Anyone who is lucky enough to have sex regularly knows that in time, certain routines (mostly involving cleaning up) develop. It's bound to happen after doing the same basic thing over and over again. But routine as some activities may be, they're still hilarious when said outright. The following Reddit answers when asked "What's your post-sex routine" may even hit a little close to home for some of you.
1. Been There
I wake up and realize I'm all alone again.
Damn you dreams.
2. Also Sounds About Right
Apologize profusely.
3. Emasculate
I usually like to play with his flaccid penis, but if not, then we'll cuddle and fall asleep together.
4. Seriously? How Is This A Thing!?
Go pee, then play with the flaccid penis.
5. Playing It Safe
I just cover my dick with like 5 tissues when I'm about to cum.
6. Playing It REALLY Safe And-- OH, COME ON! Again With The Flaccid Penis!?
My girlfriend insists we test the condom with water after using it. Every. Single. Time. So that's my super sexy post-sex routine. She also finds my flaccid penis extremely humorous so no laying there naked or she'll start poking it and laughing at it.
5. Telling It Like It Is
We sit there for like a minute... then I roll off the bed and shuffle to the bathroom to avoid dripping. I pee and cough a few times and that does a pretty good job of getting stuff out. Clean up with wipes or shower.
Husband rolls off his side. He sometimes uses the same bathroom, sometimes goes to the other one. He too pees, cleans off.
We get dressed and either go to bed or go watch some television. There aren't usually a lot of cuddles. We give each other props, you know, good job and what not... but we aren't too big on relishing the moment. In fact, keeping the sheets clean is probably a higher priority. Nothing is worse than realizing you have to change the sheets and all you want to do is sleep.
9. Snackin' In The Past
Eat.
I'm not exaggerating. The greatest moment of my life was me sitting in bed watching Bob's Burgers with a Publix chicken tender sub right after awesome sex and a hot, big-boobed chick sleeping naked next to me.
It's been two years and I still haven't been able to recapture that moment.
9. The Coddler
Husband typically either cums inside me, on my stomach, face or mouth. Usually will blow/lick him a bit to clean him up, then I'll leave to clean myself up and come back to bed to cuddle.
10. Sad, But Accurate
The nearest piece of clothing becomes the 'wiper'.
11. So Lonely
I close all the tabs and wipe off whatever might have gotten on my hand.
12. The Wuss
Hand my wife a towel to wipe off and try to cuddle after she uses the bathroom. I'm the cuddler not my wife :/