How To Open a Master Lock With a Plastic Zip Tie

December 1, 2015, 11:03 am

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Heading to a gym soon? Well, you may want to change locks after seeing how vulnerable your keyed lock is to being picked. Since you'll have more reasons to sweat... with nervousness.

In a clip which has garnered over 1 million views, YouTube user "bosnianbill" reveals how simple it is to open up a case hard Master Lock with just a plastic zip tie. He took a file on his pocket knife and cut some small grooves to get the Master Lock open, in a video that has gone viral.



He also went on to say that one of his "lock-picking friends" also was able to open up a Master Lock with a bamboo BBQ skewer, a small hammer, among other things -- even a dried chicken bone.


The YouTuber is encouraging viewers to submit their own "tricks" for popping open Master Locks, even suggesting -- get this -- a bird's feather.

I'm sure thieves everywhere are salivating at the bits after this discovery.

Do you believe this to be true? Have you tried and succeeded? What did you use?

More DIY-worthy news: IKEA Hack: How to Turn Kitchen Cabinets into a Platform Bed

 

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Today's Funny Photos

December 1, 2015, 11:07 pm

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I sat at my desk looking at this photo below yesterday for a good 30 minutes, and then I looked at it for 30 more minutes trying to come up with a pun to meme it with. Then I realized that you all are more clever than I am, so I'd let you have at it. Please leave your punderful captions in the comments. Enjoy the rest of today's lol-worthy photos after that.


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Now, check this out: Does This Woman On 'Jeopardy!' Have The Most Annoying Voice On The Planet?

 

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How Rewatching 'White Men Can't Jump' Will Help You Make New Friends

December 2, 2015, 12:28 am

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Here is a truth that makes me feel old just writing it, and will make you feel even older the more you realize it: Making new buddies gets harder with age. That's not just an old person excuse for being a curmudgeon or getting stuck in year-round cuffing season -- it's a real thing. When you're younger, the playing field is fairly even and most people are open to meeting new friends. But the older you get, the more you take on more responsibility and get locked in your ways. You keep the same friends you've always had because you're working too many hours or spending too much time with your families to make an effort with new people.

Eventually, you get rusty and need to relearn best buddy practices. Rewatching "White Men Can't Jump" is a great way to brush up on those skills. It defined bromance before bromance was a term. The '90s apparel and "yo' mama" jokes feel dated, but it's also part of its charm. If you can get past that, the movie will remind you how to make new friends and be all around more awesome toward others. Plus, Rosie Perez in her prime is something to behold. They don't make Hollywood starlets quite like her anymore.

Don't underestimate a new friend, for better or worse.

Not underestimating anyone is a good rule to live by. However, it holds especially true with fresh acquaintances. Drawing even small conclusions before all the info is available can kill a connection. Sidney Dean (Wesley Snipes) lost a chunk of cash because he underestimated the b-ball skills of Billy Hoyle (Woody Harrelson). Unfortunately, you can lowball a person's ability to screw you over as well. Sidney double-crossed Billy after they became "partners." Just keep your eyes and ears open until you really get to know someone.

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Say you get the idea to invite co-workers to play volleyball as a way to make new friends. You show up, but no one else does. They all went bowling instead. Don't be the guy who digs his heels in and insists on another volleyball game. Swallow your pride and just go bowling. That's what Sidney did after Billy beat him at basketball. He offered up a partnership instead of a rivalry.

Pay close attention to the intention behind what they're saying.

Roughly 85% of the dialogue in "White Men Can't Jump" is trash-talking. That's the language of the courts. It's not meant to offend for the sake of being offensive. It's meant to rile the other guy up and throw him off his game. A lot of guys speak in a similar way, especially those who come from sports and/or fraternity backgrounds. They don't mean to be dicks; it's just how they communicate. So take every comment with a grain of salt until you figure out what they're about.

Don't act desperate.

If you think girls give you the cold shoulder when you act too thirsty, guys might give you a cold fist to the face. Maybe you just moved to a different place and you're really looking for a new crew because you're bored as hell. Regardless, just take a breath and back off. Give them some space. As Sidney tells Billy when he's begging for his help in getting Gloria (Rosie Perez) back, "A man should never be desperate. It's impractical. And frankly, I find it rather ugly."

Do things just for the sake of helping.

When Sidney starts warming up to the idea of helping Billy with his Gloria situation, he asks, "Why should I help you?" Billy gives him the most straightforward answer: "Because I'll owe you." That's huge because any guy worth his salt will remember that. Once you start to become friends, offer to help out when you think he needs it. Maybe you know how to tune up his old truck or you have a chainsaw you can loan him. Just offer. It's not like a situation where you're trying to impress a girl by helping her move and she still puts you in the friend zone. The friend zone is actually what you want here.

Throw alley-oops to your friends in social situations.

Would you rather be friends with LeBron James or Kobe Bryant? Unless you're a Lakers superfan, you said Lebron. That's because he looks for the pass and makes opportunities for his teammates to get great shots. Kobe looks like he's trying to beat every scoring record every game. It's easy to imagine they're similar in social situations.

At a party, rather than focus on getting your best stories out, set your friends up to tell theirs. That's a conversation alley-oop. Just like when Billy was finally able to dunk when Sidney set him up right, your friends' stories will flow more naturally. If he reciprocates, you'll be fluidly passing the conversation around as natural as if Gregg Popovich coached you.

 

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Mandatory's 2015 Holiday Gift Guide

December 2, 2015, 1:01 am

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The holiday season is in full swing now, but this gift guide is not meant to send you into a panic. This gift guide is here to help you. This gift guide is for you. You see, all of the awesomeness below is stuff you should be adding to your wish list. Sure, they are all great gift ideas for your dads, brothers, uncles and cousins, but you deserve them, too. So scroll down and take note, but most importantly, enjoy the holidays.

CLOTHING

Ridgemont Outfitters - Monty Shoes

I was lucky enough to receive a pair of these shoes, and they are fantastic. Not your run-of-the-mill-looking pair of kicks, either. Ideal for those leading an adventurous life in and around the urban/outdoor environments and built with rugged durability (while incorporating a heel stabilizer to ensure balance and comfort), the Monty was created to satisfy the needs of hikers but in an attractive design for off-trail adventures. Versatile in design, The Monty compliments jeans and shorts for any occasion. Available in two styles - the Hi and the Lo. ($75-$79)

RibbedTee - Retro Fit Tee

Every man needs more of these. It's a fact. The Retro Fit tee combines fashion with function, using a special wash technique that leaves the fabric buttery soft-- way more comfortable than the average itchy tee! Plus it's the optimal length for wearing either tucked or untucked. The Retro Fit tee is reasonably priced at $30/2-pack, making it the perfect gift for the style-conscious man this Holiday season!


