In order to be a hit-making lady of the radio these days, it really helps to bare it all, nakedly so, on the cover of your album. Katy Perry? Check. Miley Cyrus? You betcha. Christina Aguilera? Beyoncé? Oh yeah. Shakira? Britney Spears? Does the pope shit in the woods? Lady Gaga? Rihanna? Do I really have to ask?
But as we've all learned before, you can't tell an album from its cover. A lot of albums have naked women on them, but not all of them rock. We're not chauvinists here, folks. We're not just going to put up some lame ranking of the hottest women to appear naked on an album cover. Who would do something so crass as ranking hot women? (Besides, Grace Jones' "Island Life" would win too easily.) Though we're all too happy to look at as many naked divas as possible, the fact of the matter is that only one of those named above made this list. Because first and foremost, we're talking about the music here, to determine which naked-woman-adorned album rocks as hard as the hard-body on the cover.
10. The Strokes, "Is This It" (2001)
![Ranking Naked Women Album Cover Albums Based On Music]()
The whole album growls with depth and ferocity, especially "Last Night," a rollicking song about... well, about last night, as much as I can decipher. It's definitively the band's best album, and also the only one with a naked lady on it. Coincidence? I think not. Though most of you probably had the American cover with the bright orange and blue, trippy subatomic particles in a bubble chamber pic, the original British cover above bares a barer aesthetic. The suggestive photo was spontaneously taken by Colin Lane after his girlfriend got out of the shower. He just happened to have a leather glove lying around and convinced her to get spanking. So let this be a lesson to you gents: always be ready for a photo op if a girl is showering at your place. Just tell her this story, and then make sure to explain to her that you can make her famous. Works every time.
9. Red Hot Chili Peppers, "Mother's Milk" (1989)
![Ranking Naked Women Album Cover Albums Based On Music]()
The first album with the band's new lineup after original guitar hero Hillel "The Israeli Cowboy" Slovak-the guy who just gave me my new self-styled nickname-OD'd on smack and got bucked off the big bull ride of life. It was also the first album to feature the harder, shredding funk which became the Chili's signature sound, before they dropped it for the sound of softness. The cover is one of many on this list that was censored and erstwhile changed for the Walmart crowd. The pic features model Dawn Alane, one of two women originally photographed for the job, the other being Anthony Kiedis's girlfriend at the time, Ione Skye (aka the cheese to AdRock's macaroni). Alane wasn't real happy with the whole deal, and she ultimately ended up pocketing $50k for not being informed before or after the band printed posters showing off her naked booby in all its nipple-freeing glory.
8. Tom Waits, "Small Change" (1976)
![Ranking Naked Women Album Cover Albums Based On Music]()
Waits looks and sounds like a murderer, but like a sensitive poet murderer who may not remember the actual murder. This, his third album, was the first to really find an audience. For good reason, it gets you wasted when you listen. Like sad, blubbering wasted. Like somebody is really worried about leaving you alone wasted. And you believe every sad wasted note. Which might explain how Tom can't seem to muster the strength to look at the topless go-go dancer in the cover photo. Look at her, Tom! She's naked! She's got huge perfect jugs! And supposedly, she's Cassandra Peterson, aka, Elvira, Mistress of the Dark.
7. Roger Waters, "The Pros and Cons of Hitch Hiking" (1984)
![Ranking Naked Women Album Cover Albums Based On Music]()
In 1978, with Roger Waters pushing Pink Floyd's direction into the '80s, he gave the rest of the group a choice between two of his own original concepts, which the band would then produce for their next album. Floyd went with the first idea, which became the single greatest concept album ever made: "The Wall." The second idea, this one, became Roger's first solo effort, with a little help from Eric Clapton's lead guitar, David Sanborn's wailing sax, and actor Jack Palance's vocal talents. If you think "The Wall" is trippy, this has that same operatic enchantment wrapped within 42 early-morning minutes of a cross-country road trip undertaken by a guy deep within the throes of a mid-life crisis. Along the way, he dreams of committing adultery with a spicy hitchhiker. I would consider this to be a pro of hitchhiking. The cover was censored, of course, but they found a way around that by blocking out that sensational ass with a less sensational square black box.
