This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets
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Funny Lookalikes Found Out in Public
You never know when you are going to have a celeb sighting. Why, just the other day I was driving down the street and I look over and it's Lavell Crawford, who played Huell on "Breaking Bad." How nuts is that?! Likewise, you never know where you'll be when you spot a lookalike of a famous person or fictional character. So keep your eyes peeled; doppelgangers are everywhere.
![funny lookalikes in public, funny doppelgangers]()
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The Sexual Proclivities of Each Zodiac Sign
Astrology is all about generalizing, and that is exactly what I intend to do here. Let's explore some of the crudest and lewdest libidinous desires of each zodiac sign.
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
The Aries craves new and exciting sexual experiences. They love nothing more than adrenaline. You will find the Aries often screwing outdoors like a dirty animal, roughly, and occasionally pulling hair and scratching. Like a post-pubescent masturbatory wizard, the Aries is quick and selfish in bed.
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Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
If you meet a Taurus at the bar, you better have whipped cream back home.
The Taurus is the sexual glutton of the bunch. And I don't mean they have an insatiable sex drive, I mean they eat a lot in bed. Due to a heightened sense of taste, Tauruses enjoy filling their faces with fatty foods. They are generally lazy in bed, much like bored Texas cattle on a hot summer's day.
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Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
One might draw a comparison between a Gemini and a schizoid meth addict on Cialis, as in, they act demonically possessed in the sack. They are curious and open and never shy away from a new sexual experience. Their inquisitive nature often lends them to bisexuality. The Gemini plays the penis like a saxophone and the vagina like a piccolo, as they are talented orally.
![The Sexual Proclivities of Each Zodiac Sign, morgan freeman horoscope]()
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
The Cancer thrives on love, family, and a***. Ostensibly conservative, they often mask boiling sexual urges with a plain white blouse and a Sunday church service. They sometimes regret sex because they are fixated on tradition and morality. But that doesn't stop them from donning nipple clamps and leather gimp suits. Eric Cartman's mom is probably a Cancer.
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Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22)
The Leo has a natural magnetism which gets them laid a lot. Their animal, the lion, is known for its sexual dominance and frequency of boning. Famously unfaithful and hopelessly addicted to porn, their libido is only second to their love for biting. While the Leo makes for a great one-night stand, they are subpar when it comes to relationships.
![The Sexual Proclivities of Each Zodiac Sign, barack obama horoscope]()
Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)
The stereotype of the coy Christian schoolgirl with an underlying rank desire for nastiness is the staple of the Virgo. They are quick to tell you they are virgins (because scat play doesn't count). Exuding a prudish sexual image is important to the Virgo. When they're not building a fruit basket or knitting, they are cuffing up to the bed in full bondage gear.
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Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)
The Libra is keen to lie about any sexual fantasies they have. They are notoriously into butts, though they keep that on the DL until it becomes glaringly evident in bed. As a Libra I can't deny this.
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Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)
Scorpios often put themselves in sex addiction rehab. Sex is a religion to them. It is their purpose of living. There are two types of Scorpios: ones that haplessly delve into unquenchable sexual escapades, and ones who haplessly neuter themselves to live a life of celibacy somewhere in the mountains with a horse.
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Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)
Nothing makes the Sagittarius happier than doing it in the wilderness like they do on the Discovery Channel. They're adventurous, and their elusiveness is their primary appeal. If you are a Sagittarius, ask yourself whether you have ever had sex in a weird location. Have you?
![The Sexual Proclivities of Each Zodiac Sign, scarlett johansson zodiac]()
Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)
Capricorns are consummate professionals outside the sack and stoic meshes of vanilla behavior in the sack. They find sex primal and awkward, and very rarely experiment. Once Capricorns are done with mechanically thrusting, they get up and check their email, because what's the point of cuddling anyway?
![The Sexual Proclivities of Each Zodiac Sign, michelle obama zodiac]()
Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)
Inventive and progressive, the Aquarius can be found reading the Kama Sutra. A hearty sexual appetite and a blasé worldview gets them dangerously close to contracting crabs and Hep C on occasion.
![The Sexual Proclivities of Each Zodiac Sign, justin timberlake zodiac]()
Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 20)
The Pisces will woo you with sensuality and charm, and then they will stick your foot in their mouth ASAP. Yes, the Pisces has a foot fetish--smelly or no, doesn't matter; all that matters is whether you, too, have a penchant for toe grime and scaly calluses.
![The Sexual Proclivities of Each Zodiac Sign, justin bieber horoscope]()
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
The Aries craves new and exciting sexual experiences. They love nothing more than adrenaline. You will find the Aries often screwing outdoors like a dirty animal, roughly, and occasionally pulling hair and scratching. Like a post-pubescent masturbatory wizard, the Aries is quick and selfish in bed.
Famous Aries: Emma Watson
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
If you meet a Taurus at the bar, you better have whipped cream back home.
The Taurus is the sexual glutton of the bunch. And I don't mean they have an insatiable sex drive, I mean they eat a lot in bed. Due to a heightened sense of taste, Tauruses enjoy filling their faces with fatty foods. They are generally lazy in bed, much like bored Texas cattle on a hot summer's day.
Famous Taurus: Megan Fox
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
One might draw a comparison between a Gemini and a schizoid meth addict on Cialis, as in, they act demonically possessed in the sack. They are curious and open and never shy away from a new sexual experience. Their inquisitive nature often lends them to bisexuality. The Gemini plays the penis like a saxophone and the vagina like a piccolo, as they are talented orally.
Famous Gemini: Morgan Freeman
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
The Cancer thrives on love, family, and a***. Ostensibly conservative, they often mask boiling sexual urges with a plain white blouse and a Sunday church service. They sometimes regret sex because they are fixated on tradition and morality. But that doesn't stop them from donning nipple clamps and leather gimp suits. Eric Cartman's mom is probably a Cancer.
Famous Cancer: Selena Gomez
Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22)
The Leo has a natural magnetism which gets them laid a lot. Their animal, the lion, is known for its sexual dominance and frequency of boning. Famously unfaithful and hopelessly addicted to porn, their libido is only second to their love for biting. While the Leo makes for a great one-night stand, they are subpar when it comes to relationships.
Famous Leo: Barack Obama
Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)
The stereotype of the coy Christian schoolgirl with an underlying rank desire for nastiness is the staple of the Virgo. They are quick to tell you they are virgins (because scat play doesn't count). Exuding a prudish sexual image is important to the Virgo. When they're not building a fruit basket or knitting, they are cuffing up to the bed in full bondage gear.
Famous Virgo: Beyoncé
Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)
The Libra is keen to lie about any sexual fantasies they have. They are notoriously into butts, though they keep that on the DL until it becomes glaringly evident in bed. As a Libra I can't deny this.
Famous Libra: Candice Swanepoel
Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)
Scorpios often put themselves in sex addiction rehab. Sex is a religion to them. It is their purpose of living. There are two types of Scorpios: ones that haplessly delve into unquenchable sexual escapades, and ones who haplessly neuter themselves to live a life of celibacy somewhere in the mountains with a horse.
Famous Scorpio: Katy Perry
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)
Nothing makes the Sagittarius happier than doing it in the wilderness like they do on the Discovery Channel. They're adventurous, and their elusiveness is their primary appeal. If you are a Sagittarius, ask yourself whether you have ever had sex in a weird location. Have you?
Famous Sagittarius: Scarlett Johansson
Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)
Capricorns are consummate professionals outside the sack and stoic meshes of vanilla behavior in the sack. They find sex primal and awkward, and very rarely experiment. Once Capricorns are done with mechanically thrusting, they get up and check their email, because what's the point of cuddling anyway?
Famous Capricorn: Michelle Obama
Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)
Inventive and progressive, the Aquarius can be found reading the Kama Sutra. A hearty sexual appetite and a blasé worldview gets them dangerously close to contracting crabs and Hep C on occasion.
Famous Aquarius: Justin Timberlake
Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 20)
The Pisces will woo you with sensuality and charm, and then they will stick your foot in their mouth ASAP. Yes, the Pisces has a foot fetish--smelly or no, doesn't matter; all that matters is whether you, too, have a penchant for toe grime and scaly calluses.
Famous Pisces: Justin Bieber
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Ranking The Most Embarrassing Things To Be Buying At The Drug Store When You Run Into Someone You Know
The only thing worse than having to talk to a cashier while buying ass cream is talking to someone you know while buying ass cream. In order to help you avoid any potential embarrassment during your next trip to CVS, we've put together this spectrum that ranks all of the cringe-inducing products you might need. The closer you get to red on the spectrum, the more you need to avoid anyone you know. Be safe out there, hemorrhoids sufferers.
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Today's Funny Photos
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The 10 Best Stand-Up Comedians of the '80s
Stand-up comedians have always left their mark on the era in which they performed. With the advent of television, they could for the first time be transported from a smokey comedy club right into our living rooms. But it was the introduction of cable television in the '80s where their not-appropriate-for-prime-time jokes and routines could be left unvarnished and uncensored for our entertainment. So many funny men and women came out of this decade, made us laugh over and over, and influenced a generation of comics to follow. Here is our ranking of the 10 Best Stand-Up Comedians from the '80s.