GEAR

Penny 36" Longboard

Whether you're a pro or a novice, Penny Skateboards and their new line of plastic longboards are great for getting around. With their sleek design and easy maneuverability, they're the perfect gift for anyone looking to ride in style, regardless of skill. Seriously, you'd have to be Humpty Dumpty to fall off one of Penny's first-ever 36" boards. They're just that good. ($159.99)

Harvard Arcade Electric Indoor Basketball Game

The two-hoop basketball game is designed for home use, specifically for inviting your friend over and kicking his butt while you down beer and pizza. Each hoop is equipped with electronic, magnetic scorers for accuracy and a timer. It easily folds to save space when you're not using it, and it comes with four mini-basketballs and a pump. (Available at Lowe's, $200)

Acoustic-Electric Concert Ukulele

The first acoustic-electric ukulele in the Mitchell line, the MU100CE takes the ever-popular concert all-koa ukulele and adds the flexibility of a Fishman KULA preamp with built-in tuner, allowing you to amplify your performance and dial in the perfect sound on any stage. The beautifully appointed abalone rosette and purfling combine with the warm, rich look of figured koa for a ukulele experience like no other. Available at Guitar Center. ($279.99)

The Coolest Cooler

Temperatures may be dropping but football season is hotter than ever, and tailgating and holiday entertaining is in full-swing, whether with friends or family. Enter: The Coolest, a portable party disguised as a cooler. Features include a built-in blender, waterproof Bluetooth speaker, picnic set, bottle opener, USB charger, and LED lid light, among countless other features that make this the most luxurious and unique cooler on the market. One of the most funded Kickstarter campaigns in history is finally on the market. The Coolest meets all needs for outdoor recreation, tailgating, beach trips, and any activity where you can bring your refreshments to go. ($499)

Personalized Natural Beechwood Beer Bottle Opener

Crafted from all natural beechwood, it has an incredibly thick and sturdy handle with a strong stainless steel opener that keeps the beer flowing well into the night. Engrave it with the name of anyone special on your gift list this year. Beer bottle opener from HomeWetBar.com measures approximately 6" x 1" and is only $15.95.

Custom 500 Motorcycle Helmet

(Street) Throwbacks and retro lids are nice, but nothing beats an original. Back in 1954, Bell founder Roy Richter formed his first helmet out of fiberglass and names it the "500." Bell's Custom 500 pays homage to Richter's original design while adding modern protective technology to bring the design up-to-date. Comes in multiple colors. ($119.95)

Char-Griller Duo Black 3-Burner Liquid Propane Gas Grill

Your BBQs will never be the same (in that they will be way better than ever before).
This liquid propane gas grill comes with a charcoal grill on the same cart for duel fuel cooking. It's 1,260 square inches in total cooking area, porcelain-coated with cast-iron cooking grates and stainless steel burners. The Char-Griller has three main burners and one side burner with a flip-down cover, electronic ignition for quick and easy start-ups and two built-in temperature gauges to allow easy heat level monitoring. Game on! (Available at Lowe's, $299)

Star Wars Themed Ceramic Salt And Pepper Shakers

Made of the highest quality ceramic, these droidtastic R2-D2 and R2-Q5 salt and pepper shakers are molded and painted to look just like the best known astromech droids in the Star Wars universe, making them a must have addition to any fan or collector's dining table. Measures approximately 3 1/2" high x 3" wide x 2" deep. Officially licensed product. (Available at Amazon, $25)

Smart Flour Foods Gluten Free Pizzas

Everyone loves pizza, but everyone also wants to try to eat healthy. Those don't usually go hand in hand, but these little tasty chef-inspired Italian pizzas fit the bill. Each pizza is free of preservatives and artificial ingredients, made with real mozzarella and provolone cheese that is free of rGBH (recombinant Bovine Growth Hormone) and topped with hand-selected uncured meats that are free of nitrites and nitrates. Smart Flour Foods new pizza varieties are now available at select natural and specialty stores nationwide for $6.99 to $7.99. Stuff your freezers with them.

The Perfect Shave Kit

Unless you're capable of sporting a full, manly beard year-round, your face needs a full service shave at home every so often. Smooth, protect and soothe with four full-size products designed to work together for the ultimate shaving experience. This no-nonsense travel kit contains everything needed for grooming on the go, including airline compliant sizes of Anthony's Glycolic Facial Cleanser, Invigorating Rush Hair + Body Wash, Shave Cream, All-Purpose Facial Moisturizer, and Mint and White Tea Lip Balm SPF 25. Avalailable at Anthony.com for $70 ($90 value). Also, Anthony donates a portion of the proceeds from the sale of all products to support prostate cancer research.

Vapium - Weekender Edition

#VapeLife, bro. Created for the avid outdoor enthusiast or the casual weekend adventurer, VAPIUM's Weekender Edition is the ideal travel companion, creating an organic connection between the modern explorer and our planet's aesthetic. In lieu of power outlets, cables and batteries, nature taps into a single bottomless spring of limitless energy: sunlight. With the Weekender Edition SPRING Solar Charger, consumers now have this power. The Weekender includes both one SUMMIT(R) vaporizer and one SPRINGTM Solar Charge. ($189)

Onewheel

Onewheel is the revolutionary electric boardsport that incorporates intuitive control, self-balancing, and the freedom to ride all into one. Onewheel is simple to operate; lean forward to accelerate, lean backward to slow down stop and change direction. Inspired by the sensation of snowboarding on powder, Onewheel brings a completely new and exceptionally smooth riding experience on or off-road. Onewheel combines breakthrough technology with an incredibly intuitive and fun ride to create a personal digital vehicle at the intersection of recreation and transportation. Rolling on a single large air-filled tire, the Onewheel is incredibly versatile, handling terrain ranging from urban pavement to gravel, grass, sand and single-track. (MSRP $1,499)


ENTERTAINMENT

"Star Wars" New Limited Edition Individual Blu-Ray Steelbooks

As the galaxy prepares for the next generation of "Star Wars," the six epic films have also been released as commemorative Blu-ray steelbooks. In addition to the collectible steelbook packaging, each single disc Blu-ray includes existing audio commentary with George Lucas and the film crew as well as audio commentary from archival interviews with the cast and crew. Steelbooks are available at retail stores nationwide for approximately $15-$20 apiece. "Star Wars: The Complete Saga" is also available at stores nationwide for around $100.