6. Herb Alpert & the Tijuana Brass, "Whipped Cream & Other Delights" (1965)
![Ranking Naked Women Album Cover Albums Based On Music]()
There's only so many jazz albums with naked babes on the cover, and even fewer with one so thoroughly pastried as model Dolores Erickson. You also have to hand it to Herb for being such a smooth operator in general, not just a swinging trumpet player with impeccable hair, but also a baller exec: the "A" in A&M Records. This album, Herb's biggest, basically puts you right into the heart of one of those smashing Austin Powers' parties. It's impossible not to dig such infectious delights, and equally impossible to do so without craving a slice of pie with some cool whip on top. Mmmm pie.
5. Katy Perry, "Teenage Dream" (2010)
![Ranking Naked Women Album Cover Albums Based On Music]()
You would think that since a lot of today's female pop divas like to pose naked for album covers that would mean a lot of those ladies would be represented on this list. You would be wrong though, because a lot of today's pop stars suck compared to the classic rockers of yore. But I would put Katy right on par with many of these masters. I said it. And I'm not afraid to say it. She's a poet. She's got huge... lungs. She's a showman. And when she dresses, she does like she's in costume for "Showgirls." Plus, the album produced five number one hits, and if you learn the words to every one of them, you can show the Universal Woman that you are cosmically connected to Katy. Girls here on earth will feel that connection, and you'll have a much better chance of getting laid. I don't know why, exactly, but I've seen it work on countless July Fourths. All you have to do is join the circle of wasted patriotic dancers, be just as exuberant about the seventh time "Firework" plays as the first, sing loud and proud, arm in arm, for the stars and stripes, for the ultra-illegal Roman finger-burners, and for Katy's glorious naked expression of freedom! And you'll see, your odds of enjoying some more naked expression should increase exponentially.
4. Kanye West, "My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy" (2010)
![Ranking Naked Women Album Cover Albums Based On Music]()
Whatever you think of Kanye as a person, and you should probably think of him as no less than a douchebag, you have to admit he made one hell of a piece of art with his fifth studio album, his first album after disrespecting Taylor "The Anointed" Swift at the 2009 VMAs. The lore says that Kanye dreamed up this album during his "self-imposed exile in Oahu," aka a vacation, where he was recovering from a bad reputation. His reputation may not have recovered, but that couldn't keep the world from loving the twisted maestro's masterpiece. George Condo, the artist who painted the album's cover portrait-of Kanye getting humped by a phoenix-said that Yeezus requested cover art that would be banned. What an asshole.
3. Nirvana "In Utero" (1993)
![Ranking Naked Women Album Cover Albums Based On Music]()
Nirvana went full baby monty for "Nevermind," so they were hard pressed to top the shock factor, but points for the effort, and at least she's of age this time. This girl's so naked, her nakedness is uncovered. And the music is as raw inside as this Transparent Anatomical Manikin sporting angel wings. If the music wasn't so damn good-"Heart-Shaped Box," "Rape Me," "All Apologies" and more!-the fact that this naked woman is not actually human would probably keep it from making this list. That's how serious we are about the music. A funny little side note about this album: Kurt Cobain originally wanted to call it "I Hate Myself and I Want to Die," but was talked out of it. Man that guy was funny.
2. Janes Addiction, "Nothing's Shocking" (1988)
![Ranking Naked Women Album Cover Albums Based On Music]()
After first putting out a live album independently, just to show how much they ripped in concert, Perry Ferrell and the gang shocked the world with "Nothing's Shocking," the band's first big label studio album. But Farrell sure as hell wasn't shy about putting his stamp all over the thing, regardless of the difficulties it would present Warner Bros. marketing department. Hey, if you're going to call your album "Nothing's Shocking," you better try your best to shock, not just from a musical perspective-which this provocatively innovative album certainly accomplishes, front to back-but also right on the cover art. The concept of two conjoined naked twins with their heads on fire came to Farrell in a dream. So he had WB hire people to create the full-body cast sculptures. Once he figured out how to do the process himself, he fired those guys and got his girlfriend to pose for the cast. No word on whether he told her ahead of time he was planning on lighting her head on fire. Farrell also created the naked album art for the band's next classic album, 1989's "Ritual de lo Habitual," featuring a Claymation-looking threesome, proving the point that even creepy Claymation threesomes look fun.