![The Top 10 Best 80s Stand-Up Comedians, howie mandel]()
Prop comics don't get many ... props from stand-up comedians, but it was hard for anyone to dislike Howie Mandel. A whirling dervish of madcap energy and silliness, Mandel made playing the fool serious business. No one could blow a rubber glove atop their head with their own nose quite like him. Nor turn annoying voices into high art. As his popularity soared, Mandel mostly left the props and voices behind. What was left was a smart, insanely likable comedian, but in no way any less the showman.
![The Top 10 Best 80s Stand-Up Comedians, andrew dice clay]()
The Diceman was the emblem of foul-mouthed '80s cool. Looking like a cross between Elvis and Fonzi with a slick pompadour, flashy leather jacket, and a Dr. Strangelovian approach to smoking cigarettes, Dice was known for his R-rated nursery rhymes and unapologetic sexism. No female was spared his offensive denigration, not even Mother Goose herself. As controversy built around him and his filthy routines, his star only grew brighter. While the proponents of political correctness piled on, loyal audiences instead elected to reward the comedian with one sold out show after the next.
![The Top 10 Best 80s Stand-Up Comedians, richard lewis]()
Lewis was a neurotic's neurotic. Wild, gesticulating, constantly moving, he approached each performance as if he were just roused off his therapist's couch by an earthquake. Long hair and black attire was his uniform of choice and in it he would bemoan just about everything he ever came into contact with. Self-conscious and paranoid, most of his laughs came at his own expense, which for the audience, paid off in dividends.
#7 Ellen Degeneres
![The Top 10 Best 80s Stand-Up Comedians, ellen degeneres]()
What's most impressive about Ellen Degeneres is how relevant she still is decades after she first broke out as a stand-up comedian. Though her performance style was calm and matter-of-fact, she was a true force of nature on stage, particularly in a profession dominated by men. Female comedians proliferated in the '80s and Ellen was the leader of the pack. If you really killed doing stand-up on Johnny Carson's "Tonight Show," he would invite you to sit down with him afterwards. Degeneres was the first female comedian to ever be granted that honor.
![The Top 10 Best 80s Stand-Up Comedians, steven wright]()
While everyone on this list burst onto the scene in the '80s, Steve Wright came in like a warm breeze. Though his delivery was sleepy and deadpan, the laughs they generated were anything but. He brought a wicked intellect to the stage, delivered in an endless supply of nonsensical statements and one-liners that were both fresh and hilarious. If "The Far Side" comic strip was a comedian, he would be Steven Wright.
![The Top 10 Best 80s Stand-Up Comedians, bill hicks]()
Bill Hicks is a name you may have never heard that is indeed synonymous with comedy. His overbearing religious upbringing formed a foaming distrust of the theological in him that inevitably spilled out into his comedy routines. Politics, consumerism and the benefits of recreational drugs also rounded out his dark, hysterical take on society at large. Big ideas were his brand, and though very influential to fellow comedians here, his most eager audiences were found in the U.K. But he definitely left his imprint as a stand-up comedian in the US as well and, had he not died of pancreatic cancer at the age of 32, would surely have been a household name today.
![The Top 10 Best 80s Stand-Up Comedians, roseanne barr]()
What Roseanne Barr brought to the mic was the story of her working class life, marriage and motherhood. A truly personal routine, warts and all, spun into high end humor for receptive '80s audiences. Her "Domestic Goddess" persona not only appealed to the everyday woman and mother walking in her shoes, but the population at large who appreciated this bulldozer of a woman who was just flat-out, fall-down funny. Home life had always been a recipe for a standup comic's material and Roseanne took hers, piping hot, straight from the oven, laundry room or children's bedside like no other father could.
![The Top 10 Best 80s Stand-Up Comedians, sam kinison]()
Kinison exploded onto the comedy scene like a Category 5 Hurricane, leveling audiences with his deafening torrents of hilarity. Literally the son of a preacher man, he funneled the anger brought on by a broken childhood home, personal marital woes, and, like Bill Hicks, religious doubts into electrifying comedy routines. His screaming sets were unleashed upon unsuspecting '80s audiences gaining both their devotion and the respect and admiration of his peers. A young drunk driver cut Kinison's life short at the age of 38. A shocking death for a man who jolted new life into the perception of what comedy actually was.
![The Top 10 Best 80s Stand-Up Comedians, jerry seinfeld]()
The king of observational humor, way before he was ever on TV, Seinfeld was weaving tales of cereal and Superman into gold. He twisted everyday activities from our normal daily lives into brilliantly absurd moments of hilarity. Under his watch, any mundane action was fodder for a joke that would leave audiences rolling with laughter. Sure, Seinfeld conquered the sitcom like no one else, but the stand-up stage was his first victory, blazing a trail of influence for future young comic observers to follow.
![The Top 10 Best 80s Stand-Up Comedians, eddie murphy]()
Though all the men and women on this list were hugely successful stand-ups, Murphy was simply in a league of his own. He didn't just take the mic, he set it on fire, and audiences watched this wildly confident storyteller burn up the stage from the edge of their seats. His 69-minute "Delirious" was a proud compliment to any VHS collection and was soon followed up with "Raw" -- perhaps the "Godfather" of comedy concert films, if not the "Citizen Kane." Whoever Murphy is today, back in the '80s he was our most exciting, outrageous, hysterical comedian lifting stand-up to a level only few have been able to reach before or since.
#10 Howie Mandel
Prop comics don't get many ... props from stand-up comedians, but it was hard for anyone to dislike Howie Mandel. A whirling dervish of madcap energy and silliness, Mandel made playing the fool serious business. No one could blow a rubber glove atop their head with their own nose quite like him. Nor turn annoying voices into high art. As his popularity soared, Mandel mostly left the props and voices behind. What was left was a smart, insanely likable comedian, but in no way any less the showman.
#9 Andrew "Dice" Clay
The Diceman was the emblem of foul-mouthed '80s cool. Looking like a cross between Elvis and Fonzi with a slick pompadour, flashy leather jacket, and a Dr. Strangelovian approach to smoking cigarettes, Dice was known for his R-rated nursery rhymes and unapologetic sexism. No female was spared his offensive denigration, not even Mother Goose herself. As controversy built around him and his filthy routines, his star only grew brighter. While the proponents of political correctness piled on, loyal audiences instead elected to reward the comedian with one sold out show after the next.
#8 Richard Lewis
Lewis was a neurotic's neurotic. Wild, gesticulating, constantly moving, he approached each performance as if he were just roused off his therapist's couch by an earthquake. Long hair and black attire was his uniform of choice and in it he would bemoan just about everything he ever came into contact with. Self-conscious and paranoid, most of his laughs came at his own expense, which for the audience, paid off in dividends.
#7 Ellen Degeneres
What's most impressive about Ellen Degeneres is how relevant she still is decades after she first broke out as a stand-up comedian. Though her performance style was calm and matter-of-fact, she was a true force of nature on stage, particularly in a profession dominated by men. Female comedians proliferated in the '80s and Ellen was the leader of the pack. If you really killed doing stand-up on Johnny Carson's "Tonight Show," he would invite you to sit down with him afterwards. Degeneres was the first female comedian to ever be granted that honor.
#6 Steven Wright
While everyone on this list burst onto the scene in the '80s, Steve Wright came in like a warm breeze. Though his delivery was sleepy and deadpan, the laughs they generated were anything but. He brought a wicked intellect to the stage, delivered in an endless supply of nonsensical statements and one-liners that were both fresh and hilarious. If "The Far Side" comic strip was a comedian, he would be Steven Wright.
#5 Bill Hicks
Bill Hicks is a name you may have never heard that is indeed synonymous with comedy. His overbearing religious upbringing formed a foaming distrust of the theological in him that inevitably spilled out into his comedy routines. Politics, consumerism and the benefits of recreational drugs also rounded out his dark, hysterical take on society at large. Big ideas were his brand, and though very influential to fellow comedians here, his most eager audiences were found in the U.K. But he definitely left his imprint as a stand-up comedian in the US as well and, had he not died of pancreatic cancer at the age of 32, would surely have been a household name today.
#4 Roseanne Barr
What Roseanne Barr brought to the mic was the story of her working class life, marriage and motherhood. A truly personal routine, warts and all, spun into high end humor for receptive '80s audiences. Her "Domestic Goddess" persona not only appealed to the everyday woman and mother walking in her shoes, but the population at large who appreciated this bulldozer of a woman who was just flat-out, fall-down funny. Home life had always been a recipe for a standup comic's material and Roseanne took hers, piping hot, straight from the oven, laundry room or children's bedside like no other father could.
#3 Sam Kinison
Kinison exploded onto the comedy scene like a Category 5 Hurricane, leveling audiences with his deafening torrents of hilarity. Literally the son of a preacher man, he funneled the anger brought on by a broken childhood home, personal marital woes, and, like Bill Hicks, religious doubts into electrifying comedy routines. His screaming sets were unleashed upon unsuspecting '80s audiences gaining both their devotion and the respect and admiration of his peers. A young drunk driver cut Kinison's life short at the age of 38. A shocking death for a man who jolted new life into the perception of what comedy actually was.