"Zoolander" Limited Edition Blu-Ray Gift Set

What is this, a holiday gift guide for ants?! No, it's actually an awesome "Zoolander" Blu-ray Limited Edition Gift Set. And it was just released on December 1st. The release sports an original design, is swathed in a signature "Blue SteelBook" and includes new special features, a sneak peek at "Zoolander 2," a collectible Derek Zoolander headband and Movie Money worth up to $8 towards a ticket to see the new film. The Blu-ray will be available exclusively at Walmart. ($17.96)

"Mission: Impossible" The 5-Movie Collection

Can you say "Mission:Impossible movie marathon?" The explosive $650M+ worldwide blockbuster "Rogue Nation" debuts on Blu-ray combo pack on December 15, 2015. However, you can get it on digital HD right now. You can also get this collection of all five of the Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) action films on December 15, as well. ($39.99 for Blu-ray combo pack, $64.99 for 5-pack collection)

Happy holidays, everyone!

 

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The Definitive Ranking Of Nude Women Album Cover Albums (Based On The Music, Not The Nudity)

December 2, 2015, 1:02 am

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In order to be a hit-making lady of the radio these days, it really helps to bare it all, nakedly so, on the cover of your album. Katy Perry? Check. Miley Cyrus? You betcha. Christina Aguilera? Beyoncé? Oh yeah. Shakira? Britney Spears? Does the pope shit in the woods? Lady Gaga? Rihanna? Do I really have to ask?

But as we've all learned before, you can't tell an album from its cover. A lot of albums have naked women on them, but not all of them rock. We're not chauvinists here, folks. We're not just going to put up some lame ranking of the hottest women to appear naked on an album cover. Who would do something so crass as ranking hot women? (Besides, Grace Jones' "Island Life" would win too easily.) Though we're all too happy to look at as many naked divas as possible, the fact of the matter is that only one of those named above made this list. Because first and foremost, we're talking about the music here, to determine which naked-woman-adorned album rocks as hard as the hard-body on the cover.

10. The Strokes, "Is This It" (2001)

The whole album growls with depth and ferocity, especially "Last Night," a rollicking song about... well, about last night, as much as I can decipher. It's definitively the band's best album, and also the only one with a naked lady on it. Coincidence? I think not. Though most of you probably had the American cover with the bright orange and blue, trippy subatomic particles in a bubble chamber pic, the original British cover above bares a barer aesthetic. The suggestive photo was spontaneously taken by Colin Lane after his girlfriend got out of the shower. He just happened to have a leather glove lying around and convinced her to get spanking. So let this be a lesson to you gents: always be ready for a photo op if a girl is showering at your place. Just tell her this story, and then make sure to explain to her that you can make her famous. Works every time.

9. Red Hot Chili Peppers, "Mother's Milk" (1989)

The first album with the band's new lineup after original guitar hero Hillel "The Israeli Cowboy" Slovak-the guy who just gave me my new self-styled nickname-OD'd on smack and got bucked off the big bull ride of life. It was also the first album to feature the harder, shredding funk which became the Chili's signature sound, before they dropped it for the sound of softness. The cover is one of many on this list that was censored and erstwhile changed for the Walmart crowd. The pic features model Dawn Alane, one of two women originally photographed for the job, the other being Anthony Kiedis's girlfriend at the time, Ione Skye (aka the cheese to AdRock's macaroni). Alane wasn't real happy with the whole deal, and she ultimately ended up pocketing $50k for not being informed before or after the band printed posters showing off her naked booby in all its nipple-freeing glory.

8. Tom Waits, "Small Change" (1976)

Waits looks and sounds like a murderer, but like a sensitive poet murderer who may not remember the actual murder. This, his third album, was the first to really find an audience. For good reason, it gets you wasted when you listen. Like sad, blubbering wasted. Like somebody is really worried about leaving you alone wasted. And you believe every sad wasted note. Which might explain how Tom can't seem to muster the strength to look at the topless go-go dancer in the cover photo. Look at her, Tom! She's naked! She's got huge perfect jugs! And supposedly, she's Cassandra Peterson, aka, Elvira, Mistress of the Dark.

7. Roger Waters, "The Pros and Cons of Hitch Hiking" (1984)

In 1978, with Roger Waters pushing Pink Floyd's direction into the '80s, he gave the rest of the group a choice between two of his own original concepts, which the band would then produce for their next album. Floyd went with the first idea, which became the single greatest concept album ever made: "The Wall." The second idea, this one, became Roger's first solo effort, with a little help from Eric Clapton's lead guitar, David Sanborn's wailing sax, and actor Jack Palance's vocal talents. If you think "The Wall" is trippy, this has that same operatic enchantment wrapped within 42 early-morning minutes of a cross-country road trip undertaken by a guy deep within the throes of a mid-life crisis. Along the way, he dreams of committing adultery with a spicy hitchhiker. I would consider this to be a pro of hitchhiking. The cover was censored, of course, but they found a way around that by blocking out that sensational ass with a less sensational square black box.

6. Herb Alpert & the Tijuana Brass, "Whipped Cream & Other Delights" (1965)

There's only so many jazz albums with naked babes on the cover, and even fewer with one so thoroughly pastried as model Dolores Erickson. You also have to hand it to Herb for being such a smooth operator in general, not just a swinging trumpet player with impeccable hair, but also a baller exec: the "A" in A&M Records. This album, Herb's biggest, basically puts you right into the heart of one of those smashing Austin Powers' parties. It's impossible not to dig such infectious delights, and equally impossible to do so without craving a slice of pie with some cool whip on top. Mmmm pie.