1. The Jimi Hendrix Experience, "Electric Ladyland" (1968)
![electric ladyland nude cover, nude women album covers]()
The third and final album from the Experience, their only number one hit, introduced us to a beautiful land where women of all different color, size and ethnicity sit around naked listening to groovy Hendrix albums, co-existing together blissfully in the warm light of peace, love and understanding. What do you reckon they keep the A/C at in Ladyland? Though I'd love to just bask in the harmony of this happy place, a caveat must be made: This one falls a bit outside the rules. This photo actually only graced the inside cover; you didn't meet the lovely ladies of Ladyland till the album was opened. But still, David Montgomery's photo tops this list for 40 solid reasons: it's iconic, the album changed the sonic world as we know it, and 38 naked hippie boobs. (For the uncensored, NSFW photo, click here.)
More in music: Obscure Musical References Decoded
But as we've all learned before, you can't tell an album from its cover. A lot of albums have naked women on them, but not all of them rock. We're not chauvinists here, folks. We're not just going to put up some lame ranking of the hottest women to appear naked on an album cover. Who would do something so crass as ranking hot women? (Besides, Grace Jones' "Island Life" would win too easily.) Though we're all too happy to look at as many naked divas as possible, the fact of the matter is that only one of those named above made this list. Because first and foremost, we're talking about the music here, to determine which naked-woman-adorned album rocks as hard as the hard-body on the cover.
10. The Strokes, "Is This It" (2001)
The whole album growls with depth and ferocity, especially "Last Night," a rollicking song about... well, about last night, as much as I can decipher. It's definitively the band's best album, and also the only one with a naked lady on it. Coincidence? I think not. Though most of you probably had the American cover with the bright orange and blue, trippy subatomic particles in a bubble chamber pic, the original British cover above bares a barer aesthetic. The suggestive photo was spontaneously taken by Colin Lane after his girlfriend got out of the shower. He just happened to have a leather glove lying around and convinced her to get spanking. So let this be a lesson to you gents: always be ready for a photo op if a girl is showering at your place. Just tell her this story, and then make sure to explain to her that you can make her famous. Works every time.
9. Red Hot Chili Peppers, "Mother's Milk" (1989)
The first album with the band's new lineup after original guitar hero Hillel "The Israeli Cowboy" Slovak-the guy who just gave me my new self-styled nickname-OD'd on smack and got bucked off the big bull ride of life. It was also the first album to feature the harder, shredding funk which became the Chili's signature sound, before they dropped it for the sound of softness. The cover is one of many on this list that was censored and erstwhile changed for the Walmart crowd. The pic features model Dawn Alane, one of two women originally photographed for the job, the other being Anthony Kiedis's girlfriend at the time, Ione Skye (aka the cheese to AdRock's macaroni). Alane wasn't real happy with the whole deal, and she ultimately ended up pocketing $50k for not being informed before or after the band printed posters showing off her naked booby in all its nipple-freeing glory.
8. Tom Waits, "Small Change" (1976)
Waits looks and sounds like a murderer, but like a sensitive poet murderer who may not remember the actual murder. This, his third album, was the first to really find an audience. For good reason, it gets you wasted when you listen. Like sad, blubbering wasted. Like somebody is really worried about leaving you alone wasted. And you believe every sad wasted note. Which might explain how Tom can't seem to muster the strength to look at the topless go-go dancer in the cover photo. Look at her, Tom! She's naked! She's got huge perfect jugs! And supposedly, she's Cassandra Peterson, aka, Elvira, Mistress of the Dark.
7. Roger Waters, "The Pros and Cons of Hitch Hiking" (1984)
In 1978, with Roger Waters pushing Pink Floyd's direction into the '80s, he gave the rest of the group a choice between two of his own original concepts, which the band would then produce for their next album. Floyd went with the first idea, which became the single greatest concept album ever made: "The Wall." The second idea, this one, became Roger's first solo effort, with a little help from Eric Clapton's lead guitar, David Sanborn's wailing sax, and actor Jack Palance's vocal talents. If you think "The Wall" is trippy, this has that same operatic enchantment wrapped within 42 early-morning minutes of a cross-country road trip undertaken by a guy deep within the throes of a mid-life crisis. Along the way, he dreams of committing adultery with a spicy hitchhiker. I would consider this to be a pro of hitchhiking. The cover was censored, of course, but they found a way around that by blocking out that sensational ass with a less sensational square black box.
6. Herb Alpert & the Tijuana Brass, "Whipped Cream & Other Delights" (1965)
There's only so many jazz albums with naked babes on the cover, and even fewer with one so thoroughly pastried as model Dolores Erickson. You also have to hand it to Herb for being such a smooth operator in general, not just a swinging trumpet player with impeccable hair, but also a baller exec: the "A" in A&M Records. This album, Herb's biggest, basically puts you right into the heart of one of those smashing Austin Powers' parties. It's impossible not to dig such infectious delights, and equally impossible to do so without craving a slice of pie with some cool whip on top. Mmmm pie.