#2 Jerry Seinfeld
The king of observational humor, way before he was ever on TV, Seinfeld was weaving tales of cereal and Superman into gold. He twisted everyday activities from our normal daily lives into brilliantly absurd moments of hilarity. Under his watch, any mundane action was fodder for a joke that would leave audiences rolling with laughter. Sure, Seinfeld conquered the sitcom like no one else, but the stand-up stage was his first victory, blazing a trail of influence for future young comic observers to follow.
#1 Eddie Murphy
Though all the men and women on this list were hugely successful stand-ups, Murphy was simply in a league of his own. He didn't just take the mic, he set it on fire, and audiences watched this wildly confident storyteller burn up the stage from the edge of their seats. His 69-minute "Delirious" was a proud compliment to any VHS collection and was soon followed up with "Raw" -- perhaps the "Godfather" of comedy concert films, if not the "Citizen Kane." Whoever Murphy is today, back in the '80s he was our most exciting, outrageous, hysterical comedian lifting stand-up to a level only few have been able to reach before or since.
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Wild Predictions for the Final Ride on 'Sons of Anarchy'
With only one "Sons of Anarchy" episode left, people wonder what Kurt Sutter has in store with "Papa's Goods" and the fate of Jax Teller. Based on the episode title alone, we expect things to come full circle for him, but then again, these predictions will probably be just as wrong as everyone else's. Catch the series finale Tuesday, December 9 on FX. But first, check out these predictions and let us hear your own. (WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD)
The episode will start with Jax visiting the graves of Tara, Opie and John Teller.
![Predictions for the Final Ride in 'Sons of Anarchy' Series Finale, jax visits grave]()
Also: He will write one more thing at the cemetery before giving his journals to Wendy.
He also will do so using his very small pencil. Jax hasn't been writing this year, most likely due to his constant misdirection and tumultuous plans for revenge. Now that he knows the truth and found closure with his mother, he will return for one final entry before giving them to Wendy for his boys to read. The club will get J.T.'s letters now that he realizes he was on the right path before he fell off it, and that'll be the first thing Chibs does to honor him when he's gone.
Barosky might be a rat, but Chibs is the rat (Vice President Syndrome).
![Predictions for the Final Ride in 'Sons of Anarchy' Series Finale, chibbs is a rat]()
Also: Chibs becomes president in the end, has angry sex with the sheriff on the club table.
They've been holding off on dealing with Barosky, the supposed rat, but perhaps Kurt Sutter has bigger plans for a Shakespeare-esque betrayal in the end. Lots of rumors have swirled about who it could be, and Barosky seems like an anti-climactic result. Maybe he is a money-grubbing cheat, but what if -- hear me out -- Chibs has been helping more than his lady sheriff friend? If you consider it, he has blindly followed Jax down a destructive road after refuting Jax's plans to let Black take over the Irish gun business. Clay took out John Teller. Jax took out Clay. Now maybe Chibs has quietly taken down Jax. It's classic SAMCRO Vice President Syndrome. Perhaps the Kings in Ireland made plans with Chibs to push Jax out of his seat. Regardless of whether or not I'm right about the rat, Barosky is a dead man.
Mayhem lands on Jax, but it's irrelevant to his plans.
![Predictions for the Final Ride in 'Sons of Anarchy' Series Finale, jury white]()
Also: Jax makes a deal with Patterson and the sheriff.
So much damage has been done that Jax is owning his shit, and in "Red Rose" we see his demeanor as a devil-may-care dead man walking -- with a limp -- throughout the episode. He knows he's screwed but he's attempting to make things right for both his club and family. He'll let Jury White's death fall on him and he'll make a deal with the police, sacrificing himself to protect his club from any blowback for all the chaos he's caused. But, he won't go to jail and he won't die at the hands of Mr. Mayhem either. He has another plan in mind.
Nero doesn't retaliate for Gemma, goes to live on a the farm with Wendy and the boys.
![Predictions for the Final Ride in 'Sons of Anarchy' Series Finale, nero and wendy]()
Also: Wendy will discover she's preggers after she leaves town with the boys.
People were expecting Nero to meet his end, but his story has played out and now we're biding time until he leaves with Wendy. The only question is whether or not the news of Gemma's death will erupt between him and Jax in the end. Most likely not, but will he take care of Jax's kids if Jax has killed the woman he loves? Things could go sideways there or if the gun trade doesn't work out for the Mayans with the Irish, we'll see if he can retire the cardigan and make it out to a nice farm. And Wendy will get a shot at doing motherhood right after her last-minute no-pants dance with Jax in "Red Rose."
Jax's leg problem is a result of either self-infliction or hereditary defect.
![jax teller on phone, jax teller red rose]()
Also: Happy is still not happy, and in fact, he'll cry harder than anyone in the end.
It seems a little too conveniently timed that Jax would have a genetic defect like Gemma did with her heart at this time in the show, but perhaps Jax is preparing himself for his ending. Maybe he is taking a page out of Abel's coloring book and hurting himself to get himself out of a sticky situation as well. Whatever it is, it'll play into how things work out for ol' Jackie boy on his final ride. That, or he has terrible leg cramps from sleeping on cots in Mexican garages.
The unwritten by-law Jax wants dropped is, so SAMCRO will not allow legacies.
![Predictions for the Final Ride in 'Sons of Anarchy' Series Finale, tigs and samcro]()
That, or something to do with it being OK for members (like Tig) to be gay.
This is ensure that after Jax is gone, his sons will not have a chance at the life he had. Instead of giving them a stack of journal entries and letting them make all the wrong decisions he did, he's taking the option away from them completely. Gemma gave Abel that ring expecting he'd live the life, but Jax knows better, just as Tara did. If there is enough time, maybe we'll see Venus Van Damme and Tig go out to Pinkberry together, man hand-in-man hand.
August Marks makes bail, gets put down by Jax to avenge Bobby's death.
![Predictions for the Final Ride in 'Sons of Anarchy' Series Finale, august marks]()
Also: Alvarez turns Diosa into a two-for-one Mexican-themed topless cantina.
There are too many things to work out in the final episode to spend too much time on August Marks. But know this, Jax will repay him for shooting Bobby in front of him. Also, there will be some mention of Diosa even though nobody cares about that business deal anymore.
Jax's final ride is on his dad's restored bike.
![Predictions for the Final Ride in 'Sons of Anarchy' Series Finale, leg cramp]()
Also: The song he will ride out to is a terrible cover of "Wild Thing."
The club thinks Jax is falling to Mayhem. The police think he's giving himself up. His family thinks he's coming up to meet them at the farm. But Jax has his own out in mind, and since there's no avoiding the Mr. Mayhem, expect the final ride to be Jax going out on his father's bike, which we saw him finishing up rebuilding. The only questions that remain are whether or not it'll be self-sabotage and what song will play. Kurt Sutter says he's got his hands on a rare original song that is perfect, and we here at Mandatory are certain it's The Troggs' classic, "Wild Thing." Talk about a perfect ending.
All these predictions are wrong and everyone dies in the end.
![sons of anarchy entire cast, sons of anarchy season 1]()
Viewers expected SAMCRO members to drop like flies, but that hasn't happened. Perhaps Sutter is saving for a big bloody ending, but it's doubtful. However, with Marks or any of the other many wild card possibilities, it could still turn bloody for the Sons. Jax has taken care of half the possibilities already, but retaliation could land and the chickens might come home to roost for good.
Can't picture your life without Jax Teller and the biker boys in black? Too bad, because it ends Tuesday, Dec. 9 and 10/9c. Guess you had better go buy yourself a Harley now.
The episode will start with Jax visiting the graves of Tara, Opie and John Teller.
Also: He will write one more thing at the cemetery before giving his journals to Wendy.
He also will do so using his very small pencil. Jax hasn't been writing this year, most likely due to his constant misdirection and tumultuous plans for revenge. Now that he knows the truth and found closure with his mother, he will return for one final entry before giving them to Wendy for his boys to read. The club will get J.T.'s letters now that he realizes he was on the right path before he fell off it, and that'll be the first thing Chibs does to honor him when he's gone.
Barosky might be a rat, but Chibs is the rat (Vice President Syndrome).
Also: Chibs becomes president in the end, has angry sex with the sheriff on the club table.
They've been holding off on dealing with Barosky, the supposed rat, but perhaps Kurt Sutter has bigger plans for a Shakespeare-esque betrayal in the end. Lots of rumors have swirled about who it could be, and Barosky seems like an anti-climactic result. Maybe he is a money-grubbing cheat, but what if -- hear me out -- Chibs has been helping more than his lady sheriff friend? If you consider it, he has blindly followed Jax down a destructive road after refuting Jax's plans to let Black take over the Irish gun business. Clay took out John Teller. Jax took out Clay. Now maybe Chibs has quietly taken down Jax. It's classic SAMCRO Vice President Syndrome. Perhaps the Kings in Ireland made plans with Chibs to push Jax out of his seat. Regardless of whether or not I'm right about the rat, Barosky is a dead man.
Mayhem lands on Jax, but it's irrelevant to his plans.
Also: Jax makes a deal with Patterson and the sheriff.
So much damage has been done that Jax is owning his shit, and in "Red Rose" we see his demeanor as a devil-may-care dead man walking -- with a limp -- throughout the episode. He knows he's screwed but he's attempting to make things right for both his club and family. He'll let Jury White's death fall on him and he'll make a deal with the police, sacrificing himself to protect his club from any blowback for all the chaos he's caused. But, he won't go to jail and he won't die at the hands of Mr. Mayhem either. He has another plan in mind.