5. Katy Perry, "Teenage Dream" (2010)

You would think that since a lot of today's female pop divas like to pose naked for album covers that would mean a lot of those ladies would be represented on this list. You would be wrong though, because a lot of today's pop stars suck compared to the classic rockers of yore. But I would put Katy right on par with many of these masters. I said it. And I'm not afraid to say it. She's a poet. She's got huge... lungs. She's a showman. And when she dresses, she does like she's in costume for "Showgirls." Plus, the album produced five number one hits, and if you learn the words to every one of them, you can show the Universal Woman that you are cosmically connected to Katy. Girls here on earth will feel that connection, and you'll have a much better chance of getting laid. I don't know why, exactly, but I've seen it work on countless July Fourths. All you have to do is join the circle of wasted patriotic dancers, be just as exuberant about the seventh time "Firework" plays as the first, sing loud and proud, arm in arm, for the stars and stripes, for the ultra-illegal Roman finger-burners, and for Katy's glorious naked expression of freedom! And you'll see, your odds of enjoying some more naked expression should increase exponentially.

4. Kanye West, "My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy" (2010)

Whatever you think of Kanye as a person, and you should probably think of him as no less than a douchebag, you have to admit he made one hell of a piece of art with his fifth studio album, his first album after disrespecting Taylor "The Anointed" Swift at the 2009 VMAs. The lore says that Kanye dreamed up this album during his "self-imposed exile in Oahu," aka a vacation, where he was recovering from a bad reputation. His reputation may not have recovered, but that couldn't keep the world from loving the twisted maestro's masterpiece. George Condo, the artist who painted the album's cover portrait-of Kanye getting humped by a phoenix-said that Yeezus requested cover art that would be banned. What an asshole.

3. Nirvana "In Utero" (1993)

Nirvana went full baby monty for "Nevermind," so they were hard pressed to top the shock factor, but points for the effort, and at least she's of age this time. This girl's so naked, her nakedness is uncovered. And the music is as raw inside as this Transparent Anatomical Manikin sporting angel wings. If the music wasn't so damn good-"Heart-Shaped Box," "Rape Me," "All Apologies" and more!-the fact that this naked woman is not actually human would probably keep it from making this list. That's how serious we are about the music. A funny little side note about this album: Kurt Cobain originally wanted to call it "I Hate Myself and I Want to Die," but was talked out of it. Man that guy was funny.

2. Janes Addiction, "Nothing's Shocking" (1988)

After first putting out a live album independently, just to show how much they ripped in concert, Perry Ferrell and the gang shocked the world with "Nothing's Shocking," the band's first big label studio album. But Farrell sure as hell wasn't shy about putting his stamp all over the thing, regardless of the difficulties it would present Warner Bros. marketing department. Hey, if you're going to call your album "Nothing's Shocking," you better try your best to shock, not just from a musical perspective-which this provocatively innovative album certainly accomplishes, front to back-but also right on the cover art. The concept of two conjoined naked twins with their heads on fire came to Farrell in a dream. So he had WB hire people to create the full-body cast sculptures. Once he figured out how to do the process himself, he fired those guys and got his girlfriend to pose for the cast. No word on whether he told her ahead of time he was planning on lighting her head on fire. Farrell also created the naked album art for the band's next classic album, 1989's "Ritual de lo Habitual," featuring a Claymation-looking threesome, proving the point that even creepy Claymation threesomes look fun.

1. The Jimi Hendrix Experience, "Electric Ladyland" (1968)

The third and final album from the Experience, their only number one hit, introduced us to a beautiful land where women of all different color, size and ethnicity sit around naked listening to groovy Hendrix albums, co-existing together blissfully in the warm light of peace, love and understanding. What do you reckon they keep the A/C at in Ladyland? Though I'd love to just bask in the harmony of this happy place, a caveat must be made: This one falls a bit outside the rules. This photo actually only graced the inside cover; you didn't meet the lovely ladies of Ladyland till the album was opened. But still, David Montgomery's photo tops this list for 40 solid reasons: it's iconic, the album changed the sonic world as we know it, and 38 naked hippie boobs. (For the uncensored, NSFW photo, click here.)

More in music: Obscure Musical References Decoded

 

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Mom Shares Kid's Hilariously Inappropriate Santa Drawing, Other Parents Follow Suit

December 2, 2015, 1:11 am

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The holidays are in full swing, and people of all ages are gearing up for what should be another stressful, but exciting, holiday season by trying to be as festive as possible. The kid below made sure to show just how festive and "excited" Santa Claus is as well.

Mother Elletia Thomas decided she would share a photo of her son's Christmas card drawing to parenting Facebook page The Unmumsy Mom, and let's just say that Santa is more than ready to stuff your stocking:

My son's Christmas card design. School want to know if I would like to pay £16 for a pack of cards and gift tags. Nothing says 'Merry Christmas' like Santa's giant red cock, I suppose.

Posted by Elletia Thomas on Tuesday, November 24, 2015

And of course, this only encouraged other parents to dig deep into their "Family Memories" box to pull out some of their own children's perverted drawings. Check out some of the other drawings that were posted after Elletia shared her son's drawing:

So many dongs.

Via Someecards

Kids can be strange as hell sometimes: The 12 Creepiest Drawings Made By Kids

 

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Weird News: This Baby Pig Was Born With A Penis On His Head

December 2, 2015, 1:31 am

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The Internet is currently trying to figure out just what the hell this piglet was born with on his head. A lot of people have said that it looks like a penis. I'm just trying not to throw up.



A picture of the piglet was upload to Imgur with the caption "Cyclops Pig Fetus," which I think was the same name I gave to a comic book villain I created when I was young.



I'm sure a "pig expert" will come out soon and explain to all us fools what exactly it is, but it probably won't be as fascinating as having a penis on your head.

Live long, penis-headed pig.

Via Daily Star

And what the hell is this? Weird News: Bizarre Alien-Like Creature Found In California Is Freaking The Hell Out Of Everyone

 

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Canadian Products You Can't Get In America

December 2, 2015, 2:50 am

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As a Canadian, I'll admit that you guys have much more to offer in the food product category than we do. I mean, I've wanted to try Sonic ever since I first witnessed those tragically unfunny ads starring those two balding dads, and Pinkberry looks like a damn good option for dessert. But instead of writing an article of what we Canadians don't have that you do, I felt it would be beneficial (and I'll admit, easier) to showcase the foodstuffs we Canadians enjoy that aren't available south of the border. Which is exactly what I've done. Below are some of the best food items, companies, and franchises we've got in Canada that, if you're ever in the area, should definitely pick up..

