is no credible scientific evidence that supports our claims and therefore we engaged in misleading conduct in breach of s52 of the Trade Practices Act 1974. If you feel you have been misled by our promotions, we wish to unreservedly apologize and offer a full refund."
The company filed Chapter 11 Bankruptcy and settled on a $57 million lawsuit in 2011. Although blatantly obvious to the casual observer that Shaquille played worse in Boston than anywhere else in his career - failing to induce mystical wizardry in his veins - that didn't stop a sizable clientele from spending millions in hopes to be just like Mike.
5. Miss Cleo
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Price: Call Cleo for Free (not really - they made over $1 billion)
Industry: Shamanism
Review: As a millennial, I viewed Miss Cleo as my surrogate Jamaican mother who told me everything would be OK so long as I emptied my soul for a nominal fee. But those home-wreckers at the Federal Trade Commission would indict my beloved mother from another brother with deceptive advertising, billing, and collection practices. Well, not Cleo personally, but her employer.
I still believe in Cleo, no matter what the naysayers say. Straight up.
6. Vector Marketing - Cutco Knives
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Price: Pay for entry into a Ponzi
Industry: Exploiting Young People
Review: You answer a vague ad. They call you into an interview. You tell your parents you have one and it seems great. You're on top of the world. Then you enter a nondescript building in a barren part of town and feel a searing sensation in your tummy telling you to drive away. Fearing parental disappointment you enter anyway and attend a motivational speech by some guy who wants you to pay for your training, give them your friends' numbers, and read a shitload of testimonials (propaganda) bellowing from on high, "Cutco saves lives!"
More than 8,000 people search 'Vector Marketing scam' into Google every month. The business model: Luring young people and giving them a set of steak knives and telling them to sell it, often to relatives who feel bad for you and buy them to make you feel good. In the end, Vector Marketing preys on your desire to get a job, leaving you with less money because you paid for transportation and a pretty new suit.
Pro-tip: If you have no experience and someone wants to hire you, it's too good to be true, high schoolers.
7. An Amazing Nigerian Investment Opportunity!
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Price: Your life's savings
Industry: Conning Grandma
Review: It is my kindly pleasure to write to you today, Mrs. Gertrude Smith. I am Prince Adetokunbo Birungi, hier to King Ekundayo. I must kindly have your bank account number, for my father-king was murdered by Congo rebels and I am in desperate situation, kindly please. I must hide money in your bank account. Like now. I shall deposit $500,000,000 at once and you shall reap 40 percent of money. Thank you kindly, and give me bank account number, kindly. Kindly reply. - Price Adetokuno, son of Ekundayo
8. Campus Textbooks
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Price: 900 percent more than Amazon
Industry: Robbing Parents
Review: Has it ever occurred to universities that students won't by the books, thus adversely affecting their education?
9. Peter Popoff
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Price: Your Soul
Industry: Faith Huckstering
Review: Lawdy lawd. I bought the Miracle Spring Water and dabbed it on my forehead, just like HeadOn, and my problems gone away. Seriously, if you're dumb enough to believe a packet of tap water will solve your problems, you're dumb enough to pay the $19 Popoff asks in return.
10. Paying for Porn
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Price: $20 to $40 monthly
Industry: Boners
Review: When I was 14, I carried around the same nudie poker card for eight months. I considered her my girlfriend. Now, I'm pimping for free.
1. Bling H2O
Price: $38.98
Industry: Water
Review: Nothing signifies "culture of excess" like a bottle of water called "Bling" with "crystals" on the glass retailing for $40. Hyped by the MTV Video Music Awards and The Emmy's, its target consumer appears to be one who would spend hunger-solving money on frivolities such as dubs and iced-out grills.
I sincerely hope the person behind Bling H2O had to sell his Armadale stock and chrome gauntlets to keep this dishonest dung afloat. And yes, I'm a hater. Hate me.
2. Harmony Chip
Price: $197
Industry: Crystal Healing
Review: My dog died the other day and I've been chronically ill with a fever. Thankfully I bought the Harmony Chip and my dog came back to life and my fever went away.
Yep, the Harmony Chip is a bonafide cure-all. According to their website, it alleviates aches and pains, cures high blood pressure, and can even fix your car. Is your cell phone experiencing "electro-smog"? Just apply the Harmony Chip to it and electro-smog-be-gone!