Nero doesn't retaliate for Gemma, goes to live on a the farm with Wendy and the boys.
Also: Wendy will discover she's preggers after she leaves town with the boys.
People were expecting Nero to meet his end, but his story has played out and now we're biding time until he leaves with Wendy. The only question is whether or not the news of Gemma's death will erupt between him and Jax in the end. Most likely not, but will he take care of Jax's kids if Jax has killed the woman he loves? Things could go sideways there or if the gun trade doesn't work out for the Mayans with the Irish, we'll see if he can retire the cardigan and make it out to a nice farm. And Wendy will get a shot at doing motherhood right after her last-minute no-pants dance with Jax in "Red Rose."
Jax's leg problem is a result of either self-infliction or hereditary defect.
Also: Happy is still not happy, and in fact, he'll cry harder than anyone in the end.
It seems a little too conveniently timed that Jax would have a genetic defect like Gemma did with her heart at this time in the show, but perhaps Jax is preparing himself for his ending. Maybe he is taking a page out of Abel's coloring book and hurting himself to get himself out of a sticky situation as well. Whatever it is, it'll play into how things work out for ol' Jackie boy on his final ride. That, or he has terrible leg cramps from sleeping on cots in Mexican garages.
The unwritten by-law Jax wants dropped is, so SAMCRO will not allow legacies.
That, or something to do with it being OK for members (like Tig) to be gay.
This is ensure that after Jax is gone, his sons will not have a chance at the life he had. Instead of giving them a stack of journal entries and letting them make all the wrong decisions he did, he's taking the option away from them completely. Gemma gave Abel that ring expecting he'd live the life, but Jax knows better, just as Tara did. If there is enough time, maybe we'll see Venus Van Damme and Tig go out to Pinkberry together, man hand-in-man hand.
August Marks makes bail, gets put down by Jax to avenge Bobby's death.
Also: Alvarez turns Diosa into a two-for-one Mexican-themed topless cantina.
There are too many things to work out in the final episode to spend too much time on August Marks. But know this, Jax will repay him for shooting Bobby in front of him. Also, there will be some mention of Diosa even though nobody cares about that business deal anymore.
Jax's final ride is on his dad's restored bike.
Also: The song he will ride out to is a terrible cover of "Wild Thing."
The club thinks Jax is falling to Mayhem. The police think he's giving himself up. His family thinks he's coming up to meet them at the farm. But Jax has his own out in mind, and since there's no avoiding the Mr. Mayhem, expect the final ride to be Jax going out on his father's bike, which we saw him finishing up rebuilding. The only questions that remain are whether or not it'll be self-sabotage and what song will play. Kurt Sutter says he's got his hands on a rare original song that is perfect, and we here at Mandatory are certain it's The Troggs' classic, "Wild Thing." Talk about a perfect ending.
All these predictions are wrong and everyone dies in the end.
Viewers expected SAMCRO members to drop like flies, but that hasn't happened. Perhaps Sutter is saving for a big bloody ending, but it's doubtful. However, with Marks or any of the other many wild card possibilities, it could still turn bloody for the Sons. Jax has taken care of half the possibilities already, but retaliation could land and the chickens might come home to roost for good.
Can't picture your life without Jax Teller and the biker boys in black? Too bad, because it ends Tuesday, Dec. 9 and 10/9c. Guess you had better go buy yourself a Harley now.
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Ranking the Oddest Movie Santas of All Time
There have been approximately 62 actors who have played the character of Santa Claus on TV and film, and that number jumps to the hundreds if you count characters who have dressed as Santa. The formula is pretty simple: Find an older, lovable male actor who is a little chubby and very jolly, cast him as your Santa, and boom -- Hollywood gold. However, studio execs are always looking to mix it up and find something new that audiences will enjoy. This even pertains to Kris Kringle, and that is how you end up with the oddest movie Santa Clauses of all time.
![odd santas, worst movie santas, movie santa clauses, tim allen santa clause]()
This 1994 family comedy is responsible for me always wanting to add an E to the end of Santa's last name. Allen, the grunting star of "Home Improvement" at the time, didn't really seem to fit the Santa mold, and people like my mother were concerned about an actor with drug charges in his past playing Saint Nick. But, shows what they know, because the film was a success and Allen went on to play the role in two sequels in 2002 and 2006, as well.
![odd santas, worst movie santas, movie santa clauses, paul giamatti fred clause]()
It's not that there's anything glaringly odd about Giamatti as Santa, it just seems like there were so many better options for this 2007 comedy about Santa's black sheep of a brother, Fred (played by Vince Vaughn). It probably didn't matter too much, though, as this movie is pretty bad and forgettable.
![odd santas, worst movie santas, movie santa clauses, billy bob thornton bad santa]()
We know, Thornton doesn't play the "real" Santa in this 2003 dark comedy, but we had to include him because his womanizing, conman character is so awesome. You would have never thought of Billy Bob as Kris Kringle before this movie came out, but now, how can you not?
![odd santas, worst movie santas, movie santa clauses, richard riehle santa claus]()
Probably best known for playing the paranoid, overweight coworker in "Office Space" who has the idea for the "Jump to Conclusions" Mat, Riehle actually has well over 300 acting credits. Among those are at least five gigs playing Santa Claus, but most notably in the 2011 Harold & Kumar comedy.
![odd santas, worst movie santas, movie santa clauses, leslie nielsen santa claus]()
At the height of his "Naked Gun" fame, Nielsen played Santa in the 1991 family film "All I Want For Christmas." Nearly ten years later, he stepped into the Santa suit again for a TV movie about Santa Claus getting amnesia (which won't be the only amnesia-related storyline on this list). Nielsen was a legendary comedic actor, but other than his hair color, he doesn't have much in common with Father Christmas.
![odd santas, worst movie santas, movie santa clauses, angela lansbury mrs. santa claus]()
The actual Santa Claus in this 1996 TV movie is Charles Durning, who you can barely see pictured in the bottom right of this cover photo. But the theme of this Christmas flick is that Mrs. Claus, played by Lansbury, is fed up with being neglected by her husband during the holiday season so she takes his reindeer and sleigh out for a joyride. That's pretty crappy of her, and if she wants all the attention, she's going to get it.
![odd santas, worst movie santas, movie santa clauses, bryan cranston santa claus]()
Seven years before he made his onscreen appearance as Walter White, Cranston was the voice of Santa Claus in this 2001 animated TV movie. I don't know anything about it, but it would be awesome to listen to a Santa who sounds like notorious meth king, Heisenberg. Oh, and as an added bonus, Cranston also once played a Santa represented by Matlock (which means he was probably innocent).
![bryan cranston santa claus matlock]()
![odd santas, worst movie santas, movie santa clauses, hulk hogan santa claus]()
Remember how I said that amnesia storyline would be back? Well here it is. In 1996, a well-past-his-prime Hogan (going by "Hollywood Hogan" at that time) played an evil millionaire named Blake who got amnesia and believed he was Santa Claus. It was the last time he was the main star of a movie. However, a fun fact is that Mila Kunis was also in this Christmas movie disaster.
![odd santas, worst movie santas, movie santa clauses, steve guttenberg santa claus]()
We all know that The Stonecutters made Steve Guttenberg a star, and in 2005 that was enough to land him in the Santa role of this TV movie. But he had to work for it, as he played Santa's son Nick first in the 2004 TV film "Single Santa Seeks Mrs. Claus," but eventually took over the family business in the sequel "Meet the Santas." Good lord, are there actually people out there who watched both of these movies?
![odd santas, worst movie santas, movie santa clauses, goldberg santa's slay]()
Did you know that Santa is actually a demon who lost a bet with an angel, so that is why he has to deliver toys and happiness? That's the premise of this 2005 holiday horror film, and former wrestling star Goldberg plays the evil Santa. However, once the bet is over, jolly old Saint Nick returns to his murderous ways, and Christmas cheer is replaced by Christmas ... I think you get the idea.
No. 10 - Tim Allen in "The Santa Clause"
This 1994 family comedy is responsible for me always wanting to add an E to the end of Santa's last name. Allen, the grunting star of "Home Improvement" at the time, didn't really seem to fit the Santa mold, and people like my mother were concerned about an actor with drug charges in his past playing Saint Nick. But, shows what they know, because the film was a success and Allen went on to play the role in two sequels in 2002 and 2006, as well.
No. 9 - Paul Giamatti in "Fred Claus"
It's not that there's anything glaringly odd about Giamatti as Santa, it just seems like there were so many better options for this 2007 comedy about Santa's black sheep of a brother, Fred (played by Vince Vaughn). It probably didn't matter too much, though, as this movie is pretty bad and forgettable.
No. 8 - Billy Bob Thornton in "Bad Santa"
We know, Thornton doesn't play the "real" Santa in this 2003 dark comedy, but we had to include him because his womanizing, conman character is so awesome. You would have never thought of Billy Bob as Kris Kringle before this movie came out, but now, how can you not?