All-Dressed Chips

All-dressed chips possess an indescribable flavor that's essentially a combination of every chip flavor available (sour cream and onion, salt and vinegar, and ketchup). It's the bastard child of starchy junk food that nobody should love, but many do - they're a best-seller here. All-dressed chips were available in the U.S. for a while as a promotion, but were since returned back to us, the rightful owners.

Nanaimo Bars

These delicious, no-bake baked goods are a Canadian staple and something I always grab when they're available. Having originated in Nanaimo, B.C., the rich chocolate square includes a crunchy crumb-based layer, a smooth layer of custard flavored icing, topped with a melted chocolate layer. Of course, many varieties of this decadent dessert exist, but this recipe's the O.G..

Coffee Crisp

It's all in the name with this one. Coffee Crisp is a beloved chocolate bar to Canadians as it possesses a unique coffee taste that can't be found in any other chocolate bar on the Canadian market. The bar is a faultless combination of chocolate, coffee and crispy wafers, and has been available in Canada since 1939.

Swiss Chalet's "Chalet Sauce"

I'm of the belief that if it weren't for senior citizens and Swiss Chalet's infamous Chalet Sauce, that Swiss Chalet (a sit-down/fast-food hybrid that specializes in chicken dinners) wouldn't be the booming business it is today. The recipe for their sauce is top secret, and has been unsuccessfully replicated many, many times. This beloved sauce has become so popular that you can buy it at supermarkets as well. Personally, I don't like the stuff, it tastes like a watered down gravy with tons of salt, but I'm in the minority.

Harvey's

Harvey's is my favorite fast-food burger chain -- and it's Canada's too. Harvey's is the largest Canadian-established hamburger chain in the nation, and is second only to our beloved Tim Hortons as the most successful Canadian fast food business in our nation. What sets it apart from most burger joints is that the burgers taste like actual burgers, they're quite substantial and you can completely customize your burgers as you do a sandwich at Subway. An added bonus is that they offer onion rings and deep-fried pickles as a side when you don't fancy fries.

Jos Louis

Having originated in Quebec back in 1923, the Jos Louis has become one of Canada's most iconic food products and is essentially a snack-sized chocolate cake with vanilla cream covered in chocolate. It's real good, and was a staple in every Canadian child's lunch bag.

Passion Flakie

Though not as popular as the Jos Louis, the Passion Flaky (a personal favorite of mine) was created by the same company as the Jos Louis, and is just as delicious. The portable dessert, a block-sized flaky pastry filled with cream and combined with another sweet flavor -- which include apple-raspberry, caramel, blueberry, and so on -- is something you should definitely pick up if you ever happen to be in our neighborhood.

Butter Tarts

A quintessential Canadian dessert, butter tarts are like a portable pecan pie, but with a runnier filling that contain raisins. Sometimes walnuts or pecans are added, but the traditional version of this dessert contains butter, sugar, raisins and eggs all in a buttery pastry shell.

Montreal Bagels

New York might own the bagel market in the U.S., but Canadians have our own superior bagels, and those reside in Montreal, where Canadians will (and have) traveled great distances to get their hands on as many as they can. With the same general doughnut shape to most other bagels, Montreal's take tends to be sweeter and smaller than the standard, making them less harmful to the gut, yet significantly better tasting.

Smarties

I've heard your version of Smarties is our version of Rockets, and that's beyond bizarre to me, as I'm sure our version of Smarties - a more colorful take on M&Ms, essentially - are a hugely popular candy that sell particularly well around Halloween. As do your Smarties, I've heard.

Crispy Crunch

Canada's answer to the Butterfinger bar that's been around since the '20s. We actually have Butterfingers in Canada as well, so we essentially have two of the same chocolate bar on the market, and choose which we prefer based on which packaging is prettiest.

Poutine

We have entire restaurants amassed courtesy of this national dish. As I'm sure you know by now, the classic poutine consists of gravy, cheese curds and french fries. However, in recent years, it has evolved in every way possible (substituting fries for smashed potatoes, sweet potato fries, etc. as well as adding every and any topping known to man) that to say poutine isn't Canada's proudest, most recognized dish is a backhand to Canadians everywhere.

President's Choice Products

We may not have a President, but we do have President's Choice: a proudly Canadian brand that manufactures everything from ice cream to barbecue seasonings. What Canadians love most about the brand, are their somewhat recent and unique take on chips (with flavors like: maple bacon, thick cut ballpark hot dog, general tao chicken, for example) and ice cream (flavors include: cinnamon bun, watermelon crunch, red velvet cake, etc.).

Kraft Dinner

What you call "macaroni and cheese" we call "Kraft Dinner," and this box of cheesy pasta has become so popular in Canada that the Kraft company's product -- which is totally just macaroni and cheese - has strong brand ties to Canadians that we attribute the entire meal to the Kraft company -- hence why we call it "Kraft Dinner." Though there are many macaroni and cheese products available here, none come close to the popularity of KD. And for that, you have to get your hands on a box.

 

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Guy Tries To Sexually Assault Woman, Gets Ass Kicked By Victim Instead

December 2, 2015, 4:32 am

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Here's a story that ends up with an attacker getting exactly what he deserved.

Jonathan Holmes, a 35-year-old creep, followed a young woman in Sheffield, UK for over a mile before attacking her and dragging her into some bushes. According to the victim, Holmes climbed on top of her, stuck his tongue in her mouth and said, "You're going to enjoy this."

The woman sensed she was being followed beforehand and was ready to defend herself; and boy did she ever. Just take a look at the mugshot below and see what she did to this dude's face:


The young woman bite his tongue, punched him numerous times in the stomach, and used her keys to stab him in the neck. That was enough for this creep to run off, only to injure himself even more attempting to jump over a railing because karma wasn't finished with him.

Holmes was arrested a few hours later and told police he didn't remember the incident because he was drunk (or because he was ashamed that he is a pervert who had just gotten his ass beat).

"I believed without a doubt he was going to rape me. My life would have been over, he might as well have killed me right there," the victim told a judge in court where she had to face her attacker again.

"I was so terrified but so angry."

Well, looks like she used all that anger and took it out on this guy's face.

Holmes was jailed on a sexual assault charge and sentenced to four and a half years.