Hiding behind the vague and frankly magical concept of quantum mechanics, the Harmony Chip harnesses powers unbeknownst to man. As it states on the packaging, "Never remove the plastic foil," or life may cease to exist, lowering the drapes of a simulated reality a la "The Matrix." Or it could just be some plastic.
Pay $197 to be immortal.
3. HeadOn
Price: $5.24
Industry: Placebo
Review: 'Twas a product claiming to cure the common headache, backed by a commercial that ran for consecutive months between 2006 and 2007. But alas, it was just wax in a tube.
Serving as a fine example of the marketing technique of repeating a lie big enough many times without shame or cessation, HeadOn ended up nothing more than a homeopathic (read: bullshit) product for the gullible masses. "Apply directly to the forehead!"
4. Power Balance Bracelets
Price: $22.66
Industry: Juju
Review: Seizing the power of holographic technology to make you jump higher, swim faster, and evade the authorities better than ever before, the Power Balance bracelet was exposed and consequently admitted as a scam, personally by its Australian director in 2010:
"In our advertising we stated that Power Balance wristbands improved your strength, balance and flexibility. We admit that there is no credible scientific evidence that supports our claims and therefore we engaged in misleading conduct in breach of s52 of the Trade Practices Act 1974. If you feel you have been misled by our promotions, we wish to unreservedly apologize and offer a full refund."
The company filed Chapter 11 Bankruptcy and settled on a $57 million lawsuit in 2011. Although blatantly obvious to the casual observer that Shaquille played worse in Boston than anywhere else in his career - failing to induce mystical wizardry in his veins - that didn't stop a sizable clientele from spending millions in hopes to be just like Mike.
5. Miss Cleo
Price: Call Cleo for Free (not really - they made over $1 billion)
Industry: Shamanism
Review: As a millennial, I viewed Miss Cleo as my surrogate Jamaican mother who told me everything would be OK so long as I emptied my soul for a nominal fee. But those home-wreckers at the Federal Trade Commission would indict my beloved mother from another brother with deceptive advertising, billing, and collection practices. Well, not Cleo personally, but her employer.
I still believe in Cleo, no matter what the naysayers say. Straight up.
6. Vector Marketing - Cutco Knives
Price: Pay for entry into a Ponzi
Industry: Exploiting Young People
Review: You answer a vague ad. They call you into an interview. You tell your parents you have one and it seems great. You're on top of the world. Then you enter a nondescript building in a barren part of town and feel a searing sensation in your tummy telling you to drive away. Fearing parental disappointment you enter anyway and attend a motivational speech by some guy who wants you to pay for your training, give them your friends' numbers, and read a shitload of testimonials (propaganda) bellowing from on high, "Cutco saves lives!"
More than 8,000 people search 'Vector Marketing scam' into Google every month. The business model: Luring young people and giving them a set of steak knives and telling them to sell it, often to relatives who feel bad for you and buy them to make you feel good. In the end, Vector Marketing preys on your desire to get a job, leaving you with less money because you paid for transportation and a pretty new suit.
Pro-tip: If you have no experience and someone wants to hire you, it's too good to be true, high schoolers.
7. An Amazing Nigerian Investment Opportunity!
Price: Your life's savings
Industry: Conning Grandma
Review: It is my kindly pleasure to write to you today, Mrs. Gertrude Smith. I am Prince Adetokunbo Birungi, hier to King Ekundayo. I must kindly have your bank account number, for my father-king was murdered by Congo rebels and I am in desperate situation, kindly please. I must hide money in your bank account. Like now. I shall deposit $500,000,000 at once and you shall reap 40 percent of money. Thank you kindly, and give me bank account number, kindly. Kindly reply. - Price Adetokuno, son of Ekundayo
8. Campus Textbooks
Price: 900 percent more than Amazon
Industry: Robbing Parents
Review: Has it ever occurred to universities that students won't by the books, thus adversely affecting their education?
9. Peter Popoff
Price: Your Soul
Industry: Faith Huckstering
Review: Lawdy lawd. I bought the Miracle Spring Water and dabbed it on my forehead, just like HeadOn, and my problems gone away. Seriously, if you're dumb enough to believe a packet of tap water will solve your problems, you're dumb enough to pay the $19 Popoff asks in return.
10. Paying for Porn
Price: $20 to $40 monthly
Industry: Boners
Review: When I was 14, I carried around the same nudie poker card for eight months. I considered her my girlfriend. Now, I'm pimping for free.