No. 7 - Richard Riehle in "A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas"
Probably best known for playing the paranoid, overweight coworker in "Office Space" who has the idea for the "Jump to Conclusions" Mat, Riehle actually has well over 300 acting credits. Among those are at least five gigs playing Santa Claus, but most notably in the 2011 Harold & Kumar comedy.
No. 6 - Leslie Nielsen in "All I Want for Christmas"/"Santa Who?"
At the height of his "Naked Gun" fame, Nielsen played Santa in the 1991 family film "All I Want For Christmas." Nearly ten years later, he stepped into the Santa suit again for a TV movie about Santa Claus getting amnesia (which won't be the only amnesia-related storyline on this list). Nielsen was a legendary comedic actor, but other than his hair color, he doesn't have much in common with Father Christmas.
No. 5 - Angela Lansbury in "Mrs. Santa Claus"
The actual Santa Claus in this 1996 TV movie is Charles Durning, who you can barely see pictured in the bottom right of this cover photo. But the theme of this Christmas flick is that Mrs. Claus, played by Lansbury, is fed up with being neglected by her husband during the holiday season so she takes his reindeer and sleigh out for a joyride. That's pretty crappy of her, and if she wants all the attention, she's going to get it.
No. 4 - Bryan Cranston in "The Santa Claus Brothers" (voice)
Seven years before he made his onscreen appearance as Walter White, Cranston was the voice of Santa Claus in this 2001 animated TV movie. I don't know anything about it, but it would be awesome to listen to a Santa who sounds like notorious meth king, Heisenberg. Oh, and as an added bonus, Cranston also once played a Santa represented by Matlock (which means he was probably innocent).
No. 3 - Hulk Hogan in "Santa With Muscles"
Remember how I said that amnesia storyline would be back? Well here it is. In 1996, a well-past-his-prime Hogan (going by "Hollywood Hogan" at that time) played an evil millionaire named Blake who got amnesia and believed he was Santa Claus. It was the last time he was the main star of a movie. However, a fun fact is that Mila Kunis was also in this Christmas movie disaster.
No. 2 - Steve Guttenberg in "Meet the Santas"
We all know that The Stonecutters made Steve Guttenberg a star, and in 2005 that was enough to land him in the Santa role of this TV movie. But he had to work for it, as he played Santa's son Nick first in the 2004 TV film "Single Santa Seeks Mrs. Claus," but eventually took over the family business in the sequel "Meet the Santas." Good lord, are there actually people out there who watched both of these movies?
No. 1 - Bill Goldberg in "Santa's Slay"
Did you know that Santa is actually a demon who lost a bet with an angel, so that is why he has to deliver toys and happiness? That's the premise of this 2005 holiday horror film, and former wrestling star Goldberg plays the evil Santa. However, once the bet is over, jolly old Saint Nick returns to his murderous ways, and Christmas cheer is replaced by Christmas ... I think you get the idea.
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The Pre-Game: The Ultimate Christmas Episode Spectacular
Welcome back to "The Pre-Game" with your host Cy Amundson, our show that features everything you care about in the world of sports, social media and comedy. Today's episode features actor Mike Mitchell and comedian Blake Wexler. Listen to the guys break down everything we love and hate about Christmas before squaring off in a heated game of candy cane toss. The winner wins Christmas. The loser, well, he's just a loser.
"The Pre-Game" host and producer Cy Amundson has quickly established himself as one of the nation's fastest rising stand-up comedians. He was a standout performer as a New Face at last summer's Montreal Just For Laughs festival and recently made his television debut on "Conan."
Named CMT's Next Big Comic for 2011, Cy has been on the "Bob and Tom Show" and has performed in the Aspen Comedy Festival, Seattle International Comedy Competition, and the Great American Comedy Festival.
Visit the Home of "The Pre-Game" for more episodes.
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Hilarious Customer Reviews of Samsung's 105-Inch TV
What's there to say about this TV? It's huge. And for the price of $120,000, it can be yours. Yes, 120 thousand dollars. Some reviewers may love such an item. Others, like the ones below, mock it hilariously.
![Hilarious Customer Reviews of Samsung's 105-inch TV]()
![Hilarious Customer Reviews of Samsung's 105-inch TV]()
![Hilarious Customer Reviews of Samsung's 105-inch TV]()
![Hilarious Customer Reviews of Samsung's 105-inch TV]()
![Hilarious Customer Reviews of Samsung's 105-inch TV]()
![Hilarious Customer Reviews of Samsung's 105-inch TV]()
![Hilarious Customer Reviews of Samsung's 105-inch TV]()
![Hilarious Customer Reviews of Samsung's 105-inch TV]()
h/t Memewhore
h/t Memewhore
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10 Sports Sites and Twitter Feeds You Should Bookmark Right Now
Most men enjoys sports. It's a part of life. But many of these men need more than just a few minutes of ESPN's "SportsCenter" or a quick check of the scores on Yahoo! Sports. That's for novices, and those who enjoying delving into other aspects of the sports world -- breaking news, gossip, fantasy, betting, humor -- must look further. The ten sports sites and Twitter accounts below are a good place to start, although with your insatiable appetite, they'll just be a gateway to more.
Deadspin
![deadspin facebook]()
A sports blog like no other, Deadspin.com is a great site to check out first thing in the morning for a fun recap of all the crazy happenings of the night before. It's also wise to check back in on Deadspin throughout the day, as they commonly break big stories through investigations, readers, and anonymous tips. A couple of big news stories broken by Deadspin include the Manti Te'o fake girlfriend story, and the scandal involving Brett Favre's alleged texts to Jenn Sterger.
Rotoworld
Perhaps the most complete source of fantasy sports content is Rotoworld.com. If there's a sport, and you can be in a fantasy league involving that sport, then this is your site. Rotoworld provides real-time info on injuries, roster moves and player updates. It features rankings, matchup breakdowns, tips and the latest headlines for every fantasy sport there is. It may not help you win your league, but it certainly won't hurt.
SI Vault on Twitter (@si_vault)
These days, everyone loves to feel nostalgic. We love throwback uniforms, vintage sports gear and memories of the old days. Well, this fantastic Twitter account brings you sports history one photo at a time -- and it's glorious.
NFL Memes on Facebook
Where the SI Vault brings you photos of the good ol' days of sports, this Facebook community page brings you modern memes and hilarious photos of our nation's favorite league, the NFL. Here's a taste of what you'll get:
![NFL memes cowboys real life]()
VegasINSIDER
As long as there have been sports, there has been betting on sports. And no site has got you covered when it comes to betting info like VegasINSIDER.com. Every day it features the trends, stats, and expert picks you need to make your big money bets with confidence.
RJ Bell on Twitter (@RJinVegas)
Speaking of betting, there is one man you need to follow on Twitter for betting info, and his name is RJ Bell. Founder of Pregame.com and an ESPN radio host, Bell's feed is loaded with interesting trends and stats to help you make an informed pick come game day (especially during NFL season). Bell's expertise is unmatched, and he's a regular on shows like "The Herd with Colin Cowherd."
Grantland
For the sports fan who wants more than sports -- much more -- Grantland is the place to go. The site was founded by veteran sports writer and often-controversial analyst Bill Simmons. It features very in-depth articles about sports and pop culture, with regular contributions from Jalen Rose, Justin Halpern, Chuck Klosterman, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Wesley Morris, and of course, Simmons. It is indirectly associated with ESPN, but offers so much more than straight sports talk.
Jim Rome on Twitter (@jimrome)
![Jim Rome]()
Jim Rome is an acquired taste, but there's no denying the success and following that the sports radio and TV talk show host has had over the years. Rome currently hosts a long-running radio show called "The Jim Rome Show" (known to his fans as "The Jungle") and a TV show on Showtime, but the best place to catch him is on Twitter, where he showcases his unique takes on sports and links to his shows' interviews -- which are conducted like no one else.
Bleacher Report
B/R is the third most popular sports site in the world, behind only juggernauts Yahoo! Sports and ESPN. However, they are different than those sites in how they present their content. Instead of straight sports reporting, B/R features fun lists, social media roundups, opinion oriented analysis and trending news. Now owned by Turner Broadcasting, the original content and programming has also reached new heights.
OMG Facts SPORTS on Twitter (@OMGFactsSports)
They say you can watch sports your entire life, and see something new every time you do. Sports, by their very nature, create interesting facts, stats and storylines that only get more interesting over time. Trivia lovers, this feed is a must-follow for you.
Deadspin
A sports blog like no other, Deadspin.com is a great site to check out first thing in the morning for a fun recap of all the crazy happenings of the night before. It's also wise to check back in on Deadspin throughout the day, as they commonly break big stories through investigations, readers, and anonymous tips. A couple of big news stories broken by Deadspin include the Manti Te'o fake girlfriend story, and the scandal involving Brett Favre's alleged texts to Jenn Sterger.
Rotoworld
Perhaps the most complete source of fantasy sports content is Rotoworld.com. If there's a sport, and you can be in a fantasy league involving that sport, then this is your site. Rotoworld provides real-time info on injuries, roster moves and player updates. It features rankings, matchup breakdowns, tips and the latest headlines for every fantasy sport there is. It may not help you win your league, but it certainly won't hurt.
SI Vault on Twitter (@si_vault)
These days, everyone loves to feel nostalgic. We love throwback uniforms, vintage sports gear and memories of the old days. Well, this fantastic Twitter account brings you sports history one photo at a time -- and it's glorious.