Via Mirror

Don't mess with this gal either: Staten Island Student Beats The Hell Out Of Boy Who Farted Near Her

 

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Courtney Tailor Is A Domestic Damsel Who Impresses

December 2, 2015, 4:44 am

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Courtney Tailor is fogging up our windshields with her goodness. From the garage to the pool to the front porch, we get just enough of a taste of her curves to warm our hearts and inner thighs this November. Step into a brief domestic partnership with Courtney and get a load of her treasures and chest before she runs back inside.

 

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12 Things That Are Definitely on Your Facebook Timeline Right Now

December 2, 2015, 4:50 am

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I'll save you the time of scrolling through that massive time suck we all know and love as Facebook. It's an all-consuming vortex that usually starts with you going to check one little thing then two hours later you look up and realize it's dark outside. If you want to check, be my guest, but here are the 12 things that are definitely on your Facebook timeline right now.

1. Your Cousin's Poignant Commentary on A Current News Story

This is the same cousin that peed the bed until he was 17 and refers to "Red Delicious Apples" as "Rad Deliberate Apples," but he read a single article about Syrian refugees and suddenly he's a political expert on social and economical consequences of international decisions. He also loves Tim Tebow.


2. Your Co-Worker's Vague Post About Her Ex

We all know what that ":(" status means, Stacy. We knew you broke up when all your profile pictures changed from you and Steve to you and a little piece of Steve's arm on the side of the pic that you couldn't crop out. That's all you had to post.


3. Your Other Co-Worker That Shares WAY Too Much About Their Breakup

On the other side of that, you've got your other co-worker that posts nine paragraphs about how his girlfriend left him and how every day is hell, along with intimate, personal details of their breakup. Then he follows it up with a selfie where he's smiling, but there's nothing but empty sorrow in his eyes. You're not fooling anybody, pal.


4. Your High School Friend's Game Request

Nobody wants to play pirate's revenge or circus simulator or any other dumb Facebook game you're obsessed with instead of actually doing your job, Richard. Do something better with your life, bub.


5. Your Racist Uncle's Super Racist Meme

If there were any lingering questions about his rampant racism after this past Thanksgiving dinner, they've all been cleared up by this meme he just posted that's basically hate speech disguised as a joke. Who were you even following to come across this, Uncle Glen?


6. Your College Friend Is In Love...Again

She posts a picture with a different boyfriend every other week, which would be fine, if each one weren't accompanied by an inspirational quote about finding the love of your life and finally finding the one.


7. Your Cousin's Boring, Bland Dinner

Oh cool. Would you look at that? Denise made macaroni and cheese again. So glad she decided to share that with all of us. We were sitting on the edge of our seats wondering if Denise was gonna pull out the ol' M&C and now we finally have the answer!


8. Your Elderly Relative Trying To Complain to Windex

When Aunt Edna isn't leaving confused, embarrassing comments on your photos, she's lurking the official Windex Facebook page to let them know that it didn't get all the streaks out last week when she was cleaning her bathroom mirror. Stand tall Aunt Edna. Fight that good fight.


9. Your Friend's Selfie From the Gym

Hey look, your buddy Rick, who would be a CEO if he spent half as much time working as he does at the gym, posted yet ANOTHER sweaty selfie in the mirror at Planet Fitness. This one definitely looks totally different than the one he posted yesterday and every day before that.


10. Your Dumb Friend That Believes Everything on the Internet

Hey thanks for letting us know about Facebook Gold and the hidden camera inside everyone's printer that Bill Gates is using to learn all of our children's social security numbers. Those things are definitely real and if it weren't for you posting them, we'd all be in trouble.


11. Your Aunt Asking For Prayer

She doesn't say what it's for, but she always needs prayer. It's so cryptic and eerie that you can only assume means she's trying to hide a series of bodies from the police and wants your emotional support in her journey.


12. That Couple That Can't Just Text Each Other

We get it Justin and Pam, you're SO in love. You know instead of writing all those comments to each other on Facebook you could just text, right? Or better yet, just turn to him and say it to his face since you're probably sitting two feet from each other right now.

Related: What Your Facebook Timeline Will Probably Look Like After The Apocalypse

 

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Deer Gets Hit By Cop Car, Does Triple Axel Over The Hood, Runs Into Woods

December 2, 2015, 6:01 am

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And he would have received a perfect 10 if the Russian judge wasn't such a hard ass.

According to UPI, a Kentucky police officer cruising down Decoursey Pike through Visalia over the weekend tried his damnedest to avoid hitting a huge buck with his squad car but instead watched in amazement as the deer hit the front left side of the car, performed a triple axel over the hood and then ran off into the woods as though it was just a minor inconvenience.

Luckily for us, his dash cam caught the entire episode:



Upon further review, the deer did drag his ass along the grass for a split second, so maybe it really was a 9.8 or 9.9 at best. Still, in the world of underground deer gymnastics, it doesn't get much better than that.

Dude, those humping cows came out of nowhere: Car Crashes Into Cow Being Mounted By Other Cow

 

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Guys With Small Penises Are Actually Paying Women To Humiliate Them On Social Media

December 2, 2015, 6:04 am

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Well, how times have changed. I mean, I used to pay girls to tell me I was huge.

According to The LAD Bible, some guys are actually paying women to jump on social media and make fun of their tiny peckers.


It's called small penis humiliation or #SPH, and thousands of guys are apparently all about it on Twitter, Instagram and Tumblr. Take this guy and his "petit prick" for example:


Tough break for that guy. I mean, imagine if he didn't trim.

And hey, it looks like @JimAnthony37 wants you to make fun of his small dick, too:


What's behind the small penis humiliation craze? Sex expert Dr. Pam Spurr says there are a couple of reasons why these guys want you to laugh at their baby hogs.

"Sometimes it's a defense mechanism," Spurr says. "If they allow others to ridicule them, in a sense they keep control of the situation. Or it can be a genuine desire to be made to feel bad, humiliated, and less-than-a-man. Because this reflects the actual truth - they feel less-than-a-man. A sense of insecurity can grow quite quickly when a man realizes he's not endowed as other men are."

Whatever floats your tiny boat.