5. Katy Perry, "Teenage Dream" (2010)
You would think that since a lot of today's female pop divas like to pose naked for album covers that would mean a lot of those ladies would be represented on this list. You would be wrong though, because a lot of today's pop stars suck compared to the classic rockers of yore. But I would put Katy right on par with many of these masters. I said it. And I'm not afraid to say it. She's a poet. She's got huge... lungs. She's a showman. And when she dresses, she does like she's in costume for "Showgirls." Plus, the album produced five number one hits, and if you learn the words to every one of them, you can show the Universal Woman that you are cosmically connected to Katy. Girls here on earth will feel that connection, and you'll have a much better chance of getting laid. I don't know why, exactly, but I've seen it work on countless July Fourths. All you have to do is join the circle of wasted patriotic dancers, be just as exuberant about the seventh time "Firework" plays as the first, sing loud and proud, arm in arm, for the stars and stripes, for the ultra-illegal Roman finger-burners, and for Katy's glorious naked expression of freedom! And you'll see, your odds of enjoying some more naked expression should increase exponentially.
4. Kanye West, "My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy" (2010)
Whatever you think of Kanye as a person, and you should probably think of him as no less than a douchebag, you have to admit he made one hell of a piece of art with his fifth studio album, his first album after disrespecting Taylor "The Anointed" Swift at the 2009 VMAs. The lore says that Kanye dreamed up this album during his "self-imposed exile in Oahu," aka a vacation, where he was recovering from a bad reputation. His reputation may not have recovered, but that couldn't keep the world from loving the twisted maestro's masterpiece. George Condo, the artist who painted the album's cover portrait-of Kanye getting humped by a phoenix-said that Yeezus requested cover art that would be banned. What an asshole.
3. Nirvana "In Utero" (1993)
Nirvana went full baby monty for "Nevermind," so they were hard pressed to top the shock factor, but points for the effort, and at least she's of age this time. This girl's so naked, her nakedness is uncovered. And the music is as raw inside as this Transparent Anatomical Manikin sporting angel wings. If the music wasn't so damn good-"Heart-Shaped Box," "Rape Me," "All Apologies" and more!-the fact that this naked woman is not actually human would probably keep it from making this list. That's how serious we are about the music. A funny little side note about this album: Kurt Cobain originally wanted to call it "I Hate Myself and I Want to Die," but was talked out of it. Man that guy was funny.
2. Janes Addiction, "Nothing's Shocking" (1988)
After first putting out a live album independently, just to show how much they ripped in concert, Perry Ferrell and the gang shocked the world with "Nothing's Shocking," the band's first big label studio album. But Farrell sure as hell wasn't shy about putting his stamp all over the thing, regardless of the difficulties it would present Warner Bros. marketing department. Hey, if you're going to call your album "Nothing's Shocking," you better try your best to shock, not just from a musical perspective-which this provocatively innovative album certainly accomplishes, front to back-but also right on the cover art. The concept of two conjoined naked twins with their heads on fire came to Farrell in a dream. So he had WB hire people to create the full-body cast sculptures. Once he figured out how to do the process himself, he fired those guys and got his girlfriend to pose for the cast. No word on whether he told her ahead of time he was planning on lighting her head on fire. Farrell also created the naked album art for the band's next classic album, 1989's "Ritual de lo Habitual," featuring a Claymation-looking threesome, proving the point that even creepy Claymation threesomes look fun.
1. The Jimi Hendrix Experience, "Electric Ladyland" (1968)
The third and final album from the Experience, their only number one hit, introduced us to a beautiful land where women of all different color, size and ethnicity sit around naked listening to groovy Hendrix albums, co-existing together blissfully in the warm light of peace, love and understanding. What do you reckon they keep the A/C at in Ladyland? Though I'd love to just bask in the harmony of this happy place, a caveat must be made: This one falls a bit outside the rules. This photo actually only graced the inside cover; you didn't meet the lovely ladies of Ladyland till the album was opened. But still, David Montgomery's photo tops this list for 40 solid reasons: it's iconic, the album changed the sonic world as we know it, and 38 naked hippie boobs. (For the uncensored, NSFW photo, click here.)
More in music: Obscure Musical References Decoded