Michael Jordan vs. Craig Ehlo #ScaryStoriesIn5Words pic.twitter.com/PZzBnKjHGP
- SI Vault (@si_vault) October 31, 2014
NFL Memes on Facebook
Where the SI Vault brings you photos of the good ol' days of sports, this Facebook community page brings you modern memes and hilarious photos of our nation's favorite league, the NFL. Here's a taste of what you'll get:
VegasINSIDER
As long as there have been sports, there has been betting on sports. And no site has got you covered when it comes to betting info like VegasINSIDER.com. Every day it features the trends, stats, and expert picks you need to make your big money bets with confidence.
RJ Bell on Twitter (@RJinVegas)
Speaking of betting, there is one man you need to follow on Twitter for betting info, and his name is RJ Bell. Founder of Pregame.com and an ESPN radio host, Bell's feed is loaded with interesting trends and stats to help you make an informed pick come game day (especially during NFL season). Bell's expertise is unmatched, and he's a regular on shows like "The Herd with Colin Cowherd."
Grantland
For the sports fan who wants more than sports -- much more -- Grantland is the place to go. The site was founded by veteran sports writer and often-controversial analyst Bill Simmons. It features very in-depth articles about sports and pop culture, with regular contributions from Jalen Rose, Justin Halpern, Chuck Klosterman, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Wesley Morris, and of course, Simmons. It is indirectly associated with ESPN, but offers so much more than straight sports talk.
Jim Rome on Twitter (@jimrome)
Jim Rome is an acquired taste, but there's no denying the success and following that the sports radio and TV talk show host has had over the years. Rome currently hosts a long-running radio show called "The Jim Rome Show" (known to his fans as "The Jungle") and a TV show on Showtime, but the best place to catch him is on Twitter, where he showcases his unique takes on sports and links to his shows' interviews -- which are conducted like no one else.
Bleacher Report
B/R is the third most popular sports site in the world, behind only juggernauts Yahoo! Sports and ESPN. However, they are different than those sites in how they present their content. Instead of straight sports reporting, B/R features fun lists, social media roundups, opinion oriented analysis and trending news. Now owned by Turner Broadcasting, the original content and programming has also reached new heights.
OMG Facts SPORTS on Twitter (@OMGFactsSports)
They say you can watch sports your entire life, and see something new every time you do. Sports, by their very nature, create interesting facts, stats and storylines that only get more interesting over time. Trivia lovers, this feed is a must-follow for you.
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Pranked! By a Broadcast Reporter Without a Camera
Meet Greg Benson, YouTube's most prolific prankster. We set him loose in Los Angeles to prank unsuspecting tourists for our viewing pleasure. This week he conducts broadcast interviews ... without a camera. Enjoy!
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The Weirdest Wedding Couples Ever
Objectophilia. Dendrophilia. Incest. Yup -- we've got the goodies. Here are 12 people that put the "um" in "daddy problums."
![weirdest wedding couples ever, cow as wife]()
Groom: Ngurah Alit, an 18-year-old Balinese man
Bride: A cow
Justification: In 2010, Alit was found jackhammering a cow in a rice paddy on the island of Bali. He claimed the cow was being a shameless flirt. After authorities found him fouling the animal, Alit was forced to marry her. But the romance would be short-lived, as they drowned the cow in the ocean prior to the wedding ceremony. Alit fainted when he learned of it.
![weirdest wedding couples ever, Karnamoni Handsa married a dog]()
Bride: Karnamoni Handsa, a nine-year-old Indian villager
Groom: Bacchan, a dog
Justification: More than 100 guests attended the wedding betwixt the two, a beautiful ceremony in the remote Indian village of Khanyhan. Western media jumped on the WTF story in 2003, and members of the village jury approved the wedding to ward off a "bad omen." Said Handsa: "I have no regret in marrying the dog Bacchan. I am fond of the dog who moves around our locality."
![weirdest wedding couples ever, sharon tendler marries dolphin]()
Bride: Sharon Tendler, a lonely 41-year-old Briton
Groom: Cindy, a bottlenose dolphin
Justification: "It's not a perverted thing. I do love this dolphin. He's the love of my life." T'was love at first sight when Tendler saw Cindy for the first time during a sea show. She continued visiting the 35-year-old marine mammal for 15 years until they wed in 2005. Tendler died less than a year later due to a non-dolphin-related illness.
![weirdest wedding couples ever, charles tombe marries a goat]()
Groom: Charles Tombe, a Sudanese man
Bride: Rose, a goat
Justification: Villagers found Tombe, a self-described Christian, rump-wrangling his neighbor's goat in 2006. It made international headlines. Tombe was forced to pay the equivalent of $50 and marry the goat, as it is blasphemous to bone a goat out of wedlock. The goat died a year later due to non-sodomy-related reasons.
![weirdest wedding couples ever, richard torres married a tree]()
Groom: Richard Torres, a Peruvian "activist"
Bride: A tree
Justification: Because of the environment, OK? Torres planned to bring a unique brand of activism to Argentina. A hefty gaggle of equally creepy supporters attended the wedding and wept at their union. He kissed its bark romantically.
![weirdest wedding couples, Chen Wei-yih marries herself]()
Bride: Chen Wei-yih
Bride: Chen Wei-yih
Justification: Asexualism is all the rage in 2014. The 30-year-old Taiwanese woman married herself. Attempting to subvert the view that single, independent Asian women are failures in Eastern societies, Chen put a ring on herself. You go girl.
![weirdest wedding couples, Lee Jin-gyu marries pillow]()
Groom: Lee Jin-gyu, a real-life version of Lars
Bride: A pillow
Justification: "He is completely obsessed with this pillow and takes it everywhere," one friend of Lee's stated, who wanted to remain anonymous, because it's embarrassing to be his friend. The 28-year-old South Korean popped the question (and perhaps something else) on the pillow, which featured popular anime character Fate Testarossa on the knitting. Here's video.
![weird wedding couples, Karl Lagerfeld and his cat]()
Groom: Karl Lagerfeld, creative director at Chanel
Bride: Choupette
Justification: He never thought he'd fall in love with a cat. Though Lagerfeld is legally unable to marry Choupette, in June 2013 he said he would if it were legal.
![weirdest wedding couples, married siblings]()
Bride: Adriana, sibling No. 1
Groom: Leandro, sibling No. 2
Justification: The two had been married for 10 years, and even had a six-year-old daughter. When the opportunity arose to find out live on the radio who their mothers were (both Adriana and Leandro didn't know), they learned they were indeed brother and sister. "I don't believe you're telling me this," said Ariana on "The Time Is Now," a program that specializes in finding lost relatives. After a brief family discussion, Adriana and Leandro decided to keep it in the family por vida. "Nothing is going to break us up. Nothing." ... Aaaannnndddd that's f*cked up.
![weird wedding couples, lauren adkins marries cardboard cutout]()
Bride: Lauren Adkins
Groom: Robert Pattinson, a cardboard cutout
Justification: Lauren Adkins, apparently no fan of the Atkins diet, married a cardboard cutout of Edward Cullen on an impassioned whim in September. There was a five-tier cake, 50 guests and a bill for $2,000. Yes, it was a serious wedding -- just as serious as her violent lust for the "Twilight" franchise.
![wierdest wedding couples, Helen Shabangu marries boy]()
Bride: Helen Shabangu, a 61-year-old woman
Groom: Sanele Masilela, an 8-year-old boy
Justification: When Ashton Kutcher married elderly soon-to-be-senior-citizen Demi Moore, it sent shockwaves throughout the international community. In March 2013, Shabangu and Masilela trumped that, marrying to appease ancestral spirits requesting their union from beyond the grave. They even shared a hot kiss at the ceremony. The marriage isn't legally binding and he doesn't even live with her, so it isn't that weird.
![weirdest wedding couples, Valerie Spruill married father]()
Bride: Valerie Spruill
Groom: Percy Spruill, her father
Justification: Who's got a barf bag ready? They met in Akron and lived a peaceful life in the small Ohio suburb of Doylestown. Eight years after Percy died, Valerie learned the news from her uncle: Percy was her pops. A DNA test confirmed it. "I don't know if he ever knew or not," she said. "That conversation didn't come up." After years of therapy and a hefty dosing of Jesus, she accepted her decade stint of incest. Who's your daddy?
Groom: Ngurah Alit, an 18-year-old Balinese man
Bride: A cow
Justification: In 2010, Alit was found jackhammering a cow in a rice paddy on the island of Bali. He claimed the cow was being a shameless flirt. After authorities found him fouling the animal, Alit was forced to marry her. But the romance would be short-lived, as they drowned the cow in the ocean prior to the wedding ceremony. Alit fainted when he learned of it.
Bride: Karnamoni Handsa, a nine-year-old Indian villager
Groom: Bacchan, a dog
Justification: More than 100 guests attended the wedding betwixt the two, a beautiful ceremony in the remote Indian village of Khanyhan. Western media jumped on the WTF story in 2003, and members of the village jury approved the wedding to ward off a "bad omen." Said Handsa: "I have no regret in marrying the dog Bacchan. I am fond of the dog who moves around our locality."