Getting a chub because people stutter is apparently a real thing: 15 Bizarre Sexual Fetishes You've Probably Never Heard Of

 

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The World Is An Amazing Place If You Take The Time To Enjoy It

December 2, 2015, 6:22 am

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Sometimes it's beneficial to just sit back and take a moment to really think about what an astonishing place and time we live in. Where nothing is impossible. This picture captures the very essence of all of that quite nicely, especially when you read it with a Morgan Freeman-esque narrator voice in your head. Try it out.


Yep, this guy really knows how to make the most of life.

(via Pinterest)

Related: The Most Useless Professions in the World

 

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Weird News: Tennessee Man Caught Masturbating On A Fishing Pier, Has Enema Bottle In His Butt

December 2, 2015, 6:45 am

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Here's one guy who wishes the Internet didn't exist.

According to The Smoking Gun, a 43-year-old Tennessee Man was recently arrested in Surgoinsville after he was spotted masturbating on a fishing pier in broad daylight.


Police Chief James Hammonds said he spotted David Kimbrough exit a minivan (of course) and make his way toward a fishing pier on the morning of November 17. Once Kimbrough reached the pier, he "began to expose his genitals and masturbate."

Hammonds said he approached the perv as he made his way back to the minivan and noticed he was "carrying a tube of Vaseline and had several pair of panties stuffed and rolled up and placed at his chest area to mimic female breasts." He was also wearing pantyhose and a thong.

Hammonds arrested Kimbrough for indecent exposure but soon noticed he was in a lot of pain. It was at that point that Kimbrough informed him that he also had an enema bottle jammed up his ass that needed to be removed.

Kimbrough pled guilty and was ordered to pay a $500 fine, which everything considered, seems like a hell of a deal.

Fast food value menus can be so damn hot: Florida Man Arrested For Masturbating Inside A Burger King

 

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Sometimes You Are Just Cruising Through The Day And Then This Happens

December 2, 2015, 7:05 am

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And now the day is completely ruined.

Related: This Is Just How Life Goes Sometimes

 

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Paris Hilton Pulls A Kim Kardashian In Butt-Revealing Paper Mag Shoot

December 2, 2015, 9:09 am

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If your name is Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian may be nothing more than a copy-cat in the realm of "Famous for being Famous".

But since imitation is the highest form of flattery, it appears Paris Hilton is coming for Kim Kardashian with a "break the internet" booty cover pose of her own on Paper Magazine.

A photo posted by Paper Magazine (@papermagazine) on Nov 30, 2015 at 9:55am PST

The 34-year-old exposed her bare buttocks in a dress with a series of tied bows across her entire body, and her hands behind her back, for the "Fandemonium" feature in the Winter 2015 edition of Paper Magazine.

Hilton did not stop there. She also snapped a series of provocative images for the editorial including images of her in a black all-mesh, fishnet-looking dress. Check out these other sexy pictures via Paper Magazine's Instagram.

A photo posted by Paper Magazine (@papermagazine) on Nov 30, 2015 at 9:58am PST

A photo posted by Paris Hilton (@parishilton) on Dec 1, 2015 at 10:50am PST

Is she trying to be relevant again? You be the judge.

Related: Kim Kardashian Tries To Break The Internet with Her Ass, Pretty Much Succeeds

 

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Today's Funny Photos

December 2, 2015, 11:11 pm

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11 Little Things To Do Now To Win The Holidays

December 2, 2015, 11:35 pm

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Always remember the Five Ps of Success: Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance. There is no better time to prove that than right now, as while the holidays can be the best of times, they can also be wrought with terror if you aren't ready for them. BUT, you can sway the odds and be the champion of December with a handful of preventative measures.

1. Buy a nice case of wine.

Have you noticed lately that you have gotten wine specials sent in the mail or online? There is a reason for that, and you should take advantage of a good deal if you see it. There are so many invites, functions and last minute gifts that can catch you by surprise. Don't be that person running around the grocery store trying to find vino that isn't embarrassing yet doesn't break your wallet. Look up your favorite wine and visit their homepage to see if they have a promotion or take advantage of a local store special. Then you'll look suave and have a go-to favor in a pinch.

2. Make a list and check it twice.

Take the time now, before you're hazy with eggnog, and take inventory of everyone you would give a gift to if money were no object. Think about the people who'll really appreciate holiday tips: mailmen, apartment handymen, bosses, colleagues who did you a solid, neighbors who helped you out, friends you've been neglecting, all the family members you will see at the holiday parties and so on. Now, organize and decide who just gets a card, who gets a tip and who gets a personalized gift. Set a budget and allocate amounts for your tip list and gift list. Now that you have everything sorted, you'll have a reference if you see a smoking Black Friday deal or need to start saving pronto.

3. Schedule cards online.

Now that you know the people getting cards, it's time to get that done. You don't need to go to the store, pick out a $20 box of 8 holiday cards, think of something festive to write, find all your addresses, sign and seal envelopes, get stamps and find a post office drop-box, either. Simply go online and search for services that send personalized cards. Here you will find many options, most at about $1.50 a card. Sign, sealed, delivered. Get it all done while watching football and drinking a beer.

4. Think about things you liked this year.

You might think you're great with last-minute gifts, but people can tell: "Oh, great ... a teddy bear in a Santa hat from CVS ... thank you." Take the time now to brainstorm all the awesome things you've bought or experienced this year. Did you go to an amazing restaurant or new concert venue? Have you had a service that was just above and beyond? Did you get a killer gift? The best presents are the ones you like yourself.

5. Hire help now.

Do you need a cleaning service or a dog walker? How about a stylist, a trainer or even an oil change? Get that done as soon as you can. Things get booked up fast the closer you get to the holidays, so secure your must-have appointments before you are told the next appointment time is in 2016.

6. Don't slack on diet and working out.

Soon you'll be eating and drinking enough calories for a mid-size African nation. Double up on whatever you do to look good, because you don't want to look like a puffy mess in all the holiday photos. Plus, think about all those people you only see once a year at holiday celebrations. You don't want them thinking you're going through a really bad breakup or something.

7. You should've already booked travel.

This is the most obvious reminder, yet you'd be surprised how many people say they are still weighing their options. This is the time of year where last minute deals do not exist. If you are traveling anywhere from now up until before the 2nd week of the New Year, book a ticket ASAP.