Bride: Sharon Tendler, a lonely 41-year-old Briton
Groom: Cindy, a bottlenose dolphin
Justification: "It's not a perverted thing. I do love this dolphin. He's the love of my life." T'was love at first sight when Tendler saw Cindy for the first time during a sea show. She continued visiting the 35-year-old marine mammal for 15 years until they wed in 2005. Tendler died less than a year later due to a non-dolphin-related illness.
Groom: Charles Tombe, a Sudanese man
Bride: Rose, a goat
Justification: Villagers found Tombe, a self-described Christian, rump-wrangling his neighbor's goat in 2006. It made international headlines. Tombe was forced to pay the equivalent of $50 and marry the goat, as it is blasphemous to bone a goat out of wedlock. The goat died a year later due to non-sodomy-related reasons.
Groom: Richard Torres, a Peruvian "activist"
Bride: A tree
Justification: Because of the environment, OK? Torres planned to bring a unique brand of activism to Argentina. A hefty gaggle of equally creepy supporters attended the wedding and wept at their union. He kissed its bark romantically.
Bride: Chen Wei-yih
Bride: Chen Wei-yih
Justification: Asexualism is all the rage in 2014. The 30-year-old Taiwanese woman married herself. Attempting to subvert the view that single, independent Asian women are failures in Eastern societies, Chen put a ring on herself. You go girl.
Groom: Lee Jin-gyu, a real-life version of Lars
Bride: A pillow
Justification: "He is completely obsessed with this pillow and takes it everywhere," one friend of Lee's stated, who wanted to remain anonymous, because it's embarrassing to be his friend. The 28-year-old South Korean popped the question (and perhaps something else) on the pillow, which featured popular anime character Fate Testarossa on the knitting. Here's video.
Groom: Karl Lagerfeld, creative director at Chanel
Bride: Choupette
Justification: He never thought he'd fall in love with a cat. Though Lagerfeld is legally unable to marry Choupette, in June 2013 he said he would if it were legal.
Bride: Adriana, sibling No. 1
Groom: Leandro, sibling No. 2
Justification: The two had been married for 10 years, and even had a six-year-old daughter. When the opportunity arose to find out live on the radio who their mothers were (both Adriana and Leandro didn't know), they learned they were indeed brother and sister. "I don't believe you're telling me this," said Ariana on "The Time Is Now," a program that specializes in finding lost relatives. After a brief family discussion, Adriana and Leandro decided to keep it in the family por vida. "Nothing is going to break us up. Nothing." ... Aaaannnndddd that's f*cked up.
Bride: Lauren Adkins
Groom: Robert Pattinson, a cardboard cutout
Justification: Lauren Adkins, apparently no fan of the Atkins diet, married a cardboard cutout of Edward Cullen on an impassioned whim in September. There was a five-tier cake, 50 guests and a bill for $2,000. Yes, it was a serious wedding -- just as serious as her violent lust for the "Twilight" franchise.
Bride: Helen Shabangu, a 61-year-old woman
Groom: Sanele Masilela, an 8-year-old boy
Justification: When Ashton Kutcher married elderly soon-to-be-senior-citizen Demi Moore, it sent shockwaves throughout the international community. In March 2013, Shabangu and Masilela trumped that, marrying to appease ancestral spirits requesting their union from beyond the grave. They even shared a hot kiss at the ceremony. The marriage isn't legally binding and he doesn't even live with her, so it isn't that weird.
Bride: Valerie Spruill
Groom: Percy Spruill, her father
Justification: Who's got a barf bag ready? They met in Akron and lived a peaceful life in the small Ohio suburb of Doylestown. Eight years after Percy died, Valerie learned the news from her uncle: Percy was her pops. A DNA test confirmed it. "I don't know if he ever knew or not," she said. "That conversation didn't come up." After years of therapy and a hefty dosing of Jesus, she accepted her decade stint of incest. Who's your daddy?
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Mandatory's 2014 Holiday Gift Guide
It's the holiday season, and no, this gift guide is not meant to send you into a panic. This gift guide is here to help you. This gift guide is for you. You see, all of the cool gear below is stuff you should be adding to your wish list. Sure, they are all great gift ideas for your dads, brothers, uncles and cousins, but you deserve them, too. So scroll down and take note, but most importantly, enjoy the holidays.
MANDATORY SPECIAL: Cordwain Footwear
![cordwain footwear, mandatory gift guide]()
Not only are we saying you should buy these shoes, but we are also hooking you up with a sweet deal. Starting today and lasting until Monday 12/22, use the code "Mandatory" at checkout on Cordwain.com and receive a 20% discount for the Rookwood boots, and a 40% discount for the Herlin shoes. Cordwain established the phrase "California Formal" as a guiding light for their brand. They set out to create shoes that can easily be dressed up or down -- and to hybridize the classic, high-end styling suited for the workplace with the technology and comfort for all occasions.
Samsung Galaxy Tab 4 w/ NET10 Wireless
![samsung galaxy tab 4]()
I have to admit that I was one of the people who didn't understand the appeal of tablets. I had my phone and I had my laptop. Why would I need something in between? And then I had the opportunity to spend a little time with this baby and I've become addicted. The lightweight Samsung Galaxy Tab 4 has become my second favorite thing to do in bed (the first is sleep, you pervert). Whether it be reading, watching some Netflix or browsing the greatest site on the Internet (coughMandatorycough), the tablet does the trick. And if you're someone who hates being locked in a contract by your wireless provider, check out NET10 Wireless' plans starting at $35.
NFL Homegating Gear
![detroit lions toaster, NFL Homegating]()
NFL Homegating brings the rituals, traditions and celebrations of an NFL tailgate to the comfort of your home, turning it into your team's headquarters. Show off your fandom with glasses, toasters, trays and bowls, coasters and decorations, and much more. Visit the NFL Shop to order your favorite team's items, or check out the NFL Homegating app. (Pictured: ProToast MVP Toaster, $39.95)
Han Solo Carbonite Shower Curtain
![han solo carbonite shower curtain]()
We know not every guy is into "Star Wars," but almost every guy could use a new shower curtain, and this is one of the best ones ever. And if you're a Han Solo fan, then this is no-brainer. Head over to ThinkGeek and you'll find this one-of-a-kind gift for a mere $24.99.
Philips Airfryer
![]()
Face it, you're going to stuff your face this holiday season. There is no better way to deal with the post-holiday gorging than trying to clean up your act in 2015. Philips Airfryer provides the healthy way to fry your favorite foods, giving you the taste you love -- without the guilt. Using Rapid Air Technology for the perfect result, your food will contain less fat than if it was fried in the traditional way. It cooks with less oil, is easy to use, and best of all, the removable drawer and food basket are dishwasher safe making it easy to clean. Available at Williams Sonoma for $299.95.
LSTN Headphones
![LSTN headphones]()
Made with sustainable wood in a variety of finishes, LSTN headphones look great, sound great and support a great cause. A portion of the proceeds from every pair sold help to restore hearing to people in need (through the Starkey Hearing Foundation). You'll love the organic yet industrial and vintage feel of the "Troubadour" style. Dave Matthews and Lorde have been spotted wearing LSTN. Check out all of the styles here. Prices range from $50 - $150, and the sound quality is absolutely stellar.
1FaceWatches
![1Face watches]()
1FaceWatch's goal is to combat some of the world's and the environment's biggest issues. With its clean, minimal and sleek aesthetic, each digital LED watch has a color profile that represents a different cause, as well as a face that's a mirror until you press a button to display the time. To date, the brand has changed over 800,000 lives and counting. They retail for $40 each (except for the new touchscreen black watch, which is $99) and are available at Nordstrom.com (select watches) and 1face.com.
Cutty Sark Hi-Top by Generic Surplus
![cutty sark hi-top shoes]()
It's not often that a shoe comes around that was inspired by bartenders, but that's exactly what you have here. The stylish hi-top is a collaboration with Cutty Sark Whiskey and was designed with a bartender in mind. This kick is all comfort and style, featuring a black leather upper, accented by pops of off-white and yellow. The sneaker is sold exclusively at KITH (New York) and on genericsurplus.com for $149.99.
VK Nagrani's "World's Greatest Socks"
![VK Nagrani socks]()
Are you a guy who has everything? Well, we know that can't be true, because you don't have the world's greatest socks ... yet. VK Nagrani has got you covered, though, with their line of stylish designer socks at a great price ($35). Throw out your old socks with holes in the toes and upgrade your wardrobe with VK Nagrani.
MANDATORY SPECIAL: Cordwain Footwear
Not only are we saying you should buy these shoes, but we are also hooking you up with a sweet deal. Starting today and lasting until Monday 12/22, use the code "Mandatory" at checkout on Cordwain.com and receive a 20% discount for the Rookwood boots, and a 40% discount for the Herlin shoes. Cordwain established the phrase "California Formal" as a guiding light for their brand. They set out to create shoes that can easily be dressed up or down -- and to hybridize the classic, high-end styling suited for the workplace with the technology and comfort for all occasions.