8. Start a holiday party calendar.

Whether it's on your phone, computer or a piece of paper, you need to keep track of all the events going on. When your family brings up that dinner you are expected to go to, log it. When your girlfriend talks about that thing with her job, write it down. Get a list going of everything you need to be prepared for. That way, you won't get caught off guard . . . and you can plan ahead even.

9. Book New Year's Eve plans.

Don't wait until December. Get a jump on the reservations so that you have options. Good options. Noteworthy takes planning. Last minute = long lines or staying home with whatever champagne was left on the shelf.

10. Make a Dollar Store trip.

Run now to your local 99 cent store and stock up. You may already be too late, though, because their stock goes fast. Dollar stores have the jump on cheap holiday staples. Grab decorations, ribbons, tape, wrapping paper, cards, party favors and anything needed for upcoming celebrations. You'll spend thirteen bucks and save big.

11. Update your wardrobe.

Look at your dress shoes, dress pants and nice shirts. Are they all appropriate for the places you need to be in the next six weeks? If the answer is no, go shopping. When it actually comes time for when you need it, you will be so thankful you don't have to go through the zombie apocalypse that is the mall in December - or worse, find there is nothing left that is good.

 

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The Weirdest Japanese Subcultures

December 3, 2015, 12:11 am

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It's almost a cliche to say it at this point, but Japan is a very weird country. The nation that gave us Godzilla and anime body pillows has a reputation for strictness in their adults, but all that repression has to bubble out somewhere. In this feature, we'll take a trip over to the Land of the Rising Sun and show you ten totally bizarre subcultures.

Ganguro

Japan and race have an uneasy history -- many residents had never seen a darker-skinned person until World War II, and portrayal of people of non-Japanese descent (especially those with richer skin tones in the media) is often a little inappropriate. No subculture illustrates that quite like "Ganguro," which first rose to prominence in the 1990s. Literally translating to "black face," the essential ganguro look was insanely deep bronze tans paired with tons of makeup and hair dyed platinum blonde or gray. The trend didn't last long, but at its peak thousands of girls were copping the look and going to tanning salons with names like "Blacky" to get some color (even though they looked like Snooki and the sunburn-in-a-bottle girls from MTV's "Jersey Shore").


Shironuri

Moving in the opposite direction, the "Shironuri" fashion subculture revolves around making your appearance as white as possible. Directly translating as "painted white," the mostly female members of this group cake on tons of white pancake makeup and dress in flowing white robes. They resemble nothing more than classic Japanese folkloric ghosts, and many shironuri followers incorporate horrific masks and decorations to their outfits.


Sukeban

So everybody knows the Yakuza, those badass Japanese gangs with the cool tattoos and missing finger joints. But did you know that a popular teen subculture consisted of girl gangs (or "girl bosses") who wanted to show they were just as tough as the guys? The "Sukeban" first reared their heads in the 1960s, but their heyday was in the next decade. One of the most famous sukeban, the Kanto Women Delinquent Alliance, was rumored to boast over 20,000 members.


Kigurumin

Fashion in Japan is a constantly shifting thing, with fads coming and going at breakneck speeds. One of the most mystifying of recent years is "Kigurumin," which is the general term for people who dress up in costumes like cartoon characters or sports mascots or Disneyland performers. Japanese kids started essentially doing so recreationally in 2003, and when the subculture was at its peak it wasn't unusual to see roving gangs of 40 or 50 teenage girls all wearing department store Pikachu costumes wandering the streets.


Reki-Jo

One interesting thing about many of these subcultures is that they reflect a desire to be somewhere besides modern-day Japan. Take the reki-jo, or "history girls." This female subculture consists of women who have an obsession with pre-industrial Japan and choose to spend their time visiting ancient castles, watching mock samurai battles and reading history books. While their male otaku counterparts get obsessed with anime and video games, these young women look to the past for a sense of identity. Some even speak in outdated dialects that were used in their preferred time.


Rockabilly

Speaking of looking to the past, one of the most visually unique subcultures in Japan gathers every week in Tokyo's Yoyogi Park to celebrate their love of the American 1950s. The look is "rockabilly," characterized by black leather jackets, tight T-shirts and enormous, cartoonish pompadours -- think the Fonz as reimagined by an anime artist. The '50s were a decade of huge cultural change for Japan, whem the previously insular nation was exposed to the fads of the rest of the world, and the Elvis-led popular music of the era made a huge impression. During these get-togethers, they dance to old rock 'n' roll music with intense choreography. It's a pretty amazing spectacle.


Zentai

You know those weird stretchy spandex bodysuits that cover your whole face that you see creeps wearing at sporting events? Leave it to Japan to create an entire culture around them. It's called "zentai," and it's creepy as hell. An abbreviated form of "zenshintaitsu," meaning "full body suit," the zentai dress up in their skinsuits, often emblazoned with vivid patterns, and go out into the world amongst the normies. Members of the admittedly small subculture feel like being completely covered protects them from the constant judgement that the world puts on their looks, but we question if it's really worth it.


Dekotora

When I say the word "trucker," you probably think of a grizzled redneck hopped up on amphetamines driving the lonely American highways, stopping only for chicken fried steak and cheap prostitutes. But in Japan, trucker culture is ... a little weirder. Meet the Dekotora, a group of truck aficionados who have just one goal: pimp their rides to the limit. The trucks these dudes drive are chromed out, festooned with dozens of colored lights, and often feature impressive murals on the sides. The subculture was kicked off by a 1975 movie called "Truck Guys" that spawned 9 sequels!


Cholos

Japan's appetite for foreign culture has been noted several times on this list, but this next entry takes it to a whole new level. In the mid-90s, a group of Japanese men formed a connection with the "cholo" lifestyle of East Los Angeles and they've gone on to found a thriving subculture of Asians mimicking Chicanos. Not only do they import music and faction from American cholo artists, there are even Japanese rappers who dress in top-buttoned flannel shirts and rhyme about lowriders.


Hikikomori

Let's close this with the one Japanese subculture you're not likely to spot on the street. Hikikomori are a group, rumored to be one million strong, of young Japanese men who decide to completely unplug from society and spend their time with anime and video games. Social scientists think that the appeal of the hikikomori lifestyle has to do with the intense pressures placed on young Japanese people to succeed. Unable to live up to their families' expectations, they withdraw into a fantasy world for as long as several years.

Related: These Creepy Japanese Urban Legends Will Keep You Up at Night

 

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