Samsung Galaxy Tab 4 w/ NET10 Wireless
I have to admit that I was one of the people who didn't understand the appeal of tablets. I had my phone and I had my laptop. Why would I need something in between? And then I had the opportunity to spend a little time with this baby and I've become addicted. The lightweight Samsung Galaxy Tab 4 has become my second favorite thing to do in bed (the first is sleep, you pervert). Whether it be reading, watching some Netflix or browsing the greatest site on the Internet (coughMandatorycough), the tablet does the trick. And if you're someone who hates being locked in a contract by your wireless provider, check out NET10 Wireless' plans starting at $35.
NFL Homegating Gear
NFL Homegating brings the rituals, traditions and celebrations of an NFL tailgate to the comfort of your home, turning it into your team's headquarters. Show off your fandom with glasses, toasters, trays and bowls, coasters and decorations, and much more. Visit the NFL Shop to order your favorite team's items, or check out the NFL Homegating app. (Pictured: ProToast MVP Toaster, $39.95)
Han Solo Carbonite Shower Curtain
We know not every guy is into "Star Wars," but almost every guy could use a new shower curtain, and this is one of the best ones ever. And if you're a Han Solo fan, then this is no-brainer. Head over to ThinkGeek and you'll find this one-of-a-kind gift for a mere $24.99.
Philips Airfryer
Face it, you're going to stuff your face this holiday season. There is no better way to deal with the post-holiday gorging than trying to clean up your act in 2015. Philips Airfryer provides the healthy way to fry your favorite foods, giving you the taste you love -- without the guilt. Using Rapid Air Technology for the perfect result, your food will contain less fat than if it was fried in the traditional way. It cooks with less oil, is easy to use, and best of all, the removable drawer and food basket are dishwasher safe making it easy to clean. Available at Williams Sonoma for $299.95.
LSTN Headphones
Made with sustainable wood in a variety of finishes, LSTN headphones look great, sound great and support a great cause. A portion of the proceeds from every pair sold help to restore hearing to people in need (through the Starkey Hearing Foundation). You'll love the organic yet industrial and vintage feel of the "Troubadour" style. Dave Matthews and Lorde have been spotted wearing LSTN. Check out all of the styles here. Prices range from $50 - $150, and the sound quality is absolutely stellar.
1FaceWatches
1FaceWatch's goal is to combat some of the world's and the environment's biggest issues. With its clean, minimal and sleek aesthetic, each digital LED watch has a color profile that represents a different cause, as well as a face that's a mirror until you press a button to display the time. To date, the brand has changed over 800,000 lives and counting. They retail for $40 each (except for the new touchscreen black watch, which is $99) and are available at Nordstrom.com (select watches) and 1face.com.
Cutty Sark Hi-Top by Generic Surplus
It's not often that a shoe comes around that was inspired by bartenders, but that's exactly what you have here. The stylish hi-top is a collaboration with Cutty Sark Whiskey and was designed with a bartender in mind. This kick is all comfort and style, featuring a black leather upper, accented by pops of off-white and yellow. The sneaker is sold exclusively at KITH (New York) and on genericsurplus.com for $149.99.VK Nagrani's "World's Greatest Socks"
Are you a guy who has everything? Well, we know that can't be true, because you don't have the world's greatest socks ... yet. VK Nagrani has got you covered, though, with their line of stylish designer socks at a great price ($35). Throw out your old socks with holes in the toes and upgrade your wardrobe with VK Nagrani.
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Girls Lose Their Clothes in This Hilarious Sneeze Prank
Roman Atwood is a guy who makes a living off of his prank videos. You may have seen his recent one where he pretends to kill his own kid to scare his wife. Much less extreme than that is this sneeze prank, where Atwood walks by a couple of ladies wearing dresses and blows them off with his powerful sneeze. All of the bystanders' reactions are great, but the guy who compliments the gals on their "nice butts" really takes it all in stride.
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Cow to Kickoff: How a Football Comes to Be
Just like the journey from Pee Wees to Pros is a long and winding one, the oblong, laced-up projectile that's the focal point for hundreds of millions of fans comes from humble, grass-chomping beginnings. Let's travel together down the road from cow to kickoff, and learn where that pigskin actually comes from (spoiler alert: its not from a pig).
![TK]()
We begin with a little history lesson. A version of the game of football as we know it dates all the way back to the time of the Ancient Greeks. Back in Ye Olden Days, the ball used was actually an inflated pig's bladder. Pig bladders were abundant back in those dismal times, and some poor serf would blow them up and tie them off so the landed gentry could kick 'em around.
![TK]()
Fast forward some centuries to 1855, when manufactured inflatable balls were introduced (more on that process in a bit). Two types of football had evolved at the prep schools and Ivies on the East Coast -- one focused on kicking, and one on carrying. That is until the "Boston Game" of 1862, when a mishmash of both versions came to be. Rules were standardized over the next few decades, and Walter Camp became known as the father of the modern game (he pinned down the rules, and got things looking like there was actually some order to things rather than an unruly mob of thugs attacking each other, which is what we call 'rugby').
So, how 'bout them balls? Well, a single cowhide can be transformed into ten footballs, each constructed of four panels and a single piece of lace woven through 16 holes.
But how? Four identical panels are required. Sew them together, punch the holes for the lace, and insert a rubber bladder (your pig will thank you). Inflate it to 13 PSI.
![TK]()
In order to be 'official,' your ball must measure between 20.75" and 21.25" in diameter, with a circumference of 11-11.25" in length. It should also weigh 14-15oz.
But you'll have your work ahead of you -- according to the NFL, home teams are required to have 36 balls for outdoor games and 24 for indoor games. Each ball's tested for appropriate pressure two hours prior to the game. Twelve special balls, still sealed in their boxes, are opened by the officials and exclusively used for the kicking game. The balls are branded with a "K" but are otherwise identical to regulation balls.
![TK]()
And where do all those balls come from? Ada, Ohio -- in 1941 a golden deal was signed by Wilson and the NFL to ensure that only Wilson balls were used come game time. And since then, apart from a period from the time of the NFL-AFL merger and one redesign, 'The Duke' has been the ball at the center of every major game. Named in honor of Wellington Mara (if you were named after a beef dish you'd go by 'The Duke,' too), a man who dedicated his life to the New York Giants and the NFL in general, The Duke has been produced by the same Ada factory for over 50 years. In fact, factory workers have on average 23 years experience with the company, so you can be sure a lot of love goes into each and every one of the over 700,000 balls produced there annually.
![TK]()
And there you have it! The pig skin, deconstructed.
We begin with a little history lesson. A version of the game of football as we know it dates all the way back to the time of the Ancient Greeks. Back in Ye Olden Days, the ball used was actually an inflated pig's bladder. Pig bladders were abundant back in those dismal times, and some poor serf would blow them up and tie them off so the landed gentry could kick 'em around.
Fast forward some centuries to 1855, when manufactured inflatable balls were introduced (more on that process in a bit). Two types of football had evolved at the prep schools and Ivies on the East Coast -- one focused on kicking, and one on carrying. That is until the "Boston Game" of 1862, when a mishmash of both versions came to be. Rules were standardized over the next few decades, and Walter Camp became known as the father of the modern game (he pinned down the rules, and got things looking like there was actually some order to things rather than an unruly mob of thugs attacking each other, which is what we call 'rugby').
So, how 'bout them balls? Well, a single cowhide can be transformed into ten footballs, each constructed of four panels and a single piece of lace woven through 16 holes.
But how? Four identical panels are required. Sew them together, punch the holes for the lace, and insert a rubber bladder (your pig will thank you). Inflate it to 13 PSI.
In order to be 'official,' your ball must measure between 20.75" and 21.25" in diameter, with a circumference of 11-11.25" in length. It should also weigh 14-15oz.
But you'll have your work ahead of you -- according to the NFL, home teams are required to have 36 balls for outdoor games and 24 for indoor games. Each ball's tested for appropriate pressure two hours prior to the game. Twelve special balls, still sealed in their boxes, are opened by the officials and exclusively used for the kicking game. The balls are branded with a "K" but are otherwise identical to regulation balls.
And where do all those balls come from? Ada, Ohio -- in 1941 a golden deal was signed by Wilson and the NFL to ensure that only Wilson balls were used come game time. And since then, apart from a period from the time of the NFL-AFL merger and one redesign, 'The Duke' has been the ball at the center of every major game. Named in honor of Wellington Mara (if you were named after a beef dish you'd go by 'The Duke,' too), a man who dedicated his life to the New York Giants and the NFL in general, The Duke has been produced by the same Ada factory for over 50 years. In fact, factory workers have on average 23 years experience with the company, so you can be sure a lot of love goes into each and every one of the over 700,000 balls produced there annually.
And there you have it! The pig skin, deconstructed.
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Jennifer Aniston Had a Sex Scene We'd All Love to Be In
Jennifer Aniston is America's sweetheart, which goes without saying. But when America's sweetheart has a sex scene in a film, the last thing you do is delete it from said film. In a recent interview on "Conan," the former "Friends" actress tells the giant gingersnap about her one-sided sex scene with Charlie Day in the new "Horrible Bosses 2" film. Whether or not this sequel is horrible too remains to be seen, but one thing is for certain: Jennifer Aniston riding a comatose average white dude sounds pretty much like our dream come true. Damn you, Charlie Day. Damn you to hell.
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Estelle George Stuns in the Aussie Summer
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Karrueche Tran is Single and Sexy
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Today's Funny Photos
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More Pages to Explore .....
